My 5 Year Old Has a Bully

I agree with the mother's who say end the playdates. That's what I would do and have done with mine.

I have a 22 month old and his cousin, who is a year older lives right next door. We just moved here recently and thought it'd be a good thing, having a playmate right next door. It wasn't. His cousin bullies him and the mother does nothing to stop it or discipline him, so I no longer take my son over there to play... simple as that.

On the one hand, I don't want my son picked on and on the other, I think his cousin is modeling very poor behavior and I don't want my son to pick up on his ways. He's at an age where he mimics everything.

Take care.

My 5 year old takes karate (Tae kwon Do). One of the main things they teach is that "I will use karate in class and to escape from strangers. I will not use it to cause trouble." While I understand that he is defending himself, it sounds like he doesn't understand the distinction and still may be afraid to use his karate skills if he takes classes.

Does your friend discipline her child? The rule in our house is that visitors obey our rules. Hitting is an automatic time-out at our house and it doesn't matter if it is my child or someoone else's. I would explain to the mom that he needs to learn to behave and he needs to be disciplined if he does not. She should tell her child that if he acts ugly they will leave and then do it as soon as he gets physical (even if he is pitching a fit the whole time). If the mom is not there during the playdate, I would let her know ahead of time that you will discipline him (time-out) if he misbehaves and then do it. Good luck!!

No more playdates with this kid. It's as simple as that.

I would end that playdate. Does he even LIKE playing with the kid? I dont think I would like playing with a kid that beat me up everythime I saw him , which Ididnt I had that problem in elementry school on the playground.

I wouldnt have anymore playdates. He doesnt deserve to get hit.

Protect your son... stop the playdates. You don't want him to be scared everytime the kid comes over.

I know it's hard, but if this is contiunally happening and the mother of the 4 yr old isn't doing anything to stop it or control her son, then your only solution is to stop the play dates. Your son's well being is of the upt most importance.

You've done a wonderful thing to teach your son to not hit. Don't change now. No more playdates with this child. No explanation needed.

Hi C. -
If you have taught your son not to hit, and now you are telling him that he won't get in trouble for hitting this one boy, your son is probably confused and that may be why he is not hitting the boy back. The other danger with that is: he may get bullied by someone else, for example at school, and he may think,"Well, if I wouldn't get in trouble for hitting one boy, maybe I won't get in trouble for hitting this boy either." The schools will likely not care which boy hit FIRST - if your son hits at school, he is likely to get suspended, even at a young age. So prepare him for school by being consistent with your rules. I agree with the other moms - end the play dates, OR one other idea: since the boy is the child of a friend of YOURS and you want to salvage that friendship, have one more playdate. When they arrive, you get eye level with BOTH BOYS and say, "This is a reminder that at THIS HOUSE, we do NOT HIT, PUNCH, KICK, or HURT EACH OTHER." Then you can either say one of two things: if you talk to your friend ahead of time and she agrees to this, say, "And if either one of you break that rule, you will have to go have time out on the step." If your friend doesn't want to do that, then say, "And if either of you breaks this rule, the play date will be OVER." BE PREPARED to follow through! If the other boy hits your son, again get eye level and say, "Friends are not for hurting, and you hurt Connor and broke the rule. I am sorry you choose to end the play date. You'll need to get your things to go now." AND END THE DATE!! It is hard to do, but your friend is really not doing enough to provide limits for her child, and this is dangerous. You will likely need to have a discussion with your friend ahead of time - "Hey, I love to have you and your son over, and I know boys get rough sometimes, but I am uncomfortable that sometimes Connor ends up with bruises or a bloody nose. I would like to ask that if either of them hits the other, that they go to time out. Is that OK with you?" or something like that. It is up to YOU to both set and back up the rules in your house. As for karate - that is a wonderful idea. It teaches self respect and self discipline. One other thought: you need to teach your son to stand up for himself with WORDS! Teach him that if ANYONE treats him inappropriately, he should stand up straight, make eye contact, use a firm voice, and say something along the lines of, "It is NOT OK to hit me, and you will need to leave now" or "I am NOT for hitting, and I am going to get help from an adult now." He will likely need this skill in school! Sorry for the long reply - I am a counselor who works with kids and I see this a lot. Good luck!
N.

Hey, well i agree that he should know how to defend himself but i also think they should know another way to settle things without hitting someone. Personally I wouldnt allow that child around my child anymore and maybe the mom will realize that you dont appreciate her not stepping in and discipling her child....your childs safety should always be first, not your friends feelings........good luck

No friendship is worth risking the safety of your child. If you have spoken with your friend and nothing has changed then put some distance between the boys and see if that helps. If not, then tell your friend that you can't get the boys together anymore.
L.