My Daughter Picked Out a New Pair of Frames That I'm Not So Happy About

Updated on September 29, 2019
R.W. asks from Flushing, NY
22 answers

I took my almost 10 year old daughter to the eye doctor yesterday to pick out a new pair of frames. She picked a pair that I am definitely not crazy about. I tried to be as supportive as possible to try not to push a different pair. She seemed to really like this specific pair of frames. The optician assured me that these type of frames were pretty popular among kids this age (colored translucent frames). This morning I keep thinking about how I really don't like the frames she chose. I'm trying very hard to keep my opinion to myself cause I don't want her to second guess her choice. What would you have done? Would you have kept quiet and let your child pick what he/she liked regardless of your opinion, or would you have given your opinion, trying to sway your child to pick something different? My daughter is very independent, so I want to encourage that but I'm not a huge fan of her choice. I know it's just a fashion thing, but she has such a pretty face, these new frames don't do it justice. But I let her pick what she wanted, I'm just not so thrilled about it. She's been wearing glasses less than a year. Her current frames are gorgeous (which is why I'm making a big deal over this) but her new frames just seem too big for her little face. I'm trying very hard not to say anything because I don't want her to feel bad about her decision. I just don't get this new trend. I'm so not into the large translucent look. I just really don't like the way she looks in them. They are just too big!!! She seems happy with them though. I just really don't like them. Should I say something to her or keep keeping my mouth shut? I just don't want to give her a complex.....

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers



answers from Houston on

Do not say anything. If she likes them then that is all that matters. She is wearing them not you.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

As long as the optician felt they were appropriate, I would be quiet and let her have her choice. I wore glasses as a child and my mom would tell the optician to pick out the ones that were the right size and price range and the choice was up to me. I did the same for my daughter who wore glasses. I really cringed inside at one of her choices but all of her friends thought they were cool. Don’t battle the things that aren’t important like clothes, haircuts or glasses.

5 moms found this helpful

More Answers


answers from Washington DC on

you can't have it both ways. either it's her choice or your choice.

you did good by letting her pick. don't blow it by getting all controlly now.

if you can't stand for your kids to have opinions and tastes that don't mirror yours exactly, then don't let them have the freedom to choose.

the problems that would arise from that will give you lots of new MP questions.


8 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Why let her choose if you are just going to make her get something you want anyway? My youngest always picked out her own glasses and that's what we got. Did I like all her choices? Nope. But she loved them and wore them and really that's all that mattered.

So keep your mouth shut on this and let her be. Don't undermine her by thinking you always know what's best for her. At some point she'll be making choices on her own and you want to let her know she can trust herself.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on


This is where you keep your mouth shut.
Just like hair cuts and some clothes...they learn on their own.

SHE likes them. You MUST keep that in mind. SHE likes them. SHE has to wear them NOT YOU.


8 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

Keep your mouth shut. Let her be who she wants to be, she is her own person after all, not just an extension of you. Adults always seem put off by the fashion choices of the young, it has always been that way.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Don't say anything. Why does she need to accentuate her pretty face anyway? She is a CHILD. Yes, I get that as mothers we always want our kids (boys too) to look their best. But honestly looks are the LAST thing kids need to be concerned about. And trust me, once she's in middle school you'll be missing the days when her every decision isn't focused on how she will "look" :-(

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Denver on

I think that the optician would have made a comment if they were not medically the right size for her or her prescription.

My daughter has picked out frames I wasn't too crazy about either, but really - they're glasses, not a tattoo or another similar choice that is permanent.

I would encourage you to be glad that your daughter has her own sense of style, and the confidence to wear glasses. There have been many posts on this site from mothers who are begging for advice because their kid refuses to wear his/her glasses.

Relax. In a year or so there will be another frame trend, another color, another style. Keep your opinion to yourself. Your daughter is probably not into several things that you wear, frankly. If you wear glasses, she may think they really don't do anything for you. We're not supposed to tamp down every innocent choice our kids make. Save that for the serious discussions.

I'm sure it's nice that your daughter has a pretty face, but seriously, that is not what's important in this life. Confidence, kindness, persistence, joy, willingness to share - those are the traits you should be focusing on, not a face behind a pair of glasses. Those positive personality traits will be far more visible - and important - than whether her prettiness is apparent behind the glasses.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Santa Fe on

No, do NOT say anything! Younger generations have always had their own style that the older generation may not like. It's great you let her pick what she wants. It is important for her to be her own person. Your daughter is not you. Your daughter has her own likes and her own style that is not the same as you. I know the style of glasses you mean and I think it's cute...very hipster. Leave her alone and with time hopefully you will get used to the new glasses. PS - It kind of sounds like you are obsessing over you often do this? Let it go! Good luck. PS - I have the opposite taste as my mom. She used to give me things I hated and would never use/wear for Christmas or my birthday. Then when I was around age 30 she started giving me things I thought were great. She said, I hated it so I knew you would like it. Hilarious!

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

When I was that age my mom would pick a selection - and I could pick from the group she selected.
Flattering size and shape and color were all considered against my coloring, shape of face, etc.
I got to make more choices as I got older.
Glasses frames can be expensive - what ever she picks she's going to have to live with for awhile.
Since she chose something already - leave it be for now - but next time do a bit more steering.
A lot of young kids do not make flattering choices.
Either she'll continue to like them or she'll grow to hate them.
You'll just have to see how it turns out.

After 4th grade my eyes got rapidly worse,
Some years I needed a new prescription every 6 months - and the eye doctor was telling my mom 'she's not just one step away from where she was - she's 3 steps away and really can't see anymore with what she got 6 months ago'.
By 7th grade my lenses were very thick - they didn't have the light weight plastics back then.
In 8th grade I got contacts - and at the time it was unusual for a 13 yr old to be wearing contacts.

For some kids they do contacts at younger ages now so maybe your daughter will do that in the next few years.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Abilene on

I’ve been wearing glasses for 50 years. If the optician didn’t have an issue with them, more than likely they’re fine. Most opticians will comment if the glasses don’t fit properly.

I think she’s old enough to make her own choices in style. I cringe over some of the pics I had in 4th grade, but hey, it was the beginning of confidence building.

I say keep your opinion to yourself and don’t make her feel like she made the wrong choice (passive/aggressive).

Like another poster suggested, next time, if you’re still wanting to control this, choose a few frames and let her choose between those. I believe she should be able to choose for herself though.

My son is 15 and wanted purple hair. I wasn’t crazy about it (he’s a beautiful ginger) but he was excited. I told him he can choose his hair color during the summer, and he went purple. He decided it wasn’t for him and now there’s no purple left. I was glad he came to the realization and I’m glad I decided it was just hair, why not?

Point being they have to know you’re confident they are capable of good decisions. That’s where they will get a lot of their self confidence. If they choose something they regret, that’s okay too! Another great teaching opportunity and the realization they can recover from choices they wish they hadn’t made.

Enjoy her at this age. In the twinkling of an eye, it will all change and you’ll wish the only thing you had to think about is how her glasses look. ❤️

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

At this point (you can't return right?) I'd keep mouth shut. I'm sure she looks cute in them - she sounds cute and so she probably would look sweet in any.

The way I typically go about big purchases (we don't have any in glasses but I wore them as a kid), is I give a few options, and I let them pick from within those I'm ok with. That way anything way out there, that I know they won't like in a few weeks, or is a fad/just something a kid in their class likes, won't be part of the selection process.

I had a pair of burgundy huge glasses as a kid (think that with a perm) that my mother allowed me to have - and when I asked her what she was thinking she said "Well, that's what you asked for". The thing is, I think sometimes we have to step in.

The ones you're describing here, don't sound like huge burgundy hideous ones that will be an embarrassment years to come. They sound fine. If they're a tiny bit bigger than you'd like, it's probably because you're used to the ones she was wearing before, and remember, those might have been a bit small if her face has grown in the past year. I'm sure the optician knows what they are doing.

My question (curiosity) is - did her prescription change that much that she needed a new pair within a year? I had really bad eyesight as a kid (starting around age 7). I used to get a bit more wear out of my glasses is all. Just curious (not really relevant to the question).

I would let it go. She'll probably be wearing a new pair before you know it at this rate, and in future, maybe just have a tad more say (without her realizing) if you are dead set against a certain style - but definitely let her have some input. She does have to wear them. You want her to feel comfortable in them :)

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Come on, seriously? Keep quiet. Or better yet, learn to embrace your daughter's independence and fashion choices. If she likes them, that's all that matters. Get over yourself!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Oh my - you want her to be herself and be independent, but not if she doesn't look pretty or make the choices you would have in her case? That sounds contradictory to me.

She's growing up and asserting her independence. That's good. You want her to be her own person and be strong, right? And you probably want her to be strong enough to resist societal pressure or the pressure of peers (especially boys) on what makes a girl attractive and why that's somehow paramount. We cannot continue to raise our girls thinking that their looks are the best things about them.

Let it go. My feeling is that hair, clothing and accessories are immaterial, and a great place for a kid to express herself. Assuming she can see out of them and that she takes care of them (puts them in a case at night, etc.), she's fine. Clothing - same thing. Assuming she's relatively decently dressed for a specific occasion and that her shoes fit right and secure properly, let her choose her colors and styles. Short of tattoos and major body piercings, let her choose her accessories by herself. If she changes her mind the next time around, fine. If she doesn't, then she's made her choice.

You're going to be fighting a lot of battles through the tween and teen years. Choose them wisely.

I get that you hate them. It's okay that you hate them. Better that you think she chooses friends wisely and makes wise choices for safety.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Uh, yeah, keep your mouth shut. You have done it so far -- good choice. Your daughter likes the frames, and you are really going to make a big deal about looks or her "pretty face?" Is a pretty face all that's important in a female? Yikes.

Stop focusing on your daughter's looks. I'm glad you asked for advice before you mentioned this to her.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Kalamazoo on

Find something else to worry about. Let her wear the glasses she likes.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Bellingham on

Your daughter sounds amazing. In a world that is so much about conformity and following the crowd, we must be as supportive as possible when our children make decisions that set them apart and reflect their individuality. As a mother of 9 and 16 year old daughters, I spent (and spend) so much of my time trying to teach them how to be leaders and not followers and to choose what they like, not just what others, their friends, or peers like. For example, my 9 year old just started tap dance...did we want her to choose something "cooler" like hip hop or "classy" like ballet? lol Maybe...but she was dying to tap, so we signed her up and she loves it. Now, she has gone through several stages and flavors of the week and we know that at her age her choices, styles, likes and dislikes are fragile - some stick and some die out after a month or so (like the violin she desperately wanted to play...for 3 weeks) and the not so attractive dress she wanted sooo bad...that is now collecting dust in the back of her closet after one wear. Celebrate her glasses - the big frames are really back in so she is certainly "on trend" and in a year she may need new ones and guaranteed she will move on to a different style. All the best, A Mom of Four

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

SHE is wearing them. NOT YOU. Keep your mouth shut.

As to your focusing on " I know it's just a fashion thing, but she has such a pretty face, these new frames don't do it justice." I find that sad, very, very sad. You're focusing on "outside" beauty and not what she brings to the table.

I hope you're not the mom who watches her every bite and warns her not to get too heavy... stop focusing on her outer beauty and the beauty from within.


4 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

My oldest started wearing contact lenses at 10 yo my youngest was in 3rd grade when she started wearing contact. Just something you may want to consider.

Personally, I have Never found a pair of glasses I look nice thankful for contacts.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Antonio on

My 12 year old picked out frames that I thought, "wow my grandfather wore those in the 40s and my spinster aunt wore them in the 50s &60s, ewwww."

You know what...she LOVES them and I am seeing them everywhere, celebrities, artists, most of the kids at her school that wear glasses. She is trendy...not MY kind of trendy but HERS.

She loves wearing them and gets tons of compliments on them.

I'm glad I kept my mouth shut. And at the rate she is growing we will be replacing them in 6 months to a year anyways. Who knows what is in store for her over a life time of weaing glasses...???

Hugs, Mama just let her be her!!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Miami on

Pull out your old high school yearbook, look at the pictures and show her yours. Point out people you knew. I’ll bet there are big glasses in there too, even some funky hair?

Perhaps she will think about crazy looking glasses from looking at those yearbook pictures. Don’t tell her that this is why you are showing them to her.

Don’t go any farther than this. Other than price, it’s not your call.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

It okay, it is best to let her choose, because it is her pair and if she likes it, she could choose it. Also, what you like might not be what she likes and what she likes might not be what you like. You should ask your daughter on if she really wants it.

1 mom found this helpful
For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us