My 12 Yr Old Says He Hates His Life and That He Wishes He Were Never Born

Updated on October 30, 2009
V.M. asks from Lakeside, CA
4 answers

This is our 3rd year home-schooling through a great Christian school here in San Diego. Lately, over the past several weeks, whenever he's forced to follow through on any assignment, or even if he's put on restriction for some kind of bad behavior, he acts out in a very disturbing way. He says things like, "Your mean", "everybody hates me", "I wish I were never born", "I hate my life". He has told me later that he says these things on purpose. I know these are just outbursts at this point, but I don't know how to respond. I feel that if I allow this to continue, it will get progressively worse, and someday he may actually mean these things. Any suggestions? BTW, we are already working on having him evaluated for learning disabilities. It has been suggested that he has something called pervasive developmental DELAY, not to be confused with DISORDER. He was evaluated in 3rd grade, but the results were inconclusive. He has a migraine disorder which really limits his activity level, however he is taking a martial art form similar to Karate called Tang Soo Do, and is about 4 months away from becoming a black belt. He's generally a very happy, loving kid with the biggest heart I've ever seen in a kid his age. He trulely has the heart of a servant. I want to help him. He definately needs discipline, accountability, structure, and an education. These fits really interfere with all that. I really don't know how to deal positively and appropriately with these types of outbursts.

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answers from San Diego on

I would definitely seeking counseling for him, either through a licensed clinical social worker, a psychologist, or through your pastor/church. It sounds like he may be suffering from clinical depression. The sooner you get help for him, then you will be able to deal with whatever the problem is.

The very best of luck to you and your son.



answers from San Diego on

Please tell me you have tryed chiropractic for his headaches! Also, if you find a chiropractor that works with children and nutrtion that would be all-encompassing. Look on line for Biocytonics. Dr Smith does blood testing for any toxicity that might cause brain developmental issues. He's phenomenal with children.



answers from San Diego on

I agree with the other two comments. Have him see a counselor. Also, just by looking at your post, I can see that he is the middle child and has a very young brother. He is probably still adjusting to not being the youngest in the family, while at the same time beginning to go through the "changes" life brings at the age of 12.

It is great that he is involved in a martial art, but I would try to provide more activities that promote engaging with others. Martial arts is more of an independent sport and usually has several different age groups in one class. Team sports (where kids are the same age) provide so many positive results. With him being home-schooled when does he have time to socialize with his peers? Just a few thoughts to ponder.



answers from San Diego on

I absolutely agree with the previous writer that you should have him screened for clinical depression. It is so very common in teens and preteens but is often overlooked until it becomes a tragedy. Please take him to speak to a well qualified therapist.

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