My 4 Year-old Has Started Touching Herself. What Is the Best Way to Handle This?

Both of my daughters, 3 and 6, do the same thing and have for a few years. It is super healthy but I, like you, don't want them sitting on the sofa every afternoon doing it. I remind them that it is a private thing that needs to be done in the bathroom or bedroom when they are alone. It takes constant reminders for the 3 year old but the 6 year old stopped doing it in the main rooms of the house when she was 4 or 5. Try not to make a big deal out of it.

I used to say to my sons, that make sure your hands are clean when you touch yourself down there. Ok, mom. That cut it down immediately as a first step.

Also, I said that it is ok to do alone, but not when everyone else is around. I also said a little funny poem about that and got them giggling. If they want to play with themselves, they can do it as much as they want, but not when other people are around.

What it means in your case is, that stick to it after you say it. If she starts, remind her about the rules. If she ignores you, do normal punishing, since then it is just disobedience.

My boys mainly check it all out when they are in the bathtub. Although, my 2.5 year old likes to stick his hand in his diaper when he goes potty every once in a while. I get after him for it, because he is peeing on his hand! When I do discourage it, I also remind them that it is dirty because that is what we go pee pee with and there are germs! Hopefully since your daughter is 4 that will work better than it does w/my 2 year old. My 5 year old will sometimes do it while sitting on the potty to go #2. Again, I just remind him that there are germs on it and he shouldn't do that. He is better about it than the 2 year old, so that should give you some hope! haha! Good luck!

HI,I don't have advice but when you find out how to handle it please let me know because my son is 5 and he walks around with his hand on it all the time. That disturbs me very badly. I have told him over and over that it's rude and unexcceptable to do that in front of people but he still does it. Little girls do a lot of weird stuff because it feels good to them. I also have a little girl and she is 2, she is learning what that is. She has touched hers because she likes the feeling. Your little girl is doing the same thing. I would tell her over and over that its rude and not to do it in front of people. I wish you the best of luck.
SH

Try teaching her that it should only be done in private. Don't tell her its wrong or make her feel ashamed. It is natural and there isn't anything wrong with it when its done appropriately

I distract my daughter (3) to do something else. AND tell her be careful not to hurt herself.

I think you are handling it the right way... If you freak out, she may do it more to get attention or feel badly about what is completely normal. They (our children) always have us second guessing ourselves.

I totally agree that it is normal. We sing songs about "head, shoulders, knees and toes" but it's like "wow, what's this place?". My oldest never did but my younger daughter used to when ever she was in the tub at about age 4 also. What I DID do was remind her what happens down there (going pee) and that her bottom was dirty (not in a sexual sense, but in germs) and she did stop, it didn't take too long. Also the suggestions about reminding her to do it in private only is really good. I have a baby boy now and wonder what I'm in for. LOL.

My 3 yo has been doing that since she was about 9 months. It was usually only at bath time or during diaper changes. I simply tell her to be gentle b/c I don't want her to scratch herself. Lately she's been sticking her hands in her panties during the day so now we are working on that being a "private" thing. I've also started using that as an opening to discuss appropriate and inappropriate touch with her. You know, "NO ONE is to touch you there unless its mom or dad helping you bathe," sort of talks.

I like the idea of needing clean hands and will implement that suggestion as well.

Hi C.,

My daughter started doing the same thing, around 4. At first, we couldn't figure out why she was lying on the ground stomach down with her hands near her privates!! We then realized what she was doing and explained to her that her "private" time is in her bedroom, and that there is a time and a place. If we "caught" her doing it on the floor, we would ask her gently to go to her room for private time. She'd come out a few minutes later on her own, or get bored and do something else. She just turned 5 a few weeks ago. It used to be more frequent around 4years, but now it's few and far between. I also commend you for handling it without harsh reaction, you're right it is normal!! Good luck!!

C.

hi C.,
you've got some great responses and i think it's commendable that you have been calm and cool about this. once you've give your explanation of choice, it seems to work best to reinforce it with calm 'only in private' reminders. now, if she disregards these i think it's appropriate to get a little annoyed....not so much at the activity but the disobedience, the same way one would for public nose-picking or coughing on other people.
don't worry, it'll sink in soon and i promise you it'll be a great source of reminiscent laughter one day.
:) khairete
S.

I went through the same thing with my daughter. She is getting ready to turn 6 and it started around the same time as yours 4-41/2. She would do it while watching tv ect. I calmly explained that it is not acceptable behavior when she is around people. That there is nothing wrong with her doing it but she can only do it in her room. It took a while of reminding but she eventually stopped doing it quite so much. However I still catch her from time to time. Usually when she is bored. So I also try to redirect her attention to something else crafts, a game ect. As long as she is busy she doesn't do it. I think for some children it becomes a habit, or something they do when they are bored or tired. Good Luck, just know it is normal for all children to explore their bodies.