My 20 Month Old Daughter Bites!

Updated on January 22, 2008
K.S. asks from Norwalk, CT
7 answers

Does anyone else out there have a biter? My daughter seems to bite in social situations when she gets overly excited. We've had to stop doing several activities because of it. The behavior specialist I spoke with assures me this is normal behavior for a 20 month old, but its so hard for me to see my daughter hurting other children. Anyone out there with older kids who may have gone through this? Any advice would be appreciated!

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M.K.

answers from Syracuse on

Here are a few tips, make sure whatever you do it is kept consistent, and yes, the biting is normal. You shoudl try to get into your daughter's head when she bites, is it because she is trying to communicate something? She may feel excited, mad, stressed out, tired, or really any emotion and that is how she is expressing it to you. My daughter used to bite when she was mad, I taught her to instead tell me she is mad and that stopped the entire issue. She only bit for about a week and she is 27 months now.

1. Show your child by your tone and expression that biting is not acceptable.

2. Remove the child from the situation immediately.

3. Do not, under any circumstances, bite your child back.

4. Provide teething rings, teething biscuirts or cold washcloths for children who are teething.

5. Look for consistencies in the biter's environment and emotional state at each episode. Is the child tired or hungry? Has there been a change in his/her routine?

6. If you see your child becoming frustrated, intervene and get him/her involved in something positive.

7. Work with your child on building communication skills.

8. Make sure your child is getting adequate sleep for his/her age and try to maintain a schedule.

9. Give plenty of praise when he/she handles tough situations in a positive way.

10. Be sure you are giving your child plenty of attention.

Adding on:

While you need to firmly tell your child that biting isn't okay, actually punishing him for the behavior isn't very effective at getting him to stop. In fact, punitive measures may put an angry or overstimulated child right over the top. And though parents are often counseled to bite their child back "to show him how it feels," this is as pointless as it is painful.

A child this age isn't capable of truly putting himself in another's shoes, so he can't yet see the connection between what he does and what's done to him. What's more, young children do most of their social learning by following their parents' example, so biting your child or otherwise inflicting pain on him sets an appallingly bad example. After all, how will he learn that biting is beyond the pale if you do it, too?

Biting must be stopped, of course, but you won't stop it by stooping to your child's level. Aggressive acts stop when adults stop them. So instantly remove your child's teeth from his victim's flesh, show concern for the child who's been hurt, acknowledge both parties' feelings, and, as your child's verbal skills grow, help him learn to negotiate with words rather than aggression: "We don't bite (or hit or grab). Can you use your words to tell me what you need?"

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K.H.

answers from New York on

This may sound absolutely ridiculous but i just went through this with my 2 year old- I got her to stop by biting her back. The last time she bit- it happened to be to my son- she broke skin and he was hysterical and in the that moment i bit her back(obviously not too hard) and asked her how it felt. She cried and said i hurt her, but i believe she was able to make the connection between biting and how it hurts .Im sure this sounds harsh but it worked- she hasnt bit anyone since then :)

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S.M.

answers from New York on

Ok i'm ready for hate mail, My daughter only bit one time
and she got bit back.... by me. My rule was always that
if she did it to others she got it back in return. Like I said it only took once. Children have difficulty empathizing with things the can't relate to. For instance if a child complains about thier diner, they go to bed without it. Being hungry, realy makes you appreciate food.
I didn't bite her hard and it didn't leave a mark or anything, but it was a sensation she didn't like, hence she understood when I told her it hurts others. She was about 1 1/2 at the time, she understood though. Call me crazy, but it seems common sense to me.

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A.S.

answers from Buffalo on

When did this start? Is she in a day care of sorts? I am wondering if this happened to her first there. Is she aggressive at different times of the day? Reason asking is it could be here diet. Like dairy that is making her lash out. A friend of mine daughter was like that. Come to find out she was allergic to milk products.
Any way, my son use to bite, mostly just me. I use to put lime juice in his mouth to try and get him to stop. Everytime he would bite it went in. He did stop. Not to sound like a bad mother. One time I told him you bite me I will bite you back. When he start to bite I made it look like I was going to bite him. This look of OH MAN mom means it. He didn't bite me. I hope some of this might help. GOod luck!

A.

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J.M.

answers from New York on

I think Monica has covered all the bases! You go girl! I did the same things, remover her from the situtation. Sometimes even a time out. If we were at home and she bit me I would pick her up and put her in her room and walk away. WHen she came out a short while later she came right to me and I pointed to the spot and said OOWWW you hurt me. Can I have a kiss to make it all better. Just like when she gets hurt. Sometimes they do things just to get a rise out of. Like the throwing stage. And yes, it is very normal! Offer an alternative. Try to teach her to walk away when she is upset. Role play. make up a situation with your significant other and do what she does. Have him pretend to bite you and let her see from the outside what happens. She may even sympathise. There are lots of ways to handle it and only a few will work for your child. At this age she already has a personality. Good luck!

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W.D.

answers from Binghamton on

My daughter was a terrible biter from 2 yrs to 3 yrs. My doctor suggested a behavior chart with rewards for days with no biting. At the time, I did not believe that she would understand the chart but she sure did. To this day, we still use behavior charts with her because she is very tempermental and strong willed. Now, she actually likes the chart. YOu may also want to scrutinize your own behavior to make sure that you do not engage in any activities which she could interpret at biting. The articles usually mention blowing raspberries on her tummy or nibbling toes. Ultimately, she will grow out of it.

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A.B.

answers from New York on

Hi K.! My daughter will be 2 in March. She started the biting phase but it ended VERY quickly! The first time she bit me, I bit her back, not hard, just enough so she can see that it does hurt and then yelled firmly, "NO BITE!" She cried of course because it scared her. She did it a 2nd time and this time i bit a little harder, again not hard, just enough to show her it hurts and firmly yelled, "NO BITE!" This time she screamed. I know this sounds terrible but believe me, it hurt me more to do it to her than her doing it to me because I realized I didn't want her severely hurting another child. She hasn't done it since. You have to understand that your child doesn't know that this hurts unless they have had it happen to them. Be sure that you do it IMMEDIATELY after she does it. Now, again, I only bit her enough to show her it hurts. I did not leave bite marks. I did not break skin. The idea is to scare her and show her that "Hey! That hurts and I didn't like that, so I won't do that to someone else." My mother did it to me and my sisters....we never bit again.

Good Luck!

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