My 10 Month Old Won't Sleep at Night Dr. Says Separation Anxiety

We went through this when my son was 14months. It lasted about two months. We would put him to bed normally; then he would wake up at about 4am & we couldn't get him to go back to sleep unless he was in bed with us. So he slept w/us (after 4am) for about 2 months. Then he started to wake up earlier (midnight). We didn't want him in bed with us all night & we felt that he was manipulating us at this point. So, we had him cry it out. It took two nights, bu then he was sleeping through the night in his crib again.

I know how you feel my daughter who just turned 3 would wake up all through the night telling me to lay down with her if she would wake up and I wasn't there she will come in my room to sleep with me all the time so I figured it out she really likes her pacifier which most parents don't like but here's what I do at bed time she tell me to turn the tv off because she wants her binky she is only allowed to have the binky once the lights go out at bed time when she get up she has to give me the binky back if she wakes up in the middle of the night and want to get in bed with me she has to give up the binky if she doesn't want to go to bed she has to give up the binky so in turn she likes having that binky at bedtime so much that she stay in bed doesn't wake up numerous times and actually will tell me when she wants to go to bed which is great because she is getting the proper sleep now and not keeping me up all night

If your daughters ears hurt, she's not going to sleep at night. However, I also disagree with the doctor. With each of our 4 kids, we put them to bed in their cribs, and then if they awoke at night, we brought them to the middle of our bed, and we became the cribsides and went back to sleep.

Of course, this wasn't out of any intentional method of parenting. It was survival. We both had demanding FT jobs, and we needed to sleep. We weren't about to stay up for hours while our child cried in the next room. Unfortunatley, child #4 wasn't a good sleeper -- even in our bed. She'd wake up and want to play with us. (ugh) It was torture at the time, but now that she's 13, we laugh and say, "Wake up, Daddy! It's MORNINGTIME" (in the middle of the night if we both happen to be awake == because that's when she'd launch that at us)

I don't think it adversely affected any of our 4 children to have the security and comfort of being near their protectors during the night. By 2, they were largely in their own beds through the night, and as they got older, they beat a path to our bedroom if they were sick in the night or anything. They didn't have to wait for us to come to them. When they were bigger, if they were sick, I'd give them a sleeping bag and let them sleep on the floor by the bed, so I could get to them quickly, and conveniently, that put them VERY close to the bathroom if they had upset stomachs.

Doctors are trained in pathology, many are very wise, but they are not schooled in parenting any more than you or I. It's all born of experience. Frankly, if your child is anxious about being separated, and it's interfering with your sleep and hers, I'd solve the separation issue, get rid of the anxiety and get some sleep. Separation anxiety is a phase children go through, and it will disappear on its own. But why traumatize your child if it bothers her so much that she can't sleep?

I'd much rather provide the comfort and security she needs now, knowing that with a sense of security behind her, she will have the confidence to tackle the world and win as she grows up.

Every parent and Doctor who advocates CIO methods should read this:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

Now,does that mean that you should be a slave to your child's wakings at night? Heck no!! Trust me, I am NOT a martyr and believe rested parents are great parents.

I'd try Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" FIRST, before Ferber (who has been widely discredited and even retracted a good deal of his own method!)
Side note: I love it when Doctors casually recommend letting your baby cry it out when it's YOU who has to listen to their pitiful cries while the Pediatrician is home warm and cozy in their own bed! LOL

I personally never advocated co-sleeping (I did it some...not intentionally though...I passed out while breastfeeing) so I have the crib nextto my bed. Last night my little one (who is suffering from a double ear infection, poor lamby-pie)reached out and stroked my arm through the slats. Soooo cute!:)So maybe try that...the crib next to your bed...it may help with the anxiety.

If your baby is in pain from this fluid in her ear, she's going to wake up and want to be near you. Give her tylenol at bedtime and ask for numbing ear drops. Some doctors don't feel they help, but it sure helped us. I'm not the best to give advice about sleep as all of my children co slept and I had a hard time getting them out of my bed. But, your baby will be a baby once, and if everyone sleeps better together, consider it.

If she's used to having you there with her at night for 10 months, then it will be very hard for her to move on, but she can. The opposite of separation anxiety is feeling secure and happy sleeping alone! I would quit going in cold turkey, and she will adjust after a while. You can do all the weaning methods in books as well, but the sooner the better for her at this age. The crying is heartbreaking, but like for any habit, create the cure! She will feel better for it soon.

One really important thing to do is be sure she is eating more during the day. A truly full child does not wake up at night. They may not seem hungry in the day, but if they'll take food when you offer, they are. This could improve your problem greatly, even if the waking is habitual. My sister has 12 kids, and NEEDED her sleep. She had them all sleeping through the night by 3 months this way.
Stuff her full of food all day long (it takes a few days for the body to realize it's more full) and then leave her to herself at night. Once she understands that crying does not produce her parents, and her belly is full, she'll sleep all night happily. Good luck!

I too have a 10 month old and every once in a while we'll go through a week or two like this.

Here is what it means in our house:
1. Tooth is coming - it's not that they hurt, because tylenol doesn't do anything to stop the waking, but without fail, a new tooth or two comes in a few days after the spell of no sleep
2. Growth spurt - had a few days around 9-1/2 months where she was eating like a horse, even in the middle of the night. Of course, she liked our midnight visits so even once growth spurt was over, she wanted a bottle. We had to "reteach" her that she doesn't eat in the middle of the night. We did that by patting her back when she cried, then leaving. She would cry a few mins, then stop, then go to sleep and wake up 45 mins later. Repeat cycle. Takes a couple of nights for her to get the hint.
3. The famous 9 month sleep regression - If you've ever read the book The Wonder Weeks it talks about all the different milestones that our babies are hitting around 9 months - physical and mental. This often leads to sleep regression. They talk about this a lot on the blog ask moxie (www.askmoxie.org) which I would recommend checking out
4. If it's a totally new thing -it is probably the ear. The pressure in the ear is worse when they are lying down.

A., has this behavior just started with the fluid in the ear? If so, it is due to the increase pain. For some reason with ear infections or extra fluid, it is more painful when you lay down. Try giving Motrin or Tylenol about 1/2 hour before bed.
If it is not from that, then take about a week to change the habits she has formed. The first night check her every 15 mimnutes and soothe her,second night check every 1/2 hour and do not physically touch her. Calmly tell her everything is ok and you are checking her. Third night check every hour to hour and half-do not touch her or say anything. Continue to increase the time between checks nightly. By the end of the week, she should be sleeping normally again. This was advice from our pediatrician when mine were the same age. It took patience and consistency, but it worked. Thank God we were able to get sleep again.You can also give her a favorite safe item to sleep with-mine loved the Glow Worms that lit up when you squeezed them.Good luck and let us know how you make out.

Sounds like this is either pain from the ear or it started out that way and she learned that she can get you in her room and now has gotten into a new habit! Get the book Solving your child's Sleep Problems by Dr Ferber and read it and you will be doing all of you a HUGE favor. So many techniques for better sleeping, similar to what another member suggested about going in and rubbing her back, then leaving for longer intervals, but not picking her up. The book also has lots of information about sleep in general and really truly saved my marriage. We had trouble with the baby stage and then had the toddler who came in to our room 18 times in one night!! Teaching good sleep habits early and having a plan as each issue arises will save you so much time and stress. And when everyone gets sleep, EVERYONE is happier! Good luck to you.

Have you tried putting a radio in the room with music playing softly? We did that with our kids when they were babies and that seemed to help them sleep. G.

I noticed you live in Harrisburg. When my son was that age I was a part of two mom groups that I found so helpful. They are both free. The first one is run through Pinnacle Health and meets every Monday from 1-2:30pm at the Camp Hill GIANT Community Center. It is for infants age 9-16 months. I used to grab some lunch before hand and head up to the meeting. My son loved crawling around and hanging out with other babies. The facilitator to the group is and RN and a lactation consultant.
The other group meets on the East Shore. They time and locations of there meetings range from weekends to weekday. They sometimes meet at museums or in homes. To find out when and where join go to http://www.meetup.com/attachmentparenting-486/
We breastfed, so my son slept in a cosleeper next so when he woke up to nurse there was little disturbance to myself of my husband. If you are a nursing mom the Harrisburg La Leche League has a library of books that you can borrow on sleep issues. They are also free and meet monthly on the east shore. Go to http://www.lllusa.org/web/HarrisburgPA.html
Good luck,
S. www.HarrisburgBreastfeeding.com

Hi, I'm going through the exact same thing, I believe it's separtion anxiety, It's really hard for everyone to not get any sleep. I've tried everthing includeing trying to sleep her with us, but then she just wakes up and wants to play. All the advise I can give you is that you are not alone and it's totally common. On-one is gonna be able to give you the answer you want because all it boils down to is she just wants to know your there. Sorry if this does not help. Just trying to be honest.

I hear ya..and my son too!. He is very much the same. At nine months, he wakes up more times than he did when he was a newborn. I honestly believe that it is from separation anxiey and the only thing is too put up with it since we obviously can't give a baby an antianxiey pill or anything. Like me, just know they will eventually grow out of it. And hey isn't so lovely to know how much they need you, that they can't sleep. Look on the bright side! Good luck

I know many moms will disagree with me, but my son is 11mo old and I still rock him to sleep every night! We used to let him cry for a certain amount of time, but as he got older and was able to stand in the crib, I just wasn't comfortable. So when he wakes up at night, I will rock him back to sleep and put him back in his crib. If he wakes after 4 or 5am, I bring him in our bed and he sleeps with us til it's time to get up. He was sleeping with us a lot more frequently before, but now he does much better. I really believe it's because he knows we will be there if he wants us, so he is more comfortable. He was doing the same thing as yours, and now he is down to 1-2 times per night. One is always for a diaper change that he falls asleep in the middle of, and the second is for some cuddling! If you are not interested in partial co-sleeping then it's not for you, but it does really make a difference. Everyone gets much more sleep than we would if we let him CIO. I also use a binky at sleep times, but he spits it out once asleep. He does love it to get to sleep though!Good luck and I hope this helps!