Hi,
I would like to ask your advise in dealing with my son. He is 11 years old, and he is lonely child. Recently, he became I so aggressive and not respecting me and his father anymore and keep shouting and saying bad words to us. He also has obsession of cleanliness . He keeps washing his hands during day time, hundred times. If he goes to bathroom and touches the electricity's button , he wants to wash his hands . After pulling his pants, he wants to wash his hands. And , at the same time , he keeps asking us , whether we wash our hands whatever we touch or do.
As a result, we keep quarreling with him, because this causes too much pressure to us.
How we can deal with him,and where we live, no psychiatrist available. So I appreciate other methods from you.
Thanks a lot for all your help, it opened my eyes for something that is very important. Special thanks to Tiffany, when you said that he is hurt. Actually , we were obliged to leave our country, because a war is going on. It is Arabic one. And all of sudden, my son found his life turned upside down. We are living in a Hotel now, he had to go to new school, to be acquainted with new teachers and new friends and new life.
He misses our home , his school and friends a lot. We used to live in spacious, beautiful home and now he found himself living in a suite in a Hotel. Before , he used to be obsessed a little with cleanliness, but not like now. May be, as you said he hides a terrifying fear of the future, especially he notices that me and my husband always worried and depressed . I will try to follow your advise and let you know what will happen.
Many thanks again dear Moms.
Poor kid, being severely OCD is a terrible way to live.
I think you should take him to a pediatrician, who can maybe prescribe something for him. There is medication he can take to combat his OCD.
By the way, don't quarrel with him over this, he can't help it.
ADD: Per your So What Happened - yeah, definitely get help. Such stress can definitely push a person over the edge with coping mechanisms. It's the ONLY thing he feels he can control. Poor kiddo - you're a great mom looking for whatever help you can find. I wish the best for you all.
ORIGINAL: Take him to the pediatrician. He is showing signs of obsessive/compulsive disorder. He needs help. We are just people on the internet and we don't have "methods". This isn't a behavior he is choosing, it's a disorder he needs help with. Is there a hospital in your area? They should have someone to help. Contact whatever medical professionals you have access to, because arguing isn't going to do anything.
I agree with the others that it sounds like OCD and he cannot control it. He is lashing out at you and his dad because he doesn't understand what's going on and he's having to deal with it all by himself.
Sit him down and let him know that you understand that he can't control this behavior and you are going to start looking for some help for him. Your just acknowledging the problem may help him not be so angry and you and his father.
Then, get on the phone and find him some help!
It sounds like he could have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Talk to his pediatrician. Also, there are books on the disorder that give strategies to work through obsessive thoughts and actions.
Best of luck. This has to be miserable for all of you.
You need to make a psychologist available. Your child more then likely has OCD and he needs medication and therapy to help him function in the world. There really is no other option, this is not something you can just treat at home, he needs real long term help from a professional.
Also, you not supporting him and yelling at him about his compulsive behaviors will only increase his anxiety and make matters worse. These behaviors are not something he is choosing to do, in his mine he has to do them or something bad will happen. He may not be able to put into words why that is but he just knows it in his core. Please get him professional help soon, he is young so there is hope he can learn to manage his condition.
This is NOTa DIY issue. Talk to your doctor, there maybe a way for him to get therapy even if there is not a psychiatrist nearby. If it is a financial issue, there are programs available that charge on a sliding scale. If you are worried about the social stigma around psychological help, don't let your child suffer because you are afraid of what people will think. Waiting will only make your home life miserable for all of you.
S.,
Your son needs to be seen by a professional - someone who can help with OCD issues - OCD is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It's where someone MUST do something - like wash their hands - or turn a knob a certain number of times, etc. I'm sure Puerto Rico has doctor's and psychiatrists to help your son. Don't be so quick to dismiss. you NEED to ask questions of your pediatrician.
You also need to stop fighting with him on this. You need to step up as parents and remind him that this is HIS desire to wash his hands frequently. He cannot make you, his parents, do it.
OCD would mean that your son has obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. Your son has a continuous stream of fearful thoughts that are constantly going through his mind and so he has created certain repetitive behaviors to try and counter the terrible fear. Your son is in pain. He is trapped in a cycle of thoughts that are so terrifying to him that he compensates with these behaviors. It is likely that he is not fully conscious of these thoughts, they have become habitual, like his behavior, and he isn't really fully aware of them.
It is important that you see him as the hurting child he is rather than a rebellious, disrespectful child. He needs some really good cognitive-behavioral therapy. He needs love, nurturing, understanding, and most of all validation for his pain. Find him a counselor that can address his thoughts as well as his behaviors. Even if you feel medication would be helpful it is important to still address the thought patterns because they are the real source of the imbalances. Finding a good tool to support him in becoming aware of what his fearful thoughts are and deeply questioning and exploring those thoughts will be the best help he could have.
This is OCD. There are work books on OCD.
Let him know that if he wants to be on top of his wash hand business, that is okay. What is not okay that him wanting you to be the same way he is, is not okay. Behind OCD is control. Is he a control freak? I use to have OCD and be a control freak. I once used a whole pack of copy paper, b/c i couldn't get what i was copying perfect. I over came my OCD with a good counlser and a lot of hard work on my part. It not easy. I would get a book on OCD and workbook. Try to find some professional help.
Your poor son. Watch the movie "As Good As it Gets" with Jack Nickelson. (Not with your son.) This is what your son has.
Talk to his pediatrician. He can find someone who works with this condition. There is also medication to help it. Can you imagine how stressful it is for him to have such a COMPULSION to have to wash his hands? Are his hands chapped and sore? I'll bet they are. That's miserable too.
Please, please stop quarreling with him. You don't even know what you're doing. You haven't tried to find out how to deal with this REAL problem. Yes, it causes pressure for you, but you and your husband are adults. He's a child. HE'S the one feeling the most pressure.
Get help. Get help for him NOW.
The one thing you can do at home is to be the adult(s) and refuse to argue. For now, respect his wishes and just wash your hands when he asks you to do it. It will help relieve some pressure until you can get him proper help.
Your son needs specialized therapy to deal with what seems to be OCD at a minimum. Start with your pediatrician to rule out a non-neurological cause, then get a referral. If there isn't a psych doc where you live, you need to go elsewhere.
I know that is easier said than done. But it is also something you must do, even if you have to rearrange your life to make it happen.
Did the OCD just suddenly appear, or has he always had it? If it is fairly recent, be sure and have the pediatrician consider PANDAS. My nephew had undiagnosed strep which developed into OCD. Some kids get over the OCD after a round of antibiotics, though my nephew required therapy too. Good luck.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/pandas/index....
Sounds like obsessive behavior. Your pediatrician should be able to help you. How is he doing in school? Any complaints from teachers? Is there a school counselor or nurse available. There are all professionals who can advise and/or refer you to someone who can help. Good luck
