My 4Yr Old Is Very About Having New Baby Brother

Updated on January 22, 2008
D.C. asks from Jasper, AL
12 answers

Im expecting my second child in May. My 4yr old Daughter had her heart set on a little girl. We found out over a month and half ago that we are having a little boy, and my daughter hates him. When I put here hands on my belly she wont say anyting I have to ask if she felt it, when we are in the store she wont even look at boy clothes. Now she has invented an imaginary little sister. She is very excited to become a big sister and It doesnt seem to jealousy, she just doesnt want a little boy. Will she get past this? What can I do to help her? I knew Id have to deal with sibling rivalry and all that but hes not even here yet.

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answers from Grand Junction on

I don't know how you should handle it right now but it will all change when he gets here. She will love that little baby like no other reguardless if it is a boy or a girl. Just let her be involved in the feeding, the changing, the holding, the rocking, the putting him down to sleep. Just make her involved in everything and when he is down, love on her and hug on her and make her out to be the best girl anyone could ever imagine or have. Let her know that she is the special one. You will be just fine.

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answers from Birmingham on

I believe that once the baby is here she is going to love him. Once she sees how precious and cuddly he is nothing else will matter. So don't fret, she will get over it.

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answers from Chattanooga on

I am a mom of 5, my oldest is a girl and I had four boys after her. I think the first thing to do is let her know you understand her feeling. I don't know if you believe in God but I told my daughter that God had a great plan for her life and giving her brothers will help her be the woman God has planned for her!

If you do not believe in God or His plan for your life, then I would suggest you ask some serious questions. What was she expecting her life to look like with a baby sister instead of a baby brother. What does she think a girl can do that a boy can't do? I have a brother and we are each other's best friends! The big thing her is to find out what makes the sister so much more important than the brother. My boys play kitchen (they are chefs), they play Barbie (they are the dads and wonderful fathers), they play house, school and watch Cinderella with my daughter. There is so much that she will be missing but if you find out what she thinks a baby sister will give her over a baby brother it might help you have a place to start.
Good luck!



answers from Baton Rouge on

Oooh, that's a hard one. I'm very interested to hear what everyone else says though because we're expecting our 2nd in August; I don't know what it is yet - we might just have to deal with the same issue. My daughter is 3 though, so I'm not sure she's set on one gender on the other. One day she'll say she wants a sister, the next she'll say a

Perhaps you can ask her why she doesn't want a brother? Ask her what kind of games she wanted to play with a little sister, and point out that her little brother can play the same games. (I personally, have no issues with a boy playing with dolls - how many teenage boys have you seen with Barbies, and what are action figures but little dolls? - but I don't know what your and your husband's perspectives are about a gender-roles so I'm not informed enough speak to that).
I guess just try to figure out what it is she doesn't like about boys. Maybe her father does something (or doesn't do something) that she doesn't like, and she's afraid her little brother will be/do the same way/thing? I'm not saying he does bad things, of course...It's probably something very simple but that you as adults wouldn't think twice about.
Dunno, just thinking out loud here in the hopes that it'll spark something for you that might help...

Please keep us posted on how things go though, as I'm concerned I'll be dealing with the same or a similar issue in a few months!



answers from Huntsville on

This probably doesn't help a whole lot as I do not know details about how this little girl reacted, but my cousin's little girl Norah is 3. When my cousin got pregnant with their 2nd child, Norah hoped that she would get a little sister. When they found out it was a boy, she too was upset. But, he was born a week before Thanksgiving and she seemed fine with him being a boy! She was proud & told everyone that was her little brother.

So, maybe your daughter will warm up to the idea too! Maybe there are some kid books about little girls getting little brothers? Might help if she hears a story about another big sister helping with her little brother.



answers from Shreveport on

That sounds just like me when I was little. I was 5 when my mother told me that she was having a baby and I was just ecstatic. I was going to have a little sister!!!! I was soooooo happy. Then they found out it was going to be a little boy. I was crushed. I so didn't want a brother. I'm not real sure how long it took for me to warm up to the idea of having a brother, but I did and I wouldn't trade him for anything. I looked out for him and he looked out for me. It may take her a while to get use to the idea of a boy, but in time (probably when he is born) she will love him just the same.

Right now my 4 year old is asking for a little sister or brother. She's not picky yet, she just wants a sibling. She has made up an imaginary brother and sister. One day she will have a sister and the next she will have a brother. Usually a sister though. Her dad and I are planning on more children. We just want to wait till she's in school because I get so sick when I'm pregnant.

She will get over the fact that the baby is a boy and love him just the same. I did. LOL



answers from New Orleans on

Our daughter was a little older (7) but when she was upset about a brother instead of a sister, we told her that it meant that she got to stay the princess of the house, she didn't have to 'share the princess crown.' That made all the difference in the world! She absolutely LOVES her little brother now!



answers from Birmingham on

Don't worry she will change. My son(who is now 18) had his heart set on a baby brother. He was seven amd I came home and told him that we were having a girl. He was angry and said he could nevr love a girl. When Rebecca was a couple of months old Richard was playing with her and they were laughing. I said "Richard, do you remember what you said about having a little sister? He said what? I said "you said that you could never love a girl" .He said, "I guess I was wrong".



answers from Chattanooga on

My daughter cried at the doctor's office after finding out we were having a boy. While I was still pregnant, I let her talk about what she disliked about a brother. Boys are mean, loud, and messy were her answers. Then we talked about boys that we knew who were not mean, loud, or messy. Then we talked about things we liked about her daddy. We also made up silly boy names like Clifford the Dog. But she also helped us choose his real name. Now she tells me that she wouldn't trade him for a sister.



answers from Florence on

Hi there and congrats! My advise to you is to contact your women's center (hospital, birthing center, etc.) and find out about classes for children called "Sibling classes" (or something similar. It provides answers to questions that many children ask when a new baby is in the works, and helps them to become awesome "big sisters" and "big brothers"! Perhaps, because she doesn't know much about boys, she is a little frightened to have a "stranger" in her midst. She will learn about the kicks in Mommy's belly, and perhaps even assist you with some of your hospital preparations for baby brother. I hope you give it a try - it really is worth it, and it will make her feel like she matters, and she is needed! Have a wonderful pregnancy and good luck with your little girl - I'm sure she'll be fine!


answers from Memphis on

Wow, this, I have to admit, I've not encountered. Does she play with other little girls with little sisters? Maybe it's something she's seen in a cartoon or something or TV show where the little brother was a pain in the butt and she's fearful? I don't know if you've seen The Christmas Story, but that little brother of his is annoying!! He eats like a pig & whines all the time! I think the idea of asking her what she thinks a little brother will be like or what fun things do boys get to do, keeping it positive and not let it go into how stinky boys can be.

I would perhaps bring some boy toys in the house & let her play with them, showing her that boys are cool too. Maybe get a boy doll that she can change its diapers and clothes, telling her how what a big helper she's going to be!

This is unique I must admit. Let us know how it turns out, I am very curious.



answers from Baton Rouge on

I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like a typical 4-year-old to me. The baby is about as real to her right now as her imaginary sister is - maybe even less. Onece he's born, she'll be fine.
When my stepson was about 4, his mom was pregnat with his sister. She had a lot of problems with the pregnancy and was hospitalized several times during it. This was back in the 70's and my stepson was not allowed to see his mom while she was at the hospital. His dad would stand with him outside the hospital and she would wave down to him. At one point he turned to his dad and told him that this baby wasn't even born yet, and he hated it already - because he resented the fact that the baby kept taking his mom away. But as soon as she was born and home fromthe hospital, they bonded and have been very close ever since.

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