My 5 1/2 Year Does Not like to Eat Anything but Junk

Hello C.!

Girlfriend I feel your pain! I have not read any of the other responses to your request, but I can tell you that I am going through the same thing---my son is 6 now and in Kindergarten. Our battle started when he was 6 months old and started solid food. He's always been EXTREMELY picky and it drives us all batty. I am a good cook and enjoy trying new foods, but our son will have none of it and like yours, won't even try it!

We've had many a stand-off at the table and finally had to make a compromise or rather an ultimatum on his part. I let him know that when he turned 6, he would be responsible for his dinner if he would not eat what I am cooking. Lets just say he's been eating a lot of cereal for dinner at night! ;)

My husband and I weren't raised to be picky so it has been so frustrating. Like your situation too, our daughter will eat anything and it just warms my heart! That being said, my son is a good boy and he's very smart. I think he'll develop his style of eating over time and I try to make whatever he will eat extra healthy: like if he loves chicken nuggets, then I make my own, healthy pancakes, mac n' cheese, etc. If your son will eat apples and yogurt---yeah! Work with what he will eat, set limits and expectations for your family that work.

It might help to talk to your doctor or pediatrician. Mine told me that my son was perfectly healthy, growing just fine, etc. and not to make food an issue. Sooner or later our children will have to learn and I'm happy that at school they are taught healthy food choices. I hope that helps and I wish you all the best!

Be rest assured, your son will not let himself starve! My 7 year old used to be a very picky eater, but now he eats most anything. I finally got fed up with his eating habits, so I stopped giving him special meals. After a few times of going to bed without dinner he finally got the point. For this to really work you have to have your husband and any of your sons caregivers to support you and be consistent. As for snacks, try to get him to eat fruits or vegetables as a snack after school, and don't allow constant snacking until dinner. I hope this will work. Good luck, and be patient.

I am an in-home daycare provider and see this often with children this age (and even younger/older). I have found that children learn quickly what they can get their caregivers to do for them. That is why I always serve a set menu and never offer the children an item that is not on the menu. For example, today, we had scrambled eggs/sausage/hashbrowns/mixed fruit and milk. Some of the children wouldn't touch anything but the fruit. They would ask for seconds, but I tell them no, until they have tried 2 of the other foods. Sometimes they will try, sometimes they won't. But I think the key is to not offer the "favorite" choice later. if they don't eat the meal, they don't eat. Yes, you might have an upset child that night, because he is really hungry, but trust me, it will only take about 3 times of this and it will pass.

So, stop offering the apple or yogurt later and only offer the food for supper. If he wants to through a fit about being hungry later, he can sure through a fit in his room where you don't have to listen to it - and he can join the family when he's ready to be nice. But you really have to stick to what you say on this, or you will only help him to be a picky eater. Don't worry - he won't starve to death - he'll learn that you love him and want to offer him healthy choices.

Another thing might be to get him involved in choosing new foods or helping to make the family menu for the week. Tell him he can have mac n cheese one time, and he will have to choose other foods for the other days. Then stick to it and have him help you prepare any of the foods he can, or set the table, or anything you can think of to get him involved in the kitchen.

The life of a short order cook! I have the same issue with my oldest son who is 4. He hates most meat (chicken, hamburgers, turkey, etc.) but loves mini corndogs, chicken nuggets, etc. My friend suggesteed the following trick. So far it has worked amazingly well. For each year of age, give him 1 piece of whatever it is that you made. Follow it up with a dessert. In our house dessert is not very exciting, maybe a small scoop of ice cream, but usually it is something along the lines of fruit snacks. Something small but special. The key is finding your sons trigger. Make his favorite thing be the dessert. Tell him that he has to eat 5 bites and then he can have dessert. If he doesn't eat his 5 bites of dinner no dessert. Try having 1 night a week where he gets to choose what he has for dinner too to give him some control, or include him in the making of dinner so he feels like he contributed.

When he gets home his snack should be small, not a pb&j or poptart. Make it a handful of grapes, a banana, something healthy. Try not buying poptarts or other junk, if its not there he can't eat it.

Another trick we use is to make dinner, put it on the table along with things like cheese sticks, yogurt, and fruit and let him dish himself up (like family style dining). That usually gets him filling up on the "extras" on the table and not the meat but we are in control of his options and he is in control of how much and what. It makes it less of a fight.
Once he says he is full, then he stays at the table until we are done but he knows that once he gets down he doesn't get anything else that night. I feel terrible on the nights when he doesn't eat anything but I refuse to be a short order cook 7 days a week.

Hey C.- this one is near and dear to me. I have a four year old who will eat almost anything. The rule in our house is- you must taste everyithing on your plate- chewed and swallowed. If she truly doesn't like it- she can have PBJ- but that's it, there is only 1 alternative- PBJ. If she's just picking at her plate and I know she likes it- I will excuse here from the table when she asks. BUT- in 2 hours she asks me for something to eat. And she gets her dinner plate. She is usually happy to eat it. I think there's a balance in there; between what they like, what they need, and when their hungry. Let your son go w/o dinner- he'll live. My motto is "Mama ain't runnin' no restaurant". Good luck-

My daughter is 4 and I will tell you what her doctor just told me. Don't make his seperate meals. Tell him he either eats what you give him, or goes hungry. It might seem mean, but eventually he will realize he has to eat what you make if he is hungry (he won't starve). She also told me to give my daughter Carnation Instant Breakfast so she can get some nutrition. My daughter wants to eat Peanut Butter all day (by the spoonful) and her doctor said it if fine for 2 meals, give Carnation Instant breakfast in her milk or as a snack and then one meal where she has to eat something good or go hungry. She rarely goes hungry and is starting to realize she has to eat what mom makes.

Good luck!

My children were fussy too but have grown up just fine. I did use a cast iron skillet to keep their iron levels up and they loved choosing which flinstone vitamin to eat.
My oldest grandson gives me fits. I thought he was a chicken nugget for the first five years of life. He ate chicken nuggets, eggs and toast, and zoodles (spaghettios)- period. He is now 11 and is slowly trying a Few new things although very fussy yet.
My point is...kids do survive. Keep offering the good stuff such as snack foods like carrot sticks, cheese sticks, broccoli pieces, etc. If you eat them- and dont make a big deal out of it- kids will too.

My child tried that as well. I insisted that he eat what was fixed and if he did not like it, that was too bad it was a long time until the next meal, maybe he would be more hungry at the next meal time. I saved the plate from the previous meal and heated it up for him. He eventually got hungry enough to eat what was fixed. No snacking unless the plate was cleaned up. No you can not have more of what you like until you clean the plate. I know that it sounds like the school of hard knock or that it is bad parenting, but kids go through stages of seeing just what they can and can not get away with. This may not be the case with your child but it was with mine. He eats what is given to him and he knows the rules. He is now nine and still complains but he eats what is on his plate, we are not a resturant, I keep telling him.

K.

My seven year old went through that around that age. I just kept up with the ok well you eat what we eat or nothing. Eventually his tummy will fight back and tummy wins. It is tough but I think it is just a phase they go through and sooner then you think he will fall into the pattern. I did notice that when I didn't push him or respond he did better at eating. I also would not let him leave the table until he took two bites of what was on his plate. Most of the time he would take a bite of whatever was for dinner and realized he kind of liked it so he would continue to eat. You just have to be firm, don't give in to the snacks unless it is a normally scheduled snack (ie. normal evening snack), and keep some pediasure and vitamins around. As long as he takes the vitamins everyday he will at least be getting some nutrients. Remember he is testing you and his boundaries. Lay down the law. =)

Hi C.,

I have a few thoughts...is your son feeling displaced by your 7 month old...maybe looking for a place to exert control? We have a 6 month old and my younger son who is almost 5 is finding many things to put his foot down about. If this is the case, keep going with your plan regarding food and help him feel your love. Maybe he could help you plan the menu for the week within options you set. Plan snacks for him, too - things he can eat that aren's "junk." Take the "junk" out of the house!

Another thought is that he may have some food aversions. It sounds like he is food jagging - wanting to eat the same foods all the time, preferring to go without than eat something he does not like. Is he eating a variety of foods - at least 4 fruits/vegetables, 4 meats, 4 starches, and a variety of consistencies (purees, crunchy solids, wet/slippery foods)? If not, you may want to consider having him evaluated by speech/occupational therapists who work with feeding issues. One program I have found very helpful is the SOS (Sequential Oral Sensory) program. It was created by Kay Toomey in Denver, but several clinics provide these services in different states. Ask around to see - this is most often covered by insurance.

Good luck!

Hello, we kind of had this problem with our daughter. First thing we stopped was snacks! If she eats anything after her nap, she won't eat dinner. Then, if she didn't eat her dinner, she went to bed hungry. That was really hard for me to do, but it has seemed to work. Sometimes if we make something that I really don't think she likes, or is too spicy for her, we will make her something else. You could also try having him help you "pick out" dinner and help make it. Give him a couple different choices to choose from. I hope this helps!!

At this point it is a battle of wills and you are loosing - which isn't a good precedent to set at 6 years old. I used to think that way too and then I heard from several sources and finally tried it myself... don't buy poptarts, pop or anything with sugar in it. If it isn't in your house it isn't an option. Chop up fresh fruits and veggies and keep them in the refrigerator for snacks. The more you want him to eat it the more he is going to refuse. Put nutritious food on his plate and don't say a word about it (this was hardest for my HUSBAND!!!) When every one is finished take the plate away without a word. It might take a week but the fighting will end and your family will be healthier physically and emotionally.

Hi C.,

I was always told to intorduce new foods on the plate at every meal. At first they may just push the food around, but with enough exposure they are supposed to at least take a nibble. Truthfully, I did not find this to be especially helpful, but the WIC people swear by it.

What worked for me was enlisting the help of the picky eater. I would let him help me wash the foods, stir, mix with hands/spoon, add ingredients, assist with measurements, and just about anything else to get him involved. That way he took ownership of the meal and was eager to eat it up too. We gave lots of praise about how good of a cook he is and he gobbled the meals right up.

Hope you find something that works.

T.

C.,

You have gotten some good advice all ready. I try to get my son (almost 3) to sit down with my on Sundays and pick a few meals for the week before I go grocery shopping. This week he picked scrambled eggs, so on Thursday we are eating eggs for dinner. He also usually goes shopping with me, so he kind of knows what food we have around that week.

I have a toddler who is picky and am blessed with a 3 year old who eats about anything. I am working hard to get food into the little one that is healthier and here are some things that I do.

1. He loves pancakes so I make whole grain pancakes and have added shredded zucchini (tasted like zucchini bread, we all loved them). That way we are starting the day with a vegi, which I like. I also have added blueberries, bananas and peaches. I make a big batch on the weekend, and freeze them so I have a fast/easy breakfast for most days.

2. Add pureed cauliflower, carrot or squash to macaroni and cheese. I like the taste, and neither of the kids seem to notice the difference. I try to use whole grain pasta when I can sneak it in. Both my kids seem to be getting used to it... my husband is the one who complains about it now :)

3. Add pureed cauliflower, broccoli, squash, or frozen spinach to spaghetti sauce. I have also added purred beet, this did change the color to pink which my older son thought was fun. I called it "Valentine Spaghetti".

4. Add a can of tomato sauce to taco meat with the spices. It tastes a little sloppy joe-ish, but the kids like it a lot.

I think that adding the vegi's in a sneaky manner helps introduce them to the flavors, even though it is subtle. I also ALWAYS put at least one vegi on the side and usually a fruit that I know they like. So, I figure they are both starting the meal eating something they like, and usually eat at least a bite of the vegi I serve, and are getting extra vegi's in the main dish.

I have gotten many of these ideas from the Sneaky Chef cook book and the Deceptively Delicious cookbook.

Good luck to you!
J.

SAHM to Charlie (3-24-05) and Joey (12-4-06)

I have a 4 year old who would prefer to eat the same way as your son. I think what you need to do is get the junk out of the house. If there's no mac and cheese or nuggets to make, there's no temptation for you to give in. I think that as long as your child is not underweight or malnurished, there's no problem with telling him, "this is what we're eating" and sticking with it. None of us have time to be short order cooks and we shouldn't have to be. I always make sure to include at least one thing I know my kids like with the meal. If you son likes yogurt or an apple, have that be a part of the meal. I make my son try at least a bite of everything and give him a cup of milk to "wash it down". He doesn't always like everything, but he knows that what's on the table is his dinner and he doesn't get anything else til breakfast if he doesn't eat.

Hope this helps.
-L.

C.,

Kids go through phases and his mac and cheese days will change. Do not fight with him at the table. If he doesn't want to eat, then have him excuse himself and go to something else. Offer him fruit and yogurt if he wants those for now. The junk always tastes better. That is why we have an obesity epidemic!

Have patience and he will change to something else.

L. :)

C., I haven't read any of the other responses, but my 4 1/2 year old can be the exact same way. Something I found that works for me is letting him help me fix the meals. Your son might be more willing to eat the foods you prepare if he is involved. I used to be a "to the order cook" all of the time up until recently, and I have limited that. I still let him have his meals of choosing throughout the week, but will also make him eat meals I prepare for my husband and I. It's only a suggestion, but it might do the trick for you. Plus he is at a good age to start teaching him how to cook.

B.

One thing I did for my kids when they start to get picky is, have them help me make the meal. This helped tremendously by keeping them involved from start to serving.
We too, dont make "special" meals for our children. They are now 7 & 9 and know that they HAVE to at least take one bite to try it. Sometimes they dont like it sometimes they do.
When I make a meal, if I know it may be something they wont like, I be sure to add orange slices or biscuits too (something to add to the meal yet get something into their tummies.)
The most IMPORTANT things is to follow through, follow through, follow through.
With doing so my kids arent that picky. They get excited over fresh fruit, broccoli, prunes, etc. So hang in there and again follow through:)

I agree w Tania T- enlist the help of the picky eater.

I would suggest that you make a list of meals together w your child, just list off all the stuff you would normally make for dinner. When you have all the usual stuff listed, ask your child to add two or three meals he would like to see added to the list. If it is at all possible that you would make these things for dinner, put them on the list. If he says PBJ sandwiches, and you would be willing to make that occasionally for dinner, put it on the list! The point is to make him feel like he is having some control over what will be on the table sometimes.

Take your list once a week and sit down with your child and have him select 3 or 4 of the meals for the week. Write on the calendar what you are going to make on what day. Since you are just making easy stuff, it shouldn't be too big a deal to plan out in advance what you'll be making for the week.

If you take your child grocery shopping with you, which I highly recommend, have him help you look for items you will need to make the week's dinner menu. He will feel involved and important.

Combining these two steps w Tania's suggestions of having him help prepare dinner should take care of it, I would think.

A note on dinners: my mother (diabetic and dietitian) says a "meal" consists of three or more of the food groups. If you are serving mac n cheese, serve a fruit and a vege as side dishes. Doesn't have to be anything elaborate; canned peaches and sliced tomatoes or whatever. As long as at least one of the foods on the table is something your child likes normally, he will have something to eat even if he doesn't like the other two options on the table. If he has the chance to select the sides, that might help too.

Also, good for you for choosing a healthy snack when you "give in" after he wouldn't eat dinner. Forcing him not to eat all evening if he didn't eat dinner isn't good for him or you. He's probably old enough to be told that if he doesn't feel like eating dinner, "that's fine but snack time is at x o'clock, and you will be able to choose from these two snack options at that time."

Good luck to you!!!

I am not sure what to tell you on the eating habits. However, did you ever think of supplementing their diet with a good vitamin mineral supplement? Check out my website of www.marketamerica.com/dherber and click on health and nutrition. We have a mightimins which would be good for all three of your children; which contains all their vitamins, minerals, plus it has probiotics and enzymes needed to digest their food. This is in an isotonic form; which means you get 95% absorption.

If you click on the ten most popular products, there will be a video to view explaining the isotonic delivery system.

As harsh as it may sound, you are the mom and it is your job to feed him well. Start integrating healthy foods into your regimine, there are ways to be both easy and healthy. If he doesn't eat at meal time, do not give him snacks. Harsh, but he is old enough to understand when meal time is. Let him know if he is hungry later he can have what you offerred, wrap it up and put it in the fridge. Let him know he will have breakfast in the morning and he can make the choice then. Do not have things like poptarts in the house; they are loaded with sugar and have don't have the nutrients a growing child needs. If he eats pb, make some frozen pb bars (mix corn flakes, dry milk, pb, and honey... roll and freeze) and that is his option or yogurt (low sugar, not the trix or character kind, or apples and string cheese). Only offer healthy options and eventually he'll know there is no other option, when he gets hungry enough he'll eat. I know it sounds harsh, but your role as a mom is to help him grow into a healthy child. Best wishes with this little guy, your message shows your care alot about him!

You're right... DON'T cook five different meals. He'll eat when he's hungry. If he doesn't eat at supper time, I'm not opposed to giving a healthy bedtime snack, or even just a half cup of milk. It has been my experience that it only takes a few nights of going hungry and they learn to eat what you offer.

A little trick... let him help you prepare the meal, especially if it is something that you think he won't like. That way he has a vested interest in eating it.

The best cookbook I have found to date is THE MOM'S GUIDE TO MEAL MAKEOVERS by Bissex and Weiss. These are healthy, kid friendly receipes and my daughter has eaten seconds of every meal I have prepared from this book (she went back 4 times for the soup). These ladies also have a website with a newsletter you can subscribe to for new ideas. It's SO worth checking out!

I have been listening to these books on tape. They are parenting books from a program called Love and Logic. My mother-in-law got me hooked. It is all about teaching your children to make choices. They say that you should always give your child choices that you can live with. You tell him he can eat what you made, or go without dinner. If he chooses not to eat, don't make him. Then later when he is hungry, you don't give in! You give him lots of love and empathy, and let the consequence teach him the lesson. Tell him, I am so sorry. I bet you are hungry, but we had _____ for dinner, and you chose not to eat it. Don't lecture him, just tell him you are so sorry that he is hungry. The book says that they won't wither away from one night of not eating dinner, and being hungry should teach him the lesson that he should eat what was made. My daughter is only two, so we have modified this a little in our house. When she comes to us hungry because she didn't eat her dinner, we tell her she can finish her plate from dinner or have nothing. She usually chooses to eat her dinner, and if not she doesn't get anything else except maybe a drink of water or milk; but no juice or anything. That is a reward for eating her dinner. The book has been very helpful. Another useful tip from them is that you should not get emotional or upset about it. The emotion reinforces the behavior. They say that you just simply state the choices that you can live with, and let them do the choosing. Then remember that you have to enforce the consequence with lots of love, and let the consequence teach him the lesson. Then you are not the bad guy. Sorry, I know this is kind of a long response.

C.- This may be difficult but do not make anything else special for him. When he is hungry he will eat. I agree your menus are very kid friendly. Is there something else bothering him because when my kids do that it is because food is an easy thing that they can control. They know that if they don't eat and then beg later they will get what they want. I would also get rid of the junk for a while. I keep yogurt, fruit or veggies around all the time for snacks and only once every few month do I buy poptarts because they are extrememly high in fat.

I agree with whoever said its a power struggle, and yo uare losing. IF he's getting home before you, who is feeding him/allowing him to get pop tarts or junk food? I would stop buying it. Replace it with fruits in the fridge, baby carrots in the fridge, crackers in teh cupboard, etc.

You are the parent, you make the meal and serve it. If he's hungry, he'll eat. BUT at this age, you need ot lay down the law. Picky eaters are made, not born, and right now you ARE a short order cook to a 5yr old boy. Tell him how it is, sit him down and say 'look, from now on I make the meal, yo ueat it. No more whining, no more complaining. If you choose not to eat the meal, yo uwill go to bed hungry, no more snacks after dinner.' Get his attention, make the rule and stick by it. THere is no reason at his age he can't take a bite of the food, he's just being stubborn and pushign your buttons!

My boys are 5 1/2 nad 2, and they eat everything I make because they don't have a choice. If they don't like it, thats fine ,but there is something they like, be it the fruit, the veggie, the bread, the meat. I serve all with meals. I suggest you find some easy meals that include all food groups, grilled chicken with corn and noodles. Pork chops with beans or sugar snap peas, rice, and apple slices. EAsy meals that have lots of food choices. But really, at his age, tell him no more extra meals, he comes home from school and can have an apple, then he eats dinner. IF he chooses to not eat dinner and be picky about it, then he doesn't get anything else. It'll take time, but once he learnes you are done arbitrating over it every night, the battle will be over, you will win.

Your child is using food as a way to get extra attention. Let him go to bed without any other food. In a few days he will be ready to eat what you fix. Your family may have to suffer a little because of this, as you need to empty the cupboard of junk food that your son can find. I know it is hard to do, but ignore his tantrums about eating for a few days. Don't worry, he will not starve!!! When he realizes that there is no other food to eat, he will come around and eat what the rest of the family eats. Prepare one item he especially likes as a reward for eating what you fix. I raised 6 kids and I think I know all the problems one will encounter!!!!!

Kids won't starve themselves. My 6 year old stepdaughter is also a picky eater. She has gone to bed a number of times without eating. She has gotten to the point that she will at least try the meal. However, this is not done at her mother's and so the consistency makes it rather ineffective for us. Still, this is how we do it and for the most part, she at least tries to eat whatever we put on her plate. She's really stubborn about it and won't bend even at the bribery of chocolate cake with chocolate frosting from grandma (which she loves) that she ends up watching the rest of us eat. One thing we used to do is save her food and she could eat that if she got hungry enough later. It has actually worked a few times. One thing I've noticed is that she ends up wanting a huge breakfast the next morning. So,she does make up for it. Another fun surprise was when she argued with me this weekend about liking pigs in a blanket-it was listed on our menu plan for a day she wouldn't be with us. She stated she like that and I mentioned that she didn't last time we had it-and she INSISTED she did! So, keep in mind tastes change at random as well!

Hi C.,

There was a very good TV special on this subject when my daughter was about 4, she is now 17. It was on 20/20 or 60 Minutes. Kids know how to push our buttons, if you always give him other choices, he will always wait. Only offer what is at the table each night - let him go to bed hungry, he will not starve; if you stay strong and not offer other choices within a week (which was the premise of the show)even the pickiest of eaters were eating whatever was for dinner by the end of the 7 days.

Good Luck

Maybe you can request the show online from their archives. Also I recommend watching the Nanny show very good for picking up tips on raising kids.

Hi C., I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. I was a very picky eater and my mom used to say to me in frustration, "I hope you get a kid JUST LIKE YOU." And she got her wish!

I am not sure I am a good source of wisdom on this because I am frustrated by it just about daily but here goes:

1. I was a picky eater and I distinctly remember NOT BEING HUNGRY. I think given the obesity levels in the U.S. right now, forcing kids to eat, eat more, clean their plates, is a bad idea.

2. Our kids are American. They will not starve. There is always another meal or snack coming.

3. I think little kids get some identity from their pickiness. When I was little, my mom always told everyone that I wouldn't eat meat. I think I kind of internalized that I don't eat meat and therefore didn't eat meat. I think if my mom had made less of a big deal about it I wouldn't have taken it so seriously.

4. Kids eat what they are offered. I can't control the fact that church has an endless supply of cookies and the junk food that prevails in every public place in America. But at home we have nuts, raisins, fruit, whole wheat pitas, peanut butter. I hate to cook and I'm certainly not going to cook stuff that will 1) make me fatter and 2) my kids will refuse and 3) will take a ton of time and create a big mess. So we have pretty simple meals. My kids are offered fresh fruit at every meal. I have expanded my idea of protein and instead of doing meat all the time we go with nuts, peanut butter, yogurt. He will eat healthy crackers with cheese spread so we seem to do a lot of that. For snacks I try to do the low-fat microwave popcorn or non-fat frozen yogurt. The kids think it's great, hardly ever having had the real stuff.

5. No one in our house has to eat anything they don't want to eat. But, they have to sit at the table in front of their plate during dinner. (It's amazing how if they sit there they start eating sometimes, despite screaming that they aren't going to eat.) And, if they don't eat a meal, that is IT until the next meal. I'll say, "Honey, no one has to eat anything he doesn't want to eat. But you'll have to make it until breakfast tomorrow." Sometimes I think they are sincerely not hungry. And I know they won't starve.

Still, tho, it is sooo frustrating. The other day I made smoothies with 3 different kinds of berries, non-fat frozen yogurt. They were absolutely delicious. One kid wouldn't even try it, the other ate only a few bites. And I had the whole blender mess ...

Good luck.

My sister had this issue with her stepdaughters and she found that when they 'helped' her make something that they were more willing to try it and eat it. They were proud of helping out and had spent work making it so it was almost like they appreciated what they were eating because it was their own masterpiece.

My own son (who is 3) eats pretty well. If he doesn't want to eat something (which is beginning to happen a lot just lately) I give him a choice so that he has some power in the decision. I don't want eating to become a power struggle. I say, you can either eat what is on your plate or you can have a banana (or something else that is nutricious, but not something major that I have to cook). Usually he eats some stuff on his plate, or vies for the other option, and since it was HIS decision, he sticks with it. Hope this helps.

Stand firm and do not start making seperate meals - you do it now you will always do it and then he is winning. I actually talked to my pediatrician about this, my daughter isn't to this extreme but his advice was - put it in front of her if she doesn't want to eat that is fine but there is nothing else. if he decides he's hungry later, pull out his supper plate and warm it up. If he makes an effort and it is truly apparent that he doesn't like it I don't believe in forcing them to eat it. However, he needs to understand you aren't a short order cook and eventually he will go peoples house and it will just be rude for him to act this way. he needs to try it! Good luck!!

I would cut out the snacks, completely (with the exception of the school one which you really can't control). However, if you are giving the child a snack after dinner, he knows that he doesn't have to eat what's for dinner b/c there will be a snack later to fill his tummy. He is old enough to understand, if you tell him, that there will be no snack later. That's not to say that he will believe you - the first time, but he will the second time. I also wonder what you give him to drink with his meals? If you're giving him juice or milk, or any other flavored drink, that will fill his tummy making it so that he is really full. Try giving him only water - and a little bit, at that. It might take some micro-managing for a bit, but eventually you'll get him to eat his dinner if you tell him, I'll give you more water if you eat another bite of food for me. Dessert, also should depend upon supper completion - or at least an acceptable, agreed upon portion of the dinner. I also find that serving my children smaller portions helps. They get overwhelmed by a huge portion of food on their plate. The most important thing is that you are consistent with your method. Believe me, I had a child who would eat nothing but rice for months and then I realized it wasn't just a phase and I had to do something about it. He's 7 and eats nearly everything now, but it took a phase of micromanaging and eventually he got it.

Good luck!

Have you asked your 5-1/2 year old to help make dinner or help with grocery shopping (I know, sounds like a nightmare, I have a 5 year old son). He and I will make this our "Date Night" As we walk thru the store, we talk about fun thinks to make, eat for supper for the family. I've picked up whole wheat tortillas, spread peanut butter and rolled up a banana. Let the kids assemble their foods - We like walking tacos, the portion of chips is determined by mom, but the rest my 2-1/2 year old and 5 year old determine. Sometimes the ingredients are touching, sometimes not. Sometimes they have ketchup on their hamburger.
Another trick my mom used with my younger brother was renaming things. Brocolli was only eaten once they became little trees - covered with snow when dipped in ranch dressing. We still tease him (now 28) about wanting little footballs - pork and beans.
Hope one of these will help.

I had a foster child that came and wouldn't eat anything but junk. It is amazing that when they really get hungry, they eventually will eat. If he is pushing your buttons and even every once in awhile gets his own way, he will hold out until he gets his own way again. Offer him the food, if he doesn't eat it, with empathy Let him know that you hope he doesn"t get too hungry before the next meal is served. Good luch. things won't change overnight--this behavior didn't occur overnight, it happened over time.
I also wouldn't do the snack thing before supper.

My thinking would be that if he is hungry enough he will try and eat what you have prepared. He must not be hungry otherwise he would at least try it. He just has to realize that you cannot make food just for him and that everyone has to try new things. Encourage him to try other things besides food and he may get the hint and actually realize he likes some of the food you make.I wish you the best as I know this can be a difficult situation.

My suggestion is have him help you cook, I have a 9 year old stepson who moved in with my husband and I 2 years ago, when he first came to live with us he was the same way because their mother does not cook and they always ate McDonalds or Burger King. If it wasn't a burger or a chicken Nugget he would automatically say it was "Nasty" without trying. I was raised the same as you, I am not going to make separate meals. I would just say to him if you don't like it then you must not be hungry. But I have found that if he helps even a little bit such as grating cheese for Taco's or washing lettuce... or even just stiring something, then he thinks that he helped and he is so proud to sit down at the table and ask if everyone likes it... then when they say it is good he will boast about how he had a hand in making it.... plus he doesn't want to say it isn't good if he made it, so it eliminates him calling something "Nasty."

When my daughter was little, her first sentence was "I don't like it" so I know what you are going through. Mac and cheese, tomato soup and grilled cheese, pizza... those were her favorites. I made well balanced meals and there was enough that something was liked each meal. Meat, potatoes, vegetables, fruit or salad. We also had the pizza, tacos. I would not be a short order cook, what I made was dinner. If I heard "I don't like it" I would just say "well I hope you like breakfast in the morning" They usually ate some at dinner. I didn't push to finish their plates, but let them decide on how much of what to eat, but only what was on the table. There was very seldom any dessert at our house.

I would stop giving him something before bed. It will only take one night of feeling hungry to let him know that isn't what he wants to do. Or you could put his plate in the refridgerator and when he is hungry later, just reheat it.

What time does he get home and eat a pbj sandwich? If it is too close to dinner time, he might not be so hungry. Try pushing dinner back a half hour or hour, let him have time to get hungry.

The only way to get this under control is to stop giving in. Make dinner, sit down, eat, clear the table and that's it. No kid will starve himself to death. Eventually, he'll get hungry enough to eat whatever is available. It will help to stop buying anything you don't want the kids to have, until you get them under control. Then, reintroduce special items for special occasions, but no foraging by little ones allowed. It's simply a matter of training them. You're the parent, you control the kitchen, the food and the schedule. Be prepared for a battle (whining, fussing, tantrums) but stand firm and remember, you are doing them a favor by teaching them to eat what is put in front of them. Self discipline is never easy, but it is necessary for well balanced personhood.

SAHM of seven

Christe,
First I'm going to tell you to take him to the dentist beleave it or not. Sometimes when kids won't eat something it's because it is difficult for them to eat it. Does he have cavities or even is his jaw misaligned, my little brother was a picky eater and we found out it was because it was hard for him to chew certain things. His bottom jaw was not growing at the same rate as the upper one.

If that's not the problem if he likes peanut butter and jelly
teach him how to make it for himself and clean up after himself also, If you make something he doesn't want to eat tell him that's o.k., you can make yourself a snadwhich, but still have him help clean up after the family meal. After a while he may decide it's easier just to eat what you make. And if he doesn't well than you already have a solution, he's happy with what he's eating and you don't have to make a separate meal. As he gets older teach him how to make other sandwhiches, later bigger things. Who knows you may turn him into someone who enjoys to cook and can help you out more in the kitchen as he gets older.

My mom did this with us and than I did it with my stepson pretty soon he was eating whatever I put on the table.

I believe part of your problem is that he really isn't hungry...after having a snack in the afternoon and then coming home from school and eating a sandwich or pop tarts there's no way a 5 1/2 year old could be too hungry. Try cutting out the snack after school or at least try putting some grapes or something not so filling on the table for him to have at that time.

As the old saying goes...he will eat when he is hungry...I don't believe in giving in and letting him have something else after he has turned down supper. If you can't handle not giving him anything, at least save his plate of food and offer it to him again later.

Eating is a habit, and if we start out with bad habits, they are hard to break.

Good Luck!!!!!!

I had this exact same battle with my son when he was 4 1/2. Same arguments, everything. So he went hungry.

Like you, I was raised that you eat what the family eats. Don't like it? Tough. I told him I didn't have the money to make him whatever he wanted each night, so if he was hungry, he'd eat what I made. So he'd sit there, stare at his plate, and not eat. Every night.

After two weeks he realized I wasn't kidding and it wasn't going to change. He timidly started picking at the food I'd make (mostly pastas, they're SO easy and quick). I'd throw green peppers, onions, tomatoes, zucchini and garlic in the food processor to save time and add it to the sauce. He LOVES spaghetti but hated veggies. After that first meal, he begged me to buy more zucchini. I was floored.

I took it one step further and did the same with lunches. What five year old asks for spinach salad?!? He loved it. I started buying new fruits and veggies I'd never tried before and he loved almost all of them. I think he just had to get out of the "eww, green" mindset.

We now have a very healthy menu at our house and have cut out chips and snack cakes (though you could never tell looking at my waist, lol). School snacks are cheese and crackers, yogurt or dried fruit, and I haven't had one complaint. Good luck. :) Just stick to your guns and things will get better. :)

Grammy S, you're onto something bigger than the food battle when you say "Your child is using food as a way to get extra attention." I know a picky eater whose father doesn't interact with his only child, doesn't talk to her or just play with her and have fun. The food battle is just like what C. describes. The mother grumbles or yells at the child about food; grandparents pressure the child; other adults (at school, e.g.) lecture her; the battle of wills escalates. The good advice -- "cut out snacks, serve dinner and say take it or leave it, let the kid go to bed hungry," goes in one ear and out the other, along "Say nothing," don't make an issue of it. Some suggest the child is frustrated (due to family dysfunction, e.g.) and uses eating as the one area where he or she can exercise personal control. This would mean calling on a psychologist before employing the "I'll show you who's boss" tactics. If the child really is hurting for attention, or just hurting, and using food to express what he or she cannot put into words, I hope the parents can get to the real reason for the food battle (the dad I know will not change, and the picky eater is now 8). For some dysfunctional mothers, being firm, silent, and consistent is so hard, or so out of character, they'd rather cave in daily and complain than keep taxing their brains with a stubborn child. (Same syndrome that keeps wives in abusive marriages.) I'm not saying this is you, C.! But it seems to me a lot of us weary, frustrated mothers use a sharp tone, a critical look, and when we're too overwhelmed to be bright, cheerful moms, or quiet, firm disciplinarians, we only keep the cycle of frustrations going. My 11-yr-old lives on chicken nuggets, apples and macaroni-n-cheese. Starved for attention? Or just the right *kind* of attention -- a calm, relaxed mother? After a full day at work, moms may lack the energy and alertness to handle the demands of picky kids. Add a selfish, absentee husband/father into the brew and a child may act out frustration in any number of ways -- picky eating is just one. (Again, C., I'm not saying this is you.)

My 4 yo was the same way. He would eat everything at other people's homes but if I made the same thing he would say he was full and not eat. Since I am not the best cook in the world I was getting a real complex! But after doing some research on the internet about it I realized he has a pretty small stomach at that age. So, he gets a breakfast, lunch and afternoon snack at daycare plus I was giving him two granola bars for the ride home before supper because it would be at least an hour before we could eat. The only reason he would not eat is because he was full. And since he was getting nutrition the rest of the day I became not as concerned about him not eating supper. However, the catch for him became that if he did not eat his supper, or at least a portion of it, he would not get a dessert, no after dinner snacks, not anything and if he became hungry in an hour then he could have a glass of water but NOTHING else. I had to be really strict about that. Plus, I stopped giving him the granola bars in the car on the ride home. This made him hungrier for dinnertime. It took a good six months but he has really changed his tune about my dinners! He even tells me that what I make is good! One other thing, I stopped asking him what HE wanted for supper. I make what I make. If he eats it, fine. If not, fine. I refuse to argue with him about not eating. I just take away the plate. But if he does not eat, then nothing else until breakfast at daycare the next morning.
Just in case I sound harsh, he just had a physical at the end of February and he is in the 90th percentile for height and the 75th percentile for weight. So I guess the dinner time rules are not hurting him! Hope this helps!!