My 3.5 Year Old Son Does Not Talks Though He Sings and Recites Poems

P., what you detail here does sound a lot like the high end of the autism spectrum, what they used to call Asperger's. It is very important that you have him evaluated.

At the very least, you need to have a speech and language evaluation done. The therapist can help determine if this is selective mutism or more.

Please don't wait. If it's nothing, then that's fine. If it IS something, you are losing valuable time in getting him help. Early intervention is SO important.

Songs and poems are often easier for littluns because of the rhythm and rhyme.
I wouldn't worry about it.

Two things, could be nothing but it could actually be autism spectrum. High functioning. Most of my son's first talking was not conversation but repeating sound bites. He could not make the social connections but could talk so what you saw was him repeating passages from anything he heard over and over.

That is not saying your son has autism spectrum just don't think because he looks to you for praise means he is fine, autistic kids do that.

Now my first son was almost three and a half before he really started talking but he didn't talk at all. We gave him everything he wanted before he asked for it and he was a little monkey so he would climb and get whatever he wanted without asking. It wasn't until his younger sister, my second, two years apart, starting getting mobile that he found the need to communicate. By four he had the same vocabulary as any other four year old.

The difference between the two, my oldest is straight up ADHD no LDs, no sensory issues, just ADHD. My second son, my third child is ADHD, PDD NOS, has a fair few sensory issues.

Here is the thing, my third is also 14 and although he doesn't like being around people because he does not understand them he is otherwise very normal and very happy.
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I just want to add a couple things, still not trying to diagnose him but point out a few logic errors. High functioning autism doesn't mean the lack of emotions or an inability to project appropriate emotions, it is not understanding social situations and being able to read emotions. That is not to say they can't appear to be projecting properly. They are logic driven, A flows to B producing C. I smile when I am happy, that is A, I see him B, he smiles back C. He didn't understand at a young age that a smile meant I was happy, he knew that when I smiled it made me smile more if he smiled back and that made him happy. Everything you described is cause and effect emotions/reactions until he is in preschool and forced to read new people.

There is enough here that you should get him tested because the earlier your get him help the more functional he will be.

My first thought was high-functioning autism too, but I'm not qualified to diagnose these things, and even if I were, I certainly couldn't do so online.

What I really want to say is, please don't shy away from pursuing a diagnosis. This is a long, complex path, and you may not get the right answer right away, but it really, really sounds like the right thing to do.

And, also, high-functioning autism / Asperger's are not necessarily negative labels. They don't foreclose or shut down a bright, fascinating future. Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, Mozart -- virtually all of history's most celebrated geniuses have been retroactively claimed as Aspies.

Would you please consider adding a "So What Happened?" and articulating your reluctance to have him evaluated? You're clearly a wonderful, educated, loving mom -- what's less clear is why you're reluctant to pursue a possible diagnosis.

Ignoring instructions at school and not speaking are 2 completely different things, in my opinion.

You say he can recite poems in 3 languages? Are you and his dad tri-lingual? They have proven that kids who are raised in a household with more than one pre-dominant language will start talking later.... but they will always catch up. It's just because their brain is trying to translate a few languages because they haven't reached fluency yet.
My brother and his wife spoke english, spanish and french. My nephew had some issues with talking late so the pre-school advised them to "pick" a language for each time period of the day.... so in the mornings EVERYONE in the house spoke English (which got him prepared for school). In the afternoon when he was home with my SIL the two of them spoke spanish and then once my brother got home from work they all three talked in French. This gave his brain time to adjust to each language.
I would say that was helpful, but I'm not a speech/language teacher.... so take that as you will.....

Also you said yourself, you have pampered him. you haven't "made" him talk. So you have to adjust your behavior..... "Do you want milk? Ask mom for the milk.... say, milk please" and then just repeat that 'say milk please' until he asks and then hand him the milk etc.

good luck.

One characteristic of autistic children is to repeat/parrot what people say, memorize movies, scenes, episodes of tv shows. I work with these children. Some of them have no ability to converse but can spout every Sponge Bob Square Pants episode word for word. A 3 1/2 year old who does not converse is atypical and needs evaluation. I'm surprised his regular doctor has not expressed concern. If your child has NO speech at his age, it's not normal and it's way past time for evaluation. Don't confuse memorizing poem, songs and movies with speaking. Good luck

Maybe, maybe not. It does not hurt to have him assessed.

It could be just an adjustment issue, maybe anxiety, maybe selective mutism, maybe ASD.

My dd is ASD. She echoed at that age. Not much of real conversations and had a lot of song associations. She sees a bus, she sings (in poor articulation) "The wheels of the bus...". She boards a train and its, "Ive been working on a railroad..."

It's a bit difficult to see things with high functioning kids in the spectrum because sometimes they seem so normal. It's like having 2 different entities fighting for control.

This is your child and you are his best advocate. I personally would rather seek out a professional's advice. If there is nothing wrong then what does it hurt. If you find out later that there is, and you did not give him an opportunity for appropriate intervention then you can only regret it.

Hello! I need to add to the other moms, encouraging you to have your son tested. It will not hurt him to have him tested, and if they don't find any indications of a diagnosis, then you will at least know that you've tried that route.

If you do not have him tested, then you could potentially be setting him back developmentally in so many different ways. As a school teacher, my immediate thought while reading your question was "Aspergers." I am NOT a special education teacher. I have taught many different students over the years, though, and several of them have had Aspergers. There was a huge difference between those students who were diagnosed at an early age vs. those students who were diagnosed much later.

With all of the talk in the media about autism, there are a lot of generalizations that people make. We tend to think that because one child is a certain way that all children with autism will be that way. That is simply not true. There are different types of autism and different levels of ability associated with each child depending upon their level of autism.

You sound nervous and scared. We all love our children so much and don't want our children to have any sort of unnecessary label. However, you cannot let your fear of a possibility keep you from getting the very necessary help your child needs. Like I said before, if he is tested and everything is determined as being fine, then it will be a relief for you. If not, then you want to know just what you can do right now to start helping him to function better in his surroundings.

It's been a while since my college classes on special services, but I believe the local school district can (and possibly required by law?) begin testing any child who lives in the school district starting at age 3 (whether your child is attending any sort of school in the district). I suggest that you call the local elementary school and get in touch with the special services teacher. They can help guide you to the proper place to have your child tested.

Hugs, and please let us know how things go.

Some real red flags. Don't dismiss this as being spoiled, speaking too many languages at home, only child, boy, ect. He should have been making conversation in a basic way 2 years ago. Copying, instead of spontateous acts/speech is common in high functioning autism. Have him evaluated and get help now. With help, he will probably be just fine. Call a neurodevelopmental pediatrician today.

There are some serious red flags here. Has he been evaluated by a speech therapist? Though you say you do not suspect Autism, it sounds like maybe you don't have a lot of experience/knowledge of Autism. I am a Pediatric Occupational Therapist and have worked with over 100 children on the Spectrum. There is a wide range of symptoms and characteristics that manifest as Autism, and not two children are alike. Many of the characteristics you mention are characteristics of high functioning Autism or Aspergers. Regardless of whether it is Autism or some other speech problem, he should be evaluated by a speech therapist. Ask his school/Dr. for a referral ASAP. The sooner you get an answer or intervention, the better. It sounds like you are very attentive and concerned. There are a lot of great therapists and teachers out there to help you figure out your child's needs and how they can be met. Good Luck.

It's only been two weeks since your last question. A few of us mentioned that you need to get him to use his words and that he didn't sound ready for school.

You need to give him time to adjust. He is able to talk, and when he does you can understand him. He just doesn't talk because he hasn't had to. Change that component and give him time.

P.,
You posted largely the same thing very recently. Give him some more time -- two weeks in preschool is not much and he is going to need time to adjust; however, you also do need to have him evaluated by a developmental specialist. Don't rely just on your pediatrician; ask for a referral. Your son does need to be tested to see why his development is taking this particular direction. While it's great that he makes eye contact, looks for your approval, is keyed into things outside himself like songs and movies and stories -- he does need evaluation.

I remember the earlier post and I think you seemed reluctant in that post to go to a professional -- almost as if you were resistant to the idea that he might have some form of diagnosable condition. You say again here that you are sure he does not have autism; that word seems to scare you and you insist he doesn't have it, but he may be "on the spectrum"; you can't diagnose one way or the other, or he may have other non-autism developmental issues -- unless you are a trained, experienced professional you can't tell. Please be open to the idea that despite his wonderful attributes of singing, reciting stories, etc., he does lack normal communication skills that he should have at this point. Please be open to going to a professional. Now.

Having him in preschool is great, but you cannot rely on that to get him to talk. It can help him get there, but he really does need professional medical evaluation alongside preschool -- preschool cannot replace a medical evaluation.

Also, frankly, very soon (if they haven't already) the preschool is going to come to you and say that he must be evaluated, possibly even in order to stay there. They will soon be asking you why he does not communicate other than in poems and why he cannot follow any directions at all. They are going to come to you about this if they haven't already. What do you plan to tell them? They are likely to insist that he be evaluated and possibly diagnosed in order to remain in the preschool.

I notice too that you mention you're trying to stop letting him point etc. in order to tell you what he wants -- you're stopping the pampering you mentioned in the first post. That's great, but it's also going to take time and tremendous consistency; keep it up, but be sure that everyone in the family, not just you and your husband, refuses to let your son point to get what he wants.

Good luck and keep up the steps like preschool and insisting he use words.

My son was a late talker but your description of your son makes me think you should have him evaluated just to be sure. Contact your pediatrician for recommendations.

What does he do when he does not follow directions at school? Will he just ignore the teacher? Most kids are nervous starting school but they tend to want to please the teacher and they follow along.

At home make sure you are labeling everything and repeating. Try to have him use his words to get something rather than letting him point for it.

Added after "So what happened"
Congratulations. This first step really is the hardest. About folks in your life speculating about "why" your son learns and behaves the way he does, know that this is typical. We are hard-wired to search for answers for everything. But as a professional in the field, I agree with you that the answer to "why" are unknowable (multiple causations) and actually the least important part of your concern. The entire focus should be on your son's strengths and needs and "What do we do now to capitalize on all that he can do!?!" All my best.

You know this is not age-appropriate development. The "label" is not important. The evaluation to find out what education will be helpful now is very important. You're the Mom. Reach out for professional help through your doctor and your public school system. Now. I know it's hard , but you have to move forward with an evaluation. Please remember that there is nothing, nothing that anyone can tell you that you , that you haven't already helped your child with. An evaluation only describes what you already see, know and love about your child. It then points to the methods of achieving a brighter, easier, future for your child. Please, address this, now.

Have him evaluated. Just so you have a true answer to your question.
Does not mean anything is wrong with him, BUT , YOU need to know what is going on.

The earlier you know what you are dealing with, the better it will be.

He does sound a bit like my nephew, high functioning Autism.. Had a lot of these same abilities and skills. ..

He was in college last year,. still had some issues so he has taken a year off, but he is expected to return this fall. He has found tremendous help with different therapies, and learning techniques.

He sounds like a very bright little guy! :) As others have said, tell him that you he needs to use his words before you will get him what he wants. If you will break that habit, he will begin to talk more often. I would also give him more time to adjust to school. Interacting with other kids is very important at this age. He is repeating the poems because that is what is comfortable for him. He hasn't been required to talk about other things.

I would also encourage you to lay with him at night and initiate chats with him. Start out with just talking about your day. Then ask him a question or two about his day. You may get two words the first night but over time, if you keep it up, he will begin to tell you more and more. I started doing this with our son when he was about 3. He is 10 and we still have our nightly chats but nowadays, he usually decides what we will talk about.

Have you taught him some actual sign language? or do you just allow him to point? Teach him the signs for please and thank you and insist he use them. You voice the words for him. Since he is using gestures already this is not putting too much pressure on him and if you really want to see if he can learn to communicate, you will insist on these signs when he wants something. I'm guessing (I'm not there, can only guess) that you do not push him to communicate like other children because you are afraid, right now you can blame it on yourselves pampering him. If you encourage communication and it doesn't happen, you have to start worrying, so you allow him to continue this type of communication typical of an 18 month old. You have made his entry into school very difficult by creating a world so very different for him at school. He must be an amazing little guy with some real strengths since he is adapting to school! Could be if you had him evaluated you would find some real strengths as well as receive tips to help him.
You left out an important piece..... in your home are two languages spoken or just one?