My 3 month old goes from wimpers to blood curding screams when she is displeased with no inbetween. She isn't hurting, we've checked repeatedly. If she wants help falling asleep and we put her down to put on the front pack or sling, she screams like we're killing her. She is quickly reassured when we pick her up or if I lay her down and tell her "it's time to change your diaper." Is this normal? Did she just find her Really loud voice? Does this mean she is going to have a short temper??
This will be her "normal" as long as she contines to be rewarded for it. At her age it is easy to teach her that as long as she screams, she will NOT be picked up. Try picking her up ONLY after she stops, no matter how long it takes. Then, smile and coo and make a big deal out of it. She will quickly learn which behavior produces the results she wants. This works like a charm every time.
~L., mother of 5, including two former screamers.
The "OLD" way of doing things was to let the baby lay there and scream it out. But a 3 month old cannot be spoiled. She has no other way to let you know when she is scared, hungry, tired, or anything else.
It is hard to say why she is screaming. I remember my oldest use to turn blue and hold her breath when I changed her diaper. But I can tell you that she did outgrow it.
Hold her close, love her, and talk to her letting her know that all is ok. If you lay her down and she starts to get upset, talk to her in a calm voice, letting her know that all is fine and she will be ok.
Remember inside she was warm, and cuddled close to you, all wrapped. So to come out to this cold world where she is not next to you all the time is a little shock for her.
Yes it will get better.
B.
Your baby may have something internal going on as others have suggested--maybe digestive. It doesn't sound like classic colic to me. It may be her personality--some babies are high needs and do best with lots of closeness, holding, carrying and sucking. My high needs babies have responded well to all these things. (I did have one baby who was quick to scream. She is now 5 and is my loudest child, so I can see this is something she inherited genetically. She is learning to control her volume :). We have a sense of humor about it, and it's no big deal.) Maybe keep a journal of the times she cries the most and see if there are consistencies, like when she's laying flat on her back or if it's when she's overly tired, etc. You may find that there is a pattern which could help you identify the issue and then avoid that situation whenever possible.
Definitely keep reassuring her and comforting her--babies can't get enough of this loving care from you and it will help her learn that when she has a need, it will be met, and therefore, she will be less likely to scream every time she needs something. Sometimes if a baby has not been responded to very quickly, over time they will work up to screaming more quickly because this is their way of telling us what they need. Responding to cries quickly will generally lead to a baby who is secure in the trust they have in their parents. I would definitely NOT treat this like a discipline issue. Babies cannot comprehend consequences and refusing to pick up a crying baby only creates confusion and more stress on your baby's system and will harm the trust that is being established between you and your child.
Blessings to you and your precious little baby,
J.
E.,
This isn't a personality issue---it sounds like your daughter might have colick. Experiencing colic is probably one of the most nerve-wracking times parents can go through in their baby's development, but never fear: it does go away, usually within three months.
There are usually two reasons for colic: digestive issues and immature nervous development. In the case of digestive issues, this can actually very effectively be treated with a few visits to a pediatric chiropracter/craniosacral therapist. If this sounds a little "woo-woo", let me reassure you that scientific studies have been done in Europe that show a 70+% rate of resolving colic after a series of sessions. (My son has received craniosacral therapy since the age of two weeks and has been in good health; at 20 months, he's only been sick three times...but I digress.)
In regard to nervous development, because human babies are born with immature brains and nervous systems (or they would be too big for us to birth!), sometimes they have a tough time getting those systems "online". This can result in either a baby who is understimulated, who will then scream and cry to stimulate themselves enough, or a baby who is overstimulated, who will scream and cry because it's all a bit too much.
This can make for a horrid time for parents.
Some pediatricians will diagnose colic as GERD (gastro-esophagul reflux disease) and prescribe a medication for it. You can try that, but if you aren't seeing immediate results, this is not the correct treatment. At which point, a naturopath (who can help rule out allergens) or chiropracter would be other avenues to seek out for help.
I personally would try chiro first.
Some things for keeping your (and your partner's) sanity:
Take breaks whenever you can. Ask relatives with a loving pair of arms for breaks.
Buy earplugs. Lots of them. Leave them everywhere. You will still hear your daughter, but the noise will be muted. This is better for your nerves. (I've worked with several colicky kids, trust me on this!)
If you find yourself feeling angry or scared you may hurt the baby, leave the room. Go to a quieter place in the house and work off that anger. Scream into a pillow or punch it. Some days can be really difficult. Know what your limit is.
Keep track of yourself for signs of postpartum. A colicky baby can exacerbate the feelings of helplessness and rage. It's very important to ask for help and get it.
Check online about colic at the university websites. U of Michigan has a very good page of information. Just google it.
Ignore the endless comments from people who should know better but don't. Everyone feels welcome to comment on a crying baby, esp. in public, and tell you what you need to do. This can be hard, but it's important not to let strangers make you feel bad. There are a lot of people who assume that "quiet baby=good, therefore crying baby=bad". Try not to let the judgmental looks from strangers and family get you down. If some well meaning friend or family offers to "fix it"...let them try. It'll give you a break.
My very best to you-- I hope it isn't colic, but if it is, just two more thing to remember: IT WILL PASS and most importantly- This is not WHO your child is, it is a very hard space in their development they are passing through. This isn't indicative of their temperament: I've seen LOTS of colicky babies who cried 24/7 emerge into very sunny, fun kids. I hope this reassures you. Keep us posted!
I have to agree with the previous post by Lisa. We thought our daughter must have had colic or something when she started doing the same thing. We were so concerned we took her to the pediatrician who basically said that at 3.5 months, she was old enough to let her cry (screech was more like it) for a short while (no longer than 10-15 minutes at a time), and then when she calmed, to reassure her. We would sit near her after we put her down, or whatever that upset her so and look right at her, smile, coo, pat her, dangle toys in front of her, etc., but not pick her up until she calmed down. It can feel tough, but if it's a learning-curve that she's preparing for, it passes.
It totally worked for us, and was a short lived phase (thank goodness!).
Of course, there are the sensory issues Marda mentioned as well--so you want to look at it from all angles.
Hmmm....have you had her ears checked? I seem to remember ear aches hurting more when they're laying down.
Your post sounds like you've identified her screaming with anger. And she may be angry but not only at you putting her down. She may have a sensory disorder. A sensory disorder causes a baby/child to experience some sensations differently than the average baby/child. I suggest that you talk with her pediatrician. If he's not familiar with this condition perhaps he can refer you to someone who is. If her screaming continues even tho you are careful to verbally reassure her as you do with changing the diaper I strongly suggest that you look into a sensory or nerve disorder.
Does she scream most often when you abrubtly put her down with out talking to her in a soothing voice and perhaps rocking or bouncing her a bit in your arms? If so you could try using more soothing actions and voices during transitions. She may be mildly more sensitive and soothing could help.
My grandchildren nearly always screamed if we quickly did something that they didn't expect. Babies lack a sense of physical security which may be triggered by quick actions, loud noises and angry voices. My grandson, who is 5, still instantly cries (he doesn't scream) when he hears loud angry voices even when they are not directed at him. He has a sensory processing disorder that was diagnosed when he didn't learn to talk.
My little boy, 13 weeks is quite upset the last few days. His voice has gotten really loud too! I don't think anything is really wrong. I think that babies just go through stages. They express themselves. I really don't think it will have anything to do with the person your daughter becomes in the future! The baby phase is pretty tough sometimes, but they grow up fast!
Hi,
Maybe colic like everyone else is saying. I have never had the pleasure of dealing with that. I have heard it is horrible. I would take her in to see your doctor. I also have a three month old along with a 4 & 2 year old. My kids have never screamed the why you have discribed. I would be worried that your daughter has something interally wrong with her. On the light side she may just have some pent up gas she can't get out. I use gas drops. Some people & doctors say this doesn't work but it has with all my three kids. It's safe to take after each feeding. Good luck!!
I hope you get this soon so you can stop worrying,, I too went through the same thing with my Grand son,, except,, Michael started this when he was first born,, and we about went crazy,, we thought he was having some thing really wrong going on inside his little body or brain that was hurting him,, but NO,, that's not it,, and it is NORMAL,, that's just how he cries,, with the voice,, some babies have nice little normal baby cry's ,,not my grand son,, and your child either,,as long you have taken your child to see the Dr and all is well, then it is just how he or she cries,, and act's out, they just have a great set of lungs,,, and are VERY verbal,, as long as the baby has been checked out,, and your happy with the Dr.s finding 's that it is just how he cries,, then all is well,, Michael is still crying like that today,,like he is having teeth pulled with no Novocain,,Michael will be 2 January 16th,, hope this helps,,Love and hugs,, Gramma D.,,
If it makes you feel any better. My daughter is 5 1/2 months and about the same age as your baby Mime found her loud voice. She now screams when she is playing or just because. She's not hurting or wet or anything. To me it is normal. I hope this makes you feel better
My son was just like this and I thought I'd pull my hair out. He really needed a lot of touch and attention. He's eight months old now and very relaxed and comfortable. Perhaps you ought to wear her during the day, she may just require lots of touch, and eventually, she'll relax. Enjoy knowing that your daughter is smart enough to ask for what she needs, love and attention, and that this in arms period goes by fast..savor it.
