My Ex Wants Custody

Most states will not take the child from the mother unless she is unfit. I believe the most that would happen would be shared parenting!

If there isn't any proof (Dr.'s report, etc., just lie and say he pushed her. Sorry, but in such a situation, sometimes you have to sink to your opponent's level.

Hi H.,
Sounds like the kind of man you dont need, good ridance! When I files for child support I asked how to establish custody, I was told from the child support agency that whomever files first is granted the custody. If there is a dispute then it will go to a custody hearing. First off sounds like this man is just trying to get out of his responsabilty for the next 18 years.Think about it, he is complaning about child support , wouldnt he be paying alot more "if" he had custody. He is blowing smoke at ya, fight back and go for the support and at the time gain custody. Remember the support isnt for you, its for the child so you owe it to the child to raise them the best way and the support will help. I wouldnt even go for shared parenting, thats just a way the non custodial parent gets out of paying support then not helping with the needs of the child.Dont worry about the pic, like the reply earlier said, worse that will happen children services will investigate. kids are kids, they fall get cuts and bruises, all part of growing up.Just stand your ground against the x, you owe it to your child........L.

Men like to Blow hot air and throw out threats here and there. It isn't true. First you need to get a temporary custody order, then let me tell you they will not take away a child from their mom unless I just saw you on the news a couple hours ago! In all Seriousness, The most he could get is joint custody except in extreme cases. Just don't stress, get a lawyer or even a free consultation and find out your rights and his rights. At the beginning a judge will grant standard visitation until a settlement is agreed upon or made by a judge. And the picture... umm okay prove that you were the one watching the baby and not your ex... that wouldn't stand up in court ESPECIALLY if your lawyer was good. I wish you all the best and I am very sorry for your troubles. But it all sounds too familiar to me...

The law requires that he be financially responsible for his child. And most courts will not remove a child from its mother's custody unless she can be proven to be unfit. Little kids fall down. One picture of a child with an injury is hardly evidence of neglect.

I'm sorry but it takes one sorry SOB to NOT want to make sure that his child has enough money for food, clothes and shelter. Your daughter is owed that money, and it's up to you to get it. Document all the threats he makes against you trying to get out of his responsibilities, and file your paperwork to get the child support payments started. I would bet money that if he's too freaking cheap to take care of his child, he certainly doesn't want her full-time. Document EVERYTHING so you can tell the judge how he behaves, about his threats, how often he bothers to see this child he claims to want custody of, how much financial support he has given his daughter, etc. When you go to court, be organized and on top of things. I have never been in a custody situation, so I'm thinking you need a lawyer. But even still, be prepared to answer the questions and look like the good mom that you are.

Good luck, girl!

..LF

hi H.,

my name is C.. i wish i really knew what to say. i have been in your shoes. what i can say is that your ex is doing nothing but playing mind games, manipulating, control. did you have problems with him in these areas while you were together. i would completely suggest you talk to an attorney, alot do free consultations. if you ever want to talk or ask me anything feel free to write anytime. my reg email is ____@____.com care, and best of luck. just TRY not to let it get to you(i know, impossible!) but he sounds like a control freak, and believe me, if you don't somehow put a stop to it, and he keeps seeing that he gets to you, i promise, it only gets worse. i dealt with it for 18+ years, and my life was a living hell. so were my kids lives, because of what their dad put everyone thru. at least try to put on a good front in front of your ex and DON'T let him seeing it get to you! when they know it's getting to you, they dig deeper.

write me soon. HUGS

C.

He wants custody of your son, and he thinks he can use a past injury to your daughter to do it? He's just trying to manipulate you into not going for child support, which is his legal responsibility to the child. When your daughter got hurt, were the two of you together? If so, and if he thought it made you such an unfit parent, did he report it to anyone? If not, the court will see it as him having no problem with your parenting. He would have to prove that you are an unfit parent to HIS child to get custody of him. Just file for the child support, and let him try his scare tactics, but DON'T fall for them.

Helen,

Be advised that Ohio Laws more than always lean in the favor of the mother. For him to get custody of your son, he would have to prove that you are an unfit parent because who child does not fall down and get a bruise. I have a 22 month old daughter who has had plenty of bruises, cratches and falls.

Do not let him intimidate you. On the other hand, if Social Services was involved then that would be different but I do not see a consistency in your son getting hurt outside the normal falls a child has.

Just continuing providing your children with:
1. Food
2. Shelter
3. Nuturing Environment and you will not go wrong.

Take Care,

S. P.
SP Payroll and Tax Services

First of all, because you were never married you automatically from birth have sole custody of your child. He actually has to take you to court to get any legal rights to the child. Basically his access to that child is up to your discretion until he takes you to court. However, be aware that if he does take you to court and you have continuously denied him access to his child, for no reason, that will not look favorably upon you. FYI--Also until the child is at least three months old, he can only visit the child at your residence.

I had a similar situation with an ex who tried to threaten/scare me out of filing for child support. However, it didnt work. I filed anyway. He did take me court to get rights to our child. It ended up with me retaining sole custody of my child and him paying a lot more child support than I thought he would have to.

Really if there are issues with the two of you getting along he would have a hard time getting more than the standard visitation. (now that ranges from county to county but if you can usually find that information online on a website) The standard is usually that visitation at your house until 3 mos old. Then they start getting time away from you at 3 mos. Usually T/Th 5-8 PM and then 8 hrs for either Sat/Sun each weekend until 1 yr. At 1 yr, they start getting overnight visits. Then the visitation is 5-8 W and 10 AM Sat to 6 PM Sun every other weekend. At two this weekend thing changes to every other weekend with them getting them on Fri (so two nights).

Anyway, I have been through this before (within the past year) so feel free to contact me if you have more questions. Whatever you do, do NOT let him threaten you out of him supporting his child. Your child has the right to be supported by both parents.

Good Luck!

First of all, start documenting everything he is saying to you and doing to the baby. Including recording. Keep all hard copies of things sent and threats made. The courts will take all of that. One picture of your daughter with blood on her face, if the father of the child did not have an issue with the situation, and child services was not involved, the courts are going to ask how it happened. He is going to have to tell the truth and a child falling is not bad parenting. Plus if he happened to be there an took the picture, they are going to wonder, why he wasn't trying to help stop the bleeding. Based on the fall, I personally would think it was a nose bleed unless there was some other scratches on her face.

Secondly, if you are solely breast feeding, they will not force the child to be away from you due to you are his source of food. Is he buying the child things, diapers, clothes, etc for you. Keep record of what you are buying and what he is buying. If he is not buying anything and you are buying everything, it will show that he is not contributing and not work in his favor.

Thirdly, don't let him intimidate you into not filing for child support. It is his child and responsibility to pay for that child. In addition, you are considered the guardian of this child automatically and he is going to have to really fight to get custody and/or visitation. Make sure that with visitation, that you state, that he is not permitted to even leave the area without your written permission. This way you will have to know if he is planning an out of state visit.

good luck.
T.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, let this man (I use that word loosly) intimidate you. There is NO WAY he will get custody over a simple fall. Kids fall, it happens. My daughter is a toddler and she has legs full of bruises because she is fair skinned and runs and stumples, it's called childhood. Now, go and file for support asap, and, start documenting everything. I went through something similar. My ex is a loser who has tried everything to get out of support, including threatening me. Now, it's been 6 months and he has seen our daughter (the one he was sooooo wanting to take) a grand total of 5 hours. He hasn't called in months, nor do I know where he lives, or a number for him. THAT'S how important being a father was/is to him. In fact, when the threatening didn't work, he then tried the, 'I swear, i will give you whatever you need every week, just don't file for child support. Yeah, let's just say I am very glad I filed because I KNOW I wouldn't have seen a dime from him. Even after the support was filed, he asked me to go back to the courts and ask them to reduce his support. He had the nerve to say that, in return, he would 'watch' my daughter while I went to college. JERK! All he cared about was money being taken for him. Money he wouldn't have to waste on new clothing, going to the bar, etc. I started a paper trail on him, including dates and times. if he calls and threatens you, save the message. If you can't remember specific dates/times, estimate. It is VERY difficult for a mother to lose custody, unless there is overwhelming evidence you are a bad mother, so, if he is dumb enough to think a mere picture from a fall is evidence, tell him to bring it on! He is trying to intimidate you because he feels he can. If the threats continue, tell him you will get a restraining order against him, and do it, so he knows you mean business. Also, you don't even have to pick up the phone, or answer the door. Just because he is the biological father, it doesn't mean he can have access to your child. If you are truly scared, go to the police. Trust me, guys like him don't want the responsibility of being a father. If you ever need to talk, contact me. Good luck and don't be afraid. Just so you know, the law is on your side. You also don't have to let him see you, or your children, just because he is paying support. HE is the one that would have to file for visitation. Trust me on this, he doesn't have a leg to stand on if the picture is his sole peice of evidence. If you don't have much money, don't worry, the courts will handle that if he does file for custody, and, HE would have to be the one to shell out the money to bring it to court because a mother is automatically considered the parent with sole custody. Child support and vistitation are two different things. just place a call downtown to the enforcement agency and get the ball rolling because it does take a couple of months to have them take your case.

Sounds to me like he just doesn't want to support his own child, and what a shame. But in any event, don't let him intimidate you into not getting the best for your kid. That's what child support is, you know. It's not about screwing him (although that may be a nice side benefit), it's about making sure your child hasall that s/he needs. Go see your county Child Support Enforcement Agency. They'll help you with the process and see that your children are taken care of. Best of luck.

Okay, a picture of your daughter with blood on her face is all he's got????? Nice tactic man...it isn't going to work. Children's Services WILL come in and check out the situation. Accidents happen, children get hurt....just tell the truth. Contact a lawyer and tell them you know that he is going to lie about the situation. Take him for child support - it's HIGHLY unlikely you are going to lose your kids! He has to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you are an unfit mother.

I have kind of the same problem except I ended things with my ex before we found out about the baby. He has only seen his son for 10 minutes and the baby is now 3 months old. He found out that I filed for support and refuses to help in any way unless it is ordered "because it won't count otherwise". Kids fall and hurt themselves. It's part of growing up. That doesn't mean you will lose custody. Unless of strong evidence of being an unfit mother, courts favor mom's having custody (usually). File for support and if he fights you for custody, fight back. Good luck!!

H.,
Quite often men in that situation will make threats like that hoping to scare you. I mean if he really wanted the child he would try to get custody if you pushed for support or not. I don't know this man or the whole situation of course so I think that you just have to go with your gut instincts.
Best of luck,
E.

You need to visit an attorney and speak with them about child support and custody. Your ex- cannot take the baby from you- that is determined by the courts and if you are a fit mother providing a safe home for your child you should have no worries. And he has to pay child support, it is the law.

Talk to people you know who have been in this type of situation and see if they can recommend a good attorney. You can also talk to your county's child support agency and they can give you advice on where to go and with whom to speak.

Good luck.

Just because your ex has a picture of your daughter from when she fell DOES NOT mean he will get custody of her. There would have to be a pretty strong case against you for the judge to take her away from you.

Take him to court and get the support. It's only right. Good luck!