My Husband Doesn't Listen!

Hmmm, sometimes with my guy and I, I feel like a thing is talked about, resolved, and plans made, and outcome determined. Then I later find out that while he DOES remember the conversation, he DOESN'T remember it being a done deal.

For us, it's just a difference in the manner of communicating I think.

Perhaps he is subconsciously tuning you out with the mindset that whatever it is you're discussing does not need to be divvied up RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE.

All I DO know, is my guy and I have VERY DIFFERENT recollections of the VERY SAME conversations!

:)

Well, he may have a cognitive or clinical hearing issue. If you really think that's it, then he needs to be checked out by a Dr.

If not, then it's a different problem.

Do you talk to him so much about so many things that he tunes you out? So, even if it's a big thing he isn't really paying attention?

I don't really know you well enough, but I would guess based on stereotypes that you probably talk to him like you to talk to other women. That is the single biggest mistake we, as women, make. It's also really really common. He's not your girlfriend or your gossip girl at the office. But if you yammer at him he will tune you out. Because he can't fix it, and his brain doesn't process information the same way that ours does so he can't listen to it. But then he gets so good at tuning you out that when you say something that actually IS important he isn't paying attention.

Talk to him less. Use fewer words. Get him to be curious and ask you questions. Answer only his question without the 5 minutes of details that we, as women, like to include when we talk to other women.

If you need to tell someone all the details about your boss's see-through blouse and what a tramp she is..... call your g'friend. If you want to figure out how to cook a standing rib roast and 4 sides in the same oven.... ask him to save your life and grill the roast. THAT he'll listen to. You've asked him to make fire and feed others.

Some people are not auditory learners. I had a child like this and maybe your husband is like this, too. I'd give my daughter instructions and she'd start off like she was going to do it. Then she'd stop and you could see her trying to process what she just heard into the action she was supposed to do. On the other hand, she has a great visual memory. Once she sees something, she remembers it. So rather than telling your husband what he needs to know, perhaps you can try writing things down for him, or drawing a diagram, flow chart or schedule and see if that works better with his learning style.

If it is something important, wait till you have his full attention. Like say when he's having his first cup of coffee in the morning..if you're not already rushing that is. Or whenever when you can have him look at you when you're talking...no TV, no dog, no dishes. We live in an info overload age. I have many a girlfriend who tunes out prematurely during a conversation! It's no longer just a male disease! Good luck!

I agree with Wickerparkgirl, especially if by "not listening," you mean you are discussing something that is of interest to you, but not necessarily to him, and he's just tuning you out because the topic is boring to him.

If by not listening, you mean that you are trying to tell him something IMPORTANT, and he is refusing to hear you, then that is something completely different.

If it's the former - reserve some of those discussions for your girlfriends. If it's the latter, I have no suggestions, other than counseling maybe.

electric shock therapy

My question is, do you make sure he acknowledges you? I think it's a weird thing with men that they kind of suck at paying attention & listening. Also, how do ask him to do things? Are you sweet & sugary, or do you talk to him like he's a 5 year old right off the bat?

It goes both ways with us - sometimes I am totally zoned out & look like I'm listening, but I'm just daydreaming or watching TV & I will have no clue what he said.

Oh WOW! I could have written this myself...lol! I don't really have any advice but wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Mine is even the same with reading. Yesterday, I worked from home and I needed something printed out and faxed. So, I emailed him the forms and asked him to print them out, sign them and fax them. Well, he got 2 out of 3 right...he printed them and faxed them but didn't sign...ugh! This is why I usually do everything myself. It's easier than repeating myself 2 or 3 or 10 times.

My husband became increasingly bad at remembering things I asked him to do (or not do) and it began to affect his work as well - he was having to write long to-do lists to keep up with his assignments. We saw a neurologist who suggested sleep studies - he had two and discovered he had severe sleep apnea - stopping breathing while asleep. He sleeps with a breathing machine now, and the memory problems have improved enormously. Now the problems are what I think of as normal "guy" stuff - still pisses me off, but we can talk about the problems and try different solutions together.

http://marriage.about.com/od/listening/a/0607notlisten.htm

After reading your question, I was left with the question of how old your husband is and wondering if his difficulty with receiving your instruction and later asking you again without recollection that you have already told him may be a sign of early cognitive impairment. Cognitive decline is more common in older adults, but also a result of brain injury, has he had an major blows to the head, was he a former football player, boxer? I attended a training recently and I learned that even frequent infections in childhood play a role in cognitive decline in adult years. Have your husband consult your concern with his physician, so he can get screened. Good luck.

I can sympathize. I can't really give you much advice except maybe wait for the BIG important things until a week before and remind him the day of, or day before.

It is frustrating, I know! It could be a health issue like some of the other posters stated or, it could be selective hearing. Either way if it's a Problem then speak with him about it when there isn't an issue and try to stay as calm as you can when explaining how frustrated it makes you. Let him know you don't want to snap at him over this, you want to try and help the situation get better. Ask how it would make him feel if the shoe was on the other foot, really ask him to think about that.
Good luck!

Your husband may have poor circulation or early diabetes which would affect many thing in his life. Take him to a doctor right away.