What a tough situation. We are DoD civilians so I am not too familiar with the military system, but I always hear on AFN to "Contact Family Advocacy" for counseling resources and support. The chaplain is another good resource. Even if her husband doesn't want to talk right now, she needs advice about her rights and the procedures. There is also the legal office, but tell her to start with Family Advocacy.
Maybe you can offer to either go with her to Family Advocacy or the chaplain or watch her kids so that she can go by herself. Her 3 year old especially should not be present when she talks about her problems with her husband, so helping her find someone to watch them or volunteering yourself would be very helpful.
I would advise against making any rash decisions like flying home back to the States.
Remember that as a friend, and new friend, at that, there isn't a lot you can do to remedy this situation. The best you can do is to provide support and help guide her to the appropriate resources.