My Husband Had/is Having an Affair

First thing is first.....have you confronted the other woman?? Is there a phone number at the bottom of the email (maybe a signature from her work with address and number??)? If so, I would call her. If not, I would email her and ask her details. Come straight out and see if its his baby. She obviously knows he has a significant other, otherwise she wouldnt have to wait to call.
I think that maybe you would have been able to forgive that he had been with another woman once, but seeing that it is 7 months later and she is pregnant, why if it was a one night stand would she still be writting him and contacting him?? Where you able to read through all the emails? Did any of them hint to anything else? I would NOT stay with him. Once a cheater always a cheater and also, the fact that he didnt plan on telling you?????.....WTF. He obviously didnt ever plan on it. He was going to leave and continue to do his own thing while you wait patiently at home for him like the good wife that you are. And dont think for a second that there are not women where he is deployed. They are there and they are lonely as well so I am sure this will happen again while he is gone.
While he is away you should get your things in order. Whatever you need to do to get out of this situation. File for divorce, get your money situated, figure out how the things should be divided. This is a perfect opportunity for you. By the time he comes home your mind set will be in the correct state and you will have prepaired yourself for what has to come next. Your son is still young and this wont effect him as much now but if you wait and dont do it then later down the line this could come back to haunt you. He could do it again, or never stop or you could realize you cant forgive him. Then your son is older and realizes what is going on and that is just a harder decision.
It is going to be a difficult road but you need to do what is best for you and your son and it doesnt seem like your husband had either of you in mind when he was sleeping with another woman!
Be strong, Good Luck!

I have no idea what to tell you to do about it.

How long is he going to be deployed? My husband cheated on me almost 2 years ago and I tried to get over it but it hasn't been working. We actually finally split in July.

It is really hard and takes a lot to get over something like that.

I would say that you should get ready to be on your own. Being a single mom sucks, but it might be the best in your scenario. I'm 23, so I understand the age thing. My son is also 2.

If the emails were recent and those things were still being said after so long, I would really question him and not so much her.

But you know him best. Look in your heart and see what is best for you. Can you deal with it? Can you get over it? Do you want to rebuild?

Either way, keep your head high for your son and if you need to talk at all, feel free to come to me.

C.,
1 step at a time. While he is away, get counseling for YOURSELF. I know of a great woman on Germantown Pike, if you need help finding someone. Counseling for YOU is a good start to healing.
HTH
L. (Brianna & Shannon) in Collegeville
butterflylindamarie at yahoo dot com

Hi C.,

My heart just breaks for you knowing what you are feeling right now, but I have to share with you my experience as well. I was married to a man that had an affair. At first, it supposedly was a casual one-time thing, but then the truth came out from others that said it had been going on for a long time. The scandalous part was that everyone in our circle of friends knew, except me.

I had a 13 month-old son when I found out, and I thought my life was over. I was devastated and could barely function. However, I quickly realized that I could not be with a man that I did not trust and that my son would be better off with a healthy, functioning mom who wasn't carrying around so much anger.

We divorced when my son was about 18 months-old and I have to say now, almost 8 years later, it was the best decision I ever made. My son is fine. He is a happy, healthy kid who is sweet, caring and compassionate. I won't lie and tell you life has been easy, because it hasn't. However, I have found that I have more maturity and strength than I could have ever imagined.

On the bright side, my ex-husband and my son have a good relationship. I never took my anger and used it as a weapon. What happened between his Dad and I was not his fault and I was not going to punish my son for our inability to make our marriage work.

The other bright side is that all men are not like my ex. I had the great fortune to meet a wonderful man about 5 years ago and we have been married for almost 4 years. I love him more than I could have imagined and we have a lovely 3 year old son together.

I am happy now - more than I ever was with my ex-husband. It was not a flaw in me that made him cheat. He just didn't have the courage to tell me that he was unhappy and I didn't have it either.

When you are thinking about what to do, just remember that sometimes the worst things in life turn out to be the best things.

Good luck, I know it is a hard decision, but just know that you will survive, because as a Mom, you are needed and loved by someone who will still love you no matter what you do.

If you don't trust your husband, your marriage has no future. I would have a huge problem with the ongoing lying.

First of all, I am so sorry. I can only imagine your pain. It seems like not only did he have an affair but he's lookng to continue it. You need to figure out if you want to be with him, if you can put this behind you or not. From your email, he does not sound remorseful and it sounds like he is communicating and trying to hook up with this woman right now...instead of spending his last precious moments home with you and his son. That's disturbing. Is it possible this is some extreme reaction to his fear of not comimng home? I think you need to talk to someone like a chaplain, counselor, or support group. Wish I had more to offer than my support. You need to decide what YOU want to do and you have his time away to do that.

Dear C.,

You are NOT a door mat!! You do NOT deserve this from your husband. Your child deserves better. Once trust is broken, it can be very hard to heal. first question is....do you love your husband enough to want to work this out? Do you want to be in this marriage? Trust is so important in a marriage. It can be rebuilt, but BOTH people in the marriage must be committed to rebuilding that trust. He needs to decide what he wants. Does HE want to be in this marriage? If he does, he must stop his playing around and rededicate himself to you. I would suggest Marriage Counseling to rebuilt communication and trust. It will be a long time before the bond of trust has been repaired. It CAN be done. None of us are perfect. We all mess up. The focus must be on Do we want to rebuilt our marriage? If the answer is yes, then move forward. .....together. You owe it to your child to at least try. God bless your sweet broken heart!!!! I will be praying for you both!!!

Dr. T

Many may not agree with me but... i think this is perfect timing. You can be alone with your thoughts while he is away. Personally i would do my own thing and help myself to grow apart from him during that time. I do not believe that you should forgive a cheater, i am mean i guess. Please know that there is probably a big chance that the baby is his. Your child is only 2 and you have plenty of time to find someone who will respect you and treat you like you should be treated. I wish you the best of luck.

in my opinion you are already a single parent...i think it will take alot more to get over than forgiving him..i am not sure if i could trust him again with out the help of an outside party..not sure how your relationship is on a normal basis but sounds as if something is lacking..what is your husbands committment to you and your child..being he is away trust is going to be a diff thing...i am not sure that i wouldnt move on before to much more pain inflicked...but like i said not sure if this is the only issue...