My 7 Year Old Is About Out of Control Help Me

Updated on January 16, 2007
D.D. asks from Dundee, NY
11 answers

my daughter has been acting out in extreme ways telling her father and I to shut up and saying she hates us and hates herself. she is an only child whom does not lack attention. she seems to always be negative and never has anything nice to say unless shes getting exactly what she wants. what do i do????

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so far things are still up in the air working on extreme possitivety with her keep you all updated

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answers from Chattanooga on

thats the problem she says she hates you & you give in so she's nice.Some kids don't care if its posative attention or negative as long as its attention. Don't reward the nad behavior & entually it will start to go away. All kids at some point in time say they hate parents

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answers from New York on

First, stop giving her everything she wants. Set some limits. A seven year old should not be telling her mom or dad to shut up. Sit with your husband and talk about whats going on. It may be that the two of you are so busy that you are giving her everything she wants so she can occupy herself. Every parent does it including me. The two of you, mom and dad need to re-organize your time and come up with a plan to spend more time, not more money, more time with your daughter, even if it means letting the dishes sit or the house stay messy. Those things will always be there. The time you spend with your daughter will remedy the problem. You also have to sit with her and explain your plan. set rules and boundries. that is what your daughter is looking for. Attention is free. I am 48 years old with two children. Amy is 16 soon to be 17 and zach is 12. I could tell you some horror stories. I could also tell you how we remedy them. I hope this works for you, if you ever need to talk it out by all means contact me. V. [email protected] or [email protected] unfortunate that parenting skills do not come with instructions. You need to remedy this fast before it affects everyone.

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answers from Hartford on

I was told by doctors that hate stuff is just a way to get attention and it works. I turn it around and say that if I hate them, than I dont need to buy any toys or special things for them and they think about it. I am studying child psycology
and I have two kids a girl 5 and a boy 9 and they both did that. Keep everything positive and also because of her age girls mature alot faster and she might be having problems at school, with a friend or personal and she might be trying to tell you in a certain way. Maybe try some one on one time with you and her,then seperately her and dad.

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answers from New York on

Hi D., I have a question, are you married to your daughter's father, or are you re-married? I know it sounds silly but I just turned 27, and I vividly remember how I behaved as an 8 year old. When I was 7 my parents started to divorce, by the time I was 8 they were divorced and living in two different states, I am not sure if my attitude had something to do with that, or simply the age, but I was horrible! I told people to shut up, my favorite phrase was "your not welcome" I would say it after everything. A lot of my attitude was anger towards my mother for the divorce, a lot of it was anger about switching schools and moving for the 3rd time, some of it was due to too much sugar in my diet (caffine was ok for me, sugar made me nuts). I would investigate if there is something that may have her upset or angry, maybe someone picking on her in school, maybe a change at home? Good luck with your situation, let me know how it pans out.



answers from New York on

Sit her down and have a loooooooooooooooong talk. You'll find out the problem, once she feels safe and comfortable telling you.



answers from New York on

My daughter was like that until I gave her a sense of direction. put you daughter in an after school program or some time of sport such as karate or softball etc. your child is not craving attention...she is trying to find a way to be entertained and directed.



answers from New York on


I can think of two possibilities here. Either acting out this way is a manipulative tool your child uses to get what she wants, or she's got an underlying behavioral issue that needs to be dealt with.

If this is a sudden change in your child's behavior, talk it over with her pediatrician. A number of children act out behaviourally as a response to a medical issue, and it could be anything from a food allergy to a hormone balance problem. It's never a bad idea to have a sudden alteration in your child's temerament looked over by a doctor.

On the other hand, when your child behaves this way, do you give her what she wants? A lot of times it's really that simple. If she cries and yells and says she hates you, do you give in to make her happy, or to make yourself feel less guilty, or just to end the conflict? From her perspective, if a tactic works, why wouldn't you use it? This is harder, because it focuses on changing your behavior, in order to change hers. I can't really tell you what exactly the problem is, but these are the two possibilities I'd explore first.

Good luck!!



answers from New York on

Hi D., children go through different stages of attitudes and behavior problems. As a mother of five I can assure you that the fun is far from over. You have to sit her down with your husband and explain to her that certain behaviors will not be tolerated. She needs to understand that with improper behavior there are consequences to face. Kids need to know that there is a limit with certain situations that may result in punishment. Have you stood back and looked to see that she may be getting too much too soon or not being made responsible for her actions as soon as they occur. Punishment comes in different forms. No t.v., No play time, No to that special toy or any special privilege that she has. The only hard thing about punishment is that you and dad have to stick to what you say. Don't let her get her way even if you feel it is minimal. From experience you have to put a stop to any given situation as soon as it occurs. You can also stress the fact that she wouldn't want anyone treating her the way she treats you and others. Find books for her level that talk about different forms of behavior. There are many childrens books made especially to deal with different situations children and parents may encounter. I wish you luck and much success. Please let me know how things go. Remind her that in order for her to be rewarded she has to work with you. There really isn't any right way in both parties, but having understanding of the situation is the way to begin. N.



answers from Rochester on

Hi D.
First of all, your daughter knows what works with you!! She knows that if she tells you she hates you that it will hurt you, offend you. Does she REALLY mean it? No but at this age they act for the moment, not for the permanent state of things. You need to stand your ground. If she does not like your decision, tell her that she has a right to her opinion. It is ok for her to feel the way that she does However, you are the parent and you are in charge and what you are saying, goes. My son goes through this at times. He isn't always happy with the way things turn out but he is not going to turn into a spoiled child either. It's all about give and take. If you are up front and honest with your child, you don't have to bribe or plea bargin here or anywheres. She won't be mature enough to understand it but in the long run, you will be doing her a favor and teaching her a terrific lesson.
best of luck



answers from Binghamton on

my daughter is 5 1/2 yrs old and she's doing the samething right now. According to my pediatrician when she's going to do something bad, just ignore her don't give her the negative attention cuz thats what she wants. And so far for me that has worked. As as for her saying shut up and what not, when my daughter tells me that and I have to ask her more than 3 times to stop I either put her in the corner for 2 minutes or put soap in her mouth for being rude. So hopefully these things work for you as they for me and ny daughter.



answers from New York on

wow thats a tough one try taking her a see a child physcaoloist that may help

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