My Granddaughter

Updated on July 20, 2011
V.S. asks from Cockeysville, MD
10 answers

Please Help! I have received a letter from the state of marylandfrederick county ss. It is called a Family Involvement for my 22 month old grandchild. i am a nervous wreak. Both parents have cases opened on them with CPS and I received this letter asking that I attend this very important meeting about my Grandchild. I know that the parents a\have problems ad yes I have had welfare checks done on the parents and also called CPS because of my concern of my Granddaughter. My daughter is the mom and i love this little baby so very much. I have had her before when my daughter was incarcerated. Now I got this letter and I am terrified I might not get tempory custody and My GD because I just found out that my daughters boyfriend made my daughter include the boyfriend sister in this meeting. I am not a mean or spiteful person I just know that there are bad things about this sister my daughter has told me. So my question is first What is the reason for the Family Involvement meeting, is it about custody? This little girl and i have bonded a lot and I am just concerned because I am 54 and the sister is 36, that they might give her custody. Dose anyone have any advice or ever heard of such a thing as Family Involvement Meeting and could they take custody away from my daughter and boyfriend on da

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So What Happened?

Thank everyone for the wonderful helpful comments . I just spent 4 hours in this Family Planning Meeting and I have never in my life can understand what the heack the state is doing. My Granddaughter ran right to me as my mom and I were there waiting for my daughter and his whole family. They were 45 min late. I brought photos of Rain and I which the consler put in middle of table to view. They were pics of my GD and me and showed the bond we had. i even put photos who she woiuld be around if she lived with me. I brought crayons, her favorite stuffed animal and her pocket book. She stayed either on my lap or within a foot of me, yes I sat on ground with her and I would think it was clear when meeting was over and I kissed her goodbye she went into a screaming fit screaming MeeMaw no Meemaw. It broke my heart. But the so called meeting was to put into affect a plan for the parent, which I might say were BOTH high, and it was evident! The other Grandparents had little to say but they were there. What I jjust cant figure out is how in the world did social services seeing how high they were let them take their daughter home. So the plan is for them to both get clean get jobs get their licences and shelter and if they didnt follow the plan then they meaning ss would file custodty papers to the court to remove the child! nTo me it just seemed backwards, why didnt they take the child , tell them to get clean and the whole plan thing then get their daughter! ITS BACKWARDS! What happens if they are both high and god forbid my Granddaughter gets hurt. Just an example ,after abiut an hour or so n meeting I went to get my granddaughter a bottle, I reached in pulled out bottle, that bottle was the bottle I sent my GD home with last Sunday , rotten curldeled milk, it was so gross I excused myself left room with GD to go rince out nasty bottle and get her some water. Whats wrong with this picture? So I voiced my concern of her safty right now and also the social worker told my daughter that she had paperwork ready to file if they dont follow the plan. I just left disgusted. The siter of my daughters boyfriend is a half sister she was there and the father of the babies mother was there she is very ill. I am a very active retire gov worker of 35 years retired I have no record i have all of my gd baby furniture here and is set up for her in what was my office. I do have a doberman, he actually loves her and she him but i understand what ssmight say. i dont know what to do about him. Anyway just thought you folks dd help me feel better bout meeting but still confused why they just let two high parents take her back to that situation. i told them all that I was here and willing to help because that whole plan, there is NO way my daughter can follow thru with it! Drugs have a hold on her plus the boyfriend is a drug dealer and his parnets know. i didnt say anything because I dont have the proof,although the boyfriend did admit to my mom he was supplying my daughter the drugs. Thai is a whole mess and I dont know wether I should just wait for the plan to fail or should I get a lawyer. I dont have the money for one but I just ahve to find it somewhere! What does anyone think of this crazt story. I ubderstand the concept but it just seems backwards and again those folks coulfd see how high they both were and I brought my carseat foe nothing. Something is wrong with this picture! I am again so greatful for all the well wishes prayers suggestions ect.... Just wanted to follow up. Yes I am worried to death but I am more confused than anything!! Thanks again god bless

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answers from Chicago on

The boyfriend's sister is not a blood relative. She is not family. You are. I am no legal expert, but as long as you don't have any "strikes against you" so to speak, I think they would absolutely give the maternal grandmother custody, if that is the issue at stake.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Dallas on

i will be praying for you...I would suggest calling an attorney even just to see if they can tell you if you need representation or not...

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I can't tell you 100% but you, as the blood relation and the child's grandmother to boot, should have the better chance of getting your granddaughter. As long as there is nothing barring you from adequately caring for the child I think that they would place the girl with you. Can you consult an attorney? Good luck to you. *Hugs* It sounds like you are going through a difficult time. Kudos for you for standing up for your granddaughter.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Louisville on

Federal law requires them to locate relatives of a child in such situations - and it seems like they are looking for a place to place this child. Your best bet is to be there if you wish to be considered placement for your grandchild - and make it known that you have had care of the child before (esp if it was thru CPS or courts)

ETA = since CPS or such is involved, it will be a long process and they may be given multiple chances to do their case plan. Just try to keep in the loop as much as possible - cause if it suddenly sours, you want them to contact you FIRST! Could also happen that little one might be allowed to be w/you again to ease the strain on the parents (this being done by the parents) - this is just a maybe, as they may also be getting services due to the child - but if they offer, I'd say do it and see if they'd sign a POA for you to be able to get medical and such.

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answers from New York on

Sorry, I don't have the information you need, but just wanted to let you know you and your little granddaughter are in my prayers.


4 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

The Family Involvement Meeting is absolutely about custody. If you had custody of your granddaughter while your daughter was incarcerated bring the court papers regarding that case with you to the meeting. You are the maternal grandmother, and if the boyfriend is not your granddaughter's father his sister is not related to your granddaughter and does not have a case to gain custody.

I don't know if they will take custody away from your daughter on the day of the meeting, they may encourage her do a Voluntary Placement of her daughter with you.

God bless you❤

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I agree with Deb H. I would mention that you have bonded with the little girl and tell them about the things you have heard from the mother about the sister. That you truly have the girl's best interest at heart and would never hurt her in any way. I will cross my fingers for you. I'm tired of kids being failed by the system. Keep us posted :)

I sent a PM, but I still can't believe how disgusting the system is. How is staying in a druggie house that can't even provide her basic needs (spoiled milk bottle) be what's best for her? yuck! Does she starve at home? Who is even around her? God only knows what shady people are around her unattended while they are getting high.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

V., my heart goes out to you and your granddaughter. In addition to what some of the other mamas have said, I don't think there would be any harm if you can show that your home is ready for a toddler. If she can have her own room or her own bed in a shared room, that's great. If you have pets, especially so called "bully breeds" like pit bulls and rotweilers, show that they are an unlikely threat, possibly b/c they are penned outside or crated. Do you have books, toys, etc. ready for her?

Happy pics of you and your granddaughter wouldn't hurt either, I think. It can help serve as physical proof that there is love and a bond between you. They will probably want to know about any other people that live in your house, so photos with them would hurt either, and be prepared to answer questions about them.

As Shelulu pointed out, second hand info about the boyfriend's sister probably won't hold a lot of water. If you know for sure of anything like a police record or that she's been evicted or had utilities cut off, bring it up. It shouldn't be that hard for the state to find out if it's true.

I have never been down this road but it seems to me like there is no harm in physically showing that you are prepared to provide and care for your granddaughter full time. This isn't about who has more money, although obviously being able to provide for her is important. To me, it's about showing that you are ready, willing and able to take on this very important responsibility. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. Hugs and prayers to you!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Daytona Beach on

hi. i just wanted to tell you, i was at goodwill a few months ago, and i saw a lady there (about 70 or so) that had a baby boy with her (about 8mos). well she checked out and i saw her putting the boy in the car. i had some toys that i was going to give to goodwill that would have been good for the baby. i assumed she was babysitting or fostering. come to find out, the baby was her grandson. the baby's parents had lost custody because they couldn't follow the plan CPS had outlined for them. the grandmother had the child before for a little while and the parents got them back after CPS had come up with a plan for them to stay sober. they were supposed to stay sober for a certain amount of time. if they couldn't do it, then they would lose custody. the grandmother ended up getting the boy again, and possibly was going to get the sister, too. (i don't know why she didn't have her to start with). she was going to have another meeting with the parents and CPS on custody in October to see if they were clean (she said they still weren't) and if they weren't, their parental rights would be terminated. maybe this is whats going on with your daughter and her baby's daddy? i hope it works out all right for you. good luck

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answers from Rochester on

You don't know for sure what the 'boyfriend's sister' is like (is the boyfriend the father of your grandchild? -if so, it may be a close call as to who gets the child if the parents lose custody) because second-hand information is not necessarily accurate. If you can muster the courage to contact the boyfriend's sister, you can gauge her intentions with your grandchild. Depending on the outcome of the case, establishing a civil relationship with the sister could be seriously important. However, if she's not your grandaughter's aunt, there's probably very little to worry about.

The courts love, love, love to keep the children with the actual parents, so the Family Involvement meeting may be about the family pulling together to allow the child to remain in the parents' custody.

I hope things go well.

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