My Father for Father's Day....

You feel guilty because we are "supposed" to feel a certain way about our parents. But just because he married your mother, that didn't automatically make him your dad, and his actions certainly don't give him that honor either. Biology doesn't even make a parent - love and responsibility do. I speak to my bio-mother about 3-4 times per year, so I know where you're coming from.

Don't bother with him. Cut the ties. Move on. You'll feel less guilty as time goes by. If you don't have to be around him, you probably won't have to tell your kids much anyway. And if they're exposed to him at a family gathering somewhere down the road, his behavior will show them why he's not part of your family. Good luck!

Then do not send him a fathers day card.
When your children are older, you can explain what the problem was.
Let them know you do not allow ANYONE to speak poorly of their father. You will not tolerate it even from your father.

His disrespect for your husband is unacceptable. If I were in your shoes, I also would not stand for it.

Having a job with the State is pretty smart, it is total security. Excellent benefits, great hours.. This is nothing to be ashamed of.

Staying away from this man is your brain telling you he is trouble and your heart telling you, you do not deserve this. You do not need negativity and this type of behavior in your life.

No guilt. You are protecting your family..

so why do anything?
khairete
S.

I dont understand why you have any sort of relationship with him at all. We cut ties with my husband's step mother, also a hateful person, when his father passed and we've never looked back. She's no blood relation to us, his father and step mother had no children together, so we see no reason to have a relationship with her. Don't feel guilty.

You can teach your kids that abusive, toxic people are not to be tolerated; that they (and you!) are worth better than that.

What is the benefit of doing it the other way?

i am in a very similar situation, except a couple years down the line. once i finally truly let go of my father and accepted that A. i cannot change him and B. there was NO WAY IN H*** i was going to let him to do my child what he had done to me - and it took years of trying - i really did let it go. if/when my son asks about my father, i will be as completely honest as i can be. at four he did ask one time (not even really realizing what he was "actually" asking, you know how 4 year olds are with their questions) i told him that my dad lives far away (and he does, from a certain point of view- about 40 minutes away physically, and lightyears away emotionally so...) he didn't even ask why, just moved on. i know the questions will get harder - but the great thing about me making that choice when he was little - the questions don't bother me. so i am ahead of the game. i am at peace with my choice. i hope you can find that too. no, i wouldn't send him a father's day card. and i wouldn't call him anymore, either. i bet if you look back, you will find, like i did, that YOU are the one making all the effort. if he can't meet you halfway, much less be civil when YOU make the effort, then it's time.

Dont bother with your dad... I say focus all your Fathers Day attention on your husband :)

You are not wrong for cutting ties. Let go and move on. It's best for you and your family.

I'm sorry you have a loser for a step father. I understand how this can hurt, both of my parents are awful for numerous reasons and I cut off contact years ago. I look at it as family doesn't get special treatment just because they are blood or marriage related. We wouldn't accept this from "friends" why would we accept this from family...we should expect more from family. It souds like you have an amazing husband and that's who you should honor for Father's Day. Your children will follow your lead. We will celebrate my daughter's father (my ex-husband). Please just let it go and don't feel that awful obligation.

You probably dont have to do anything. If he's not a part of your life that you enjoy, dont bother. If your mom asked you to continue to respect him before she left, well that is another story.
Instead of sending a fathers day card just send a card that says "thinking of you today" instead. Keep the father part out if you dont consider him one.

Did he send you a card for Mother's Day? Enough said!

send him this last fathers day card, just sign it. after this if there is no good respond cut the ties. you have done your part to reach out, after this no more.

when my father died the stepmother didnt want anything to do with us. i tried, thru e-mail, she never would respond, thru facebook, she deleted me after awhile. i tried FB thru her son and he never confirmed. so i got the hint. i was trying to have continuance communication out of respect for dad, but no more.

My parents divorced after I was married and had my own kids. My M. remarried and was with this man for about 20 years. I never lived with him in the same house so I never considered him my step dad. Guess he was if you figure he was married to my M.. He was rude to me, and bossy. He was demeaning and controlling with my M.. He made her an invalid way before she would have been. I didnt care for him much and didnt go out of my way to spend time with him. When my M. died a few years ago, I didnt plan to spend another minute of thinking about this man. He is basically nothing to me and I wont send him a Father's Day card or any gifts or anything. I know my sister will, but she is different from me. I dont think you need to send this guy anything ever. He was terrible to you and he didnt earn your Father's Day card.