My 3 Year Old Will Not Give up His "Binky"

Updated on November 17, 2006
J.B. asks from Charleston, SC
27 answers

My 3 year old son refuses to give up his binky at night when its time for bed. He does not use it at nap time or at all during the day. We have tried to tell him that it was lost, thrown away, etc. When we try to put him to bed without it he throws a tantrum with the screaming and yelling and throwing and hitting. I have tried all sorts of resorts like putting hot sauce on it, he learned t clean it off and has very well adapted to the taste of hot sauce so that didn't work. We have made him go to bed with out it and have delt with the tantrums, he will go to sleep and then wake up in the middle of the night looking for it then wakes everyone in the house with the tantrum thing so the last resort at 3 am was just to give it back to him so he would hush especially since I have to be at work at 5:30 am. I am afraid that this will have a long term effect (teeth etc) if we don't get it away from him soon.

What can I do next?

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P.H.

answers from Auburn on

My son never took one luckily... but I did have a friend that talked her son into leaving it under the tree for Santa Claus. Hey... stranger things have happened...lol Good luck.

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L.S.

answers from Charleston on

Here is an idea....tell him that the Binky Fairy called you and she needs a binky for a baby that was just born. Get creative. Ask if he is willing to send his binky to the Binky Fairy. If so, get a few helium balloons and tie it to the binky, and make a big production of "sending the binky to the Binky Fairy." Then buy him a small gift that he would like, and dress up the wrapping, and leave it for him to find the next morning, telling him that the Binky Fairy brought it to him for being so nice.

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K.B.

answers from Dothan on

I had a similar problem with my now 12 year old son when he was I took his binky. It took about 3 or 4 nights of screaming, crying and absolutely no sleep, but he finally got the message. I was just as miserable as he was if not more so...and walked around like a zombie for most of that week but it was necessary and for the best in the long run. Remember, being consistant is the key...don't give in and good luck!

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N.A.

answers from Montgomery on

Not sure if this will work for you or not, after all, every child is different...

When my daughter was about that age, she got into this obsession with bringing rocks home from parking lots and other places...not even pretty rocks, just pieces of gravel or whatever.

I did everything to try to get her to stop, until I finally thought of something that actually worked!

I told a little white lie (as all parents do at times)...I thought of the 'tooth fairy', and borrowed parts of that idea. I told her that there was a 'rock fairy', and that every time she took a rock, the rock fairy would come in and take it back to where she got it. This would, of course, be done while my daughter was asleep. I told her that even if she hid the rock, the fairy would always find it and return it. So, she decided to save the fairy some time, and just leave the rocks where she saw them, because the rock fairy needed to get some sleep, too.

The 'binky fairy' could be a possibilty for you. You could tell your child that the 'binky fairy' has to come get the binky, but that the fairy would leave him a nice treat if he left his binky under the pillow one night. You could give him a dollar, or a toy you know he wants, or something like that.

Heck, it's worth a try.

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D.B.

answers from Richmond on

I know we all fall for the belief that dentists and doctors are always right, but I have yet to meet a person who kept a pacifier or sucked their thumb for years and developed crooked teeth.

My son gave up his pacifier early and went for thumb sucking. He just decided he liked it better. He sucked his thumb until school started then he gave it up. He didn't want kids picking on him.

Everyone was after me to get him to quit sucking his thumb because of his teeth. I let him give it up when he was ready, and at 17 his teeth are just fine.

If it still bothers you to have him attached to his binky, just give it a month or two and try again. Maybe he'll be more receptive then.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.F.

answers from Charlotte on

Talk to your pediatrician about the effects on the teeth, I feel pretty sure you're ok for a while yet! Remember, mommy and daddy introduced the binky - and now they want to take it away, so the little guy is probably a bit confused, be patient with him!

1 mom found this helpful
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M.B.

answers from Charleston on

Wait for a long weekend, take the binky away, and DON'T GIVE IN NO MATTER WHAT!! Tough it out. I know that it's hard to listen to your child cry, but just close your door and let him yell. Yelling never killed a kid, and he'll be better off when this is over. After this is over, get him a new stuffed animal to help with the comfort issue and as a reward for becoming a big boy and giving up his binky.

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J.C.

answers from Montgomery on

Tell him about the binky fairy that comes around and collects binkys for other little boys and girls that can not afford them. Have him run around the house to pick up the binkys and put them in a bag. Explain to him that the binky fairy is going to reward him for being such a big boy. HAng the bag outside on something. A few hours later or even the next day go back outside with him to the place where you hung the bag. (You should make this a big deal) Get him a big prize that you know that he will like and put it in a new fancy bag and say that it is from the Binky Fairy. Let him know that for doing such a nice thing for others he received a very nice prize. This worked on my neices and nephews so maybe it will work for you.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.K.

answers from Tuscaloosa on

When my son was three I cut a hole in the paci( By the way, he wouldn't go to sleep without it. He had to have it for naps and bedtime) and just let him have it. He hated it and I said that it was broken and we didn't have any more. He had his withdrawal while it was"broken" and then two days later he threw it away and slept like a rock that night. He threw tantrum after tantrum for a few nights, so you WILL have to have a few sleepless nights. Just don't go down the paci ailse for about a week!!! He will forget about it in a week or so. I PROMISE!!!!

Another thing....I took him to the dentist a few days ago and he said he does have an overbite probably because of sucking a pacifier. He was exactly three when I took it away.

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K.C.

answers from Norfolk on

NOT SURE IF THIS WILL WORK FOR YOU BUT HERE GOES.........I HAD SEEN IT ON AN EPISODE OF SUPER NANNY.......TELL YOUR CHILD THAT HE HAS TO GIVE ALL HIS "BINKY'S" TO THE BINKY FAIRY SO SHE CAN GIVE THEM TO ALL THE BABIES AROUND THE WORLD THAT NEED THEM AND IF HE DOES THE FAIRY WILL BRING HIM A REWARD. YOU HAVE TO PUT ALL OF THEM IN A BAG AND GO OUTSIDE AND HANG THEM IN THE TREE FOR THE FAIRY TO COME GET THEM, THEN WHEN HE GOES TO BED YOU PUT HIS REWARD IN THE SAME SPOT IN THE TREE AND THE NEXT DAY HE WILL BE SOOOO EXCITED TO SEE IF THE FAIRY CAME. BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, HE SHOULD BE OVER IT. IT WORKED FOR MY NEPHEW. GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

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A.W.

answers from Huntsville on

I know a lot of people would disagree with me because of the whole teeth thing but I let my daughter give it up on her own. Her doctor told me not to worry about her teeth because sucking her thumb is worse. She was 3 and only used hers at night also because during the day I would take it and hide it from her and she didn't mind during the day. At night she couldn't fall asleep without it so I would let her have it so we all could go to sleep. Then it got to where it would fall out at night and she quit looking for it and then finally she had just turned 4 and I offered it to her as she was going to sleep and she didn't want it. She pushed it away. She drank her juice and went to sleep. So thats my advice is to just let him let it go on his own. It will happen. Now I wouldn't let him go til he was five but take some time and just see if he will do it on his own. Him just having it at night is not the worse thing in the world, and I do not believe it will have harmful effects on his teeth, my doctor said so anyway. As long as he doesn't use it all day long, it's just a security thing for him that he'll let go of soon enough. My daughter kind of replaced it with Little People, she'll fall asleep holding one of those Little People from Fisher Price. Then when she falls asleep I'll put it on her table. So I hope he gives it up soon by himself and you won't have to worry about it. Good Luck

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M.B.

answers from Tuscaloosa on

My son was VERY attached to his also. However, I was blessed that taking it away wasn't to hard. I have heard that if you nip the end so it doesn't suck they will not like it anymore. You might try that to see if he would give it up on his own. (make sure you do it to all of the ones in the house) I like the idea of swapping it out for a toy. You might even take him to the store and let him pick out a NEW SPECIAL toy to sleep with.
Good luck
M.

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S.S.

answers from Charlotte on

My daughter was the same way. so after i tried evrything I could to get her to give up her binky( a pokemon pikachu it was nasty and dirty) i finally just had enough so i put her in her room shut the door and let her pitch her fit and have her tantrum after a few nights she just gave up, and has been binky free since.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.B.

answers from Montgomery on

This is easier to type than it is to do but the bottom line is to stop him from using his binky; take it away. He will might scream for 2 or 3 nights but it is not an eternity. Another thing to do is to gather up all the binkies and have him give them to another baby. This other baby can be anyone of your friends or family members children and of course this other baby won't use these binkies. This is only a gesture to point out to your tike that he is no longer a baby therefore he no longer needs a binky. I had a similar problem with my 2 yr old and the bottle. I just took it away and after 2 or 3 nights he got over it. A week or so later we ran into a friend that used the same type of bottle for her infant and our son wanted it. I explained that it was for the baby and he didn't need it beacause he was a big boy and then filled his sippy cup with sugar free chocolate milk as a treat and the problem was solved. Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Norfolk on

I got my kids off the pacifier before they were a year old because I was worried the would get too hooked. But my nephew had one till he was 5!!! He only used it at bed too. But now his teeth are really screwed up and you don't want that to happen to your son, right?

My advice would to be to use the similar kind of method as potty training. If there is something he really likes or wants from the store, let him earn it by getting a sticker every night he does NOT use the binky. After he reaches the amount you choose, he gets the new item. OR, let him pick out a toy that goes to bed with him instead of the binky and you trade him for it.

Another idea could be "cold turkey" It would be harder on you but it is an option.

Also another thing, it takes doing something 20 times to make or break a habit. Good luck!

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A.R.

answers from Dothan on

My daughter was 2 1/2 when we took hers away and it was SO HARD!!! But the key was just to tough it out. We gave her a heads up that in "this many" days, there would be no binky at bedtime. When the day came, she cried for it until 3am. It was agony. I held her and rocked her, we went for a long drive, etc, but finally she was worn out enough she went to sleep. The next night, she cried until midnight, the 3rd night about 45 minutes. It took a solid 4 days and it was hard and tiring but then it was done. But once you start...you have to finish. Otherwise....it gets harder the next time you try because he knows that if he puts up a fight, you'll give in. Don't yell in your frustration when he cries either. Sympathize that you know its hard. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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K.E.

answers from Birmingham on

When my daughter was three we told her that big girls didn't need a paccy anymore. She would hold it right before bed and then put it in a special place. We used one of the small wipey containers. She knew where it was and that seemed to help. Another suggestion my dentist offers is giving it to him. He hangs in on the wall in his office along with many others that have been given up by big girls/boys. I have alo heard of cutting the tip so it deflates and is no longer desirable. Just some suggestions. Hang in there. You'll find the right solution soon but whatever it is stick with it!! Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Huntsville on

I agree, just bite the bullet and take it away. Let him see you throw it in the trash and maybe try to give him a new toy or stuffed animal he can sleep with. You are the boss and you make the decisions. Don't let him have his way just because it might cause you a few nights of inconvenience. And to the person who said you don't know anyone who has had teeth problems from this, I have terribly crooked teeth from sucking my thumb. Bottles at bedtime or pacifiers past age 1 are even worse and cause decay and all sorts of other problems. Get rid of it now before it does more damange than it has already done.

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K.D.

answers from Spartanburg on

My daughter was 3 also!! I kept telling her that big girls don't have binkys, and eventually it kinda sunk in.She threw her own binky away. I would definately stand your ground, and be persistant with it. Your child will get over it. You have to remember, you brought them into this world, they have to adapt to your lifestyle. You cant let them rule the nest.

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S.J.

answers from Charlotte on

Hi J.,

When my son was 3 or 3 1/2, I started talking to him about the paci messing up his teeth and that he was going to have to stop using it when he turned 4. At that point he was only using it at night, so I didn't have to worry about the daytime.

A few months before his 4th birthday, I started taking it out of his mouth after he fell asleep and I would put it in the bed near his pillow. If he woke up during the night, he could find it. I also let his paci get old and when he wanted a new one, I told him that pretty soon we wouldn't have any paci's and I wasn't buying any new ones. If he wanted one, this was it.

A week or so before his 4th birthday, once he fell asleep, we took it out and put it where he couldn't find it. If it was really bad during the night, we would give it to him for a few minutes (with a reminder that when he was 4, no more paci's) then we'd have him give it to us. (And he would!)

On his 4th birthday, no more paci. We told him that since he was a big kid now, big kids don't have paci's. About a week later, he hit his head pretty hard and said he needed his paci. We let him have it for a few minutes and he felt better and gave it back to us.

He's almost 5 now, his teeth are pretty much perfect and he doesn't miss his paci at all. On the other hand, my 3 1/2 year old has a blanket.....but that's another story!:)

Good luck, hope it helps!

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K.S.

answers from Huntsville on

My son was 3 1/2 when I finally got him "off" his binky. After Hurricane Katrina hit we had taken some food stuffs to donate to the kids who didn't have anything. He and his younger sister went with me to donate. I explained some kids don't have what they do and it makes Jesus happy if we help others in need. So I asked him if we could donate his binky to kids who didn't have one. He did cry a few nights in the beginng, but I reminded him where they went. (We didn't give the used ones away.)

1 mom found this helpful
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K.H.

answers from Richmond on

Go cold turkey. Throw them away!

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S.M.

answers from Raleigh on

I don't see a problem with it only at night. It's not like you can't get it away from him all day. Let him have the security he needs to sleep alont in his own bed, in a big room, away from Mama and Daddy. When he's ready, he'll give it up. His teeth will most likely straighten themselves out (like my neighbor's child did within weeks of giving it up at 4 1/2).

The question here is: Which do you find more socially acceptible? The paci at bedtime, or thumb sucking? He'd only replace the pacifyer with his thumb if you forced him to give it up now, when he isn't ready. You'll only wind up trying to figure out how to take away his thumbs later!

Remember why they call it a pacifyer. Look up "pacify" in the dictionary. ;)

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M.D.

answers from Lynchburg on

Have you tried.."Big boys don't need a binky." or " Why don't we give it to another little boy who doesn't have one." We flat out took our sons' from him at 9 months I think it was, and told him "That's it buddy... It's all gone. Your a big boy and you don't need this anymore." He cried once for it, we told him "NO IT'S ALL GONE" and he was over it. Never asked or cried for it again. He's 4 & 1/2 now.

This may sound cruel to you, but YOU need to put ur foot down now!! He can't take it to pre-k!!!

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A.D.

answers from Spartanburg on

I threw them all away not just for my daughter but for myself so I would not be tempted to give it back when the crying wouldn't stop. When she asked where it was I told her that they were all gone. She would cry for a little while and then like you mostly at night so I did other things to distract her read a book got out a special movie before she had to go to bed just little things to keep her mind of of it and sometimes I would lay with her in bed and rub her back until she went to sleep. 2 weeks later she never even mentioned it.

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S.C.

answers from Killeen on

So what if he throws a tantrum? You're the parent and if you say NO, it means NO. Don't TELL him its lost, LOSE it. Throw it away. Don't get anymore. Search the house and make sure he doesn't have any lying about. Then get your action mask on and let him cry himself to sleep. I guarantee with the short attention span of a 3 year-old, he'll get over it in less than a week.

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K.L.

answers from Auburn on

My son never went for the passy thing, BUT a good friend told me that they used a small pin/needle to put tiny holes in the plastic so the satisfaction of the suck was gone. They (my friends, not the child) were thrilled when they found the passy in the trash! Another friend "accidentily" dropped it in reach of a verry chewy dog and the child never wanted to put it back in her mouth! It was gross!
I SO hope this helps! Good luck!
You may try a HUGE big boy reward for your child CHOOSING to trash it. Maybe a BIG BOY BED or new super cool sheets or a trip to a football game or that new movie nobody can live with out. A trip to Books-a-million always works as reward for my son, but he is 8, not 3.
K. L. (i'm new)

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