My Four Year Old Said Her Half Brother Wanted to Play "Nasty" Games.

He's young, and something very wrong happened to him or in front of him and he needs counseling ASAP. If all the adults can pull together as co-parents and support him with counseling, that would be great. He needs to know that what he did was wrong, but he also needs to be helped if something happened TO him.

Your daughter did a GREAT job. If this is the only incident, and nothing more happened, she may only remember it as the gross/wierd thing. If you can keep your freak-out reaction (which is NORMAL) to a minimum, she will take the cue from you. You believed her, you acted on it, you're taking care of it. THAT IS HUGE (I know, as I didn't have this kind of support).

They can never be alone together. You can still do family things, and probably should, as he needs stability and support to get through what happened to him. But they can't be alone together because he's not safe. If she asks, just simple "X is having some problems, and we're helping him, but we need to do this to take care of it." should be enough for her.

Feel free to instant message me if you like.

Your daughter handled the situation right. You did good, mom.

The Step-Son needs counseling. What he did was wrong. You can't protect him from that. If you go to your pediatrician, they are mandatory reporters so they will report it to CPS. Which will get the ball rolling for your step-son to get help. Maybe this is happening to him....how sad is that?

Counseling. Ensure nothing else happened...and unfortunately, report. I say unfortunately, because he's family - but really - he needs help.

Good luck!

Your first instinct, and your first duty, it to protect your daughter. You are doing that, and your husband got his son out of the house, which was the right thing to do. Your daughter told you about it, and she needs to be commended and supported for coming to you.

The second thing to realize that that your stepson learned this behavior somewhere - he saw it on TV or on line, or his friends discussed it with him (and where did they learn it??), or someone did this to him directly (a peer, a family member, a neighbor, a youth leader of some sort, or an older student). Kids learn that touching themselves feels good, which is fine. But someone taught him about tongues and oral sex because kids don't think of that on their own. He also knew enough to lock the door. So he needs help both for what may have been done to him as well as what he perpetrated on your daughter.

I feel so badly for your husband too - this is his son, he was concerned about his wellbeing but didn't pursue it, and he's had to remove his own son from his house. This has to be so painful. Your husband did not cause this, and neither did his ex. Maybe it could have been addressed earlier, but something somewhere happened to this boy to instill this behavior.

I think you go to the pediatrician (so what if it's the same pediatrician for both? That could be better, actually). Then you get counseling for both kids, perhaps through a mental health professional recommended by the pediatrician. The mother needs to participate but if she balks, your husband needs to take control. There is no halfway efforts anymore. This will destroy both kids, ruin their future relationships, and fracture your family (including your marriage) if it's not fully addressed. Please don't let it just be "the mom talked to the boy" or "my husband talked to him" or "my daughter seems okay and wants to see her brother" - this situation calls for solid professional involvement.

Both of these children need to be protected.

The stepson is obviously experiencing or mimicking behaviors that are not appropriate.
His father needs to have a talk with him AND if a child needs to see a professional, your husband is a parent to his son, he needs to make the decision to take son to a professional.

Parents need to remember, this behavior is not a reflection on parenting. These things happen but they must be faced straight on. YOUR husband needs to know about this and he needs to do something about it.

Maybe your husband needs to call a child psychologist and go and see this person on his own to decide if the child needs to be evaluated.

If he had a physical disease, I am sure your husband would not hesitate no matter what his ex says.

Your daughter needs to be given positive guidance that she did a good job telling you and she needs to continue to tell you.

Take the locks off of the doors to the rooms your children play in. Make sure you and dad pay close attention to the kids.

You also need to consider marriage counseling. Married couples should be able to speak with each other about everything and anything going on with their children. Ans pretty much everything else going on that is this important. You will learn to communicate with each other, without feeling defensive.

SS has been violated either in what he has seen (seen too much) or something has happened to him. Counseling required as well as removing locks from the bedroom doors.

Your daughter handled the situation beautifully. I just wish she hadn't been exposed to such a thing. They are NEVER to be allowed to be alone ever again. He's not safe for her.

SS needs help immediately. Not yesterday but today. If he didn't get away with this with his sister another kid will become his victim and he will be labeled a predator. His actions were predatory. All adults have to get beyond their hurt feelings and get this kid some serious help before something even more serious and bad happens to him.

I agree with Patricia G. If you don't let on to her how devastated you are, she will probably just move past it without any problems. But the two of them can NEVER be alone together and yes, those locks need to come off the kids' bedroom doors asap. Get your SS counseling, but don't banish him from your home or anything like that. He needs to know what he did was wrong, but he needs your unconditional love and support as well.

Your daughter sounds like a wonderful little girl.

"My husband called his ex-wife and she had a long talk with my step son."
Um, why didn't your HUSBAND immediately have a long talk with his step son?
All children and parents need to immediately go to counseling. I would be very concerned about what exactly the 10 year old is being exposed to that would have him feel like that behavior is ok.

I can only imagine how confused and emotional you must feel right now. Although there is no "nice" way to handle this situation, I think you did very well. You protected your child and you also were a good step mother by making sure that his parents were made aware and addressed it immediately. You listened to your "Mommy instincts." Don't beat yourself up second guessing what has already past. I think I understand your concerns about your marriage, but you must impress upon your husband that these two children are siblings so it is going to be impossible to simply brush this issue under the rug. He owes it to his children to "Deal with it." A professional should be able to tell whether this was "age appropriate" sexual curiosity gone awry or if there is something deeper that needs work to fix. Either way, pushing the boy in a closet of shame and ignoring what happened will only cause the situation to fester.

Please take care of yourself. Know that your husband feels awful about this and it's not in his control. Please don't punish him. Yesterday your lives changed forever. This does NOT define your family however. You can recover from this and be stronger. Please get family counseling. Your daughter doesn't need to go through losing her dad because of something her step brother did. Because he visits your home it's not a constant threat. You can make sure they are never alone.

Your daughter did a great job. My cousin did things to me that were inappropriate and I never told. She explained things very well and you protected her. You did a great job. Your husband also did well by removing him this morning. To me, he demonstrated his ability to love his son and love and protect his daughter.

My step daughter has made decisions that have made her life a mess. Things have happened that could have put a lot of strain on our relationship. We have two kids together and because of the decisions she made we have had to plan how not to let her cause damage in our family. It breaks my heart for my husband because I know he loves her as much as the kids we have together. If he didn't I would think less of him.

I am so sorry this happened.

L.

Get them both into some counseling ASAP. And consider some for you and hubby as well.

I highly recommend: http://www.parentingsafechildren.com/

Odds are high that your step son will NOT grow up to be an abuser, but he needs a counselor who is trained in dealing with this. Giving your daughter a chance to express ANYTHING to such a counselor is also needed.

Good luck & hugs,
e

Oh my lord. Yeah, I strongly suggest taking the whole family to counseling. Ex-wife and all need to be involved. I wouldn't feel comfortable with this child until he is in therapy and evaluated. I'd also take your daughter to her pediatrician. You will need to disclose some information. I wouldn't hold back. This boy is also a victim( it may not be physical, but definetly exposed to too much adult situations), and perhaps by you taking a stand, will change this situation so that help is given and stop future occurrences.