My Nephew and Behavior Problems

It's normal for kids to always want more but it's up to the adults to help them learn about sharing and nit taking other peoples things. This seems to be a problem with a lack of discipline with your brother and his son. I'd monitor the playdates and tell your brother that you are sorry your husband blew up but that you agree with him and that you are trying to teach your son to share and that he is nervous that his son is taking his things. It might be difficult but you need to stand up and set a good example for you family who is first!

I would buy your brother a copy of 1,2,3 Magic. make sure to read it yourself first it's a really good book! then I would let your brother know that you would like to help with the discipline problems but if the problems are not addressed that the boys won't be spending much time together. The problem obviously stems from a lack of discipline and will only get worse if something is not done now. You may make your brother mad but I think it's worth it for the sake of your family and even your nephew. If he doesn't learn self-control he will end up being the child that no one wants to be around.

I'm no expert but it sounds like this kid has figured out that there are no consequences to his actions. He was "told no" 6 times about the mask thing??!! You don't get that many chances at my house without some consequence. The kids are not in charge, we as parents are or should be.
I can understand your concern about the boys relationship being impacted by the men, however, if your son is already nervous about eating with his cousin, then how productive is that relationship? I'm guessing it probably goes even beyond eating. Your son needs reinforcement that what you have taught him about interacting with other humans is correct and polite. He's really getting mixed messages.
You can't force your brother to discipline his child, but you have all the power in the world to set some boundaries within your own home. Before we had kids, I had friends with kids ask if they could bring their kids to our house. My response was (and still is) that they are always welcome as long as they behave themselves. I expect the parents to discipline if necessary and the children to obey. Otherwise, I'll be interjecting some verbal discipline and they will not be invited back. We've never offended and never had a problem. Now that we have kids, we find joy in knowing we can take ours anywhere because they know what we expect and we all have a great time when everyone is making good choices. I also don't allow my kids to be a disruption, distraction or problem for other people. Kids are going to do kid things and we correct as we go along, but ultimately they are my responsibility and I want them to grow up to be responsible adults who treat others with kindness and respect.
I think I would be evaluating very closely how valuable time spent with your nephew is for your son. If it is having a negative impact on your son AND your husband, then maybe it's time to take a break and seek out some other playmates. I wouldn't keep them apart totally especially since they are family, but maybe only once or twice a month is enough. Who knows, your decision to "circle the wagons" may be the wake-up call your brother needs to get with the program. It sounds like no one has ever challenged him on his choices regarding rearing his child. You can't be your child's friend until he or she is an adult!
Sorry to be so lengthy - it drives me crazy to see parents not being parents. I really hope you are able to resolve this issue. You are reinforcing your love for your son as you help ease his anxiety over this situation. Life is so short so do what is best for your family.
Hope this helps :0)
G.

Wow, this is a hard one but you have some questions to answer of yourself. First, if Ryan was not your nephew would you put up with this behavior? If the only reason you think the boys have a "relationship" is because they are related then it has to be dealt with just that way. If Ryan can not behave properly or even fairly with other children then his exposure to other children should be limited. You said he does this with all other children so the problem is not with you and certainly not with your husband. I realize this makes for a difficult situation but you have to side with your husband on this one and remain steadfast. The problem is Ryan and his parents not your child or your husband. Remember you can't pick your family but you can control their effect on YOUR family.I don't think your son,Michael, will have developmental problems because of this but you have to show him that Ryan's behavior is neither normal or acceptable. If Michael decides that he doesn't want to be around Ryan are you going to force him to be the object of Ryan's rath? Maybe you could try to enforce a temporary separation of the two boys and see how that goes. If nothing else maybe your son will see that it's not him and he can have fun with other playmates. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to accomplish this but you have to decide ahead of time what you and your husband are going to do and stick to the plan. Some feelings may get hurt but it may be better for everyone,including Ryan, in the long run. Again you have to ask yourself,if this was anyone else's son would you put up with this behavior. I have a feeling you already know the answer. Good Luck!

I agree that it needs to be addressed. I think it's important to let your brother know that it's not okay that his son acts this way towards your son. Your son needs to you that you put him first. And I also think it's important to take the opportunity and talk to your son about bullies and teach him how to say NO when another kid is doing something that he doesn't like. We also encountered a bullying situation at 3. At the time I was angry about it, but now I'm grateful it happened in my presence so I could see exactly what was happening and teach her some tools on how to deal with bullies.

Your brother is probably going to be angry at first, but it doesn't have to be a friendship ender.

It doesn't have to suffer...all of you are adults and in the adult world we handle things different. It does need addressed. You need to sit down with your brother and explain to him that this is a problem you'd love to help your nephew and for now on if he's to play with your child, you will have to tell him no dear we share or no dear we don't take things off others plates.

All along it may have been better to do this and is when your child is with other children. Don't be afraid to tell someone else's child no dear we don't do that...whatever it is then bring it to the parents attention. Mainly when it involves your child you need to step up for him in theses situations. even with strangers, classmates etc. I have 3 boys and they are 9,7 6 when someone is at my house I still make sure things are fair even with the other kid, I don't let the other kid get away with something or my own kids.

Dr Sears has some great advise on behavior if you want to start some research on line. I do believe when you are with your nephew and he starts to take something from your childs plate, I'd stop him be right there remove his hand and say his name then no we don't take others food, redirect his hand back to his plate. Same with toys etc sounds like you need to take control and sit in on play time as well, someone needs to teach him how to play, this really isn't something a child learns on their own, not really ask any prek teacher.

If this can't be resolved by adult communication and an adult taking charge over this nephew you may have no other choice other to then find some new playmates for you child. After all your child and is developmental situation is what you are an advocate of. Your nephew's interest should be of his parents as well, teach him to play well with others etc.. Sorry in life as we get older and have kids sometimes we have to make real boundries and lines with our siblings and their family.

best of luck to you