My Kids Dont Want to Talk to Grandma

Yes, I would say it is disrespectful. I didn't have a great relationship with one of my grandmothers, and I dreaded the obligatory calls on holidays. We were required to at least say hi. Regardless of the person on the other end, as a parent you can at least instill that a grandparent deserves the respect of being acknowledged and have an exchange of general pleasantries.

Grandma's behavior, on the other hand, has no excuse. It sounds like she has clinical depression with all the sleeping and being negative. Is that something that could be a reality and explain her behavior?

Good luck.

I think it is disrespectful to just not care enough to say hello. She is still your husband's mother and deserves some respect. If grandma can't reciprocate that respect, well then, you have just raised your daughter to be a better person, right?

I think its disrespectful too. Despite how 'negative' Grandma might be, kids need to learn to extend respect to their elders (especially if they are related to them). At worse, she can be the bigger person. As a child my brothers and I were taught (or trained- hahaa!) to say Hi or acknowledge each and every adult present (by just simply saying Hi Uncle or Hi Grandma). We didn't always know their names, but by saying Uncle or Auntie (even if they weren't related to us) it acknowledged the adult that was present. (I swear everyone was an uncle or auntie!) It was a simple thing, but it showed respect. There's a fine balance of keeping things 'fair and equal' but I don't think that courtesy is extended for kids that are still learning the ways of the world. This is not to say that I think kids have no rights, but I think they need to learn these things before being able to judge whether or not they want to talk to someone (like their own grandmother!) Good luck!

That's a hard one. We all want to have all family members get along and have a good relationship with one and other. I have a daughter who does not wish to have a relationship with her grandmother (husband's mom) and it stems from something that happened at one of our family visits between her, a cousin and the grandma. To this day, I do not know the details and probably never will. Besides that, the grandmother favored the other grandchild and mentioned something in a phone conversation about the other child being her first grandchild when mine is the first girl grandchild. This is another story in itself.

Since the grandmother asks if the child wants to talk to her it gives the child an option to say yes or no. At the age of 11 a child knows right or wrong and has made a decision for whatever reason. Forcing a child to speak to a grandparent does not make things any better. But respect is a two way street and if the child feels like the grandparent is "brushing" them off, they will not be interested.

Perhaps in later life they will come around and want to have a relationship with the grandma on their own terms. It's the old saying you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.

The other S.

Always be nice to grandma! Grandmas can be silly and only get sillier as they get older. In this case, it seems that she acts out of insecurity and loniliness. How difficult is it to say hello? really? spend a couple of minutes to make your OWN grandmother happy.. she might not have a lot of time.. Teach the kids to be patient. How would you feel if it was your mother they were doing it too, huh? It feels different doesn't it? And, I bet that if a friend was calling, they'd drop everything to run to the phone and talk. Kids need to learn to have love and patience for the elderly. (You and your husband need to be on the same page or you'll create more friction and cause the kids to "chose side" - not good.)

Hi L.,

While it would certainly be lovely if your daughter wanted to talk to her grandmother, forcing her to is neither respectful to your daughter's feelings, nor does it show any genuine respect on her part towards her grandmother. You MIL can choose how she wants to feel about it. That is her issue, not yours. Treat your children with respect and they will grow to be respectful adults. You cannot force a child to feel respectful, you can only force compliance (which in and of itself is disrespectful). Honor your child's feelings and model the values you want to instill.

Be well,
G. B., M.A.
Child Development Specialist & Parent Educator
www.GilaBrown.com

That's a tough one! Whether or not it's disrespectful, we can choose to talk to people (family) simply to show love. Maybe you and your daughter can come up with a polite "script." You know...hello, how are you, share one fun thing she did at school, then nice chatting with you, I need to go now. Short, polite, with an appropriate exit strategy. Something we all need! :)
A.

L.,

I had an awful Grandmother, I did not like her at all!!!!! BUT out of respect for my Dad I did say hello. In person I might add, she would not even have cared enough to call our home anyway. Because of my dad I did show respect long enough to get the hello out and run. She must care about your children if she is asking to say hello. by the way Grandmothers do sleep a lot so saying hi to Grampa can be fun to. Make the conversations short.

Hi L.,
I'm sorry, I also have to side with grandma :(

When my sisters and I were growing up, if a grandparent called, we were expected to put down whatever we were doing, and go say, "hello," and have a short conversation with them. We were also expected to send thank-you cards for gifts, and, if we missed their call, to get back to them right away.

Now, that doesn't mean I *liked* it. One of my grandparents was a little nutty, and was not good with children. He was a chemical engineer, and could not carry on a "normal" conversation with anyone who didn't have a master's degree, including his grandchildren.

All children must learn to do things they would rather not do, that's okay. Manners and respect go a loooong way.

Good luck!
t