My Almost 9 Year Old "Has No Friends"

Updated on September 27, 2010
R.K. asks from Warren, MA
7 answers

Hi. My son has been coming home from school complaining how everyone in his class hates him. I feel horrible. It seems that all of his friends are in one class together but him. He gets along great with all the boys in baseball, soccer, and cub scouts but they all have the same teacher. The school claimed that this year they were breaking up "the click" but the other boys were kept together. He seems to feel very lonely in class he only gets to see his friends for about 5 minutes at lunch recess. He does not even get to socialize with them at during lunch because they must sit at a certain table.
Edited: We have moved twice he has never had a problem making friends. This is the first year he has come home on a regular basis claiming that everyone hates him in his class.

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answers from Pittsburgh on

That has happened to my son every year also! Last year it worked out great as he made his best buds. This year he has a whole new group. He hasn't found great buddies but I think he is just the type to have a few close friends-not a ton of acquaintances and thats OK. Our kids aren't allowed to mix up tables at lunch either but my son does anyhow. He either just sits with his friends or they all sit in the nut free zone. I am not going to condone this but I am also not going to tell him not to. If he gets caught then he has to deal with consequences. I am actually kind of proud of him for "working around" his situation.
Since your son gets along great with all the sports teamates could it be that he is so disapointed in this class that he is not trying to make friends? Maybe you can talk to his guidance counselor. Ours will take a group into lunch with her to either mediate or help kids get to know eachother.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on


He has friends they are just in another class this year. If he's not already a straight A student, perhaps his grades will improve. There is usually a little more time then five minutes after lunch is eaten.

Here is the opportunity for you child to make some new friends.


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

Talk with the principal, insist that your son be moved to the other class. Do not back down, you need to make sure what is done is best for your son, not easiest on the school.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

This sounds like a good opportunity to talk to your son about how to make new friends in his new class. There will be many other times in his life when he'll have to make new friends, and this is just one of many times. He can still see his other friends at baseball, soccer, and cub scouts, but it will help if he can also make friends in his new class.

I hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

You know, I have lived through that nightmare with our son, but it turned out well!
After nursery school and preschool with basically the same kids, I figured he would know someone in his Kindergarten class. Not a O..
Well, for first grade, I thought now with all of the other kids from K, soccer and Tball added into his "database" surely there would be O. familiar face in his first grade class. Nope.
This year, he has about 4 good buddies in his class, which is nice.
BUT I want to add that now my son has made a TON of new friends just because of not knowing anyone in those first two years. I see the kids from nursery & preschool still sticking together and it seems like they haven't...what's the word...branched out much? But my son has and he's got scads of buddies now--he practically knows the whole school. I'm hearing from other 2nd grade moms "Joey doesn't know anyone this year...blah..." and I'm like "yeah--lived that for two years in a row!"
So encourage your son to make some new friends and keep the old ones. He'll be ok. He just hasn't encountered this yet. It might be good in the long run.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

In 5th grade, none of my daughter friends landed in her class. It seemed like all the girls in her class were already paired up with a bff, and she felt lonely. However, she finally became committed to her school work, whereas in previous years, her teachers always told me she had trouble with too much socializing during instruction and working time. If your son has a group of buddies from his outside activities, obviously, he is well-liked guy. I'd buy him a calendar or planner, and have him make some weekend plans with his friends, pizza, sleepover, movie, etc. It will give him something to look forward to, and I'd also encourage him to concentrate on his academic work at school. Give it time. I'll bet he will find a few new friends before too long.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

What a great opportunity to grow! It's an important skill to be adaptable. He can't be guaranteed a coccoon of familiar people or surroundings. This will really give him the ooportunity to widen his circle. I've definietly been through this. I was the girl that sat alone and read a book at lunch. I was never taught subtle social skills and was really insecure.
I have learned since and teach my kids.
When they are little, I teach them to take a toy over to someone they want to be friends with and ask if they want to play. When they get a little older, I teach them to give a compliment (works best for girls) Or ask a question. Such as, did you see the Cowboys game yesterday.....autmotatic conversation starter at any age!!! :) I've even taught them ,when all else fails, to borrow something - "can I borrow a pencil" is an opening. That leads into "I like your shoes, where did you get them" and then maybe - "did you see the Cowboys game?" lol This is good advice for boys that don't know how to talk to girls too! ;)

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