My Kids and My New Boyfriend

Hey K.,
I have a 7 year old daughter and it was tough for her with me dating. My advice to you is try to keep your kids seperate from the boyfriend, until you are sure that it is a relationship with some potential to last. I have had several boyfriends and it caused alot of stress for her. I believe your daughter may be acting out in competition for your attention. She may think that because you have a boyfriend now that it will take away from her Mommy time. With my last boyfriend, my children met him after a few months of dating. I did things a little different with this boyfriend. After I introduced him to my kids, we didnt do too much dating just the 2 of us anymore, we made a family affair of it, did things the kids could go and join. My daughter seems to accept my boyfriend better than any of my ex's. What ever you choose to do, make special time for just you and her and make sure to let her know that your feelings for her have not changed and that you still love her, sometimes that is all children need!
A.

How involved is he with your kids? How well do they know him? She may do well with a little one on one time with him if you're comfortable with that. See...if you've been a single mom for a long time, sometimes they get worried that this one won't last either...so they decide to help things along a bit. She may be trying to see if he will leave sooner so she won't have to be so attached when he leaves, or to test him to see if he can handle it and will stick around. Once she learns that he's not going anywhere and that she's stuck with him, she's likely to settle down. But keep in mind that it will take a while for her to adjust to it...actions speak louder than words and she needs to see some permanency. Good luck and I hope that everything works well for you.

Hi K.,
I am by no means an expert, but I had a son who was 5 years old when I met my boyfriend now husband. I introduced him to quickly. He also started acting out and was a little aggressive. You may feel really great about this guy and want to spend time with him and your children, but sometimes its a lot better to take it very slowly with introducing them. Children often feel threatened. My son was 5 and his son was 4. He met my son very early on and I met his son a year later. It was very hard for his son because we were living together and he had never met me. It took us a long time to interact and get along....three years. Now that he is 14 he likes me but there was a period when he felt like I took his daddy away!
You also don't want to scare off the boyfriend! make sure they are both comfortable and in the right setting. The first time my son met my boyfriend was at dinner at Friday's and he bought him an ice cream sundae...that won him over for the night!!!
Anyway, I guess my pojnt is that it is always best to take it slow with the children. Some people date for a long time before any interaction with the children take place. One of the worst things that can happen is they get really close to this person and you break up......its hard enough for an adult, imagine a child. One more thing....one ofthe biggest mistakes you can ever make is letting your children know if he stays over and spends the night. Keep it quiet or make other arrangements. Hope this helps!
L.

Hi K.. I'd say it's a normal thing for her to act out because of a new man in your life. I've been through that and I know how frustrating it can be. You and your boyfriend are going to just have to be patient with her. I would also not try to push him on her. Let her come around in her own time. Having said that, I would also try and make some just he and her time so that they can get to know each other better. I have always believed that how something like this is handled will shape the relationship they have in the future. Good luck and hang in there! ((((HUGS)))

My girls were a young age when their father and I split. Bringin a new man into their life can confuss then a little. My girls were ages 2 and not quite 1 when my now husband and I got together. so they were still young enough to not really understand. It can be hard. I found that having him sit down with them and have one on one time seems to help a bit. My girls never acted out, but I think the one on one time is what helped that. Do you spend a lot of time with him without the kids?? If so she could be acting out because she wants more of your attention. Try going out and doing "family" things together. Take one night of the week and make it about all of you weather you go out to a movie and take the kids, or stay at home and play games and rent movies. Including them in as much as possible with the two of you can work. Good luck to you!

My son was a year old when I met my husband, and my son only knows my husband as his dad. However, I have a 10 year old step son and a 12 year old step daughter. The best thing to do would be make a mommy daughter day. Possibly let your son go with the boyfriend to a park or hire a sitter for him and take your daughter out for a day just for you and her once every couple weeks. It gives a sense of security. My step son had a lot of issues with me coming into his life and marrying his daddy. And my husband simply started taking Bryant out for daddy son day every couple weeks, and 4 years later, my husband still takes the boys out for daddys day once in a while, but things are a lot smoother. Sometimes, children just need to know that no one can replace them.

make sure there is no sexaul stuff your boyfriend may be doing cause sometimes that may mean he is messing with the daughter please be carefull cause i have went through it and my mom never new our step dad was messing with all of use even the boys. by looking at this man you would think he loved kids too. so yes that is the first thing to do asking is a start. all parents should ask if there boyfriends or husbands are messing with there kids go to the kids. it may hurt you but think of the kids...always be on top of it ok....

Hi I am the mother of 3 kids, twins b/g age 5 and g age 3. I just recently became single after 5 years with their father. I have met someone and we have been living together now for 4 months. The kids love him and are now starting to call him dad, which I'm not sure I'm comfortable with but anyway. When we first started dating I couldn't find a sitter so the kids went on dates with us and they bonded great.

Do you mean acting out and in a bad way or trying to show off? Showing off is natural and acting bad may be her trying to test how far she can push him, if it's in front of him at all. He's going to have to be the one to say something if it is directed towards him, otherwise she will never respect him. She has to understand that adults have feeling too and that is hard for children to grasp. Also, make sure if he does put his foot down he does it in an appropiate way. It is important that your child like your new man, too.

Hi K.,

My daughter was also 5 about to turn six when I met my now husband. She did the same thing. It took me awhile, but she would act out in certain ways to get certain reactions. She first off did not want me to give my attention to him. At time it was hard. When we moved in with each other we decide to have family night once a week. We would play games she liked and eat her food of choice. Then during the week we would allow her to pick a show on tv every evening that we would all watch piled on the couch. This helped so much she felt important them. Then there was the he is paying attention to my sister and not me phase we went thorugh. Well that was an easy fix we finally made a daughter, mom's boyfriend day. This also went well and she used to come home high on her horse because they did thigs that sissy and I did not do. I think you have to be at a certain stage in your relationship to do this one. To this day he still ask her if she wants to go with him if he has to make a quick earnd. Sometimes she goes but sometimes she stays. Now my two almost three year old gets mad cuz sissy gets to go and she don't. He now allows her to help him with the trash and she loves every second of it. Honestly, it takes time and it will never be easy but she is acting out because it is something diffrent to her. Ask her if there is anything she would like you and your boyfreind to do that would make her feel better. Just let her know she will always come first no matter what all at the same time resuring her that just because mommy has a boyfreind it does not change the way mommy feels about her. The one thing you have to not allow to happen is your children pushing someone away you care about. make sure they know that they may not like your new boy freind but they have to respect him. I hope some of this helped. I am going through something like this. My daughters Dad just got re married to a women my daughter says she does not like. So we stress the you don't have to like her but you do have to respect her policy. Have a great day and good luck!