My Daughter Is a 7 Year Old Diva, This Normal?

Give her rewards for what she accomplishes. If she picks up something you asked then when you guys are on the way home from school the next day say "Hey, I noticed you did what I asked, thank you, wanna go get an ice cream from McDonalds?". Then let it drop. The more you praise her for after the fact the more she should want to get that praise and rewards. If it is laid out like a bribe she won't fall for it. If you say "Clean your room and then we'll go to McDonalds" she'll focus on going there and not do anything but have a melt down. It should be spontaneous sounding and not at all regular.

I often sit and color with my granddaughter, my hubby plays play-doh with her. There are all kinds of rewards out there and your time is one she wants, just maybe not at school....

Also, she is still at an age where they can't remember their head if it's not attached. She needs clear cut instructions. She might do well to have a to-do list posted on her mirror or wall.

Like:
To clean my room I need to pick one type toy and put all of those in their home.
(IE all the Barbies in the Barbie tub. All the books back on the bookshelf.)

List the tasks she needs to do, pick up toys, put dirty clothes in the laundry hamper, etc...whatever she needs to do needs to be listed in simple easy to follow steps.

One thing that may help (If you're not already doing it -- maybe you are) is being very explicit with her about what you expect.

For instance: Did you say "Go clean up your room" or did you say something more like, "Please get all your dirty clothes into the hamper, then put all the books that are on the floor onto the shelves. After you've done those two things, call me and I'll come have a look."(Then you appear in 10 minutes to check up on her if she hasn't called you by then.) If the assignment was just "Clean up your room and I know you should know what that means," well, that can overwhelm some kids and they don't even know where to start so they flake out and do nothing instead. If you are very explicit about what needs to be done it is not only easier for her, it gives her a concrete place to start, and gives YOU something to find that's positive: "Great, I see that the clothes and books are where they're supposed to be! Thanks. Now, just make the bed and you're done. When you finish the bed, then call me to check that and then you can watch TV."

Catch her being good a lot; pick your battles and don't let everything turn into a power struggle, either.

And when she walks past you with no acknowledgement, wow, that's hard to deal with, I know! Figure out first if it's true diva-ness -- is she really purposefully ignoring you as a power play? Or does she do like my kid does and just get so into her own thoughts or something she is doing at that moment, or walking to another place to start doing, that she actually is just tuned out of everything? I think there's a big difference there in the intent. Yes, both are rude, but one is stone cold intentional and the other is a kid whose brain is fixed on something that is not mom's voice. Really try to figure which it is. If the former, you and she need to sit down at a time when she is calm and happy and not resistant, and talk about what the definition of respect is; it's not enough to say "You have to respect me." You can lay out for her the exact consequences if she does not stop, turn to face you, and do what you say, and then when it happens, follow through with the consequences you promised.

But if you think it may be the so-focused-I'm-not-here thing (my daughter does this), then you can go a bit easier. Be sure she looks at you when you speak to her and then ask her to repeat back what you say if you're asking her to do something. This usually gets my kid's attention.

My 6 year old, the middle child, is the princess diva supreme. This all started when her baby brother came home (go figure)... when she acts like that, I look at her and say 'EWWWW!!'... she knows now that means that her behavior is disgusting, and she knows if she gets smart or sasses again, it's game over, and I will take away everything she loves until she apologized. It took about a year (and lots of help from the schools guidance counselor) to get her back to 'normal kid status'... Hope it gets better soon, best wishes!

If she is exactly like you, can you remember what worked with you when you were her age? Can you remember how you felt at that age?

If not, maybe your parents have some good insight on what worked with you (if they were good parents).

My daughter is 12 (13 in Dec.) and she has always been a bit of a diva, too...and exactly like me in the stubbornness and attitude (not that I'm a diva in the least, but stubborn and quick tempered!) So, yes, we butt heads and my hubs and son are exactly alike (kids are 14 mos apart, too...how fun will that be in HS!) Anyway, as they get older, they do start to listen more. I think she is trying to let you know that she wants to be more independent? And I know how hard it is when rewards or losing things doesn't work (that's my son...does not care!) Keep having conversations w/ her...give her the space she needs (like at school) but keep on her about her responsibilities.

There has to be SOMETHING you can use as her currency. Sleepovers? TV time? And what I've done when I asked to get chores done and they just don't seem to be...stand in the doorway and give them step by step instructions (put that shirt away, put those books away, etc.) Sometimes, kids can't focus on the big picture and need it broken down more...and then walk away and say you'll be back in 5 minutes to see what was done, offer a reward/consequence...there has to be something! LOL!!!

It can be tough and so so frustrating...hang in there. Believe it or not, she'll grow up to be a better person for you having kept up on what you expect of her! Best of luck!!!!

:) I have a DIVA too!!!! ATTITUDE!!! There's got to be something that will get to her...maybe positives instead of negatives?? Not sure what you've tried. When my daughter starts getting "that way" and I've had about enough I call her "Lola" from the song that goes "whatever Lola wants, Lola gets" Except she KNOWS she's NOT Lola and she's NOT getting what she wants and she's about to cross the line. I've found MY daughters "hook" though...the things that affect her as punishment. Keep trying things and discussing her behavior when you are both calm. Reward good behavior. Good luck from the mother of a diva!!

I'm reading a book called Drive: 9 Ways... by Caffrey. I don't have a Diva, but I will (can boys be Diva's? :)) in a few years if I don't nip it in the bud now, which is why I got this book and several others (I like this one best so far). It talks about how to handle your types of situations, and TONS of other great stuff that I'm finding apply to both of my kids. One of the things I find most helpful with my almost 6 year old (yes, he's only 5 and I'm already worried), is offering him CHOICES. He is a control freak, and letting him control the situation a bit helps. Money is the only other 'bribery' that has ever worked with him (even with potty training). This book also talks about offering an allowance, but in an effective way.

Sounds like she knows exactly what she wants! There is nothing wrong with that. BUT, disrespecting you is NOT okay. You need to nip that in the bud right now. Enlist the help of your husband, since she doesn't act like this toward him. What does your husband do when she acts in a disrespectful way toward him? I know in my house, when either child attempts disrespect toward either parent, it's like their whole, entire world comes to a screeching halt. MAJOR consequences ensue - the taking away of privileges, the taking away of all forms of entertainment, after-school activities, whatever we have to do to make a BIG impression. My husband always rounds it out with a big, Italian-style lecture on respecting one's parents, delivered at full, Italian volume (and he's a big guy, so it's LOUD). Some people might say that our reaction is disproportionate to the "crime," but honestly, when your kids respect you and know that you are in charge of them, everything else goes better. Almost ALL misbehavior is due to a lack of respect for what their parents have asked of them, right? So in my mind, a blatant show of disrespect deserves a blatant show of what mommy's generosity has brought to the child, being taken away for a time (ballet lessons, play dates, iPods, computer time, a big TV, the ability to stay up past 8pm, etc etc etc). In a world where they don't respect me, I don't feel the need to do anything special for them! After a few memorable episodes of our girls testing to see if they REALLY had to respect us, and discovering that they did, we don't have many problems with getting them to do what we ask, the first time. So, that's what worked for us. And I will say, our girls are still very spirited, but they know where the boundaries of acceptable behavior are. :)

Just remember that you have to be her parent first... you can be her friend when she's 25 and not living in your house!

Set your limits, apply consequences and be consistent. Eventually she will realize that you mean business too, not just daddy. Don't get in an argument with her- she'll just drag it out to make her point.

Oh- totally normal to not want mom around by age 7. Most second graders ditch their parents at the door and don't look back!

I have four kids and I have found that they all go through an age of defiance. It is horrible! My sons both did it, one at 4 the other at 7, my daughter is doing it now at 3. I am not sure if 7 or 8 is typical for it but it does happen. The only thing I can say, is you have to find that one thing that gets her attention. I have found that taking things away is such a temporary solution as my kids have other stuff that will distract them. The one constant that works with all of them has been our couch believe it or not. No matter what is going on, they are sent to the couch immediately upon their defiance.

I can honestly say, in the beginning they would not go to the couch and a lot of times would get up before I released them, but they go there. I will pick them up and put them on the couch in the room where there is absolutely nothing for them to do. I look them in the eyes and tell them why they are the and what I expect. It is VERY short and to the point. I then give them around 5 to 10 minutes (I have heard the rule of one minute for each year of their age too), then if they are not carrying on or getting up, I go in and ask them if they understand why they are there. If they are nasty at all I leave them there without a word and go back in another 5 to 10 minutes. If they get up during couch time, I go get them, pick them up and put them back without a word. I have done this for a very long time before, it is exhausting, but I will not give up until they get that they are not getting off that couch until we come to an agreement - period!

The most important thing is to "out-will" them. You cannot cave at all and you have to do it every time there is an issue where they are not behaving as you expect. My daughter and I are VERY stubborn, and VERY strong-willed yet I cannot give up and let her win. It took me months on some issues but she does come around. You can get there too, just stick with it. You have years and wisdom on your side and she just knows she wants to figure out her limits.

I will let you know that unfortunately these issues present themselves more than once. You will find that you fix one and another one will pop up. Just stick with it, this is exactly why we are in charge of our children, so we can guide them, not the other way around. = )

Good luck!