My Mom Always Saying I'm Mean....

My guess is it is a couple things....you probably feel confident as a mother and don't come to her for much advice. Because of this she feels the need to verbally contradict you to let you know who knows best. And she hates that she cannot control you anymore and this is a way of trying to do it. you are grown up and don't really need her but she wants to make it so that you see you do.
Sounds like you are going to have to just try to ignore it. Make a joke saying something like "mean mommy here to deliver a freezing little boy!" or "mean mommy says no candy today!" It might get under her skin enough to make her stop.

I'm sure there are better answers, but personally I would say in a very joking manner "I learned all my meanness from MY mom!" - "My mom taught me everything I know about kids" - etc.... "Poor baby, has a momma that loves him and a grandma that spoils him WAY too much! Poor baby!"

Sort of turn it back on her in a joking manner....

Is she a mean, critical person, or could she possibly be joking around? The trouble with humor is that it isn't always funny to everybody!

But if you think she's joking around, maybe it's time to joke back: "I really must be awful, if I do everything so badly! Do you think I ought to talk with my mother about it?"

Maybe that'll help. Maybe at least you'll find out if she means all the jabs or not.

Be sure to tell her as often as you can what a good grandma she is and how much you and your son appreciate her. No joke.

Just tell her, to stop.
She is demeaning... and to do it IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD, is very toxic.
For him and you.

Just TELL her.

She is setting a bad example, for your son, and making 'you' look bad, in front of your son.

My Mom is great... but in the beginning, she would sometimes critique me in front of my kids. I told her calmly and in a firm way "Don't do that in front of my kids.... it is not good for them... and insulting to me." and I did it in front of my kids. So that my kids, SAW who is "Boss" and that their MOMMY, is looking out for them and not putting up, with being insulted.

My mom is the exact same way...she mollycoddles the heck out of my littlelest one. In fact, if he spends a weekend with her, we call it "deprogramming" because when we get him back because he is such a little beast. It is seriously like abducting him from a cult. We eat dinner over there, and she will spend 10 minutes pulling out all the celery and seasonings from a bowl of chicken noodle soup because he doesn't like it.

I love my mom dearly, but when she calls me mean, I reflect upon how many times she beat me with a wooden spoon or a belt for something ridiculous like arriving late to the library during study hall, and realize that selective memory will someday be a friend of mine, too...

aaahhhh...gotta love our moms! I remember when my first (i have four now) was born my mom said "don't ever talk baby talk to her it will make her dumb" uummm...okay mom. When we go to visit for the first time that's all she (my mom) did baby talked her! WTH? Whenever my mom tells me how "mean" I'm being I point out stuff from when I was a kid. Like if she tells me "aww she doesn't want vegetables" I tell my mom " YOU wouldn't let us down from the table until we ate them" I remember one time I sat there for two hours because I didn't want to try spinach! I feel ya though..so funny how they conventionally forget how they raised us! Good Luck!

Oh yeah my MIL started with that, I am a very short person (words not stature) and I nipped it in the bud by reminding her WHO the MOTHER IS! Followed up with did you like it when your mother corrected your everymove with your children?

My Mom has said similar comments to me and being that my kids are 17yrs apart you learn a lot in those first 17 years and then now, I don't put up with it.. I'm not mean to her, but I do say things like. Wow! mom that comment was just not healthy. or Mom, you know that comment was demeaning, can you say it some other way. She maybe just doing it b/c her mom did and not realize it, if so, then bringing it to her attention might be helpful. However, if she is doing it to get your child to feel as if you are mean and she is better than you at care-taking, you may have a hard time getting the comments to stop.. I had to pull the old "Psychologists say" comments to my mom a few times... Show her something that stated that comments like that can be damaging to a child.. The poor baby maybe setting him up to feel like a victim or even have a issue with you as a caretaker - who knows... but for sure they are not healthy comments.. My mom was jealous and needed to feel like she could do a better job than me... As the years have gone by I've had to be assertive with her and let her know that it isn't ok for her to demean me or to over step boundaries... I even remember making comments when she said something like the poor baby doesn't have a coat on.... I'd say Wow Mom I'm sorry that your cold - we aren't, maybe you should go get a sweater. I turned it on her.. and not to be mean to her, but for the sake of my child - wanting her to hear me not accept the rude comments.. I'm sure you will find your strength and words assert yourself in away that is respectful to you and her and to show your child that you don't stand for that kind of disrespect... Best wishes with it.

Ergh - guilt tripper!!! Sorry that you have to deal with that. :-(

Possibly... she's just "talking baby talk" and exaggerating everything for him, like a lot of adults do with kids [not just "a big ball," but "a biiiiiig baaaallllll"].

Possibly she's trying to make up for something -- like, maybe she felt like she wasn't "fun enough" or "nice enough" with her own kids, so she's wanting to be "fun Grandma" for your kids. Maybe she wants to be more fun than his other grandma, or anybody else, so that your son will "like her most."

It sounds like "you can't win for losing," so I'd suggest that if at all possible, just don't play her game. Next time she says, "You're so mean for...." just nod your head and say sardonically but with a smile, "Yep, I am. Such a mean mommy!" Or, "Yes, I know it's freezing, that's why I dressed him in shorts" [when he's dressed in pants and long sleeves]. When she says, "I'm sure he just wants candy," you can nod and agree (it *is* true, after all -- who wouldn't like to eat candy instead of vegetables??), and say, "I'm sure he just wants candy -- in fact, I'd like to eat nothing but candy, too!" and smile.

Perhaps she just wants to feel important, and telling you that the baby should (not) have socks on, that makes her feel better. Not terribly healthy, I think; but perhaps that is her drive. If that's the case, then perhaps you can ask her for advice, so she can feel important without always disagreeing with you. Before you get to her house next time, you can call her and ask her opinion as to whether it's cold enough for socks. Then maybe she'll lay off of you.

Yeah, I'm with Robyn.....

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it Mom?"

:(

You're not alone, I believe all moms kind of do that. She could very well just be joking around and it's her way of talking grandma talk - however, doesn't mean it is something nice to say, and you SHOULD let her know that when she says those things it hurt your feelings. She might have NO clue she is hurting your feelings. If she is intentionally doing that, then she is the one mean, lol!

Don't feel guilty about what you are doing. You are a busy M. and can't remember everything. She is probably just staying at home and can see all the "faults" from the other end, so if you know you are doing the best you can, ignore her and not let it bother you or address it and get it off your mind.

I do not know how old your mom is but I am going to tell you that you either except and ignore her comments or bring your child to someone else. My mom is the queen of back handed comments and always has a something to add. She used to make me feel so bad, then I realized no matter what I said to her or how I said it her. She was not going to change. EVER. I let it roll off my shoulders because my kids love love love her, she is the best Nana ever. They walk on water according to her. So if she says something to me about how I am talking, dressing, playing, feeding the kids. I just look at her and smile and just let it roll because she loves them to death. And let someone else say something about ME to her. She lets them know that I am the best mother these children ever could have. I heard her say this one day on the phone. So your mom is probably the same. I would call her a blessing in disguise and roll with it.

I think you've gotten some great advice about turning it around on her joking. Try looking at your son and saying every time "we dont call people mean do we?" keep repeating it over and over and if she stops using it then start on Please dont call him poor baby I dont want him to feel like a victim I would def hope you can continue to use your mother as a babysitter.

Hi,

I am sorry she treats you this way. Please, find another person to watch your baby--its not worth it. She is sounding resentful and angry about having to watch him. The next time she says something like that-say, Mom-stop! I don't appreciate those comments and it hurts my feelings. Please respect me enough to quit calling me mean and other names!

I think she has deeper issues with you that she doesn't know how to share so she is venting it out this way to put you down. Don't let anyone treat you like garbage and find someone else to watch your son. When she sulks and says why won't you let me watch him anymore?? You can say, well---you have found it appropriate to call me names and criticize everything I do. I don't want to hear it anymore and I know my son will be better off being in a more positive environment. GL!

You are soooo not alone!
M

Honestly, being blunt would be the only way to go: 'Mom, stop now. You need to realize, I didn't ask for your opinion. Thank you for helping me out, but don't mother me in front of my child.'

i sure hope she isn't saying these things to him behind your back. like " you know grandma loves you. your mean mama doesn't have time to take you to the park-library." get it. surely she wouldn't do that. she needs to respect you as a parent. and don't let her say these thing in front of your child. good luck R.

Have you actually said "Hey Mom, that hurts my feelings." Sometimes, mom's just don't get it. They love us, and they expect that to be communicated in EVERYTHING they do, and just don't GET how hurtful they can be... sometimes things hurt more because it's your mom.

If you bring it up later, she will likely get defensive... but "using our words" the way we teach little kids to do can work wonders. Just politely but firmly say it right in the moment. She doesn't have to agree it's rude, she just has to hear you.

HTH
T.

Tell her it's her fault, she raised you that way!! :)

Tell her to shut up! lol Im kidding. Youre not mean! Just ignore her. If he has a great time with her he is building great memories. Im sure all moms are meaner than the grandma, but thats the way it goes.

the next time she says something like that, agree with her. Say, "yes, you are right, I am "so" mean" or "if only I were the perfect mom"...or "gosh, I know, this 'poor little baby' is just so mistreated.....maybe that will shut her up after a few times of that. If that doesn't work, very nicely say, "mom, it really hurts my feelings when you say stuff like that b/c I try so hard to make you proud and to be a good mom, can you please work on not saying negative things to me?"

Just smile and nod. Now, if your son starts calling you mean, put an end to the arrangement.
Eventually, he will start to pick up on it if she keeps it up.