My 10 Year Old Son

What does he do in his spare time? Is he a TV freak or a music freak or a gaming freak or a book freak?
If he's happy staying home don't force him to do stuff he doesnt want to do.
He's being himself.
If he's addicted to playstation/or something similiar tho, you probably do need to make some changes.

You know your son best. So if your worried ask questions if your not worried (just a phase) observe until you have questions. Ask teacher if anything is going on socially at school (bullying, etc). My son 10 rarely gets to hang out so given the opportunity would jump at it...or maybe your son just likes hangin out with you?...but i would ask son why. Is he shy? Normally outgoing? Hmmm

Try not to compare your son and daughter on this. They may just have fundamentally different personalities. And he may not get invited on play dates because the other boys his age are all involved in sports teams that eat all of every weekend and most weekday afternoons as well. But a; boy does not have to be in sports to have his own interests and friends.

You didn't mention some things that would help us a lot in responding to this question.

What IS he interested in or involved in? For instance: Is he very academic and is reading a lot at home (which is great!)? Is he currently involved in any group activities or classes outside school, such as a sport or a martial arts class? Does he have any outside activities of his own, and I'm including at-home, quiet activities here -- such as reading, writing, making models, craft stuff, hanging out outdoors even alone, etc.? What does he do with the time at home--watch TV or play computer games on his own? He might need to find something that engages him, and that might mean helping him find it. He won't know to go to the county parks and rec catalog to seek out courses or activities, or to ask at the community center, so you can help him out and offer him options.

If he does have some other interests, whatever they may be, I think he's probably doing OK. But if he does nothing much -- have you tried asking him if he would like to take a class (anything! woodworking for kids, which does exist, or cooking or fencing or basketball or dance or...whatever). If he is not a team sports kind of guy, that is just fine. If he loves to read, would he like a book club at the local library? (Ours does book clubs for boys, to appeal especially to them--If you local library does not have one and you think he'd like it, go see the children's librarian there and volunteer to work with her to start one.)

He may not be having scads of pals over like his sister because (1) he is just a quieter, more introverted person, which is fine; (2) the guys his age that he knows do not share his interests, whatever those are; (3) he does not think to invite the guys who DO share his interests -- Does he for instance have teammates or pals in other activities, but you suggest only the names of school classmates?; (4) he is socially awkward.

The only one that would worry me would be number 4. Think about it: Does he come home from school but never talks about other kids at all? Does he seem to do school group projects (they should be having those by now) but never discusses his partners? Has the teacher mentioned that he seems to work solo a lot, or he doesn't seem to bond with other kids? Have you asked his teacher about whether he has friends at school that she notices? If the answer is no to all of those -- I'd press a bit harder about having acquaintaces over and I'd be sure at first to have a specific activity in mind so the boys are not just hanging out saying "Whadda you wanna do?" Tell him you have passes to go bowling and he can bring a friend. Or tell him you're going to take him to the movies and he can bring three friends and you'll all get pizza afterward. If he seems awkward, help him by initially arranging activities so all the boys have something to engage in and talk about even if they don't have a ton else in common yet.

There is a number 5 too. At 10 some kids just start the pre-teen moodiness and that can include a need for more down time and alone time. It's not odd, it's normal, unless they truly cut themselves off from others including family.

Your son could be an introvert. There is a whole chapter on introverts and another on extroverts in a book called RAISING YOUR SPIRITED CHILD by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Those 2 paragraphs alone were worth reading and really opened my eyes to the differences in children.

An extrovert NEEDS to spend time with people. An introvert needs the opposite. They are refueled by alone time. That's a pretty basic explanation. But then there are subtleties. For example, if you take a Learning Style assessment (Discover Your Children's Learning Style website: learningsuccessinstitute.com) he could be Introverted/Relating. Which means he could love people and relationships (relating people love to relate to one another, emotions matter, etc...) but still prefer to be alone. I highly recommend doing the assessment for yourself and your family. It helped me to see how they learn, what they like. Some of it was obvious and some of it was eye-opening.
http://www.learningsuccessinstitute.com/

I have a 12 yr old son whose always been an extrovert. He was rarely invited to friends houses for playdates when he was in elementary school, in younger grades. That started to change as he got older. We got better at making the first step (usually at his request) and that's how friendships build and then you get an invite back. Now that he started middle school (brand new school, only knew a few girls going in) he's made a few new friends and is always making plans with them to hang on the weekends. We always have boys sleeping over or he's over their houses. But you can see whose driving this: he and his friends.

He loves to ichat on his laptop and text on his phone and I have found that it's a good way for him to keep in touch with both girls and boys he's formed friendships with. I see that as a positive. However, we have not allowed FB and I do warn him about the perils of social media. We also keep tabs on it.

I have a friend whose son is the opposite of mine. He spends a lot of time in his room playing. He's the same age. My son right now is at the mall with about 4 girls he recently made friends with. My husband is parked nearby, keeping tabs and he's been there for 2 hours and now they are going to see a movie.

Driving him to friends and setting up playdates is sometimes exhausting for us. I sometimes wish I had an introverted, happy-to-play alone kid!

So unless you see some drastic personality changes, I wouldn't worry about it. You can definitely talk to his teacher and see what she says about how he relates to his peers.

As far as your parents, maybe he got bored.

For now, I'd cherish the one-on-one time you have with him.

My younger daughter is kind of like that. She doesn't really like play dates, and would rather just do her own thing, by herself. I asked her teacher because I was concerned, and her teacher said she seems to have a lot of friends at school, to the point that she is nearly always surrounded by other kids. I think maybe when my daughter gets home, she just enjoys having a little time to herself. Could that be the case with your son? Since he spends a lot of time with his friends at school and then at sports practices, maybe he just needs some breathing room once he gets home. It sure sounds like he is active and engaged in many ways, so it doesn't really sound like he's depressed? I'd just check with his teacher for her observations to be sure nothing else is going on at school that you should know about.

like leigh said, my first question is what is he doing when he is at home?

Video games can easily take the place of real live friends, i hate to mention this one, but i'm sure it happens more than i would ever imagine,-drugs?

My son is in cubscouts and while it isn't run perfectly, it does get my son out and about. he's made some aquantainces. and hopefully some fast friends once he goes to camp.

Please take the time to call his teacher on Monday. First, ask her if she has seen any changes in his behavior at school. After she tells you, then, tell her what you are observing. You don't have to give her too much detail, but, you want to know if he is distant from the kids in school, too. Also, ask her who he hangs out w/ on the playground. Have her name the children. This might be helpful info for future playdates.

It could be so many things.... In my pre-teen yrs, I was bullied. I never told a soul. I just became very quiet and hung out in my room after school for 2 yrs. I would still have playdates with the couple of kids who did not make fun of me. The kids did made fun of me on the bus, in the caf and when the teacher wasn't looking.
You might want to find out --And the teacher might not even be aware of it.

He also may just be a kid at heart and a lot of the other boys have pressure from older brothers/friends to grow up so fast. My son recently had a nerf gun war birthday party and one of his friends older brother's teased him but he didn't care...that is what he wanted. Make sure you find friends with similar interests and get to know their mom and invite him over once and awhile. Also, make sure his dad and he have special times still. It is very important though that you establish a sense of trust with him now so he can come to you if God forbid anyone tries to pick on him in JR. High. Good luck!!

I would be very concerned if he no longer wants to hang out with your nephew or parents if this had been normal behavior before.

Has something changed in your house? Living situations, anything between you and your husband??

If nothing inside the house, what about outside? Could something embarrassing have happened to your son? Or, God forbid, something bad between your son and another male/female? If this were me, I would talk to my son in a non-leading way and see what he says. His behavior is raising a red flag, in my opinion.

I totally get that your son could be painfully shy; my son was that way also but he always went to parties or sleepovers with friends from school - there weren't any boys that lived on our street for him to play with; altho there were plenty of girls for my daughter.

Good luck!

Hi! I would definitely look into this. Has he said why he has not wanted to be around people much these days? Maybe when you go out for yogurt you could talk with him about it. 10 yr old boys are not always the most talkative though! Is he involved in an activity he enjoys? If not, maybe find something he enjoys and sign him up. Also, maybe get him involved in volunteering somewhere.

Good luck!