My Child Was Bit at Daycare

My three year old started preschool this year and was bit last week. I was so upset, but realized it happens what can you do. You cannot keep moving them from place to place. It really is not the parents fault some kids are just biters. Mine have not been, but I have friends who's kids are biters and they are great parents. This child will outgrow it. If you feel that uncomfortable about it then move her, but it is not fair to expect the other child to find new daycare.

Hi L.,

I am a SAHM but if my children were ever bit in any situation I would be very upset. I know children do this but there are ways to stop the behavior. First, she needs to keep your child separated from the biter until the biter has "outgrown" this phase and if she does not, your child will likely become the "biter" since this is now what she has been taught.....
Second, do you know for sure the sitter is telling the parents? Even if so, there is not much the parents can do when they are not there to stop the behavior in the first place.

Third, if the biting continues and the parents do not take their child elsewhere than make sure you let the babysitter know you will take your child somewhere else if it happens again. More than likely if she knows you are going to take your child somewhere else, she will do whatever it takes to make sure it never happens again!

Your child should be 100% safe in her care and she should be watching them closer to help prevent the behavior.
How many children is she watching total?
If it's only a few then this should not be happening. If she has more than she can handle, she needs to reduce the number of children she is caring for.
Good luck and I feel so bad for your little baby.
I hope everything gets worked out!

I teach young children and it does happen. Usually it is teething or communication issues--not having the words to express needs or feelings appropriately. we shadow the known biter and stop then as needed. tell them what to say or do. we keep them close to us--we they are no longer biting, they can have more freedom to be out of our reach. if teething, they need pain relief so they are not hurting and grumpy. also, use time out when it happens--sitting in a chair or playpen. and make sure no one is playing biting games at home.

I agree with Cindy's post. Every daycare is going to have biters, which means kids will be bit. It is one of the negatives of childcare. My 2 1/2 year old gets bitten and unfortunately he also bites back. I feel that I put my kid in the situation by choosing to work. I am not going to get mad at other kids who bite him. Most kids don't know better. They are learning to communicate and some unfortunately communicate by biting. Most kids grow out of this stage by three. I do understand your concern and wish you the best of luck.

Take it from me, an experienced Preschool Administrator, biting happens. It's awful. It's emotional, and no one likes it. The most important thing is the caregiver's attitude and response to it.

She definately needs to be on top of it, but the reality is when there are a group of kids together, it's impossible to prevent at times, and cannot always be predicted; although there are certain behaviors that can be precursors.

If you trust your caregiver, and feel she is attentive, and is supportive and is intervening appropriately you will likely have to patiently wait this out. It generally goes away. Be aware however, any child has the propensity to bite. It's a developmental thing.

Talk to your caregiver, and let her manage it. I suggest you google "biting", or "toddler" behavior and read up on biting.

Another thing; today it's biting, next week it might be hitting, or throwing blocks, or numerous other things.

Do keep an eye on it, but understand it's part of child care, and part of growing up. Hang in there.

I taught toddlers while in college and biting was common. It would happen in the blink of an eye. Most times right in front of you. The parents of the victim were always irate. However, it wasn't long before their child had bit someone too. So please be cautious about over-reacting because you dd might need a little mercy the next time around.
Anytime you have small children together for long periods of time, this is likely to occur.

Just wanted to echo was most others said, that biting is an unfortunate fact of childhood for some, sadly. Also, your daycare provider really should not have given you so much information about the child who bit. Take it from me - I've seen two mothers (one actually witnessed a child do something to her child) get into a screaming fit in front over everyone and the police had to be called. I'm not saying in a million years that you would do this, but it does put everyone involved in an akward situation. Imagine if your daughter had bit, hit, kicked, other otherwise upset a child, and their parent knew all about it, including what past wrongdoings your child had done.

If the biting does get out of control, however (think: multiple bites happening frequently) I would be more likely to think that there was something more the daycare provider should be doing. Children bite when they are in pain from teething, frustrated and need help to resolve the situation, or bored. In a structured environment with a known biter kept close by, incidences of biting can be greatly reduced.

L....I have a 15 month old son too so I know your concerns here. A 15 month old isn't really able to defend themself yet but they will learn. I would caution you not to overreact. You never know when your child might become the biter, hitter etc. Moving the other child to another daycare is only a temporary fix. I guess I would wait and give it a little more time before demanding a move. If you are too uncomfortable then you always have the option of moving your child. I know as a momma you want to protect but this is just part of them growing up and socializing and learning how to survive even if it isn't any fun.

I am a child care provider and what I do when that comes up is make that child my best friend. He has to stay by my side at all times. Give him something to do away from the other kids. Both of the parents and provider need to constantly tell that child, "NO BITING" I mean really drive the point home daily until the child stops. If the biter is doing the biting because he wants something the other child has both parties need to give him a phraise to use when the child wants something. This will work best if the 2 1/2 yr old is able to speek clearly. Tell him to say, "May I have that when your done please." Then you tell the child he has to wait until the child is done with the toy and he will have to find something else until the other child is done with it, "NO BITING". Also I pin a cloth bib on him so he can't get it off so he always has it by him when he needs to bite and tell him to use this to bite on if he gets mad. Show the child how to do this. I also wright up the incident and a plan of action. What the provider plans on doing and have the parents agree and sign it. The child should not be put with the other children without the provider right by his side until she sees there has been no signs of biting but sometimes the only way to find out if the child has stopped biting is to put him back with the kids. Sometimes it happens again and they will have to do this again.
I had this situation and the child has not bitten in a long time a few months then yesturday he bites a child. It was less intense of a bite so he is improveing but is having priveledges take away.
Good luck to you.
Lonie

I have several years of experience working in daycare. I would not suggest talking to the parent. Your sitter should not have even told you who bit her, or how many times that child has bit other kids. As a childcare provider, I was never allowed to speak with one parent about another child. It is the sitter's responsibility to speak with the parent of the child, and how to handle this.

Unfortunately, biting is a typical phase that many children go through. You need to focus on how the childcare provider is handling the biting incidents while the children are in her care. She should try to find out why the child is biting, and do everything she can to prevent any future incidents. You need to make sure that she has a plan on how to handle biting. Some children hit when they are frustrated, others bite. She can go online and find many resources on how to handle children who do bite.

I would try not to hold a grudge against the girl who bit your daughter, or her parents. I know it's hard, but it's best to just let it go for now. The parents of the little girl are probably just as frustrated as you are, if not more, because it's their daughter who is hurting others. If it continues to be a problem, then talk with the sitter again.

You're right that this will happen in even the best childcare situations. It's simply the nature of kids this age (even 4 and 5 yr olds bite, so it's an issue for a few years down the road). Your sitter needs to have a biting policy, and she needs to let parents know what action will be taken for both the biter and the bitee. Encourage her to check local daycares and ask their policies on biting. From what I remember about daycares I know, one policy was that parents get called to take the biter home immediately. This was for older kiddos though (preschool -- age 3-5). Others might be a "3 bites and you're out" rule. Just have her check on it. In fact, the state liscensing board may have some advice on it. The other things she needs to have in place are 1) what is her disciplinary action when it happens (probably time out on a chair or in a playpen), and 2)what sort of precaution is she taking to prevent these things. I know that even in the best situations, biting will happen. It's very quick, and can hapen right in front of your eyes. However, she can help minimize it. Does the biting happen at certain times? Maybe just before nap when everyone is tired? Maybe there's a way to keep the kids separate (playpens) while she changes diapers, etc. to get everyone ready for nap... Maybe some kids need to go down earlier... If one kid in particular keeps getting bit, she needs to do her best to keep those two separate, etc. It's important to share her disciplinary tactics with parents, because parents should follow through with similar tactics at home to help stop the problem.
If all else fails though, and despite her best efforts there is still a lot of biting, she'll have her policy to fall back on, and she should be prepared to expel a kid.

L.~
Coming from someone who's child was also the bitee, it will stop. My son has been at the same sitter since he was 4 months old (he will be 19mths next week)and I couldn't imagine him being anywhere else. The thing with us was that it was the sitter's dd who was the biter. I showed up to get him one day the little girl bit him 3 times. Does your daughter defend herself in any way? Not saying it's right but does she bite back or push the other little girl away? I know when my son got old enough and big enough to defend himself, the biting stopped. My sitter is awesome and did EVERYTHING to get the behavior to stop; she bit back, time outs, soap, vinegar and hotsauce in the mouth, spankings, and popping her in the mouth. She sitters dd has since outgrown this behavior, but I am a firm believer that it's because Jackson now defends himself before the bite can occur.

One of the other posters said that if the biting doesn't stop then your dd will become the biter, not true, well not in my case. Jackson has never shown any inclinations to bite others. If you are unsure that the sitter is telling the other parent, ask the sitter if she would have an issue with you talking to the parent of the biter. It's just hard for the other parent since they aren't there to correct the behavior. Ultimately you are the one who has to decide what is best: wait it out to see if it stops, see if the biter's parents pull the child out of the sitter, or take your dd to someone else. If you do take her somewhere else, just remember that it can still happen there.

Good luck, but trust me, it does get better when she defends herself towards the biter!

If you want to know anything else from my experience with biting, PM me.

~J.

I think that you might be over reacting a little. I am a SAHM but my daughter used to go to daycare and biting happens. It just seems to be a phase that kids go through, but the little girl will eventually get over it. As long as the child is not breaking the skin, the child is not doing it every day, and the child care provider is saying something to the mom and child then I think you will be fine. I know it is hard to see your child hurt, but try and rough it out.

My daughter was the biter and the bitey on some occasions, and from experience time out worked wonders. Good luck

my 3 yr old daughter was bitten in a womens gym day care setting.
I got into the 3 yr olds cute little face, showed her her own teeth marks on my daughters arm and told her 'NO NO NO BAD BAD BAD. I didn't touch the biter didn't yell at her just said those words. I complained to the manager of the gym and to the girls babysitting. Asked who the mother was and told the mother her child had bitten mine.
come to find out, the mother was asked not to bring the child back. She had bitten several other kids.
go to the source don't let it linger. People need to be aware of the situation, and don't let it fester.
The mom of the biter needs to know, the caretaker needs to take action, and the child needs to know that is not acceptable.