My Daughter Is 10 Months Should We Try for Number 2?

Updated on October 21, 2008
H.C. asks from Choctaw, OK
22 answers

My daughter is almost 10 months old. We are first time parents and have fallen in love with parenthood. My husband wants our children to be very close in age, his own brother is 13 months older than him. My only brother is 7 years younger. I would also love for my kids to be close in age. I have recently started babysitting a 2 month old baby, which has been amazing. My daughter loves him and has had an easy transition with him around. We are starting to think about number two! My husband wants to start now. Which I am almost completely on board, my question is, for you moms that have children close in age, from 1 to 3 years apart, whether you planned it or was surprised, how is it? I know there will be hard times, but should we wait longer than starting right now? If we conceived immediately my kiddos would be almost 18 months apart. Any Any Any advice would be so greatful! Thanks

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So What Happened?

UPDATE: I HAD RECENTLY POSTED MY UPDATE OF SAYING THANKS FOR THE ADICE. I AM HAPPY TO REPORT THAT I AM 5 WEEKS PREGNANT. SEEMS THAT AROUND THE TIME OF MY REQUEST, GOD WAS TAKING CARE OF THE ANSWER HIMSELF. SO HERE GOES NOTHING!MY HUSBAND IS THRILLED AND I AM SUPER NERVOUS BUT COMPLETLEY EXCITED ABOUT ADDING TO OUR FAMILY. OUR PARENTS AND SIBLINGS ARE EXCITED AND I AM SURE THAT WE WILL HAVE LOTS OF SUPPORT. THANKS AGAIN! Thanks to everyone for the great advice. I definetly learned one thing, babies are rarely considered a HUGH mistake. I realized from all those that gave me advice, from children close in age to further apart, you dont love any child any less or regret having any of them. Although having kids close in age can be trying, you dont know what hardship you may have with any child or mulitiple children. Today I saw my doctor, he didnt see any problem with me trying to conceive immediately. We have decided to take it slow. We are not going to try to prevent a pregnancy, If by next summer we have not become successful it will be at that time that we put a little more effort into becoming pregnant. Thank you so much to all the advice. I really appreciate it. Hope you are all doing great!

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answers from Lafayette on

When my second child was 6 months old, I found out I was pregnant for my third. Not planned. My oldest was only 4, a boy. The other two are girls. At first I was upset because I was soooo tired. I didn't know how I would be able to handle it, but I did. My husband has always been a great help with the kids. Shopping trips alone with them were kind of tricky, so I would try to wait until my husband was home to watch them or get someone to come with me. Sometimes it was tough, but I would not change a thing. They are older now. My son is 15, and my daughters are 12, and 11. People ask if they're twins. They fight sometimes, but they really are close.

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answers from Montgomery on

I love having my children close together. We actually got pregnant with our sencond child, a boy, when my daughter was 10 months old. So they are 19 months old. My daughter is now two and a half and my son is 1 year old. They adore each other and play very well and have so much fun together. We are planning on having a third one soon because we want all of ours close together. I hope this helps. It is challenging and stressful once the baby is born with the transistion of rasing a 2 year old and taking care of a newborn, but well worth it! Good luck.



answers from Birmingham on

My oldest is 19 months older than my twins..I always tell people had we known it was going to be twins we would have waited, but I don't think that's really true..When the twins were first born yes it was hard having a 19 month old and TWO newborns but we did it...Now that they are 4 and 2 1/2 it is much easier..They play (or fight how ever you want to say it) together and for the most part get along great..The oldest one really looks out for his younger brother and sister if we are somewhere and there are other kids around..I'm really glad we had ours close together...



answers from Texarkana on

I little so soon your body needs to rest my children are 26 months apart except the fist two cause I was on birth control and missed one pill oh well but your body needs to rest some it might even be better to make it 36 months and if your ask your doctor he probable will say the same good luck I have 4 children



answers from Oklahoma City on


Wow, this is an issue that I'm sure you'll get lots of responses to, pro and con. I actually have children several years apart and close together. Our oldest son was only one month shy of nine when our second son was born. We thought we would never have anymore children and were so blessed to have our two boys. We had gone through years of infertility treatments and doctors appointments and the heartbreak of miscarriages associated with what they called secondary infertility. I was 25 when I had my first child, my second son was born on my 34th needless to say, my husband and I totally thought our family was complete. (I too married my high school sweetheart...:-)!) Well, when God has plans, they are sometimes the sweetest surprises of all...fifteen months later we had our beautiful baby girl. Followed two years two years later by another son and then one more quickly followed him. :-)
I'm not sure I'd suggest four under the age of six :-) But, I wouldn't trade it. For a mom who thought she might not ever be able to have another baby, I've been blessed greatly and I'm so thankful, each and every day for them.
In conclusion...personally...I would choose closer in age. In the younger stages, it's hectic and believe me there will be days you'll question your decision, but the fact that you and your husband are both on the same page and you love parenting, I say go with your heart. Listen to your instinct. All the advice is good, but in the end, it all comes down to you, your husband, your daughter and what's best for your family and what you want as a family.
I pray that God will direct you and guide you in your decision and you will have peace and joy (and fun) with your new addition...whenever he or she may join your family. :-)



answers from Biloxi on

My first three children are close in age. They are both 15 months apart. It was very hard very difficult. And those days are a bit of a blur to me now. But I wouldn't change it for the world. They are now 11, 10, and 9 and they are the closest friends you could ask for. They have their tiffs but they can't live without each other. The rest of my kids are all about 2 years apart and that was more managable. If you feel like you should have more right now my opinion is go for it!!! Maybe that is how they are meant to be. Good luck



answers from Tulsa on

I found out I was pregnant again when my first son was 10 months old - they will be 18 months apart. I talked with a number of mothers at church, including younger mothers and grandmothers, and they say it's a big challenge for the first 18 months, but then they play together and often become the closest friends. When your three-year-old and 18-month-old are really able to play together, you'll find you have time to use the toilet unaccompanied, or to do little things around the house easier, and you won't be called on as much to be entertainment. Or so I hear. I'm taking it on faith.

My husband has six siblings, and his father says that in many ways the transition to two kids is easier than the first, because you have experience caring for a child and it's just a matter of learning the new kid's personality. He says the real challenge is the third kid, because then they outnumber you!

Good luck - if you both feel ready to try again, I say go for it. Sometimes our gut is right when our heads maybe are confused. But don't go ahead unless you're both ready to accept and adjust to the circumstances. :)



answers from Jackson on

Hey, I have 2 boys that are fairly close in age. I found out I was pregnant with my second one right after my oldest turned 2. My youngest came 6 wks early, which makes my boys about 2.5 yrs apart. To me, it was harder being pregnant with a toddler than anything. Once I had both of them here, it was easier. They are very close and love each other very much. I do not regret having them close like that. It wasn't planned that way, but I am thankful that they are close in age and get along so well! I don't think anyone can really tell you what is best for your family, but it is nice to hear from others. I wish ya'll the best of luck!



answers from Texarkana on

My two oldest girls are 16 months apart(got pregnant on purpose when the oldest was 7 months old). It was hard on me, but mainly because I was so young. I hadn't really prepared myself for motherhood (my oldest was a bit of a surprise) and found it hard to handle the demands of a newborn without knowing fully what to expect from my 1 year old. Now, though, I am glad I had them so close together. They are really close, share a room, and play well together. I also have a 3 year old- 4 years younger than my middle child. I feel like she is missing out by not being closer in age to her sisters or not having a younger sibling here to play with. However, she and I are closer because I have more time to spend with her during the day instead of dividing my time between two toddlers. I think if you feel like you can handle it, go for it. It may be hard in the beginning but it's worth it- I think. Sorry I rambled. Good luck and God bless.



answers from New Orleans on

We intentionally tried to keep the kids close and they are about two years apart. I think it is perfect. The shock of no kids to your first infant is huge, but by the second baby you've definitely got a pattern and routine so it is not as difficult as you expect. Just because you have two babies doesn't make it TWICE as hard.

Now mine are 6 and 8. They play together very well. My sister has two boys that are 4 years apart and she says you shouldn't do it any other way. So, basically, you will find a rhythm with whatever you choose. You already sound like a natural.



answers from Tuscaloosa on

All of my kids were very cloce in age. They played together and they faught as all kids do. The thing that has made me thankful of the close ages has actually been being a grandmother. Since they were close so are the grands. I had my first 2 in 14 months. Then it was 3 years and 2 months for my third, but then came number 4 18 months later. I had my first at 20 and had my 4th just before I turned 26. I think they are less likely to be jealous when they are close together. My first grand is now 6 and had me all to herself until my daughter had her son in jan. she no more got over that child before she had to share me again in may. She is not as happy now and really does not like me holding the babies. Now she has to get used to another baby as my 4th child is now having her baby next jan. This has been hard on her and she still gets hurt. Ithink it is better to have them close that way they are used to sharing their parents and they have a playmate.



answers from Hattiesburg on

My children are 21 months apart. I personally thought it was too close, as it was very hard for me to handle them both in the grocery store, for instance. I had one in and Snugli and the other in the cart. It was just tough to have two so close in age. I think it is nice later on, but having 2 under age 5 is really hard on mom. It is hard on the body physically too to be pregant so close together. I would have preferred them about 4 years apart so I had more time to devote to each one individually. I did not work, but still felt that my daughter, the second born, did not receive the attention that she needed and would have had if the children were further apart.



answers from Oklahoma City on

Yes, if that is what you want to do!!! I have 2 girls who are 3 & 2, they are 15 months apart. They are best friends, they do fight as all siblings do, but they love each other so much. It is very sweet to watch them together. It was hard at the beginning, I will not lie about that, but it gets easier. I also just found out Friday that I am expecting #3. When my second was little my husband would take the oldest and they would go eat breakfast or go to the park and that would give me alone time with the new baby. I was a little scared when I found out I was pregnant so soon with my second, it was a surprise :), but I would not change it for anything!!!



answers from Baton Rouge on

I think it all depends on how you feel. I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old. I was pregnant when my oldest daughter was one and ended up having a miscarriage. During that pregnancy, my daughter did not like the fact that she was going to have a sibling. She would hit me and kick me in my stomach and say she hated me and the baby and many other things. Your daughter might be ok being around the other child because she knows that the baby does not live there and isn't there 24/7. Its different when it is a child living there full-time. All three pregnancies were a surprise but I am actually glad that it worked out the way it did.



answers from Oklahoma City on

My first 2 are 17 months apart. I was 34 when I had my first so I thought it might take a while to get pregnant (even though it happened the first month we tried for #1). We wanted them 18-24 months apart. Well we had the exact same luck with #2 & got pregnant immediately.

It was hard for the first 2 or 3 months with a small toddler & a newborn but having them be so close has been great. They have the same friends, play really well together & are into the same things. They're 3 & almost 5 now and will start school just one year apart.

My only regret is that I feel like my first missed out on being a baby. She seemed so grown up at 17 months compared to the new baby. When baby #2 was 17 months I realized what a baby #1 had been at that age. :(

Then a month after #2 turned 2 we unexpectedly became pregnant with #3 & what a huge difference having #2 and #3 them be 32 months apart is!! Both older girls understood and enjoyed the pregnancy & have been such great helpers with their new sister.

So both worked well in different ways for our family - but I don't think you would regret having them close. :)


answers from Fort Smith on

Hi H.,

My first 2 girls were planned and our 3rd was a surprise. My 2nd and 3rd are 14 months apart. It is very hard. I know once they get a little older it will be fine and fun. My oldest is 4 and a BIG help to me. I think I'd go crazy if she wasn't around to help me. ha! If we are home, it's ok, but when we go anywhere it's alot of work having to get the 2 small ones in and out of the car. My 2nd one is 17 months now and can walk, but I either have to old her while carrying the carrier w/the other one, or hold the carrier while bending down to hold her hand to walk.

Plus it is very hard on your body. My youngest is 3 months now and my body is still healing.

My husband and I do want one more, but we will wait at least 2 more years.

God Bless, D'Anne



answers from Pine Bluff on

There are so many different philosophies. My siblings and I were quite spread out. The gaps between my kids are 27 mos and three years. I love it. I met a mom yesterday who has a one-year-old and seven-week-old twins!! She looked very cheerful, relaxed, and glowing over her little family. (I could tell Dad helped out a lot and was very involved in parenting.) I don't know if this is applicable to you, but we just did a lot of praying and letting go of our decision making to let God be in control. He did some things that really weren't in our "plans" or even what we wanted (both giving us a child before we were ready and in giving us one after we thought we should have had him!), but they turned out being the best things imaginable for our family and the situations He placed us in. Everyone will give you very different advice on this (I haven't even read any other responses, so I don't know what advice you have.), but all in all this comes down to what you and your husband feel is right for YOU. Be bold and confident, and trust God with the rest.



answers from Fayetteville on

Our oldest will be 3 November 28th and we have an 8 month old as well. It was a bit hard in the beginning, just because I was trying to care for a newborn that needs attention 24 hours a day and trying to potty train a toddler, but my son was very good at entertaining himself, and sometimes he would climb up in the chair with me and baby brother and "read" a book for us. Now that the little guy is older, it is great.....they play together really well, and if I need to get a load of laundry done or do some dishes, big bubba loves playing with little bubba and making him laugh.



answers from Baton Rouge on

My oldest and middle sons are 20 months apart and it was very difficult when they were babies. Both of them in diapers and both always wanted Mom. It was a constant battle for my attention especially when they were sick. And of course they always got sick at the same time. I was a stay at home mom for 10 years with them and we added a new addition when the youngest was in pre-school. In both situations there are pros and cons so ultimately it is a personal decision. My boys are 12, 11 and 6. They fight amongst themselves a lot but they are all 3 loving and caring children. I don't feel like I got to spend the quality time with the older two as I did with the third one. It was just the two of us (youngest and myself) until he went to school and it was great.



answers from Alexandria on

The choice is completely up to you. My husband and I decided to have our kids two years apart. It can be crazy sometimes, well most of the time, but that is how we wanted it. I personally think 2 years is just enough between them for us, but I know people who have less of an age gap and love it. It's one of those things you wont really know if it works for you until you try it. Just make sure you are really ready for another, because sometimes it only takes one try :) Good luck!



answers from Tulsa on

I have 2 boys, they are 5 1/2 years apart. I thought by having my kids farther apart, that they wouldn't fight near as much, LOL. Man was I was wrong. They fight about anything and everything. My youngest thinks he should get to do everything his big brother does which is sometimes unfair to my oldest. But eventhough my children are 5 yrs apart they are very close and my oldest is an excellent big brother but I think there are more advantages to having them close in age. Christmas and Birthdays for example, they get toys that are age appropriate for them but my youngest at 5 thinks that it's so unfair that big brother has a cell or a mp3 player when he got remote controls or movies. Now my 5 yr has a 10 yr old attitude. He has just gotten too big too fast.
Just do what feels right, your kids are going to fight no matter what, lol.
Best of wishes to you and your little family



answers from Jonesboro on

Hello H.! You'll probably get amillion responses to this but I wanted to share my own experience. My husband and I had MANY difficulties conceiving and maintaining a pregnancy. After many years, fertility drugs and surgery to fix a malformation with my uterus we had our first son in October of 2004 after 10 years of marriage and 5 years of trying. He is the most amazing little boy ever!!! We knew we wanted another baby and were concerned about the time it took to conceive the first one. I had just turned 30 when we had our first and if it took another 5 years I knew we would be over 35. Anyway we started trying when my son was 4 months old and it took a year to get pregnant with him making them 22 months apart. It was the best decision we ever made!! We had our second son in August of 2006. They are now 2 and 4 and are so good with each other. Now don't get me wrong they have there moments but I think it was the best thing we ever did. Big brother looks out for him and, although he does pick on him, he does not want anyone else to do that. It was a little rough at first but once the baby started sleeping better it was easier. And because they are so close in age the younger one is learning so much from the older one. He talked early, walked early, most all of that kind of thing he does early because he has his big brother to learn from! I say if you want them close together go for it!! It was the best thing we ever did!

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