My 4 Year Old Can Be Such a Terror!

I hear you. My daughter did the exact same thing. She is still growing out of it; we have problems once in awhile but not so bad. Stickers worked wonders, every time she did anything good she got a sticker in a notebook. We carried it with us all the time. And she just had to grow out of it. You will get through it.

H. - You are not alone. There are lots of moms out there with children that are boundary pushers. If I had to guess, your 4 year old was probably a fussy baby, a testing 18 month old, a tornado of a toddler, and now a pushing preschooler. The good news? If dealt with love and firm boundaries, these kids will thrive and often be very successful. The bad news? They never stop pushing. There is a parenting strategy called "Love and Logic". It puts the ownership of the problems in the childs hands and lets them learn boundaries out of natural consequences. It takes the battles out of discipline which can be highly effective for this type of personality. I would check out the book they have. Love and Logic Parenting by Jim Fey and Foster Cline. It is the only answer - but it may help. If nothing else, it teaches you a way to stay calm and work with less effort so you aren't so exhausted dealing with him.

Good Luck!

Well, H. it sounds as though your son is bored. You may check into or maybe create a weekly play group. This will provide your son the nessecary interaction with other childern to develop healthy social skills. Also, you may try more structured activacties at home. Such as getting him involved with the daily chores. Granted it won't be done exactly how you would like it, but it gives your son some responsibility and something to do other than complain and cry. Now I know it may not be appealing at first to son to do chores, but if you have rewards afterward, such as baking cookies together or making a surprise for DAD. I would also schedule a quite time for your son. This would be a time after lunch that your son must go in his room read book or play with toys quietly. He doesn't have to sleep (which more than likely you find him asleep on the floor with a toy in hand), but he must be quite which allows you some to deflate and regroup. You may start with 30 minutes. If it goes will shoot for an hour.
You may consider getting your husband to do boys night out one night a week. This may be simply going out for an ice cream cone to maybe a movie or bowling. Of, course your budget will dictate what this evening out consists of. Also, this will provide you the opportunity to soak in the tub, read book, or simply enjoy the peace and quite, additionally this provides the boys with some great bonding time with dad. If getting your husband and boys out the house doesn't work, then you leave for a mommies night out.

I too am a stay at home mom (4 kids and another on the way), the best advice I can give you is to pick one form of discipline and stick with it. Also, only focus on one behavior at a time. I know it seems like it will be forever, but if you focus on the biggest one first, the hardest part is over and he will learn faster and faster as each week passes. The realy key is just consistancy. It may take a couple weeks (or longer depending on the child), but he WILL eventually get the point that "everytime I have a tantrum (or whatever behavior you're working on), something unpleasant happens (whatever you choose as your disciplinary action). And of course, don't forget to love and cuddle and praise those times he is trying to do what is right.

I went through this with my kids. What I did was find another mom who needed a break and we would get together and do a small "tea" party with all the kids. I let the kids make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and we cut them up small, put a small folding table in the living room and put them on their best behavior. We made this a weekly ritual and it really helped the kids mellow out that day and carry over into the next. We took turns bringing over a loaf of bread and made it a mom's time out too. It was great.
Also your child might be ready to learn whether he is in school or not. There are lots of books at the library to teach a willing child with.
Good luck!

I went through this with my son- who is now 7 and still nearly in the terrible two stage, by the way. I just want to say good luck to you, I have no great advice. I took the common sence parenting class through Boys Town, I can see where it could help in the right situation. Preventative teaching(letting the kid know what you expect from them BEFORE you get to a situation) some of that stuff- and they also teach consequences both positive and negative- I am currently at a point where my son could care less about either of those- again, all I can say is good luck to you, I hope you find something that works.

Hey,
I am going through this same thing with my four year old! He whines all the time! The thing I have found that is working is I give him more attention. Like you, I am home with him all day, and sometimes it just gets to be too much. I have realized I need to get down on his level and truely listen, not just nod and say "uh huh" while I do other things. If he whines, I will say someting like "I hear whining or I hear something... but it doesn't sound like a big boy talking" and I won't talk to him until he talks like a big boy with real words. that seems to work most of the time. I have also told him how silly it is to cry/whine over things. Like if he thinks it is his turn to talk and he starts frieking out, I show him that adults and big kids don't talk that way and say something like "can you imagine if I was talking to my friend, and I interrupted her by whining until I got to talk? (then I whine just like him and show him how silly it sounds) Nobody would want to be my friend if I acted this way!" He will usually laugh because I sound so rediculous. I have also been praising him all the time for anything good he does througout the day and that keeps the whining at bay. Anyway, I hope this helps! Like I said, it has been working for me lately. good luck.

Wow! I am glad my family is not the only ones dealing with a crazy four year old. I had always heard that the twos and threes were the times that were difficult. No one warned me about the fours. My husband and I are going through the same thing as you. I find myself wishing for the terrible twos again or for kindergarten to start. In fact, we started seeing a family counselor just to get new ideas as to how to address his behavioral issues. Through this counselor we learned a couple of things that have seemed to help. First of all, you need to take a few days and assess your own behavior in response to your son's behavior. Keep track of how many times you are correcting your child and how many times you are complementing your child. The ratio to strive for is 5 complements to every one correction. Secondly, assess whether your responses to his behavior reinforce/reward his behavior or discourage his behavior. Positive reinforcement is a reward for his behavior, whether it is good or bad. Is he acting up to get attention? Children who do not feel they are getting enough attention will try to get any attention whether or not it is good attention. Then again, complements, treats, stickers, whatever can also be positive reinforcement for good behavior. Conversely, negative reinforcement is something that discourages the behavior. This can be a punishment for a bad behavior. But then again, ignoring the good behavior (or not recognizing it) can turn out to be a negative reinforcement because eventually the child can turn to bad behavior to get the attention from the parents. Once kids learn they can get what they want by acting a certain way, the pattern is set. In assessing myself in this manner, I was able to determine that some of my responses were encouraging my son's behavior and I was becoming so frustrated that I did not recognize when he was acting in a way that I wanted. Last of all, when your son is acting up, respond only if his behavior could cause harm to self, others, or property. Otherwise do not react to his behavior but then thank him when he stops. An example of this is to be if he is making some kind of repetetive, annoying noise. You should ignore this as it will not hurt himself, others, or property. When he stops making the noise thank him for stopping the noise.

I do not know if any of the above will help you, as my husband and I are learning to utilize the above recommendations. The responses do not feel natural yet and are against my instincts to yell, do time outs, and pull my own hair out by the roots. That being said, when we utilize the above recommendations, our home is starting to become a more peaceful, pleasant place to be. Good luck!