My 3Yr Old Has Nightmares Every Night!

Updated on March 20, 2008
T.M. asks from Cheyenne, WY
34 answers

Hi my 3yr old son has nightmares just about everynight and i cant figure out what hes dreaming about because everytime i go in there to make sure he is alright or to comfort him its like a battle he gets mad and starts yelling.is this normal i just want to know if there is anyone else who is having the same problem and if ther is a solotion to this or if it is something that is just going to have to go away on its own...???

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C.S.

answers from Anchorage on

Well you could try a night light. If you don't have one in the room all ready. You could also try playing a classical music cd through the whole night. That is was what the doc told me to try with my son. The cd worked.

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Y.M.

answers from Portland on

There are two options: He has a "reason" to be doing this behavior; a reason to be scared. He does not have a "reason" that he is aware of; but his body is experiencing terror.

My daughter had night terrors. For a lot of people the intensity of the night terror is so chaotic and loud and horrible, we are just beside ourselves and do not know what the heck is happening. If you get that sense... you are very intuitive. The main "terror" behind night terrors is that the child does not know what the heck is happening to them. It works kind of like a panic attack in the sleep. The body reacts first with shortness of breathe, rapid heart beat, weird body sensations and tingling. Then, all of that physical stuff causes the anxiety. And the child only awakes partially and screams and cries for fear of not knowing why they are having all of these sensations. You should be able to tell if he is not able to wake up all the way and he's in some "other" kind of 1/2 awake - 1/2 asleep, "out of it", kind of mental state. That's a clear sign that it's a night terror.

Solution to the night terrors: none- but out growing them. Efforts to help: consistant bed time routine, remain calm in the middle of the crying, swinging, kicking, twisting, biting, punching, growling..., try to get him/her to sit up and take a sip of water - that usually helps them to wake up all the way from the scary "in between" mental state. And most of all, try to get him to take a nap during the day to relieve the intensity of the night time sleep.

My daughter also went through phases of having nightmares after watching scarey movies, stress with school relationships and embarrassments, and night time tummy aches because of major changes in the family situation (my husband and I separated for 6 months when she was around 4 years old and she was just torn apart from missing him). Solution: many, many, many, you will figure it out as you talk to him about what he was thinking or dreaming when he woke up... or about what is upsetting him... what's he afraid of. But, the efforts to help should be pretty much the same.

Your the Momma, as you watch what's going on with him you'll figure out if it's a physical thing like night terrors that have no cause or reason. Or if it's legitimate anxiety.

PS: Daughter Addy sleeps just fine now at age 16.

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R.

answers from Seattle on

Oh my gosh, same problem. My three year old becoomes hysterical almost every night. He will come running into our room and is very difficult to understand. I have learned to just let him cry and he usually will doze off with us and the rest of the night is fine. I have also noticed that if he sleeps in just his underware and a tshirt then he is more likely to have a night terror. I've added an extra blanket to his bed and that has helped.

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R.K.

answers from San Diego on

My Son is two and he use to do that too. He would do it like every other day. Then me and my husband started putting him to bed in just a diaper and we would say a prayer with him, give him a kiss and say our good night's and well he hasn't had one since!! I don't really get it but hey if it works it works. Every kid is diffrent and they react diffrent to diffrent situations while this might of worked for my son it might not for yours. You need to find what will make him stop having nightmares by trying to figure out what it is he needs. Hope that helps.

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H.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

My three year old started with night terrors when I went back to work. Some times change in the house or even your stress will cause them to have night terrors, not that it is your fault I"m not by any means blaming you. For Alex it was a matter of realizing things were changing to fast around him, and just reasuring him and making sure he understood everything that was going on.. It did go away on its own but it took some time and a lot of us making sure he felt adjusted and safe with all the new changes going on. talk to him in the day and try to see if he understands and is OK with everything...

Congratulations on your new baby and soon to be Husband

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T.M.

answers from Rapid City on

Wow, I'm going through the same thing right now with my 7 year old. The teacher just called me this morning and I was just heartbroken because he broke down and cried at school.
So here's the advice that I've been given. Be very careful what kind of movies we watch, even if our son is out of the room he can hear what's going on. The next thing I started doing again was reading to my kids before bed. We choose to read a little devotional book and the kids Bible. Also, I was told by my cousin (who has a child that has the same problems) that her doctor said to give him Benadryl before bed so the sleep is much more sound. The children's Benadryl has one that does cause drowsiness. Well, hopefully this works for us both. It is so awful having them so upset. Good luck!!!

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T.P.

answers from Provo on

I have a son who is 7 now, but when he was 18 months old until he was four, he had "Night Terrors" or so the doctor called them. He would wake up screaming, but when I went in to check on him, he was still asleep, screaming. Mumbling words, hitting, fighting with me. He had no clue what was going on. He didn't even remember anything the next day. I would try to wake him up, but to no avail. I would have to splash COLD water on him to wake him up. Then he would stop. He was upset that he got woke up by the water, but would go back to sleep fine. Well, come to find out, he had sleep apnea. His tonsils were permanantly swollen due to constant ear infections and strep. He would completely stop breathing for 10 - 15 seconds and that woke him up or startled him and because he was such a deep sleeper, that gave him the "Terrors". SO, I took him to an E.N.T. Dr. and she took out his tonsils and adenoids. To this day, he has not had a "Night Terror" since.

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L.M.

answers from Casper on

I just want you to know that nightmares are totally normal. I am a mom in Casper, recently moved from Laramie. I have a year old son. Thankfully he doesn't have nightmares, but I used to have them so bad that my parents were very worried. I started to scream and cry in my sleep when I was around 2 and continued to do so until I was in 5th or 6th grade. My parents told me that I was very loud and emotional, but I don't recall any of the episodes. They may have been up all night with me, but I didn't remember any of it the next morning. I am sure it was frightening for my parents, but all they did was hold me while I cried and my dad slept with me sometimes. He worked nights so it worked out for him to stay up with me. The dreams stopped when I got brave enough to try to remember my dreams. I worked so hard to remember what they were about and when I did they seemed silly to me and my family, but they sure were difficult to deal with at the time. There were only 2 dreams that really bothered me, but it was traumatizing and I did grow out of it. Hopefully you can get through it a lot quicker than I did. Good luck and remember that your son will confront the dreams when the time is right for him. He just needs support for now.

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A.H.

answers from Phoenix on

When my kids father left the home we moved in with my mother. She had just started Day care and In the middle of all that i had another baby. And almost every night for about a year my daughter had those night mares. She was about 18 months old when they started and it did'nt stop till she was about 2.5 when we finally moved out on our own. She'd sit up screaming at the top of her lungs sometimes for nothing but most nights for Mommy while she was sleeping. I never brought her to see a psycologist but I think it was because of everything at once, all the changes in her life and she was afraid of me leaving her too. I got used to it. I spent more time with her and tried to ignore it. but if you try to help them while there sleeping all your gonna do is scare them more because they can't see you when there dreaming. they just see a person and in there dream it could be a stranger or monster and there hitting and kicking you but they are still asleep. If you just ignore it they will stop after a minute. Then they'll go back to sleep. There is nothing you can do. it's probably there way of dealing with the changes in life.
Later there dad came back for a short while and when he did so did her screaming in the middle of the night. He's been gone for good now since march and she has not had one yet.
Think about the changes in your life right now and help your son deal with them in an awake state by talking with him maybe it will help.

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L.Z.

answers from Las Vegas on

Hi T. -
There is a similar incident to your son's written in a fabulous book called "Children's Past Lives" by Carol Bowman. It's one of the most eye-opening books I've ever read and is all factually backed and researched. It's an orange paperback book that you can get in the book store. I've seen it at Borders Books and Barnes & Noble. This book is so good that I bought several copies and gave it to all of my friends. Hope you find answers there too. Good luck! - L.

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D.C.

answers from Portland on

He's having Night Terrors. They are very common and are a form of sleep walking when the child wakes up partially but not all the way. Do not wake him up or anger will ensue. He probably looks at you glassy eyed and doesn't even completely acknowledge you are there. Keep toys away from his bed area at bedtime and leave a hallway light on so if he does wake up from the terror, he wont't be disoriented or frightened. Night Terrors can last quite a few years. My daughter went for 3 years, from age 2.5 or 5.5. But she still has one once a year or if she is exhausted!. Also call your pediatrician and get his advice.

D., Mom of 3 children (Ages 22, sleepwalker, 19, sleepwalker and 8, Night Terrors)

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G.W.

answers from Casper on

I have a 2 1/2 year old. She wakes up sometimes having nightmares..I guess you can call them that. She cries ..most of the time I can make out that's about a fight she had with a friend over a toy that day or some such thing. She usually does this when we have a stressful, long day and she goes to bed late after having friends over late. I can't calm her..she usually just goes back to sleep on her own. I just hold her and tell her it's ok. It doesn't really help so if she doesn't want to be touched I just keep repeating that it is ok. I use to try to wake her up and make her stop but that didn't work...anyways...I don't know if this helps but at least your not in this alone..;)

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D.G.

answers from Portland on

Hi T.,
It really does sound like Night Terrors. I do not envy you the position your in. My best friends 10 year old has had night terrors all his little life and I have seen enough of them to be glad my children don't have them.Everything I have read about them says all you can hope for is that they will outgrow them and make sure and give them a safe comfortable environment. Many children with night terrors develop other problems such as sleep walking and can manage to do both the walking and screaming at the same time. So my advice to you is to talk to your pediatrician and then read up on the subject andmake yourself as knowledgeable and comfortable with it as you can.
Good luck.

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J.G.

answers from Bismarck on

I've had to deal with the same thing. It got so bad, he'd throw up during these. I knew that something was horribly wrong. Basically, with my son, he's not at that age where he can tell concrete from "imaginary" ie. dragons from Shrek, Finding nemo-the shark, Shrek 3- CPT hook, he'd find as many hangers as he could and run around like him and even HAD to play his piano. these are little things that led up to a year of night terrors.... he would talk like he's the monsters to whatever he was "pretend" to play. which is scary to think about. I had to put all his toys that aren't helping, like the swords, guns, things that he would use to Fight the dragons, etc etc. I put them all in a box (he wasn’t home) and he's not playing with them until time is right, they will come back out.

Get a spray bottle, put water in there, bubbles is a great idea as well. MARK IT SAFETY SPRAY. Let your child spray the area when you can tell they are starting to get uneasy. I usually do it before bed, he'd go around a few rooms and spray it. i do notice a difference. it's a PEACE OF MIND before he drifts off to bed! Hope this helps, feel free to email me with any other questions.

He has gotten MUCH better since I started all of this. one thing I also learned is that if the child isn't getting enough rest, these trigger the terrors

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H.F.

answers from Spokane on

I have a 11 year old nephew that goes through the same kind of thing. It sounds like what he is experiencing is Terror Dreams. Basically what happens, is he gets into a dream, that he cannot wake himself from. My nephew will scream, kick, yell, anything you can imagine. His eyes are open but he looks as though he is looking right through you, he is totally unresponsive. He is actually asleep during this whole thing. Do not try and wake your son, it makes the situation worse. What you need to do is lay him back down in his bed, cover him, and try to rub his back or stomach. Something to sooth and comfort him. He will go right back to normal sleep as if nothing has happened. This may not work everytime. We have actually had to put my nephew into the shower, clothes and all, and turn on the cold water. The shock snaps them out of their dream. According to our doctor, most kids eventually will grow out of it. However, we have learned that these Terror Dreams are more prominent in my nephew, when he is going through a growing spurt. Believe me, I know it is not a easy thing to have to deal with, only because it is like they are another child, which in essence they are. They have no recelection of these nightmares, and if you try to ask them, they do not remember having a dream. Hope this helps you. Best of luck!

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A.T.

answers from Rapid City on

Your son may be having night terrors. Usually kids outgrow them as they get older, but not always. My younger brother had them as a child and still has one every now and then. I feel for you, as it can get kind of scary when they're freaking out like that, but they usually have no recollection of it when they are wide awake. I don't have any advice on how to stop it or make it better, but you should ask your son's doctor. Good luck.

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M.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi there....I run a daycare and when I first started I had a little girl who would have napmares :) Her mom said she got them at night and someone suggested when she goes to sleep to have lullaby music playing or if you know of those CD's that play nature type sounds like running rivers, ocean waves, soft wind chimes etc....while she is falling asleep and during her nap. I bought a CD player and the mom supplied the CD's. The little girl seems to sleep better and not have as many nightmares. I understand this does happen and no one knows why, but try the music it may help.

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S.W.

answers from Sacramento on

Sounds like classic "Night Terrors" talk to your pediatrician! Not a big deal really...but can be very upsetting to parents. PS if you live in WY why are you on the Northern CA chat? Good luck.

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J.M.

answers from Seattle on

This sounds like Night Terror. My son's has gradually lessened over the years (worse when he was a baby). The research I did about it explaned that it is being caused by a chemical trigger in the brain that tells your child to feel fear -- not that he is dreaming of anything scary. It's a PHYSICAL RESPONSE, not typical dreaming-type nightmares that we as adults can relate to. (After all, what WOULD be "scary" to a one year old?!)

Hang in there!

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D.W.

answers from Spokane on

Hi! My name is D. and I hate to tell you this but it sounds like what your child is experiencing is called night terrors. My kids went through this too. The good news is it eventually goes away. Do Not! approach them or touch them when you hear them start crying or screaming this instigates a fight or flight instinct and they start to fight you. Just talk very soft and soothingly. It is hard not to comfort our children wwhen we know they are scared but this just makes it worse. Your voice not your touch is the most calming to them when they are going through this.

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K.O.

answers from Portland on

I just went to my doctor with this same issue. My son is 2 1/2. He said that when they are having night terrors that you should NOT wake them up. Just sit close by, make sure they are safe and unable to hurt themselves, and stay with them until the incident is over. Night terrors usually happen an hour or two after they go to sleep. Nightmares are different. They occur later in sleep. And my doctor said to comfort him and ask him what the nightmare was about. My son has had both nightmares and night terrors, and I can tell the difference because of when they occur and also because he will try to talk to me after a nightmare. With a night terror he just sits or lays there and cries. Also, the doctor said it will go away on its own. It may happen for a few weeks, or months or even years. You just have to tough it out. The last bit of advice I have is... I have found that my son sleeps much better when he is not overly tired. So I try to be diligent about getting him to bed at his regular time and making sure he gets his afternoon nap every day. Whenever one of these things doesn't happen, he always wakes up at some point during the night crying.

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K.O.

answers from Portland on

One of my sons has done this and we have tried a couple of things. The first one is taking him to the bathroom and sitting him down. For some reason, the urge to pee and the stress of not doing it in the bed caused him anxiety about it. The next thing we have done is sing to them before going to bed and making it a very calming and secure tradition. :) Good luck!

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E.R.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I know this posting is already over a year old, but likely he is still having them. Like many other people have said, it is night terrors. My son started having them at 2, they intensified at 5, and he had them every night for about a year or more, then they faded away and now at almost 8 he only has them once in a while. Sometimes you can find a trigger, like with my son if he gets too hot in that first sleep cycle, he will have one for sure. When we forget and cover him or he covers himself with more than a sheet to fall asleep he inevitably starts screaming and freaking out about an hour and a half to two hours after he's fallen asleep. I don't know why getting too hot triggers one, but we have definitly noticed a pattern. We have found now that he's older if we stay by him and talk very soft and soothing it seems to help keep him a bit more calm, but that also depends on the severity of the night terror. Eventually he lays back down, yawns once, and falls back to sleep. We have gotten used to them now, but they used to be extremely upsetting, he has even been so agitated that he swung at me with his fists. Hang in there, they aren't fun, but you'll learn to handle them, and don't worry...he doesn't remember ANYTHING than happens during them.

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L.M.

answers from Las Vegas on

You know what I think, I think he is having are Night Terrors. I had them when I was little. I didn't really have dreams per-say, just scary thoughts that woke me up screaming. That's probably why you can't comfort him. He will grow out of it. If thats what it is. Call your pediatrician about it as well and see what they say about it. My daughter had them for a while but not so much anymore. I hope this helps. Check the internet about them maybe there are some helpful hints on what to do if he keeps having these things. Try this website: http://www.nightterrors.org/

Look under the Night Terror Symtoms section and see if this is what is going on. Good luck!

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K.W.

answers from Terre Haute on

Hi i'm not sure if you are still having these problems, but when my son has bad dreams I would tell him to turn his pillow over and start a new dream. It worked and still does! Have you asked him during the day if he remembers having these dreams? if so, talk to him about them, find out what he is scared of. (sorry this is late, i just signed up)

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A.R.

answers from Sacramento on

Both my son (who is now 4) and my daughter (age 2) have had night terrors. I notice they come on mostly during growth spurt times and can last several weeks at a time (if not longer). I am an acupuncturist and try to resolve any health or spirit issues naturally. I have found that using a homeopathic remedy called Calmes Forte works the best. You can buy it at almost any health food store. They make it for kids (Calmes Forte for Kids). I believe you can even google it for more info. It seemed to work better for my son than my daughter. For my daughter I use a specific chinese herbal formula. I've had her on it for several weeks now and she seems to be responding well. Don't worry, night terrors are normal (and very unnerving), but they are treatable. I would recommend taking your son to an acupuncturist (not for acupuncture) who prescribes pediatric herbal formulas if you are unable to resolve the problem with Calmes Forte for Kids. Good luck and hang in there!!

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T.F.

answers from Portland on

Hi,
I know that my daughter had night terrors too. When she was about your childs age. She would scream at the top of her lungs! It was horrible. But we tried everything we could think of. Finaly we just gave up and let her scream. She would stop screaming on her own. She doesn't do it anymore thank goodness. But I also found that giving her Melatonin helped. It put her into a deeper sleep. It's all natural and it works well for me too. I have suffered from night terrors all my life. They never go away but I've noticed that when I take medications to help me sleep better that I don't get them at all or they aren't nearly as severe. I hope this helps. The best thing you can do is talk to your pediatrian. Good luck

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A.L.

answers from Provo on

It is natural for this to happen because they are getting a amgaination at this age they see something in movie that scared them and they go to bed they will dream about it and it becomes scary to them all the time like with my daghter she was 3 wen she watched monsters inc and she whent to bed and woke up saying daddie theres a monster in my classet and it was a disney cartoon it will get better things just stay in there heads and they make there own scary things in there sleep to just keep on comfurt him at all times hold him close and even though he is yelling at you, you still hold him down in your arms and tell him your there for him and that you as his mother wont let any one or anything hurt him and he will get to the point he will sleep more better. A. L.

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R.B.

answers from Bismarck on

i had a same problem with my daughter when she was 5 it happened a lot,it hasnt happened for a few weeks(she is 6 now)she would wake up crying so id go in her room to comfort her and try to find out what was wrong but i could never get her awake and she wouldnt tell me, then she would do the um um um and make something up because i think she was too scared to tell me. it all started when my moms exhusband got sent to the state pen for child molestation(to both of my sisters for YEARS) so i thought that it happened to her, took her in for an evaluation, thank god it didnt happen to her.
this last time it happened she told me it was about a monster in her dream. i think it just may be a stage.

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S.T.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I found with my sons night terrors is that they weren't as severe if he didn't have sugar a few hours before bed. My in-laws always have dessert after dinner and while we were inbetween a move we ate at their house a lot. He had way more night terrors then. So when we were done with the move and no more dessert, he still had them, but less frequently and not as long.
They scare the heck out of you but the child doesn't even know that anything happened in the morning, so not a big concern for them, everyone says they grow out of it. I hear waking them makes it so it takes longer for them to grow out of it. I don't know for a fact but, my nephew is 8 yrs old and my brother always tried to wake him during his and he still has them a lot. I never have woke my son and at 4 yrs old almost 5, he has them maybe once a month now.
Good luck hope you get some sleep!

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S.H.

answers from Anchorage on

Hi there my son used to do that and I asked the daycare and some of my family that watched him if he had fought with anyone, and it turned out that he was having problems with another child at daycare but they hadnt hit each other"yet" but what a friend of mine suggested was before he go to bed put on a "calm" movie or music that would be kind of soothing and it worked but it took a little bit. Hope this helps

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A.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

These are called "Night Terrors". My daughter had them starting around 3 years old. You cannot wake them up when they are having the Terrors, it will make it worse. I just let me daughter go through them and she will go back to sleep on her own. It may take 15 minutes to an hour. Sometimes she wake up just after them and not remember anything. It is more scary for the parents.
We found that after she went to pre-school and now has a more structured day as well as night, they are no longer happen.
It took awhile to figure out what they were called, but google searches as well as going to www.babycenter.com and then her doctor help to confirm that this is a real condition.
REMEMBER they are more scary for you then they are for the child.

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M.D.

answers from Provo on

It sounds like your son may be having night terrors. One thing the doctor told me when my son was having them is to wake him from a distance with his favorite lullabye or musical toy. This will keep you from getting hit and help him come out of the nightmare without it still lingering. When your son wakes up from his night terror, sit and comfort him as long as you can.
There is no real way to get rid of night terrors, but to be there for your son when he has them. Have there been any changes in his daily habits, who cares for him, or his attitude toward someone whom you are close? If there has been maybe your son percieves change or this person as a threat to him. If that is the case and you have the time, try to show him that what he may be afraid of is safe. Sometimes that does not work either and you have to just be there for your child when they come out of the night terror.
M.

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S.P.

answers from Great Falls on

Do you have a set pattern for night time routine? My youngest is now 7 1/2 and he is very afraid of the dark and suffered with nightmares. I started saying a prayer to Jesus to keep away the bad dreams and I used to shake out a dream catcher for him and told him the legend of the dream catcher. It seems to help. Positive thinking does the trick. I started when he was three and the nighmares have almost stopped.

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