My Husband Is Filing for Divorce

Oh, hon, I am so sorry that your husband has filed for divorce. Many hugs and prayers for you. Do you think he just can't handle having a family? Some people find it overwhelming to have the responsibility of a family. I don't know your husband or you or your situation, but I think it's terrible that he leave with 2 young children. Personally, after reading your post, I think your husband is a cold selfish man. Life crises happen, a responsible caring adult deals with them, not bails out on his family. You know him best and if you know he won't change his mind, you need to make plans to take care of you and the kids. I went through a divorce many years ago. The best advice I can offer is to surround yourself with family and friends who can offer you support that your husband cannot. Find a good lawyer and go after every dime you can. I've been there and can tell you it is a long journey, but in the end, there is light. Divorce happen for a reason. Make the best of every moment, enjoy and love your kids, find a good counselor to help you through the ordeal and most of all, remain positive. It may seem like it's the end of the world, but it isn't. It's just the beginning of a new chapter in your life that you are going to write. One day, believe me, if he so cold as to treat his famly this way, he will get his (what goes around comes around) and you will be glad he is out of your life.

God Bless,

MC

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I went through a similar situation and it taught me to love myself and love life. This will make you stronger and maybe even happier. Enjoy your friends and your children. Do fun things with them. If you have been unhappy in your relationship and/or living in an unpeaceful home, you may find peace now. I will keep you in my prayers. Just remember that no matter how much you care about your husband, if his heart isn't in it and he doesn't want to make this work, you won't be happy anyway. I wish you the best. :)

I would suggest continuing with counseling...but just yourself. I went to a marriage counselor alone for a while after I left my sons father....It made me a much stronger person. I was able to clearly see what my faults were and what his were. One of my faults was not doing things for me...I would cater myself to him. You have to remember to be yourself, and not put your needs aside. Someone is out there who is ready to make sure that YOU are happy, and your kids too.
other than that I can tell you that everything happens for a reason...i know that seems cliche to say...but it's true. God is preparing you for something better.

I am so sorry to read your news! I have been married for 34 years. I believe any marriage is a roller coaster as your wants,needs and circumstances change over the years. You have had alot of changes that I can see just in your short paragraph...2 children and whatever the life crisis you mentioned. Sounds like the proper thought has not been given to the situation. So many counselers believe if you are not happy, get out. There had to be a reason you got married in the first place. Can you go back to basics? What happened in the last nine months...obviously you were still intimate as you have a 1 month old baby. Unless he is abusing you or has another person in his life fight for what you committed to when you got married. I can't give any advice on the divorce process...just that over 34 years, there has been more than once that we thought we were at that point, but stayed with our committment to eachother. Have you tried a support group at church? I'll keep you in my prayers.

K.,
I went through a divorce about 13 years ago. I did not have kids, but it was really rough. I kept a journal,and that really seemed to help me. I also stayed in therapy with the marriage counselor we had been seeing. There is a book by Terence Gorski called Getting Love Right. I read it towards the end of my divorce process (1 year of "trying" with off and on separation), but it might help you now. I know there are support groups around Oakland County. If you want more info on those, please let me know. I would have to get it to you Tuesday or Wednesday when I am at work.
FYI - as I look back on it the divorce was the best thing that happened to me, but it took me a long time to think so.
Hang in there.
K.

Hi Kim,

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I can very well understand how you are feeling right now as I have been through this not a long time ago. I got divorced in May this year. Feel free to email me if you have any specific questions. We can then talk over the phone or meet if that is possible. Please dont be afraid, you are not alone. I hope there is no domestic violence issue involved. If there is anything like that then I just want to let you know that there are all kinds of help available.

Email me at ____@____.com if you need anything.

Take Care of yourself, not just for yourself but also for your kids, they need you the most at this moment. Hang in there, this time will be over too.

-S.

K.,
First, I am so sorry this is happening in your home. It is very very tough. Marriage is hard work and takes a lot of energy from both people and a lot of prayer. But, if both parties are not putting in the effort, then no progress will be made.

Ok, I was divorced several years ago. I did not have any children at the time, but nonetheless it was still difficult. I would suggest you continue with the counseling. Even after it is all over and done with, the emotions of it all can rear their ugly head at the most inopportune moments. You need to be able to talk with someone who is not emotionally involved and can offer you straightforwrad insight and help.

Sometimes journaling works. Sometimes it just helps us hang onto the feelings and not move on. So, you have to decide what type of personality you are in that area.

Practically speaking, you need a lawyer. Even if your husband says it will be 'amicable'... it will get ugly. They always get ugly. You need legal counsel that will represent you. You need to find a good lawyer whom you can trust. Interview a few if needed. I'm sorry I don't have any recommendations. The one I had died a few years ago.

Also, you need to specifically talk to a lawyer about setting up a bank account and such. Joint accounts will be frozen until after the proceedings.

The process can drag on. That can be tough. Keep your perspective. It will not go on forever.

You will not only be going through the divorce proceedings, but you will be going through child custody... so you need someone well versed in that as well.

I know I didn't offer a great deal of advice. I'm sorry. You will get through this. It is hard. I won't lie. But you will get through it. Take care of yourself. Try to get enough rest and eat well. If you aren't well you can't take care of your kids. This is not a time to try and 'go it alone'. Ask for help. I know that can be hard... we think we should be able to do it all. But this is not the time for that. Ask family and friends for help. You have a newborn and are entering into a very difficult time. ASK FOR HELP. Help around the house, help with the baby or your oldest, time for yourself... whatever. Ask for help. It will do so much for you to have a strong support network. Honestly.

You are in my prayers. Feel free to e-mail me with anything... ____@____.com

R.

K.,
Try to find a Divorce Care Support Group in your area. There are many people in your situation right around you that can help you get through this. I am running a group in Waterford on Sun nights at 6pm, childcare is provided. Respond to me if you would like more info.
Good Luck,
C.

I have learned that marriage takes hard work. You have to put prayer, time and work into your marriage. My prayer for you today is that your house will have the victory in whatever battle may come your way. Glory to God for your household being on one accord from your husband, to you, and your children. May together you all seek after God like never before trusting him with directing your paths.

K. I am sorry that you are going through this, at this point you have to find the strength you thought you never had and you do have it! My suggestion would be to find a church home for you and the children and pray that your husband will eventually start to go, I know how you feel because i have been there, we all handle things differently-what i did was enrolled in a college class @ schoolcraft college called THE chips program(i was not working @ the time)that class changed my life and my direction, i felt so much more confident about me and where I was going, I also enrolled into a exercise class as well as went to church every time the doors opened and prayed & talk to GOD as much as he was there to listen which is 24/7..My testimony is that i had to do my mature part as a wife(do what i could to save the marriage,it is not about who's right but what is right)and let GOD DO THE REST!

Stay focused
Cherie
http://www.meetup.com/Wear-your-own-shoes-Ladies/

Pray...Pray...Pray...I went through the same thing and God got me through it and I am a stronger person today because of it. Good Luck to you and I will pray for you!

I have no advice for you but wanted to tell you I am sorry.

Dear K.,
Yes, I have been in your situation. My husband left me when we had two little ones and I was pregnant with the third. When I look back on that time now, I am so grateful that God walked me through it. Please try to find a church family that will love and support you. I couldn't have done it without my church's help. The ladies encouraged me emotionally, the pastor helped me spiritually, and the whole church pitched in to get me through financially. I'll be praying for you.

I have been through a divorce but mine was a different situation. I started attending church the minute the first Sunday after the separation. It is so nice to have someplace to go where everyone is caring and they will help you. You can work with the pastor, and many churches have divorce group counseling sessions. Pull your family and friends around you. Get out and do stuff, I know you have a very young baby but you have to keep from getting trapped in a rut in the house. Pray, laugh and love. You will get through this. Find a good lawyer, that is the best advice, you know that he will. Protect yourself and your family financially. He has a responsibility to those kids to help pay for them.

Dear K., I am sorry for your pain.

My husband and I highly recommend Dr Eggrich's DVD "Love and Respect" You can get it at www.loveandrespect.com. If you want to talk about how it worked for you, email me. It literally saved our relationship when counseling had not worked for us. Dr Eggrich talks about navigating what you're going thru.

I hope you can find some help there.
M.

First, sorry to hear that your marriage is disolving. I believe in the marriage vows but unfortunately many people that take those vows do not believe in them. Try asking your husband if he has filed for divorce yet and if he has not than ask him if he thinks the marriage can be saved if you both work during counseling to save the marriage. If he answers "no" than unfortunately a divorce is in the future. I was married for 34+ years, putting my all into the marriage that my ex only took and never gave. I filed for divorce after all those years of living with his infidilities, fathering other children and his felony larceny conviction. Check any credit card balances and statements, see where charges have been made and for what. Document everything down to the smallest detail. Make copies of everything. Get a good lawyer. Many lawyers will offer a free inital 1/2 to 1 hour consultation. Use this wisely. Ask the lawyer how often they will keep in contact with you during the divorce process, will they charge for every phone call, letter, e-mail, copies of documents made at the lawyers office, etc. that you make or receive from them, will they keep you abreast of all divorce proceedings, etc. You will probably be doing most of the work for the lawyer by getting documents, paperwork etc. Make your own copies to give to the lawyer (lawyer's usually charge for making copies) and keep copies for yourself (where your husband cannot find them). Be prepared for a long process (at least a year) with the Friend of the Court getting involved because of the minor children. Be prepared for delays and postponements/adjournments in the proceedings. This will be a costly process for you. Try to get a well versed book on divorce to read and give pointers. My heart goes out to you. Good luck.

Hi K.,
I don't have much advice for you but wanted to tell you how sorry I was. I was thinking about if I was in your shoes and I think that I would take advantage of all my family and friends. Rely on your family for support and help.
Chris

K.,

Unfortunately, I don't have any advice, but I wanted you to know that I'm thinking about and praying for you, your husband, and your children.
I am so sorry that this is happening to your family.

Hugs to you!

Warmly,
B.

Oh Kim, I'm sorry to hear that since it sounds like it is something you don't want. It is always easier on you when it's your choice, but when it's not, it's much harder. All I can say is you will get through it and you will move on to better things because everything does happen for a reason, believe it or not. I know that right now it's really hard to believe, but later, much later, you'll see that it was probably for the best when you've met some really wonderful guy who puts your current dissappointment to shame...lol. Come on sweetie...smile :) If there is nothing you can do, then there is nothing you can do. Some fights are not worth fighting. Know that you tried and he is the one that is losing someone wonderful. Believe me, when he is on his own, he is going to realize what he lost. Let me guess, you're thinking it's all your fault, right? Well, it's NOT! It takes two, and usually, it is the mans fault...lol. Don't worry, you will get through it. I've been through some pretty bad relationships, so if you want to chat, just e-mail me.

K., I don't have advise either really since I've never been married. But I do have words of encouragement and food for thought. Here it is: the women in my family always said "You shouldn't want anyone that doesn't want you! As long as you know your worth, the real man will come along and realize it too. A diamond in a rough remains a diamond in the rough no matter how many times it's overlooked"! Now that was more than one of their sayings but I think it fits. Seeking counseling and especially religion warriors (I don't know if you're apart of any religion, I apologize if you're not) but talk to a religious leader to pray for you and the children for strength and wisdom as well.

He doens't put on us more than we can bare. I'm praying for you and the children during this very difficult time. Take care!

A

Hi K.,

First I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, especially during the holidays. It is never easy and you will have good days and bad days. Sometimes it is minute by minute. I got divorced also after 7 years when I discovered my husband was cheating. I was 4 months pregnant and had a two year old and was on bed rest. He left the family and disappeared for about four years so it was me and my kids to fend for ourselves. We did it and made it work and I am now VERY happily married to a wonderful man and dad to my children. My advice to you would be: get yourself a good counselor so you can work through all the issues that divorce throws at you. Get a GOOD lawyer...it is worth the money, especially since you have children. My husband didn't fight the fact that I wanted full legal and physical custody but he also didn't want to pay support either so my lawyer was well worth the money I spent (and am still paying after 5 years). Surround yourself and your children with supportive friends, family and people that share your faith. As a Catholic I was very concerned about being pregnant and going through a divorce. It helped to have my priest involved. Lastly, just like you can't remember what life was like before your children, so too will you get to a point where you won't feel like you're missing something by not being married. The pain does ease and life does go on. It takes a lot of time and patience and good soul searching to get past the mistakes that have been made, learn from them and move on. I now realize my life is 100% better without my ex and wouldn't go back into that relationship for all the money in the world. Take the time to do the work that you need and to be a good parent to your children and the rest will eventually fall in place. Don't feel bad to take time out for yourself as you need this time to process what's happened. ASK for help when you need it! It was good for me to have girl's night out once in a while to forget my stresses and remind me it's OK to have fun. By taking care of yourself you can be a better mom and co-parent with your soon to be ex. I wish you luck and will keep you in my prayers. Have faith and see all the good that is around you already...your children.