My Career, Family and Life

Updated on September 28, 2010
M.S. asks from Lenexa, KS
6 answers

Hey Ladies ~ I am 34 years old with a 20 month old son and a 4 year old daughter, married six years and I work full time. I am in the Hospitality industry and in a brief description I am an Event Manager. I have been in this industry since my 20's and have always enjoyed what I do. I took a new job last summer that has demanded much of my time. More than I anticipated and unfortunately there were several months where I was so busy I was working non-stop. It has caused tension between my husband and I as I don't feel he supports my career because he hates how much I work. He also feels that my career is to blame for my four year old's craziness (not listening, very sassy). I love my career and am having a hard time understanding how to feel and how to handle this situation. Please don't get me wrong, I love my family and do always put them first. Again, there were several months were my job demanded more of me and I was not home. My job has calmed down a lot and there is usually only one night a week where I need to work late. Due to my daughters behavior of which has been going on since she turned three, he has also declared that he no longer wants any more children. I did want a third but I guess that is something that I have to come to terms with that we will not be having. Sorry for going on and on . . . I am just frustrated, annoyed and not really understanding how to handle this. Any thoughts? Have any of you Moms gone through this? Thanks!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Thank you Ladies! I do appreciate your thoughts/advice. I know I wasn't able to give you the whole story but again, your thoughts are appreciated. My husband does know that my career is important to me but we think differently. He is willing to sacrifice his happiness with his job where I feel that it is important to be happy in my career to be happy in life. Anyway, thank you again! You all have given me a lot to think about :)

More Answers



answers from Boise on

Does your husband know how important your job is to you and your sense of self worth? My husband always says that he is, will do what he needs to, mantra of "bonus, bonus", but then there is the eye roll, etc. It sounds like things have slowed down for you. Are you home the rest of the time, other than that one night? Does your husband go out? Do you spend a lot of time together as a family, and couple? To me this sounds more like communication and expectations. You need to know what your husband expects. Does he expect you to be a SAHM? Or only have you work part time? I'm not saying that this is what you should do, but you need to know each other's expections.



answers from Pittsburgh on

It really doesn't sound like you *should* be having another. You are really much too busy if you can be honest with yourself. Would you be willing to give up any time to stay home with a newborn? Your husband realizes how much extra workit would be for him if you guys had another andI can't blame him for not wanting one.

As for your daughter...the one thing I have noticed with kids whose parents work a lot is the over-compensation when they DO spend time with them. They really are allowed to get away with a lot more than usual b/c the parent feels guilty.

Is there any way that you can find a less demanding job in your field for a couple of years so that you don't have to worry about times when you will never be home? They will only be this young once-you would hate to look back and realize all that you have missed.



answers from Wichita on

Yes, get one for everybody. I got the shot when I was pregnant and my boys have gotten it since they were six months old.



answers from Boise on

Sorry, but I agree with your husband. Your career is coming first, not that you wanted to put it first, but the job demanded that you put it first and your kids reacted.



answers from Dallas on

I think you have to evaluate what your family needs and priorities are. Is your job the primary income and therefore the extra time and effort will be worth it in the long run financially? Can dad step up or his job just as demanding? At this point a 3rd child may complicate things and put a lot more stress and strain on everyone. You have to assess your priorities and determine where your time is best spent. I have always worked and there have been times where I have worked 80 hour weeks and have traveled. With young kids it is even harder. Maybe a part time nanny, maybe a different job, maybe just you and hubby need to discuss long term what you both want and the best way to get there. I am the last one to give marriage advice, but I have had to make career changes to benefit my children. It might be hard and may not seem like what you want to do, but the reduced stress can be well worth the loss of income if you can manage it. It may be that the current job is where you need to be and just need to plan ahead on how to handle future long hours. Definitely an area to give a lot of thought to though, given the long term impacts of any decision in this area.


answers from Houston on

I think maybe, when you are home, you can spend more tiem doing family togetherness activities. Focus on really having family dinners togther. weekly outings at least once a week to the park, movies, museum,library. Then, be sure to have a date night once a week. Even if that means putting the kids to bed, cuddling and eating a yummy snack and reading a book together or watching a movies or netflix series together.

Work on your daughters discipline issues. She may be acting out of you being at work all day, or she may have those same issues if you were at home.

One book I love, that really seems to help, is by childhood expert Dr. Sears. You and your husband read it together and work on it and your daughter's behavior can change for the positive.

The Discipline Book: How to Have a Better-Behaved Child From Birth to Age Ten

As for the no more children thing That may or may not pass. Work on enjoying the ones you have and getting over this bump with your daughter's discipline issues and that can be addressed later. Just be honest and respectful of your husband. I would ask him not to make any decisions based on this, as things will work out in the end if you both work together.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions