Hi N., Having been that child you are describing I can speak from personal experience and I have a lot to say on the subject. There are several things that may be going on. At her age there is a feeling of ownership of her bodily "parts", so when she can see it in the potty, and especially if she sees you flush it down the toilet, she feels a part of her has been taken away. However screaming is not acceptable. It’s a tantrum (power) or pain and you need to know which. Check her bowel movements to make sure they are “normal” and she’s not constipated. Give her much more fiber to eat if you suspect the latter. Children who refuse to “potty’ can actually cause a blockage and polyps that is painful. Toilet training is very personal in families and there is NO right way. We made a long drawn out move across country right at my younger son’s 2nd birthday. Potty training stopped and diapers came back on because we were traveling. Once we were settled, it took 2 weeks of consistency and it was done. Your child is at a controlling age and rebellion is in full force. Toileting is not something you want to battle over as forcing potty training can lead to digestive problems and eating disorders. Timing, PATIENCE and some of the professional tips I’ve excerpted here should help. Put the word toilet in the search box at http://www.zerotothree.org and choose the first article.
When children are going through a significant change or several changes at once (see list below) it might be smart to hold off on adventures in potty training. At these times, children often feel overwhelmed and sometimes lose skills they have already learned or were making progress on, like potty training. Not a good time to start training includes:
An upcoming or recent family move or simply a change in parent’s schedule
Beginning new or changing existing child care arrangements.
Switching from crib to bed.
When you are expecting or have recently had a new baby.
A major illness, a recent death, or some other family crisis.
If your child is in the middle of potty training during a stressful time and seems to be having more accidents than usual, know that this is normal. Your child needs all of your patience and support right now. She will return to her previous level of potty training once things have gotten back to normal.
It can be helpful to think of potty training as a process in which both you and your child have your own “jobs” to do.
It is the parent’s responsibility to create a supportive learning environment. This means that you:
Recognize that your child is in control of his or her body
Let your child decide whether to use the potty or a diaper/pull-up each day
Teach your child words for body parts, urine, and bowel movements
Offer your child the tools she needs to be successful at toileting (such as a small potty, potty seat, stool, etc.)
Expect and handle potty accidents without anger
Avoid punishment as well as too much praise around toilet use. (This can make children feel bad when they aren’t successful.)
It is your child’s responsibility to:
Decide whether to use the toilet or a diaper/pull-up
Learn his body’s signals for when he needs to use the toilet
Use the toilet at his own speed
Finding a toilet training method that works for your family is the key. No matter how you do it, remember this is a learning process that takes time, with many accidents along the way. Being patient is the best way you can support your child as she learns.
Toddlers are all about trying to gain some control over their world. They are using their growing physical, thinking, and language skills to gain some power over themselves, their bodies, and their surroundings. This natural and healthy desire for control can lead to power struggles, as children quickly figure out that one way to feel in charge is by refusing to do something they know their parent wants them to do. And for better or worse, learning to use the potty is way up there on most parents’ list of what they really, really, really want their children to do—and children quickly pick up on that. (Just picture mom and dad clapping and jumping up and down when they see their child’s first bowel movement in the potty.) Toilet training is particularly ripe for power struggles because it is so tied up with toddlers wanting to have control over their own bodies.
So it’s important to approach toilet training matter-of-factly and without a lot of emotion. Think of it as just another skill you are helping your child learn. If you show anger or disappointment when it’s not going well, or overwhelming joy when it is, it lets your child know this is something you want him to do badly. Refusing to do it becomes a very powerful way for your child to feel in control. The more emotional you are, the more it shows your child how much it matters to you that he use the potty.
It is also very important not to force your child to use the potty because it can cause intense power struggles. These power struggles sometimes lead to children trying to regain control over their bodies by withholding urine or bowel movements. This can create physical problems, like constipation. So if you are starting to see power struggles developing over potty training, it might help to take the pressure off. Stop talking about potty training or doing anything about it for a little while, until your child shows signs of readiness and interest again.
Many parents wonder about offering rewards for using the potty—a sticker, an extra sweet, or a little toy every time their child is successful on the toilet. While these kinds of rewards may encourage progress in the short run, the concern is that for some children, the pressure of “success” in the form of the reward creates anxiety or feelings of failure when they have a (very normal and even expected) potty accident. The other risk is that the use of rewards for toileting can lead children to expect rewards for doing almost anything—finishing a meal, brushing teeth, etc. When parents are matter-of-fact about potty training and don’t make a big deal about it, children are more likely to follow their own internal desire to reach this important milestone.
Having just read response about the clear substance I had to add this: The clear substance was most likely mineral oil given to children 20 or more years ago. It is still prescribed HOWEVER the mineral oil of today can be a dangerous substance taken internally and it throws the digestive system out of balance. There is a safe herb called slippery elm available in capsule form at your better health food stores (Vitamin Shoppe $6.99 for 100 capsules, Herbal Planet types, NOT GNC or WalMart) that will correct any digestive or elimination problem and is safe for all ages. Her doctor caused my mother's esophagus to be completely ulcerated from Fosamax over several years. He didn't listen to her monthly complaints of pain on swallowing to the point she could not eat. It's the first DANGER sign in the info supplied with the pill. We took her off in her early 80's and it took 2 years of a good organic diet, slippery elm, good immune support, lots of probiotics and pribiotics but her esophagus was healed and she could eat anything with comfort. Slippery elm keeps my 89 year old father regular (he takes 6 capsules daily) and keeps his colon clean and healthy. It will heal any digestive problem from the mouth to the anus and does it safely and comfortably.
