My Ex Daughter in Law

Updated on June 01, 2015
S.S. asks from Harbor City, CA
14 answers

My ex daughter in law is getting married in a few months. She was the best think that ever happened to my son. He left her to go to another state and another women. I was so upset with him. It broke my heart. I am so happy for her, that she found someone to love her the way she should be loved. She calls me mom and still does call me mom. When she remarries, if I know her, she will still call me mom out of love. However, I need to tell her she can call me S.. She will have a new mother in law. How do I tell her without hurting her that it's alright to call me S.. I will always keep her in my heart. But soon we will be friends and I need help in telling her. What would you do????

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Thank you all for all the thoughts on what to do. I am not going to say anything to her. I would be honored if she still called me mom. If she decides to call me anything else the so be it. I don't want the situation to become uneasy. I love her like a daughter and a daughter she will always be. Thanks so much.

Featured Answers



answers from Dallas on

Don't - or if you do, tell her to call you Mama S. or something like that. She loves you. And really, not every DIL has a good enough relationship to their MIL to actually call her mom. I have a great relationship with my MIL, but she's not my bio-mom, so I call her Momalah. She'll find a name for her new MIL - or she'll just call her mom, too. And that's OK.

8 moms found this helpful

More Answers



answers from Oklahoma City on

She can still call you mom and love another mother in law too. Just give her a hug and tell her you love her like your very own daughter and that you'll be a phone call away whenever she wants to talk.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I call both my mom and MIL "mom" because they are both moms to me.
I'm going through a divorce now, but to me my MIL will always be "mom" and I would be very hurt if she asked me not to call her that any more.
I hope you will think about your ex DIL and take her feelings into consideration before making any assumptions.
And if you think the new MIL will care, why would she? I'm sure she's more mature than that.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

If you are stressing about what SHE is thinking then just say, hey, I know you are getting married soon and will have a new MIL so if you want to start calling me S., it's ok with me and I totally understand. Then just let it go. She will call you what she wants to. I'm pretty sure she is ok with more than one "mom" in her life so she probably will continue to call you mom. Good luck.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

What she calls you is her decision. If she has a problem about it, she will tell you. We really aren't responsible for how others feel. She's a big girl and will handle this the way she wants.

Save your "it's alright" statement for if she does ask to change what she calls you. I doubt she will. You're still her mom. Mom is generic and usually
describes the relationship. She's not going to stop loving you. Also, you are still her children's grandmother. You deserve the name mom.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

How often will you and her new MiL actually be in the same place? She can call you both mom. Or if she's getting married again she's likely older and won't call her new MiL mom. I never considered calling mine mom. I call my own mother mom. So I wouldn't worry about it or say anything. Maybe she'll start calling you Mom S. or something. If it seems like she's struggling, then say something.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I wouldn't tell her that. You'll insult her. (Even though I understand your intentions are coming from a good place.)
Unless YOU find it offensive, let it go.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I get what you are saying - you are looking out for other people's feelings here, and trying to be proactive, but I don't think it is necessary.

If she says anything to you or looks uncomfortable one day not knowing what to call you - just say "Whatever you are comfortable with - all good with me".

My MIL asked me to call her "Mom". I am not close with her and it's never felt natural, and so I call her by her name. Now she is very bothered by this as she feels it is a sign of disrespect but quite frankly, she is offended by everything and anything, so I don't give it any thought. I don't think someone should push their wants on you - especially over a term of endearment. It should be natural.

Good luck :)

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

My personal are very thoughtful and understanding, but, she is an adult and she will make the adjustment as she sees necessary.

I have Aunt's who I call by name, X-Aunt's who I still call Aunt, and In-law's who were never my In-law's. I probably change that up once in a while, but I don't think that bother's anyone.

The in-law's who are not my in-laws are my X-brother-in-law's parents. I dated his brother in school (I am way beyond my school years) and my daughter (not his daughter) called them Nanny & Pappa. She will always call them Nanny & Pappa and I will always refer to them as such. My husband has never appeared offended. The brother who I dated has an X-girlfriend who had 2 of his children. We are friends and we share the use of the name Nanny & Pappa side by side. They are both aware of the life we had before them.

I know that is not the case for every family, but it works in this case. I would hope she is able to adjust that if it hurts someone's feelings.

So, in response...relax, it will all work out.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Texarkana on

Do you not want her to call you mom anymore? If that is the case or if you are afraid it will cause her new MIL or husband hurt feelings just tell her. It sounds as if you have a great relationship so by explaining that if she needs or chooses to call you S. to keep the peace with her new in laws then that you understand and are ok with it. Hope it all works out.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

don't overthink it. she COULD get offended either way. so why not trust the great relationship you've always had? i myself wouldn't say anything at all, and let her decide for herself. IF you and the new MIL are both in the same place at the same time and IF you see her looking uncomfortable about calling you mom you could murmur quietly to her 'sweetheart, if you prefer to call me S. i'm fine with that' but if you assume that she can handle it without drama, she almost certainly will. the only thing guaranteed to cause discomfort is your own worry about it.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Next time she calls you Mom tell her that you understand that she has another MIL now and you are OK if she calls you Mom or S.. Frankly, she may never be as close to her other MIL as she is to you, and if you don't mind, then don't change what isn't broken. Let her determine how many moms she has.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Just tell her what you told us.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

Let her call you what SHE feels comfortable calling you.
The fact that she will have a new mil does not change how she feels about you.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions