My 7 Year Old and His step-Dad

Updated on May 11, 2010
N.T. asks from La Porte, TX
7 answers

My 7 year old son got along great with my husband for 4 years and now everything has changed. they fight every day. My husband now is never around. just goes in the other room when my son is home. Its not the family I wanted. What can I do with out being on sides?

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A.P.

answers from Boston on

You should really sit down with your husband and try to work this out. He is the adult here so he needs to make more of an effort, not just ignore your son. You are all family and live in the same house. Talk to your son alone too and ask him about his feelings. Sometimes kids have an issue going on that they don't know how to express and they act out. It sucks that your in the middle but you have to do everything you can to help them work it out. But again, your husband is the adult and shouldn't be acting like a child.

3 moms found this helpful
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K.R.

answers from Houston on

The same thing happened with me and my step son. Before that they are so sweet and innocent, but around 7 they start to question everything. It's a really hard time, and will get worse if nothing is done.
Oddly enough... the thing that worked the best was GAME NIGHT! I bought games that he and I both like to play, and every Tuesday night became game night. It was MANDATORY that everyone in the family play. We played the WII, boardgames (Risk, Trivial Pursuit, etc.)... each week a new person got to pick the game. You would be AMAZED how much better it got when we were laughing and playing together...
Hope this helps!

2 moms found this helpful
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L.B.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Sit down and talk with you son with out the husband around, find out what his thoughts are and why they are that way. He may have heard somethings from other children know telling what is behind this change. It may be that he saw something that was happening and misunderstood it. Talk with him and see what he says. Be honest with him. Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.D.

answers from San Antonio on

my children went thru the something. all you can do is back your husband and love you son. You need to remember that your son is getting older and they do change. My oldest was fine and then when she hit that age all changed. All you can do as a mom is love everyone and don't blame your husband or son, just remember that maybe your husband does not understand your son because of the changes he is going thru. Mind and body. Just make them understand that this is something they both have to work on and only they can do it. No matter how hard you try they still have to do the work. God Bless

1 mom found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Jacksonville on

Is your son involved in anything Step Dad can enjoy with him? Little league, soccer, cub scouts? If not, have him join something, anything. Then have dad take him. Have dad be the good guy. This will be hard for dad because he wants to be the discipinarian, but you have to be the one to put your foot down. You have to be the one to say it's like this.
If you allow this to fester it will tear them apart and you will have huge physical fights on your hand.
Sit hubby down and tell him you need him to be the hero for your son. Your son needs him. HUbby needs to put his hurt feelings aside, because he is hurting, you took juniors side or junior took yours, and he needs to be the man who has all the answers. He needs to be the man that is fun to be around.
Does hubby have a workshop? Does he fish? Do you all camp? These are good man/son activities.
I have lived this feud for 15 years. The only reason my son and husband are now on speaking terms is because the boy is in the Navy doing exactly what my husband does in the Marines. Go figure.

One thing, hubby's dont' like wives to tell them what to do. So go to a counselor and have the counselor tell you what you would tell him anyway. That way its' the doctor said......
Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Talk to both of them...alone and then together. Does your son spend time with the other parent and/or paternal grandparents? You will never know what may be being said until you ask. Your son may think that this guy is getting the affection that he should. Nip this in the bud now and the both of you have to let your son know that you are there for him and on his side...together. Trust me, I just had a big blow up in my own home last August over a huge misunderstanding. My family that doesn't live in my house put thoughts in my children's heads. My own mother (who didn't raise me), told my children that I would pick my husband over them any day because I didn't choose them, but I chose him. I was so furious when my 17 year old told me this. He and my daughter were hurting because they thought I was going to do just that. This was not how I wanted to spend my evening after a long day, but I had to shed some tears and talk to my children about fears that were implanted in their heads and it has been fine since then. Your son is 7, you can make this work if I did with teenagers.

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J.K.

answers from Houston on

Have you thought about counseling, even from your pastor or someone he recommends?

1 mom found this helpful
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