Help moms,
My 10 year old won't stop stealing. It is not from stores - it is from us and other people. Toys from other kid's houses, nail polish from my room, etc. She takes it, hides it in her purse or backpack or room, and then gets caught. We have taken things away, tried to explain why its such terrible behavior, not allowed her to play at other's houses, not let her carry purses etc. I was thinking of taking her to a juvenile facility or having a police officer talk to her her but I'm just not sure it would make an impact.
Does anyone have any ideas on how to stop this? Its getting to the point where other parents are coming to my house looking for their stuff.
A couple of notes: we have asked why and we get the "I don't know." We have cut allowance off - the stuff she takes we have bought her before - meaning - she has plenty of nail polish and lip gloss, but she takes mine or she has plenty of dolls and stuff to play with, but she took a key to a kid's car (like a barbie jeep).
Why is she stealing? Does she want the "stuff" or does she want the attention?
Have you talked to her and asked her why she does this?
First I would stop letting her go to other houses. Interacting with friends is a privilege, not a right. So, until she understands how to behave in society, she can't go. Period.
2nd - she needs to be supervised more heavily. Like constantly. Don't give her any chance to steal from you.
Shoplifting and petty theft is not about money. It's attention or the thrill or kleptomania. What you are currently doing isn't making an impact. You may need to enlist professional intervention. My SD "lost" several games that were in her DS at a party. Nobody fessed up to it, but the other girls said one girl had been suspected of theft before. The result? SD refused to go to sleepovers at the host's house anymore since her stuff got stolen by someone. So potentially this isn't just about your DD but her ability to have friends.
Get her some Professional help/Therapy.
Stealing, Kleptomania, is like an ADDICTION.
She obviously, cannot stop it on her own.
Seek Professional help, before she gets a police arrest and record.
Get her properly evaluated.
Or before the behavior escalates, further. It already is a big problem.
If she were my daughter I would take her to a therapist about this. If she really wil not stop in spite of all your punichment she probably has a problem. There are countless stories out there of people who steal and shoplift for nothing but the thrill-remember Winona Ryder? Also this could be covering some more deep seated issues. Regardless I would put her in counseling so that you can nip this in the bud.
Also-if you do not stop her it will not be YOU not letting her play at other houses it will be her friend's parents. This kind of thing could 'black list' a kid. I wouldn't let my sons have a friendship with someone who takes his or our things.
I saw a nanny 911 where a girl that age was doing this. The nanny said if you like to take other peoples things, Im going to take your things. Then she went into her room and started taking things. The girl had a total fit, and locked herself in the bathroom for a while, but she apologized very sincerely to her mom for stealing from her after. And the nanny gave everything back obviously. Sometimes you need a taste of your own medicine.
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Hmmm?
I think I might take away her ability to go over to other's houses...?
I might think about clearing out her room of all of her things and let her ponder the idea of how it feels when your personal belongings are taken/stolen from you...?
There would absolutely be A LOT of talking happening and A LOT of supervision!!!
being the wife of a cop I know he wouldn't like to go talk to a kid about stealing. I am not sure what you could do. Do you have an allowance system so she can maybe start buying her own things? Have you tried to have her go return it and apologize (sometimes that is the most effective thing to have done, they are embarrased and dont want to go through that again)
Bump therapy and all the rest of that BS. Sounds like she just need a good old fashion spanking. I wish one of my kids would! They already know what the deal is. And @ M. J., you are right, spankings do teach a kid that. Thats exactly why I NEVER have any problems from my kids. They know not to talk back, act out or disrespect me or any adult. I spanked my kid ONCE and havent had any problems since. Whenever she try to act out I just give her "the eye", remind her of the spanking and ask her if she want another one. NO PROBLEMS. Therapy is only needed when youve tried all options and nothing works. Therapy that is not needed only wastes your time, money and could possibly lead to your child being diagnosed (and put on meds) for a disorder that they dont have. Good luck!
Kids often steal for attention. My daughter stole from Target when she was in middle school. She probably had money in her pocket, however, we were working a lot of hours, we had just moved away from the family, and she met new friends and joined them.
She had to return the items and to my knowledge, it never became a problem after that.
I would just politely ask her to put it back as soon as you come across something. I wouldn't over react to the situation. Then tell her to grab her allowance money, take her to the store and make her purchase her own.
By punishing her, she is receiving negative attention. Give her the attention without a reaction. Hopefully she will grow out of this phase.
