My 5 Yr. Old Is Being Mean I Need Help

Updated on March 16, 2010
A.V. asks from Las Vegas, NV
8 answers

Hello my name is A. and I have a 5 yr. old and a 3 yr. old. I am also pregnant. I am having trouble with my 5 yr. olds behavior. he is soo good in school and than he comes home with so much aditude I don't know what to do. He will hit his brother and call him names. He will back talk me and his dad. I cant seem to get him to understand that he should help his brother and be nice to him. He also will slam doors and kick toys and even distroy things if he gets mad enough. I don't understand how he is a straight A student in school and his teachers best student and then he comes home and is soo diffrent. Please give me some advice so I can stop pulling my hair out.

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answers from Los Angeles on

As a former teacher, I have usually found that if a child does well in school but has a hard time at home, it means that they are getting something they need at school that they are not getting at home. I would set up a meeting with his teacher to compare notes and brainstorm some ideas on what she does at school that could work for him at home. Maybe he does well with the predictable schedule, or maybe his teacher is more consistent with discipline. Whatever it is, you will probably be able to figure out a plan of action if you and the teacher work together.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

Hi A.,
Do you think he is possible nervous about the new baby. Do you talk to him and assure that you will all be a family? I don't sounds like he is stressed about something at home. If nothing else, try a family councelor. I would first try to talk to him to see if you can get to the root of what is bothering him.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Luis Obispo on

Dear A.,

Children are different in school lots of times than they are at home. So believe me on that one. Also, I really don't know what to do about the strong behavior. Maybe he needs to spend some quiet time with either you or Dad, and he will come around and tell you what is wrong. I read that in a book about how to discipline boys. It takes some time for him to develop confidence in you two, but if you persist, and take him aside as often as you or Dad can, then you may get him to tell you what is wrong. Something is. I saw a program on Oprah that showed an African Bush Father - named Vincent - take aside a snotty little spoiled American boy and just sit and talk with him quietly leaning against a tree. Later on when the boy got mean again - Vincent, the father of the large family that the American family was visiting - took the boy's hand an walked into the 'bush' and just had a walk and a talk. That is what I am trying to explain to you and Dad.

Another thing - when he starts this, then immediately pick him up or guide him to his room. He needs to stay in there and scream and throw until he is calm and ready to be with the family again. I had a little boy in preschool that did that a couple of times, then he calmed down and really loved me. He changed to a different happier child. He truly had a serious problem at home. His mother's family did not 'like' his father, and therefore treated him very badly - his name was Earl, a darling boy. He wanted to come home and be my little boy, he told me that, and he was only 4 years old. I still think about him, and that was about 30 years ago.

Also, take him outside and have a lot of tennis sized balls and you and he make a ball throwing game against a big board or something that can take the pounding. It will help him, really, it will. ....and it will help you too. Because you will be getting closer to one of the loves of your life. I know because I had two children and now 3 great grandchildren, and my life is so happy when I am with them.

That is all I know. Good Luck, C. N.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Fresno on

I am also 25 I have a 6 year old girl a 5 year old son and a 4 year old daughter and I was just preg. but lost her so i know the pressure of having a child out of control. It is my 4 year old she is the youngest and she lets everyone know... But about the school thing my daughters doctor told me she is good at school and comes homes and acts out cause the have such a short attention-span that by the time school is out they are so exhausted that they are acting out... a good 1 hr. of play-time out side is the best thing for that and then sit them down with home work and keep them busy till bed time and it seems like a lot of work but kids like structure more then parents think they do, and school helps teach them that alot. Start out with the outside time and you should notice something by atleast a couple of days then start more stuff for him to do by his self they are independent at 5 and the more alone time they get, they like
hopefully something i said can help
best of luck...

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Bakersfield on

Hello A.,
I am the oldest of nine siblings on my mother's side. I am six years older than the next one to me. I asked for her. I thought it would be neat to have a little sister. I got to name her and everything. Two years after that my second sister showed up. I "hated" her. Who asked for her in the first place. Not I. That was the problem! This kid came without my permission! She also was taking time away from me. So were the other six that eventually followed. I no longer felt important or wanted.
The babies were cute and cuddly and I was "difficult" and angry
etc. On top of that by being the oldest, I was supposed to look out for the younger ones. I never tried to hurt my siblings nor did I fight with them because of my age; but it was a long time before I gave them my time and affection.
I have four children and my oldest was not nice to my other three. I really had to watch her and really work on making her feel that she was important to the family structure and that she was loved. We are all made with big hearts with an abundance of love for a lot of people. I explained the baby needed a lot of help due to their helplessness and her help was
needed as well as mine. This process went on with each new kid.
I think if my mother had taken some time with me instead of
making me feel that I was only good for babysitting, fetching ,
and carrying and being nice to "her children" (they have a different father), I would have adjusted sooner. Although my siblings are now grandparents, I am still considered their second mother and they treat me as such. Be patient and see the
five year old side also. R. T.

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answers from Grand Rapids on

First of all i am not being funny he really needs a good tail whipping i am a mother of two nine and five i don't tolerate that type of behavior. One even though u are pregnant doesn't mean u can't whip him. He really needs a whipping and then he will get his tail somewhere and sit down. U have to be firm with him and show him u mean business.



answers from Miami on

u nkow frend talk slowly ur kid and say him that he or she a good girl or boy so stop making the bad things... make a hug for him so he or she feel that u love her...



answers from San Diego on

Oh hun, I'm a young mom too and it can be stressful. I have a 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. Alot of times while we're doing our BEST to give our kids the attention they need, we often put pressure on the oldest child to be the "adult". I use that term loosely. My son for examle, I ask him to pick up even if it's my daughters mess too. I tell him to be the example because he's older. He has a habit of bossing and pushing my daughter around and I constantly have to ask him "Who is the parent?". When my son started acting up it was because my husband and I were having problems. It's amazing what they absorb. Once our relationship got better he calmed down some but was still very tense all the time. We would take turns spending quality time with him and do more activities that he liked. One night a week we do a family activiy or movie night. When I cook, I let him help a little. WIth a new baby on the way...he may feel like he's loosing his place or he could feel overwhelmed. When decorating the nursery, let him help you. When picking out a name talk to him about it. EX: We're thinking f the name _________ for your new sister/brother. Do you like that name? Even if he says no say..I think it's a great name. It means:________. Did you know your name has a meaning too? THen redirect the attention on him so he knows he's still important.