My 4 Month Old Baby Cries When Strangers Hold Her.

Updated on January 16, 2011
D.S. asks from Hillsboro, AL
13 answers

My 4 month old baby cries hysterical whenever someone she doesnt know holds her and when we are at someone elses home. She cries with her grandparents that she sees once every 2 weeks. I feel really bad that they cant hold her. Once she starts to cry there is nothing i can do to stop her, she will cry for 5 to 10 minutes and when she calms down she still whimpers its so sad. I dont know what to do can anyone help? is this a phase? what can i do to get her comfortable with othe people?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

j

Featured Answers

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

let the grandparents and other adults interact with her while you hold her. she is so tiny. many babies are afraid of people they don't know. she won't *learn* anything by forcing her to do it. she'll grow out of this in her own time.
khairete
S.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I agree with the below post; this is normal and it's important to respect her wishes. Having her sit in your lap or held by you while others engage is a great idea.
My daughter went through phases of not wanting others to hold her or give hugs and kisses and other times she was more social and willing to be handed off.
I noticed people who really wanted to hold her and were more in her face, loud, really pushing it were the ones she said no to but the ones who were mellow and allowing her to go to them were more likely to get somewhere.

It's just a phase, things will change, but respecting her and not forcing her to be held, hugged and kissed by others is important.

Good luck.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.D.

answers from Kansas City on

Don't just hand her off, especially since she doesn't like it! Have the person that wants to hold her sit by you and YOU smile at them, put your arm around or hug them, put your hand on their shoulder, etc letting your daughter know they are 'safe' and it is okay. Have them engage her, coo at her, talk to her, play with her ON YOUR LAP until she warms up a little before passing her off.

3 moms found this helpful

L.G.

answers from Eugene on

Perfectly normal behavior. We are not all social types. Just tell people she's not able to let other people hold her just yet.
If it is your mother or father have them talk to her while you hold her. If she starts to smile and coo you'll know she is making friends with them. Once she feels good with them after a few more visits they can hold her. They should ask her if they can hold her. She does understand what is being said to her. If she stiffens up she isn't ready but if she feels receptive and relaxed she can try it out.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.F.

answers from Duluth on

My 7 month old boy does the same thing. He's gotten better with my MIL but my sisters-in-law still can't hold him for more than a few seconds. If a stranger holds him look out! He acts like they're killing him. Now, I am at home all day with him and don't have any friends in my new area so I'm not sure how soon he will get better if he doesn't interact with others. I'm looking forward to reading opinions and stories.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

respect her un-ease with other people and don't push it. continue to expose her to these people to help ease her anxiety.

some babies - and kids, and grown ups! - just take longer to get used to new people. do your best to stay calm and not feel guilty about it. she's clearly showing you that she is scared.

my middle child was the same way. when she was an infant, she would cry if anyone unfamiliar even looked at her. She is 5 now and can still be very slow to warm up but is totally fine once she has. now that she is older, i find that sometimes she does better when i'm out of sight, but when she was little, this was not an option.

she'll be fine - just let her be who she is & do what you can to make her feel secure.

good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Totally normal and it will pass. They sometimes will even reject Dad, especially if you breastfeed. This happened with my first but it passed after a month or so for Dad and after about 3 mos for everyone else.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.O.

answers from San Diego on

My daughter was the same way with strangers. From a young age you had to earn her trust before she gave you the time of day :). For close family and friends I would just keep encouraging her to spend time with them with you or someone else she already trusts right next to her. Have them play with her on the floor, have them sit next to you. I would usually let my family feed her whenever we were together. Eventually move towards having them hold her for short periods of time while you distract her and make her giggle. Then move to having them sit across the room with her, and then have them sit in another room with her all the while playing with her and having fun. I would say that it wasn't until my daughter turned 2 that she would let others play with her or hold her without crying. The people closest to her are my parents and sister and she would see them about once a month. It would always take about an hour each time they saw her for her to warm up to them.

But there is a fine balance here. If there is someone, a stranger or someone close to us, that my kids don't engage immediately with a curious look or a smile, I don't let that person in my life. The handful of times this happened, those people ended up being weirdos or dangerous people. So trust your daughters instincts. She is learning who and how to trust, so go slow with it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.W.

answers from Youngstown on

My daughter started doing that at about that age. She wouldn't even let my husband hold her very much. It was terrible and annoying. It took her until she was about 13 months to fully outgrow it. Good luck.

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Very normal.. one thing you can try when you want a break from holding her, is to have the person hold her, but facing YOU..
As long as she can see you, she will not care who is holding her..

S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Every person is different! your baby is not comfortable with other people, she will learn in time! Just remember that she is a little person with worries and thoughts and fears of her own. She is probably scared because you suddenly disappeared! i would be too! babies this age cant see perfectly well so they often rely on their sense of smell.
I like the suggestion to have the other people hold her facing you, and let them play with her while you are holding her to get her used to other peoples smells and faces.
good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

This is COMPLETELY normal and is a phase!

This phase is h*** o* grandparents! No matter how much you tell them it is
normal, it still is VERY hard for them. Imagine wanting to show your love and
cuddle with your sweet grandbaby and you are rejected, how hard that must be!
Thankfully, the phase will pass and your baby will soon be delighted to see her
doting grandparents. My older daughter can't get enough of her grandparents,
although she went through a phase around the same age your daughter did where
she only wanted Mommy and Daddy to hold her. Our younger one is, I believe,
just emerging from that phase (she's 7 1/2 months).

A few ideas...you could try putting your daughter down in a bouncer, on a
blanket, etc. and leave the room (with her in a happy mood of course). After
you're gone a few minutes, your parents could try picking her up. She might not
protest if you are not in sight. This allows your parents to get in some much
needed cuddle time! I have found with my girls in this phase, they cry more when they can see me and someone else is holding them.
Also, having a friend she sees often hold her for a few
seconds here and there could help her get used to the idea of other people
holding her.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.D.

answers from Boca Raton on

Man do I remember those days....My 8 year old daughter was so much like this, it was so bad that when I took her for walks in her stroller and someone came up and even looked and talked to her HOLY SCREAMING!!!! It is a phase and just keep being social and have her around people when you can so she knows that YOU are comftorable being around them. The more time she spends with the grandparents the better as she is still young and has lots of time to bond...BTW by daughter is very social and has lots of friends and LOVES sleep overs so it will not last forever....HUGS to you mama...

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions