My Husband Hates My Post-baby Weight

Updated on August 03, 2016
B.R. asks from Harrison, NY
56 answers

It's good to know that Megan addressed one of my issues of weight gain and problems with losing. Unfortunately, I also have a husband that's not very supportive of my post pregnancy weight.

I put on about 40 pounds and though I stayed away from the junk I couldn't say no to bigger meal portions and fruit. Now my daughter is just over a year and I have only lost 15 of the 40 pounds. My husband was understanding for the first six months but afterwards he started to make comments about how much I was eating and how I'm not active enough. He also talks about his sister a lot (she has four kids though it looks like she never had any) and how she has stayed fit during and after her pregnancies. The worst was the other day, we were watching a movie and eating popcorn. He grabbed my middle and said, "Should you really be eating so much popcorn. It's not going to make it any easier to lose this." I was so angry and upset, we had a big fight and things still aren't okay between us.

I know that I could exercise and control my portions but I feel so depressed and so tired I don't want to do anything. I feel like I'm never going to get the weight off and I can't stand the comments that my husband is making. I want to have more children but I don't want to even think about the weight gain. Any advice on how to motivate myself?

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S.H.

answers from Albany on

B., There's a brand new way to lose fat, not muscle without a whole lot of extra effort like exercise and you still get to eat food. Email me personally and I will send you some files: [email protected]____.com you use yahoo or hotmail or other such provider, you will need to add me to your address book first. I'm going to be using this myself as soon as it is ready for shipment next week. It's safe to use, clinical studies, etc. Not a drug or stimulant.

S. Hoehner
www.sharethecause.com/detoxqueen

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J.H.

answers from New York on

Can I give you a little tough love here?

JUST DO IT. STOP WHINING AND DO IT.

I made exercise a priority during and after my pregnancy. I walked 3 miles a day every day. I waddled my 3 miles through rain, snow, and heat and even though I still put on 40 lbs while eating only organic healthy foods (20 was water and baby etc.) I wasn't a total wreck after giving birth.

BUT -presto- I now had a baby who demanded attention 24/7 which made free time disappear. I wanted to walk and since newborns can't take sun and heat I walked with my July born newborn at 6 AM when it was still cool and the sun was low. In the winter, I bought wool long undies for him, bundled him up and off we went. NOw it's summer again and we're walking at 6 AM, and swimming in the afternoons. I stick him in a little floaty and kick behind him like a kickboard.

You CAN find the time but maybe not if you want to sleep in on the weekends. You just decide that you will work our daily. That's it. No compromise.

Food? Do you need to eat popcorn? No. You know that. You can make excuses all you want but you know what you need to do. You need healthy whole organic foods. Lots of veggies, whole grains, fresh local meats. No sodas, chips, processed junk, or other "comfort" foods.

Now, just a little FYI before you think I'm cruel ...a year later I still need to shed 10 lbs. All the healthy food and exercise aside, I'm still nursing and my body isn't letting go. I don't look the same as I once did and I have my size 27 jeans in my closet mocking me daily. BUT it's not stopping me from trying. I'm not as small as I once was but things are firming up, I'm strong, I have energy, a good outlook, and I'm motivated.

You can do it. Just don't take no for an answer.

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K.G.

answers from New York on

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but if a man decides to have a baby with you than he has to accept all of you. I am on my 3rd kid in 4 yrs I still have not lost all the weight. while my Husband is no saint, I don't have a problem telling him where to stick it.....that may be why he might think something and not tell me :)

anyway I am not hear to judge. Maybe for one all the other advice out there is great. my advice is first, Get a voice and use it. Next, Weight watchers.....each time I joined before babies 2 & 3 has been GREAT. Even the smallest weight loss is celebrated. Meetings are a big part and they allow your children to come. My husband is hardly ever hear which makes losing that much harder. Really try weight watchers and stick with it for a few months if you don't see results right away. It will work, and the support is wonderful. They even have online threads where you can meet great people. I will be back in November for a 3rd try in losing all this baby weight. GOOD LUCK!!!

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L.W.

answers from New York on

You need to sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart about how his comments and "suggestions" about weight bother you. What's really eating him--is it your weight gain--or could it be something else that he's not happy about and it comes thru as comments about your weight. How about a counselor? Sometimes a 3rd disinterested party sheds a whole different light on things. Tell him you'd like to lose the weight AND his criticism. No yelling, just be short and to the point.

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M.B.

answers from Syracuse on

Dear B.,
My heart goes out to you regarding this matter. One problem in our society is that men have acess to so much of what the world tells us a perfect woman should look like. TV magazines, internet etc. And we as a culture have put that on ourselves. I know being healthy is one thing and it sounds like you eat healthy but you are not a machine that can bounce back on demand. Some people can do that. Everyone's metabolism is different.
My question for your husband is this. Does he recall the vows made at the altar. The promises to love you no matter what.
I know that you want to be beautiful for him but more than that it is necessary to know that he can love you for who you are. You may have some work to do to lose weight on the outside but it sounds like your husband has work that needs to be done on the inside.
And in the mean time you can't do anything but be who you are and try your best. But living in fear and shame everytime you eat is not good either.
Something you may not know is that God Loves YOU. No matter what you look like. And in Proverbs 31:30 it says that Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
M.

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A.W.

answers from New York on

B. I just want to congratulate you on the birth of your 1st baby girl okay you gained 40 lbs and you lost 15 lbs that's a great accomplishment. My advice to you about losing the rest of your weight might be to take your baby girl for a walk everyday or whenever possible and lose the weight for yourself not your Husband, he compares you to his sister who had 4 children and lost her weight oh well everyone is different. I have 4 children ages 22,18,16 and 3years and my post baby weight is still here from baby 2,3 and 4 and my Husband does not complain I do he tells me to not beat up on myself. It's a struggle to lose weight and your husband should be more understanding because more babies are coming! smile A. W.

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S.R.

answers from New York on

Can I give another perspective to this? My husband and I gained my pregnancy weight together. Me 40 pounds and him about 20. It was winter time and with the holidays and the stress (I was a high risk pregnancy) we both just turned to food. Our daughter came six weeks early and we spent 3 weeks in the NICU. During those three weeks I lost 25 pounds and my husband got pneumonia. So I've been continuing to slowly (very slowly) lose the weight and he has been stuck with 15 pounds to lose, at least. That all said, I feel it's my responsibility to help him lose weight. His lungs still aren't in great shape so exercise is limited to walking but I try to have healthy snacks around all the time, fruit and yogurt and nuts, and fat free ice cream and 100 calorie packs for when we feel the need to cheat.

It's really hard to plan and cook healthy meals with a baby to take care of. So I try to take one day each week and do the shopping (online! it saves us money and unhealthy impulse buys!) and have enough meals planned out that we cook 4 out of the 3 week nights each week and and eat leftovers or soup and salad or something one other night. The weekends tend to be up in the air but they are the easiest day to run to the store in a pinch.

I guess my point is, you're not going to be able to lose the weight unless you work as a team. I can't imagine your husband has the "perfect" body and if he wants you to get your body back he'll take walks with you, make you a grilled chicken breast when he wants burgers, take the baby to his mother's so the two of you can go to the gym and he can teach you how to use the free weights, help you get motivated (in positive ways!), he's your husband, that's his job!

I wish you luck! I still have 10 pounds to lose 5 months after having our daughter and I hear the last 10 are the hardest but I weigh myself once each week (and sometimes as a motivator for the next day before bed--when I'm the heaviest) and try to not give in to the urge to eat all the time. I agree with the other women here too...I like weight watchers a lot, I only use their online tools, which are inexpensive and easy to use. And they also have an option if you're nursing.

Congratulations on your daughter! You should use her as a motivator too. No one wants to be a fat mom and the better of an example you set for her now, the healthier she will be too.

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N.F.

answers from New York on

Hey B.

While it is not helpful for your husband to say those things to you, lets just put that aside for a moment and focus on you.
I know you said you feel tired and depressed and are not wanting to do anything.
You need to do this for yourself, you may struggle in the begining but as you press forward you will feel so much better both physically and mentally.

Weight watchers is a great program and eating smaller meals more times per day.
You can also start moving just 20 minutes a day and feel better. It is good to get a buddy to do this with as it helps you be accountable.

If depression is the problem then go to www.LTFChurch.com and listen to the 15 min video on Destroy Fear Forever.
Fear is the root to all depression.

Just remember you can do anything you want and be anything you want. It just takes a little determination and perserverance.

God Bless You!

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A.D.

answers from Philadelphia on

Since this is such an issue for your husband, enlist his help. Set up 3 or 4 nights a week where he is responsible for feeding the baby, making dinner, bathing your daughter, putting her to bed, cleaning up dinner, absolutely all household activities from the second he gets home from work.

While he does this you should go to the gym, go out for a jog, have some "me" time outside of the house (and use it productively). Having some time completely to yourself, especially if you can use it to interact with other adults, may give you the mental and physical boost you need.

I realize this seems like a far-fetched scenario, but it shouldn't be. You definitely need some mechanism to get him to respect you and what it takes to raise a child.

You may also want to make sure your hormones aren't out of whack from your pregnancy. I was very depressed when my daughter was about 1 yr old, and it turns out it was from the birth control my ob/gyn had recommended while I was breast feeding (depo provera shot). I had stopped taking it, but my hormones didn't get straightened out until I went on the pill for a little while. Make sure you take your vitamins too.

My very best to you. I wouldn't worry about another pregnancy affecting your weight, I would wait to get pregnant until you get some better communication and respect from your husband - some day you might want to kick him to the curb.

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I.C.

answers from New York on

It would probably be helpful for you to become friendlier with your sister-in-law. She apparently knows how to keep the weight off. Talk to her about tips for getting the weight off. It's so important to get your weight down before it gets out of hand and you have to take 3 months off to be on "The Biggest Loser" to lose the weight. We all know the health hazards of begin too heavy: diabetes, shortened life, inability to participate in activities, etc. Moping around depressed and tired is not a good lifestyle. Pick yourself up, get moving, eat less junk, smaller portions of everything, exercise and you'll be a whole lot happier. So will your husband. I am a motivational speaker. If you wish to speak with me, call me anytime at ###-###-####. (Incidentally, I am 5'9" and weigh about 125 pounds; I wear a size 2 pants. I have two children, ages 9 and 11, and lost all of the weight of pregnancies within 3 months after the birth of each. I used to model in fitness magazines and I trained to become a fitness trainer. So I know what I am talking about.)

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W.O.

answers from New York on

Dear B.,
I understand how frustrated you must feel, especially when your husband is not being supportive. He probably wants to help, but doesn't know how and teasing you is not the solution. It only makes things worse.
Thirty years ago, I lost 40 lbs. and have kept them off ever since. I've had 2 children and a histerectomy, and now at 50 I am the same weight I was in high school when I was an avid athlete. Over the years, I have also taught weight management classes, so my advice is valid.
First of all, you need to want to lose the weight for yourself, not your husband. Also, realize that when women have children, it totally changes our lives. Now, you're responsible for another life 24/7. This causes stress and may lead you to eat, rather than do things for yourself.
My advice in a nutshell: Eat breakfast everyday, do not eat after dinner (take up a hobby to keep hands busy), take smaller bites, and chew food completely to savor the taste. Keep food out of sight, so you're not tempted to munch. If portion control is a problem, then cut your portions in half. A portion should fit easily in the palm of your hand. If you're having popcorn during a movie, then take a small bowlful for yourself and let your husband have the rest. More variety of different foods in your diet is a great way to give your body more of the nutrients it needs and allows you to eat more.
This is a quick overview. I teach more in my classes. Remember one thing, you have a daughter and you need to take control of your weight so that you can teach her how to eat properly. My daughter is 24, tall and thin, and the word "diet" has never been in her vocabulary.
Good luck, and remember that others are rooting for you. W.

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J.T.

answers from Buffalo on

B.,
First off - congrats on your new baby!
Second - wow did you get a lot of responses.
I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say that I feel for you. Your story made me sad.
I read all your responses.
Please keep us in the loop and I would love to hear what works for you....I could lose some weight myself!

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R.L.

answers from New York on

Hey B.,
Oh man, hubby is going about this all wrong!! My husband does that sometimes too. I know he's trying to help but, he doesn't pick his moments well. Here are 2 examples. 1) I'm pregnant again and I gained SOO much with my first (48lbs) that I really want to not do that again, so I asked for his help making sure there are healthy food choices and helping me make room for workouts, etc. So, the other night we had dinner and I went to the freezer to get a single 40 calorie all fruit popsicle. He says, "sweeeetie, are you sure you want to eat that?" I'm like a 40 calorie fruit pop? I'm NOT having he bowl of ben and jerrys, isn't that a healthy trade off? 2) I complain how fat I feel and I'm uncomfortable, etc. He says, "well, you need to eat less and make more room for the gym. Right. thanks. got it! What I want him to do is feed our daughter dinner and give her a bath so I can get a 30 minute work out in...when we shop, I want him to suggest lots of fruits and veggies... My suggestion? Praise him for making an effort. If you really break it down, he's probably trying to help. So, maybe say... "Thanks, honey. I appreciate you watching out for me. You know what would also really help? I'd like to work out for 30 minutes a day, and I'd like to go to Weight Watcher 1/week. I need you to help out, so I can carve out that time to do that. Also, let's both eat healthy for a while. It will be easier if we're doing it together." That way you're not feeding an endless cycle of frustration between you to. No, its not fair what he's saying and you need the support. So, help him give it to you the way you need it/want it.

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M.W.

answers from Binghamton on

I think that what your husband is doing is terrible. My husband has never said anything to me, infact he says he wants ME to be happy and he loves me the way I am. My sister in law it seems went to the hospital to have her kids looking like a blimp and came home also looking as if she had never had a child. Everybody stores fat differently. Your husband must store his in his mouth LOL. It makes it very hard when you don't have the support you need from the one person you need it from. It is really hard to get motivated any way, but to have no suupport it is even more difficult. Just make sure you do it for yourself. I am one to talk though I am the one who posted about weight loss. I am just sick of not being able to feel comfortable in my own skin. About 5 months after one of my kids was born someone asked me if I was pregnant (stranger) but that was all it took for me to get motivated that time. I guess it is something you have to really want in your heart and something you are really doing for yourself. Hey Good luck. and I am sooo sorry hubby is being less than supportive. Keep me posted

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W.Y.

answers from New York on

Sorry to hear about your husband's comments to you. I'm a mother of 5 and I'm having the hardest time losing my baby weight. I put on about the same amount of weight and lost about the same. When I had baby no. 4 I was a stay at home mom with my hubby overseas in the military. So I was able to breast feed for a year while he was gone and towards the last 3 months of nursing I was dropping weight really fast. I went from a size 18 to size 10 but after having baby no. 5 I had to go back to work right away and wasn't able to breast-feed so now almost a year later I haven't dropped much weight. I'm now trying to eat healthier and I'm going to try and exercise more.

I suggest you set a goal of what dress size you want to be in then in how much weight you need to lose. Your baby weight didn't get put on over night and it's not going to come off overnight but as long as you want to lose weight for yourself then eating healthier and exercising will help with your weight loss. Pushing your daughter in her stroller and going for walks might be a way for you to get some exercise.

If your hubby can't be emotionally supportive then you need to find your friends and family that will be. If you're depression worsens don't be afraid to step out and ask for help. I hope everything works out for you.

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N.B.

answers from Jamestown on

Oh boy do I really want to tell you exactly what's on my mind about this...but it would not be nettiquette appropriate...lol.

First off...it took you 9 months to gain the weigh and it's gonna take you longer you take it off. Remind him that he helped you gain the weigh and was half of the reason why you had to in the first place. If he keeps harping on you to loose it, that's only going to make you depressed and feel unattractive. If you listen to those voices and his degrading comments long enough..you'll be paying for Dr. Phil instead of Jenny Craig.

In my opinion, I think you should tell your husband to back off...but then again I have always been outspoken. Let him know that his negative comments are only making you feel worse.

The only one who can motivate you to loose the weight is YOU. Do it for yourself. Don't let your husband control you or your body. Your husband needs to realize that we are not supermodels/actresses with personal trainers or have nutrition Guru's. We won't bounce back to a size 0 after giving birth.

Other than my "mental" advice...try drinking Arizona Green Tea. It helped me loose weight after my daughter was born. Don't go crazy on it, but drink at least two glasses a day.

Good luck and keep your chin up.
Nanc

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A.R.

answers from Albany on

I joined Curves and found it to be a great motivater. I am back to my pre baby weight and have much more energy!

Good Luck,

sometimes men are just mean!

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N.L.

answers from New York on

Hey- I am there with you! My baby girl is 8 months old. When I got pregnant with her, I had JUST gotten over (physically) a miscarriage in which I had gained weight and I had been overweight to begin with before either pregnancy. So now I'm ridcilously overweight, bearly just stopped wearing maternity clothes since it's the only thing that fit me, and still struggling. A few months ago I finally got on track (with the help of a friend) and was really doing the whole diet/excercise thing. Really to no avail. Then ended up in the hospital b/c of gull bladder disease and pancreatitis and that took me OFF track with excercise and I'm having such a hard time trying to get back there. I read your questions and the previous responses b/c I had it also. So I'm not sure I have much to offer, but I just wanted you to know you are not alone.

Also, I had gestational diabetes. I would really like to loose weight just to be healthier for the next pregnancy so that hopefully it doesn't re-occur. But my challenges include that I don't honestly care SO much for the amount of time/energy it takes to loose the weight and like you, I have an insensitive husband. And he of course has GREAT metabolism and is very athletic. I've never been athletic and am much more a relaxed read a book type. But still, I am trying to find enough motivation to get back into the excercise thing. The one thing I did learn from magazines and docs and such is as follows; with excercise and post pregnancy it's very important to do strength building even more so than cardio- you need a balance but lean in the former direction. Second thing- Doc says it all comes down to calories, expending more than taking in. Cutting 500 calories a day will help you loose 1-2 pounds per week. And water, water, water. (UGGH)

Pretty pathetic to have all this advice to give and still not be applying it to myself. Oh, and also if you can be a tea drinker drinking 2-3 cups of Wu-Yi tea a day will significantly reduce your appetite and boost your metabolism amongst other health benefits (hate tea, but I try). DON'T get it on line though- try to find it in a speciality supermarket it's a WHOLE lot cheaper and the internet falsely advertises the specialness of their product.

Anyway, I live in Southern Dutchess and work in Westchester.. would you want to be workout buddies if you live in my geographic region?? I would SO love that. The friend that was helping me before really can't commit. Let me know. Best wishes... N.

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T.F.

answers from New York on

Hi B.,

I feel so bad for you; having a baby is a wonderful, but traumatic experience. Your weight should be the last thing on your mind.

My advice has nothing to do with losing weight...work on your marriage. Take your husband to couples counseling, your rabbi/priest/minister, whatever you're comfortable with. He must be more supportive of the woman who gave his little girl life. Your marriage must be strong FOR that baby.

Finally, if you are feeling depressed and hopeless about the situation, I would recommend a therapist for YOU. You may very well be suffering from some post-partum stuff (I "acquired" a huge anxiety problem after the birth of my son), and you deserve to feel better.

Good luck, and please take care of yourself!

D.D.

answers from New York on

Hi B.. Your hubby picking on you about your weight probably has nothing to do with your weight at all. A new baby changes a couple's dynamics and suddenly there's a lot of pressure to be a good father, husband, provider which most guys will not discuss. So your weight is a perfect target for him to obsess about.

That being said you sound like it's been a difficult adjustment for you also. Throw the baby in the stroller and take yourself out for a walk every day. Meet up with friends or family so you have some adult contact other than your hubby. When your hubby makes rude comments stand up for yourself by letting him know that he has hurt your feelings. If you say it enough hopefully he'll stop. If he doesn't stop then at least you are standing up for yourself every time.

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E.M.

answers from Albany on

Maybe it is the depression that is keeping you from not loosing the weight. Maybe if you treat your depression you will be motivated to loose weight. I know when my depression comes back I always turn to food to make me feel better and I never feel motivated to do much of anything especially excercise. Tell your husband he needs to be more supportive and his words are extremely hurtful and are not helping the problem. Maybe you and your husband can start taking walks together with your baby. good luck. Loosing weight is really hard the only way I was able to loose the weight was by breastfeeding.

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J.N.

answers from Buffalo on

forget about what your husband is saying - has he been pregnant & gained weight, gone through the emotional & physical changes that you have? NOPE!!! so, he's being naieve and not the least bit understanding. tell him to shut up, you are not his sister & if he wanted that to happen(the rapid weight loss and looking like she hasn't had a baby etc...) then he should have married her. stand your ground & know that he is not you, not in your mind & needs to take a step back & realize what he is creating between you two - and if that doesn't work, tell him to shut up!!!

as far as you, you will loose the weight when you are good and ready. when you are physically & emotionally prepared. it will happen but it must be in your own time not b/c of outside pressures. weight watchers is working well for me - and it is easy to do, so try it when you are ready - i am down 35 lbs. already.
i too am married to a man that has both a mother & sister who both look as if they never had any children and can fit comfortably into the clothes i wish i could. my mother-in-law even told me when i was 8 months pregnant & over 200 lbs. that she knew with each pregnancy once she reached 140 lbs...she knew it was time to deliver! imagine 140 lbs at 9 months!!!

but i am not them, although my husband has made comments about that - i told him the above & it worked - i know that he feels i should be smaller & i'm sure they do to but somehow i have seperated myself from that and am loosing the weight for me & my health not because of the looks and i'm sure comments behind my back. i love my husband & he is a good man but often times some men can be a little insensitive to us & take that into consideration with your husband - he needs to be educated, tell him how you feel, he only knows what he sees in his own family...you do not have the same genetics as them & never will. tell him he needs to be on your side & it's killing you that you feel as if he's not on your side...have patience with yourself & give it time - you know when you'll be ready. good luck!

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P.C.

answers from Rochester on

B.,
I think exercise is torturous and do everything I can to avoid it. I have found that an easy walk, first thing in the morning helps wake me up for the day, gives me some energy to get going, and helps with the weight gain. I also am working on making myself start a yoga routine. I have a DVD with 20 minute sessions. I know you don't have a large amount of free time, so these might help. Walk early when your baby is still asleep. You have to do it at least 1 month to really make it a habit, and don't get down on yourself if you miss a day. I don't usually walk on weekends.
Good luck! I lost the most weight once mine began walking. Just chasing them helped.
P.

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J.M.

answers from New York on

I gained 55 lbs with my first child so I completely understand! THe problem is that you need to lose the weight for you and no one else but you. Try to be positive. No one understands the emotions and depression after having a baby and the stress it puts on your mind, except for yourself. Put the baby in a stroller and walk. That is what I did with my children and the weight eventually came off. Try following the weight watchers guidelines. You don't have to attend the meetings, but follow the books and I am sure you will succeed. Stay positive!

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T.D.

answers from New York on

Hi B.,

I think your husband is trying to be supportive, but is becoming frustrated with a perceived lack of effort/motivation on your part. It is possible to lose the weight but it takes effort and you need to want to do it for YOURSELF, not your husband.

First off, think positive. It's hard to get motivated if your down and depressed. Get outside with the stroller. The weather is great. It will perk you up and it's amazing how a little exercise makes you less tired. There are great new classes out there for moms and babies. Check out strollerfit.com or google more options. Some groups meet at the mall and walk in all types of weather. My local YMCA has a stollerbabies class that's free for members! You'll meet other moms that way too. Join a playgroup if possible. The support of other moms is invaluable and you can walk or do other activities together with your babies. I know I am much more motivated to exercise when I can have my baby with me (and she can see me doing it.)

Summer is a great time to stock your fridge with fresh, healthy foods and keep the munchies OUT. I'm sure your husband will be supportive with this. Try to keep a large glass of water with a splash of juice going throughout the day too. This may help curb the munchies. Sometimes what feels like hunger is really just thirst, so if you drink a glass of water and wait ten minutes your hunger may pass.

Finally, remember that YOU are your daughter's example. By being active and healthy you're modeling the kind of lifestyle you ultimately want for her.

Good Luck!

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K.M.

answers from New York on

If you are depressed maybe you should see a doctor. You might not need Prozac, but talk to your doctor about St Johns Wart. I took it in college and it was great.
I also gained weight with my 1st child. I didn't worry about losing everything because I knew I wanted to have my second child soon after. After my second I gained even more. I was very upset with my weight and I couldn't get mentally prepared to start losing.
Finally I got a trainer at the gym I was never attending. I lost 17 lbs. I stopped breastfeeding. And then I hit a plateau. This is were I am now. I still want to loose another 30lbs. I will keep working. I wish I never stopped breastfeeding. I was losing 1 lb a week (steadily). I wish I pumped and dumped. My son is 1 yr and I wanted wine again.
I think your 15 lbs are a great start. When you have your second child start breastfeeding. Go to the gym 1/2hr five days a week. Just walking for 1/2 hour is enough. Don't stop pumping milk and you will loose it all. I will not have any more children so this is not the plan for me. I was having regular food. Decent portions and no juice. I tried to reduce sugar. and that is all I did to lose 1 lb a week. If you have a plan, you will do fine

You will not lose anything if you are upset and over eating. You need to get better emotionally. If your husband will not understand you need to tell him that you are about to give up and not lose anything. You just might gain it all back with intrest. I wish you luck. I am with you. I am not happy myself. I am trying to loose the weight and after a year I have plans to do a tummy tuck and a breast lift.

Mother of two

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A.T.

answers from New York on

B.:
I am a former counselor and my ears perked up when you mentioned being tired, depressed and needing to motivate yourself. Sounds like a bit of clinical depression to me, and something you should not ignore. Have you spoken to your ob/gyn or regular physician about your feelings? Combine a physiological issue and a nonsupportive husband and you've got a recipe for depression that can be alleviated with a low dose of antidepressants and/or therapy. I have been where you are and it is not easy. It is great that you have acknowledged that you are having a rough time, because many women refuse to do so, for fear of appearing as if they aren't enjoying motherhood. I'm sure you are, but it is tough to feel great and "up" all the time when you've got that annoying weight and are feeling bad about it.
I wish you well.

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N.M.

answers from New York on

B.
Wow, my heart goes out to you. I had some post-pardum depression, seeing an MD and a counselor really helped me reduce anxiety and adjust to my new role better. This may help since you also need to talk to someone about your realtionship with your husband, and your own self esteem. Begin a new mom is hard work, you deserve to have love and understanding, and acceptance for who you are. I was lucky, although I gained 60 lbs, my husband always told me that I was still sexy to him. I also had a thyroid problem. It is now 4 years later and I am beginning to lose the weight. I had been 60lbs more than pre-pregnancy and just lost 20lbs, but still have 40 to go. I follow weight watchers and have been excersizing more, although like anyone I have good days and bad. What is most important is to have the motivation and I think talking to someone might help you with that...but even then, get your motivation in your own time, not your husband's.
Good luck.

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T.B.

answers from New York on

I took a long time to lose and still haven't lost my baby weight after my 2nd, who is also 1. The thing is not just weight alone. Your body changes so dramatically that it will NEVER look the same! It isn't the same... it grew and delivered and cared for a baby. Shame on your husband for not seeing that giving him the most beautiful gift in the world is worth a little change in appearance in his wife!
It has only just occured to me that I will never look the same. A year later I finally realize that life is too short to worry about why I can't look the same as I did post babies. I was a dancer and dance teacher my whole life and was always in shape, so this has been really hard, but it's is something I have grown to accept. And everytime I look at my kids, I know it was worth it.
I also have a SIL who has 3 kids and looks like she's never had any, but not only is she almost 10 years younger than me... everybody is different!! Does your hubby look like Brad Pitt? It's not fair to compair.
Hang in there, you are not wrong to be upset. And you are not alone...
BTW, shame on Christina R. too... must be nice to be perfect.

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A.H.

answers from New York on

I'm a first time grandma of beautiful twin boys. I've had a lifelong eating issue. Weight watchers has always helped me to get my focus back. Healthy and balanced is the primary focus. If you find a good meeting, you'll get a lot of support. As for your husband, try to discuss how you feel at a time when you can sit and maybe have a good cup of coffe without interruption. If he won't support you, find a friend or your Mom to help you out. Honey, I'm sorry he's being such a jerk. Men, in general, have not a clue what we go through when we become Mom's. Body and soul, we change. Your body will come back with a little help from a good eating plan. Remember, your parenting will be proportionate to how well you take care of yourself. Also, never forget...You will teach your little girl how to love and take care of herself by how she observes you taking care of yourself. I wish you the very very best.

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L.D.

answers from Albany on

Have you thought about seeing if you are suffering from post partum depression? I did horribly after my first two children and finally gave in and took something after the second one.

I would have a heart to heart with your husband when things are calm and tell him that it means a lot to you that he cares about your health and that he knows even you aren't happy with the way you look (if that is the case). Then I would tell him that you appreciate his help and support but that the way he is doing it is not what you need and is in fact making things harder. Then tell him what WOULD work for you.

My husband and I both have weight to lose and sometimes my husband will say something in a way that makes me want to pop him in his nose but it is rare and even when he does he follows it with he knows I don't want to look this way. AND HE'S RIGHT. In his mind, the fact that I am not eating healthier, drinking more water, and exercising makes him feel like he has to push that much harder. I have no doubt your husband feels the same way. I'll tell you, if we don't find our own strenght or take that of our husbands, we are only going to be angry when another year passes and we are still overweight.

Some people are ok with that and personally I don't expect to weight what I did when I was in my 20's but I know I could stand to lose 40 lbs myself. It's just about being healthy to me because I want to be around a long time for my children. I want to be able to run and keep up with them. And I don't want them to be embarrassed as they get older because I didn't take care of myself. That's just my issues though.

You have to want to lose weight for YOU...not your husband. Just tell him what you need from him and that it would be more helpful if he did it that way.

Hugs,
L.

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C.H.

answers from New York on

It took me about 3 years to get back to my regular size .. but when I look back I was healthy and happy and my child was too... which is really what is important.. it is so hard to loose weight when people put you under a microscope...it does just the opposite.. depression is worse than having a couple of extra pounds... from your other posts you sound like you eat healthy.. since summer is coming .. find great things to do with your daughter and get out, be active , and first of all be happy .. the rest will follow

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C.R.

answers from Syracuse on

The weight is just something that he is focusing on and not the real problem...most of the times when people are picking on someone else it's because they are feeling inadequate themselves...I have had 5 kids in the last 9 years and I am still 10-15lbs over(my youngest is 22 months)and my husband who has gained 40 lbs can still say I should tighten up...and yes I should because the best thing we can do for our children is to stay healthy and lead by example...but it doesn't make it easier to hear(especially when it's the pot to the kettle). I think you need to have a heart to heart with your husband and let him know that even though he may mean well it's doing more harm than good and find out what's really bugging him...it's probably more of the loss of your attention than the weight you've gained...and it doesn't hurt to remind him you gained this weight with his child...my husbanded was complaining one day about how hard it is on him being a dad...all the work and pressure so I sat down and tallied up that I was sick(morning sickness) for 120 weeks, pregnant 200 weeks, nursed 56 months, gained and lost 250 pounds(with 15 more to go)I've been changing diapers since our first son was born in 1999(once I had 3 in diapers at once)...the list could go on ...for all of us...my point was to show him what I had put myself body and soul through for his children, OUR children and that even though I am no longer the size I used to be...I am something better, a mother of 5 incredible boys and he (husband) has a little dose of perspective and a different point of view...and one thing I was thinking in reguards to your weight if you are still nursing...I always kept 10-15 extra on while nursing(bigger appetite) and when I stopped I would lose it...now that I've rambled on...have a sit down with lots of love in your heart and find out what you guys can do together to fix the problem...maybe instead of watching a movie you could go for evening walks together, put baby in the stroller or have someone sit with her for awhile.Best of luck!

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D.C.

answers from New York on

Forget about your weight (and your husband's non-supportive comments for that fact). It sounds like you are struggling more with your emotions, and possibly depression. I am also a first time mom (6 month old) and there is a lot of adjusting. Unfortunately, taking care of ourselves often goes to the back burner. With that said, you need to find time and focus on taking better care of yourself. Try to talk with a friend, read a book or see a therapist to work through your emotions. If you start feeling better about yourself, you can have more energy to focus on your physical wellness. Don't look at diet and exercise as losing weight. Look at it as being healthy and taking care of your well-being. Perhaps try to eat more fruits and vegetables, drink more water. Go for walks with your daughter. Again, not to lose weight, but to feel better, and more energized--both mentally and physically. Motherhood is wonderful, but also draining. Try to revitalize your self so you can have peace of mind. Best of luck and remember that a happy mommy makes a happy family. :)

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N.D.

answers from Albany on

Honestly, I had the same hard time getting the ball rolling. But, the only thing that stops success is no action. I was feeling tired and did not know how I would have the energy to workout BUT ironically, if you just start walking on a treadmill or outside, the fresh air and the blood circulating, magically gives you energy somehow! Weird huh? It will also help with the depression because you will have seratonin released AND you will start to lose weight so that will make you feel better. Don't worry about the food right now..Baby steps I say. Everything will follow suit. You can't lose weight if you don't exercise so what choice do you have but TO exercise right? Anywho, coolrunning.com couch to 5k program helped me a lot . See about entering into a 5k race locally. It will give you a goal to work towards. A quote that helps me daily is, "Take CAN'T out of your vocabulary and you will see what you CAN do." Best wishes! N

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D.M.

answers from New York on

Ya know, I can relate to your weight/post baby issues. Although my husband does not make comments like the ones yours does, he has showed concern for me about my weight. Since being married I have put on 100 lbs - in that number is pregancy weight from 2 babies. After looking at that number and it being the most weight I've ever had to lose I was always discouraged. Felt like it could never do it. It was just too much to lose, ya know? Somewhere along the line I realized that I needed to do something. Something different. I always weighed myself every day. Inspected myself in the mirror. Got upset when i didn't see any change. This time around I've been doing it different. I joined weight watchers (which i've done 100x lol) and stayed off the scale at home. I didn't make any short term goals. I just take it day by day, week by week. A friend once told me "if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten" and it's so true. This time, I'm doing things differently. Even when it comes to food. Normally i would pick and cheat on my weigh in days. This time, i don't. I want different results than I've always gotten.

I so know where you are coming from. Take it one day at a time. Maybe one week focus on not eating after 7 pm. After you do that, then try something else. You don't have to set weight goals, just try make small changes to get you in the mindset to lose weight. Once your mind is there, it's so much easier. Not sure if i helped but I will be praying for you each day as I pray for me. Hugs!

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A.D.

answers from New York on

Hi B., I am really sorry to hear about how your husband is acting. I wonder how he would look if he had carried a baby for 9 months? I think he does not realize that by saying what he does he is just making you more frustrated and needing to fill the void with snacks. I do not know what your age is but losing takes time. I know you want to do it and you can with a little support. You can walk with the baby and drink lots of (filtered )water. My best to you, Grandma Mary

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F.A.

answers from New York on

I really struggled with my weight after my first baby. I was quite depressed and exhausted and always found eating a comfort when I felt down and tired - it seemed it give me an energy boost which I badly needed, plus it seemed like the only "treat" I had time for. Also I found it hard to find the energy to cook healthy meals and so ate more junk. The thing which helped me was dealing with the low mood and the lack of time for myself. When I had some counselling and also admitted I needed some help eg with childcare, I felt much better in myself. Then it was easy to turn my eating habits around, and the weight came off. So rather than beating yourself up about the weight, concentrate on ways to make yourself feel happier and positive mentally, and get help if you need it, whether it is a friendly ear or practical help eg with the house.
Don't worry about having another baby either. Because I was happier in myself, I gained far less weight the second time and then lost it pretty easily. Good luck

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R.F.

answers from New York on

I had in the same boat a few months ago but when started drinking Mummy magic weight loss tea, I successfully lost my all post pregnancy weight (30 pounds almost) with the help of this great product.

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G.P.

answers from Utica on

I see you have many responses already but I had to add my two cents.

Just like someone who needs to quit smoking or stop any addiction - someone who has weight to lose has to do it for themselves - not their spouse or family. YOU have to feel motivated and he is being counter-productive by critcising. I have battled depression and I know how hard it is to just get through a day.

When you are ready - you will lose it - there are many good eating plans out there. I have lost 20 punds so far with the Tranistions Lifetyle System.

I would also print out some articles for your husband to read. He is obviously very much in the dark about what happens to a woman's body when she has had a baby. Aside from the fact that he should love you no matter what - I don't care what his sister looks like - every woman is different - and MOST never get their pre-baby body back - even if the weight is lost.

NEVER is it ok for your husband to talk to you like that. I hope I am not sounding too strong - but my husband and I just came thruugh our own issues and I just think it is very wrong for him to criticise you for what you just put your body through bringing another human into being - and you have every right to stand up for yourself.

Keep your chin up - Good luck talking to the hubby.

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S.S.

answers from Binghamton on

You could try sitting down with your husband and talking it out. Something else is really bothering him. You say you are depressed. That has to be effecting him too. After all he loves you and is probably missing your old cheerful energtic self. He is chosing your weight as a tangable thing to take his frustration out on. This is not your fault of course, and the blame game will not help at all. With the help of your doctor, who you should consult about post-partum depression, the two of you can surely find a solution so even if the weight stays, your marriage can be happy again.

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K.A.

answers from New York on

Hi B.,
I have to say that I am disgusted about your husbands behavior after reading your post. A baby changes your life, and weight should be the least of HIS problems. If he wants eye candy on his arm that makes him a very shallow and vain person. And him grabbing your middle and making a nasty comment like that would make most women want to slap him. It's horrible and deplorable behavior.

As far as you are concerned, a woman's body changes dramatically after giving birth. You have 25 lbs. to go to be at your pre-baby weight, and that's not all that much. You can work out at home while the baby sleeps, you can eat more sensibly and smaller portions, and you can even put the baby in the stroller and go for long brisk walks. But you have to want it. If you're too tired, and understandably so than it'll just take you a little while longer to lose the weight--hardly a tragedy. But from what you wrote the way your husband is treating you is.

You need to have serious talk with him, than take a few girlfriends and go out on the town for the night while he babysits. That'll make you feel better and more attractive once you get dressed and made up. Don't let him make you feel less than what you are, you need to knock some compassion and sense back into him (that is if he ever had it).

K.

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L.C.

answers from New York on

Girl I know how you feel, even though my husband never makes any comments about my weight.I never gained any weight but the baby with both of my boys, but the thing is I still have the same apetite as when I was pregnant.And after 17 months pounds added up.I definatly think you need to talk to your hubby, his comments are not going to help you. What also worked for me in the past, having other moms who are trying to achive the same goals.Maybe going for a walk togather, jogging or to the gym in the evenings. I used to be(before we moved) a part of a moms group called "biggest looser" on meetup.com. It was great. Check if there are any meetup groups in your area.
Unfortunatly I can not find any support groups around here, so it has been tough.
Support is the key.
PS have you ever tried Luna bars for women????they have been the greatest thing that I have discovered to help me with portion control and hunger.
Wish you the best:)You can do it!!!!!!!!!!!

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A.B.

answers from Glens Falls on

just like you I still have weight from my first pregnancy however my husband has never once been mean to me about it in fact he usually tells me he loves me and always will love me no matter how big I get. With my daughter I gained 50 pounds and didn't lose any of it after wards. I had a c-section and couldn't do anything for 9 weeks when the time was up I started to work 2 jobs so I was gone all day and had no time for just me to workout so I never lost the weight. With my son I gained 22 pounds I was sure not to gain another 50 pounds and I lost all of it within the first month but it helped that I was breast feeding him. So I have been a mother for three years and I am now getting around to exercising b/c someone at work asked if I was pregnant again and that broke my hear big time. So I have cut soda out of my diet completely and I have been trying to watch what I eat and I work out with my husbands old friend. If you are depressed maybe you should go to the doctors?

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L.H.

answers from New York on

Your husband's behavior is deplorable! It really sounds like he is trying to sabatoge your efforts by nagging and being rude, instead of supportive. You really need to find someone to help support your efforts in a possitive way like a friend, exercise buddy, trainer, or psychologist. You're not going to change your husband. He is going to continue acting like a bully, so it is going to be up to you to be strong.

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A.D.

answers from Kansas City on

I didn't read the other responses, but just wanted to make a quick comment. If you haven't already...PLEASE get your thyroid levels checked..not only TSH, but T4, Free T4 and T3 along with "anti thyroid antibodies". It's not uncommon after a pregnancy to have your thyroid get wacky, and often it settles down to an "underactive" state which can cause fatigue, depression, constipation, and most often, difficulty losing weight. If all your labs check out ok, start with some simple steps. I just started taking a 20 minute walk at 8:30 am with my daughter in her stroller. It's a great set-up for her nap, and gets me energized, away from the fridge, and happy that I accomplished SOMETHING good for myself that day, even if nothin else gets done. If I can only fit in a 5 minute walk, fine! Just make an appointment with yourself. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Hang in there!

A.

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J.H.

answers from New York on

Hi - you made a comment in your post that you are tired and depressed. Have you talked to your doctor about checking your thyroid? Low thyroid - hypothyroidism - can make you tired, depressed and make it very hard to loose weight. My thyroid failed after the birth of my first child. It's easy to fix with taking Synthoid once a day. Also, after the birth of my 2nd child, I was about 40 lbs overweight too. My sister lost a lot of weight with a modified Atkins diet - very little carbs. I did the same thing and lost the 40 lbs in 4 months. I've kept most of it off for 6 years now (I did gain a little bit back, but most has stayed off). You have to think of eating "like a cave woman." Everything fresh, made from scratch. No packaged items, little bread, no pasta, no refined sugar. Eat lots of veggies, protein, fruits (berries & melons), cheese, and drink lots of water. A cookie or something sweet is okay once in awhile. I chewed sugarless gum when I needed a sweet taste and ate a lot of salads (but really good ones with chicken or steak & cheese - garbage salads). If you think of doing it in 2 week increments (I can do this for 2 weeks), it makes it a lot easier. Also, read labels for carbs! I never ate anything that was more than 8-10 carbs. Best of luck!

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M.Q.

answers from New York on

I think this has less to do with your husband and more to do with you. You describe yourself as depressed and tired and unmotivated and unhappy with your body. The good news is the 25lbs is not a crazy amount to lose. The bad news it that diet and exercise are the only thing that are going to get you there. Stop thinking about the end goal and approach it in the here and now. What would get you to the gym today? What would make you feel good today? Would it be a support group like WW? A new pair of running sneakers? A gym buddy? A fitness magazine? Take baby steps. But mostly work on feeling good about yourself, whatever small thing you did to eat better or take care of yourself. Your husband sounds like a million husbands. I would worry less about changing him in to being more supportive because that is a whole other unrelated project. I think he is probably saying and doing those things in a misguided way to motivate you. Good luck.

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J.J.

answers from New York on

hi B.;

listen, no offense, but your husband is being crummy, and i'm only saying that because i want you to stop having self doubt and feeling badly about anything that's going on. you are a new mom and that's way bigger than anything he's going to be in his life, ever. i know he loves you but he's doing a rotten job of showing it right now.

i didn't worry too much about not losing my baby weight after my first child because i had also stopped smoking after 17 years when i got pregnt w him; so i knew i was going to struggle. but when my second child was born and 8 months later i had only lost 12 pounds, i went to weight watchers. it worked wonders, BUT, i also am extremely active, take a 3-4 mile walk 4 times a week, pretty much never use the car, and i'm nursing my daughter, who is 16 months, a lot. also my son is an extended nurser and has been nursing more lately as our family has been under a lot of stress with a recent move.

my point is that dieting alone will not make the difference. it just won't.

but what i really want to say to you is this; i was NOT READY TO PART WITH ONE BITE OF FOOD till my daughter was 8 months. being home with children is extremely draining and emotional, EVEN when it's GREAT and it's NOT ALWAYS GREAT even when it's great!

and you know what i mean!

you are clearly giving all of yourself to your child right now, and in return, you're getting nothing from your adult relationship. of course you want to eat a lot. you need all kinds of nourishment, not just physical, so you're getting it where you can.

food can feel like a reward and a comfort, and you know what? that's ok. you're not obese! it's not like you're 75 lbs over weight, you're talking about 25 lbs, and that may be where you stay for a while. it's not a crime. it's a change. it's one thing for your husband to have a hard time getting used to all the changes in your life together but it's another thing for him to be mean about it. if he can't understand what you're going through he at least needs to just be nice, as in, if you don't have anything nice to say keep your trap shut. frankly my advice would be to totally ignore him. you'll do what you can about your weight when you feel good and ready and not before. in fact he's probably making it worse.

hang in there. consider wieght watchers if you feel you are ready to lose. think about taking exercise walks in the morning even if you have to get up at 5 to do it, thaat's what i do. the wieght is very likely to come off.

good luck,
J.

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J.G.

answers from New York on

Hi B.,
YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD BE ASHAME OF HIMSELF. Is he perfect??? Just because he says mean things to you do not mean you are going to lose weight. All it is going to do is make you feel bad about yourself.
I think that every time your husband says something bad about you, you should tell him something bad about himself. Then ask him how it feels.
The weight will come off in time.
Good Luck!

C.B.

answers from New York on

I would tell him to get used to it cuz you aren't planning on getting thinner and might even like to gain more in the next pregnancy. Or If I did want support in weight loss I would just tell him what you find helpful and unhelpful. He may sincerely believe he is being helpful.

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K.M.

answers from Syracuse on

Maybe you could try talking to your husband and ask him for his support instead of critisizing you. Ask him if he would walk with you in the evenings, or watch your daughter so you can go to the gym alone. Tell him exactly how he makes you feel when he says and does the things he does. Show him how beautiful you still are by acting like the beautiful woman.

I hate to add this part, but I have to say I once had a boyfriend like your husband. We never had children together, and I had not had any at that point. I was a big girl when we got together, so he knew what he was getting into. However, once he thought he had me for good (we lived together) he would make comments about my weight, and grab my fat. It was never ending. About 6 months after that I moved out while he was at work. Two years later I met the man of my dreams and we have been married for 10 years. I hope you can make your husband see that who you are is about what's on the inside, and that you are still the loving, beautiful woman he married. Good luck to losing the weight for YOU!

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C.O.

answers from New York on

B.,
These are not easy matters because it is not like you did the wrong thing in gainng weight in order to create and care for your amazing daughter while she was in your tummy! and your husband should be more supportive, but he is a man and I have not really found one who was a perfect communicator.
I went through a similar thing after I had my son last year. I did not know what to do to lose the weight. My office did a round of Weight Watchers and it really helped me. Not only did i learn how and what to eat, I have learned that feeding yourself the right fuel is the best dose of self respect you can give yourself.
I wish I could speak to you in person, email is so tough to really convey a message--because I understand just how bad you are feeling. And I mean this in the most motivating way possible, I bet part of the reason you feel so bad is because you still have the weight. Some of the depression will probably go away as you lose because you will feel better and your metabolism will kick in, but also you will be taking action to make sure you are healthy and the best you that you can be. It is hard to start any kind of weight loss, but don't let feeling depressed stop you from doing something really good for yourself.
Eating healthy in my mind is just like getting a pedicure or a hair cut, it makes me feel good, I do it for me and it keeps me looking good.
Best of luck!!
You can do it!!

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T.M.

answers from New York on

Hi B.. I am a mom of 3 with my youngest being 14 months. I have about 30 pounds to lose and haven't gotten motivated myself. I just wanted to say that the comments your husband has made are wrong and completely unfair. After all his body did not go through what yours did. He has to know that when he says those things he will only hinder your motivation, not help it. Of course your depressed. Did he think it would make you feel good?
You need to let him know that these comments are hurtful and only make you feel worse. Hang in there. When your ready, and hopefully with the support of your husband so you are feeling good and strong, you will lose weight. Good Luck.

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M.B.

answers from Rochester on

B.,

First, it is up to you to remain healthy in every way and take care of your baby (and family). That being said, you have to take care of yourself emotionally - and if you have a network of girl friends, talk to them. A friend of mine once said she has coffee with a friend at least once a week, it is the best therapy. :)

There are books, there are websites, but nothing is better than people contact.

You are the shape you are, you are doing what you can. You are not being unhealthy about removing the weight, either, it sounds like. I would add talking to your doctor about being tired, too, as that may be something simple, like iron deficiency (anemia is NOT a girl's best friend!)

It is hard to have someone so close say and do these things, and to let them roll off your back. You have also come through the miracle of childbirth, and have been bringing up a beautiful person.

You need to take charge of your situation, or your little girl is going to learn this when she grows older. Gentle grace will help you - not getting mad, not getting even, but simply and quietly stating what you do and do not believe. It is easy to argue with someone who sounds like they just opened their front door on the wharf. It is not easy to argue with someone who keeps their cool. I know it is hard to keep back lack of motivation and tears when someone says something so personal.

From experience:

I do not believe I live up to anyone else's standards. God made __________ this way, and He made me who I am and put me where I am. I am doing what I can to be healthy while at the same time take care of my family. (Or I have spoken with my doctor and s/he doesn't want me losing weight so quickly - it is unhealthy).

Therapy is not a bad idea - it takes a while for some to get the hang of gently and gracefully standing up for oneself, and others just catch on quick.

I had to deal with this issue in reverse, my husband did not care what my weight was. I had to motivate myself to do what is healthy. It is HARD! It is much easier to have a buddy - even easier when that buddy is your husband - but that is not always convenient or possible. Once you depend on yourself to make food choices that correlate with supplementing your body with nutrition, rather than eating just because, you will see what will happen to your shape - and YOU will like it.

Above all, you do this weight loss for YOU and no one else, because if you are doing it for someone else, and they don't like your progress, or they don't like your final shape, or they don't like __________ then it will do you no good whatsoever. You are the person you have to see in the mirror every day, and you are the person who you have to answer to when it comes to health - do I feel okay today? Can I improve that? Do I feel like doing this? Can I do it for just a little bit, and see how it works out?

You are worth the time it takes to make good food choices, buy the food, stick to the food, keep other foods out of the house (if you have a hard time stopping at one butter oatmeal raisin cookie like I do), and be responsible for your nutrition as well as your family's.

You can do it! It's not IF you want it, it's WHEN you want it, and each day you make a good choice, it all adds up in a much more positive way.

Good Luck!
M.

PS: You are lucky it is only 40 pounds! AND that you have dropped 15. See I went down post baby, but I am right back up and beyond what I was before I became pregnant, and am almost back at my all-time high from 2005.

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M.C.

answers from New York on

I can see you already have so many responses, but your post hit me so strongly that I felt I just needed to write to you anyway.

My dad and brothers teased me a lot when I was growing up about my weight, all in the name of "teasing." My dad would say, "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you." That's probably the most grossly inaccurate thing my dad ever told me. He meant well, but criticizing someone will NEVER motivate them to lose weight and become healthier, at least not for the right reasons. Needless to say, when I married my husband I made it pretty clear that he was never to say anything to me along those lines. I'm not sure what you can say to your husband to help him understand. Actually, I guess I did have a couple of thoughts cross my mind. Perhaps you could explain how deflating it is to you and your self-esteem when he says things about what you're eating or grabs your stomach - man, I felt for you over that one! I remember what it's like to have the extra pounds of pregnancy hanging around afterwards, and I would have been appalled to have anyone grab them! Anyway, I thought maybe you could suggest to your husband ways he could be a positive influence - perhaps he could offer to watch your daughter so you could exercise on your own, and maybe he could suggest and plan fun weekend activities that would involve exercise for the whole family.

I took a class in college called Intuitive Eating. It was honestly the class that made the biggest difference in my life. There are a couple of books we read that may be of help to you - Intuitive Eating and Overcoming Overeating. As a result of this class and these books, I DO NOT use the word diet - that only leads to feelings of restriction. If you allow yourself to really think you can have anything you want to eat at any time you begin to realize you really do feel better when you eat healthy and don't want to eat junk food or too much food. Also, I do not own a scale and I highly recommend to anyone else to get rid of it. Weight fluctuates naturally; owning a scale just reinforces negative feelings if you happen to have gone up a bit. The point of intuitive eating is to begin to listen to your body and do what's best for your body.

Also, it may be helpful to write yourself a letter telling yourself all the things you love about your body. I did this a few years ago when my self-esteem was really suffering, and it really made a difference to put things in perspective and realize how much I have to be grateful for.

Have you had your thyroid checked? Mine really wigged out about 7 or 8 months after my daughter was born. My main symptoms were being exhausted and not wanting to get off the couch, feeling depressed, my hair falling out like crazy, AND I had begun to regain weight I had lost since having her. I got into a doctor, began taking thyroid medication, and within 2 days I felt like a different person. I finally felt like I had energy again - really I felt like I was awake again.

A final thought (I know this has been a novel =) - I tend to write a ton when I feel very strongly about a topic). As far as exercise goes, start slowly. There's a great book called "The Complete book of running for women" by Claire Kowalchik. In it there is a plan to go from not running at all to gradually running 30 minutes straight. The plan takes about 10 weeks. When I started it and told my brother I'd be running for 2 minutes and walking 4 minutes, he asked, "Are you really that out of shape?" Sadly, yes I was. =) That first week was the hardest. (You could even start off running 30 seconds, and walking for a few minutes.) It really does get easier and now I love running because it provides a great stress relief for me, plus I just feel great being in shape. I really didn't lose the baby weight after having my 2nd child until I started running.

I hope any of this has been helpful. My heart really goes out for you and I hope things turn around for you soon.

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