My Daughter Won't Share...

B.:

It would seem that the real problem (in the incident that you described) was the scratching, not the sharing. Children that age do not understand the concept of sharing. Yes, you can start teaching them to share (letting her cousin play with the toy for a few minutes, giving it to her saying "we share with our friends", and then giving it back to him....) however, they will not "get it" until closer to two years. The scratching however, can lead to bigger problems. You might want to say something like, "we do not hurt our friends", and put her in a time-out spot.
A. L

It is not developmentally appropriate to expect a 16 mo. old to share. They just don't have that 'world view' yet. And you can't 'make' them understand it either.

At this stage of the game really all you can do is stay close by and intervene - if she may injure younger children.

I was trying to think of a really good child dev. book for you to take a look at - but I can't seem to come up with a title that would cover it- Dr. Sears has some great stuff. I am sure that Brazelton and Leach both cover it as well. I even think the book "what to expect the Toddler years" might also have some good information in that regard. Hopefully one of those books appeals to your parenting style in other respects.

She's only 16 months old. She doesn't have the gray matter to understand the concept of sharing. Give her some time.

She's too young to understand the concept of sharing. However, here are 2 of the basic rules at my house - you may not take a toy from another child, no matter what your age; and you may not hurt (bite, scratch, etc.) another person, no matter what your age. We've struggled with my 14 month old biting. He gets immediate room time (1 minute in his crib) and as we're on our way back I tap his teeth and say "no biting." It seems to have helped a lot.

When my daughter was 11 months old I started babysitting a friend's baby during the week. She had to "share" her toys in that the other baby could play with any of her toys, but if she was playing with something the baby wanted I didn't make her share at that moment. If it was an issue I would get the baby interested in another toy, or get them both interested in something else. I did not let my daughter ever take a toy away from the other baby, though.