Moving Again! (Just a Mild Vent)

Updated on November 11, 2011
V.D. asks from Smithfield, UT
12 answers

Oh man not another move. This will be #7 in 5 years. I don't want to complain because its a blessing we sold our house after 11 months on the market, but I'm so tired. I don't want to pack, unpack, and clean both places. I have a 23 month old and a 3 year old and my husband is working and going to school full time so he won't be helping with any of the packing and unpacking or the cleaning. It'll just be me and my 2 little ones again. No family anywhere near that is young enough to help (grandma is 75 so she doesn't count). Can I just cry? I don't want to do it again. And it's not like its a fun move either. Not too excited to be moving into in-laws basement.

Thank goodness there is a divider between floors so It'll be like a apartment and not living with them. Just the unfortunate fact that there isn't a laundry room so I'll have to use theirs. Ugggg!!!!! (long sigh) We'll be there for a scheduled 18 months. Then hopefully on to our own apartment with our own laundry.

I just don't want to pack up the house again. This time we are going from a 5 bed 3 bath 3 car garage to a 2 bed room apartment with no garage and only a microscopic kitchen without a dishwasher. 2/3 of our belongings is going into storage for 4 years. So they are as good as gone. I'm sorry I needed to speak my feelings without making my husband frustrated. My husband is wonderful don't get me wrong, but he just doesn't understand what this move is going to do to me. I've talked to him, but he just doesn't get it. Thanks for listening.

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So What Happened?

To Clarify our moves it has nothing to do with being evicted. They are job and career moves. In hopes that we will eventually get the point that he has a great career that will allow the lifestyle we want.

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answers from Dallas on

I just wanted to say hang in there!! That doesn't sound like fun at all and I don't blame you for balking. I don't agree that since he is working and going to school that he shouldn't help pack or unpack or clean. A move takes everyone. Give him some specific to-dos like "by Friday you need to have packed all the tools that are going into storage". If he doesn't do it, don't do it for him. He can do it late at night or early, just like you deal with the kids all day and night. Good luck!!!

4 moms found this helpful

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answers from Medford on

1972, I met my husband 3 days after he returned from Viet nam.
He got an apartment with his brother
I got my own.
We got engaged, found an apartment for after we would be married
He moved in
I moved back to my parents.
We got married, and I moved to the new apartment.
He was discharged from the Air Force a few months later and we moved. Job ended and we moved.
Foound an apartment and moved in.
Hunted and found a better place a few months later, so we moved.
Then he was transfered and worked out of town for a while, and I got pregnant one of the weekends he was home.
We put everything in storage and I moved to be with him.
Before the baby was born, we bought a trailer and we moved into it.
The job was near complete so we sold the trailer and bought the house we are in now.
While it was in escrow I moved to my parents with the baby.
Hubby moved back to the condo with other workers to finish the job.
House closed escrow and we all moved in together.
Keep in mind this all happened in 5 years time..
I count 14 moves in those 5 years.
We had things in storage, sold stuff, left stuff, lived in small places, lived with other people, had kids, and stayed together.
It was all our great adventure and made us what we are today.
Married 38 years last week, and in escrow for a new house and looking forward to what is instore for us next. If you have moved this many times in a short ammount of years, you havent had time to build up too much junk. Think what its like for us to be trying to pack and move after 34 years in this house. We have drawers filled with things we havent seen in 20 years. Weve accumulated a lot of stuff. Im parting with a lot just to make life simplier and cleaner. So far I have been the only one packing and preparing for the move. Hes working, Im not, but still, 100+ boxes packed and stacked and car loads taken to the rescue mission, and garage sales done,,all by me. Oh I should admit, he has found 3 pairs of socks he doesnt need. I dont expect him to do much more until the week we move. He gets the side of the garage with tools, the shed with a lawnmower, his closet and the desk in the office to clean up and pack. He can do all that in a day. I understand your frustation, but it will still make memories and build your relationship and make you stronger. Just do it, and someday you will look back and wonder what all the big fuss was about. Really, moving 14 times in 5 years.. And the last 34 years flew by. At our ages, I dont think we will live anywhere as long as we did here. Savor what you and your family do and where you go.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Colorado Springs on

Okay, you've had your mini-vent, and I'm glad you can get it out of your system without venting at your husband.

Keep in mind, for what it's worth, that many other people are doing this very thing in one way or another. They lose their jobs or their homes or something else, and they have to scramble and manage the best they can.

Now you have to look your move in the face and not be afraid of it. I read once that a problem or fear is like a cow; it may seem too big to handle, but if you go right up to it and stare it in the face it will become more docile.

It's time to have a good attitude to show your babies as you talk to them about this *adventure* of moving closer - MUCH closer - to their grandparents. Focus on what you do have, not what you don't. If you don't have family to help you, see if any friends could help at least a bit.

Pare down as much as you can, so your new HOME (not house) can look nice and uncluttered. Focus on what you can do to make it homey as soon as possible. Be glad the laundry room is all you have to share with anybody else.

(For what it's worth, I haven't had a dishwasher since 1977, and the one before that didn't work most of the time. We didn't put a dishwasher in this house because we'd lose badly need kitchen storage space. Now I don't need one because I'm speedy at handwashing; however, one day we'll need to update the kitchen and I *still* don't know where a dishwasher would go!)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Joplin on

I sympathize. I am facing a move I do not want to make as well, we have been here a whopping 9 months...

Anyway, I wanted to suggest instead of storing and possibly paying a fee to store things, why not take this time to clear out the clutter, sell some things you would be paying to store and buy them when you need then again in 4 (??) years...that is a long time to be making payments on a storage unit.

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answers from San Francisco on


It saddens me the most to read (grandma75 doesn't count)...why are you moving so much? Have you been evicted again and again, or is it your husband's job changes? What's the WHOLE truth? Has the "doesn't count" grandma been helpling you in the $$$ way???

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

It's too bad you guys can't live in married student housing. When I was in college it was totally wonderful. All the rent was taken out of the financial aide before I ever got a cent. It was paid for the entire year at once. The bills were included too, even phone and cable. I loved it. I got food stamps and we never went without anything. Any money I earned was almost like play money since it didn't have to "be" for anything.

Hopefully you'll be able to make it with the situation you'll be in. I am sure they will still love you no matter what, you love them back and it will help each of you to be more tolerant and loving when there are the inevitable differences.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Denver on

sounds frustrating! i totally understand your loathing of packing and cleaning, etc. i have done it twice in these past 2 years and i know it really sucks you dry. BUT, i was thinking that once you get into it (you have no choice, after all), you could try embracing the simplicity of your new, downsized lifestyle: simple meals, less to clean, fewer possessions (esp toys:) and perhaps even the blessing of being close to family (even if they don't help:) just try, little by little, to focus on the blessings hidden in this difficult move. and make time to do some energizing things for you - yoga, meditation, exercise of any kind, long baths, whatever helps you! and good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Denver on

Yes you can just cry. In fact, do it whenever you need to. One of the things that many of us do is not allow ourselves to fully feel our feelings about a situation. I highly encourage you to get a notebook that you can just vent in when you get frustrated and overwhelmed with this move. That you set aside time to really sit down and feel and cry. If you actually set aside a few minutes and really let yourself feel the feelings without any resistence ("oh I shouldn't feel this way", "I should just be grateful" blah blah blah) then you will be amazed how quickly the feeling moves through and how you will be able to accomplish so much more.

Be gentle with yourself. Get support from wherever you can. Hire someone to clean, get someone one to help you sort, purge, and pack. Too often we use money as an excuse to not care for ourselves. You really can't afford not to get some support right now. If you overstress yourself you will be sick and overly tired and unavailable to yourself and your family.

Be more open, clear, and direct in your communication with your husband. It is vital that he truly understand what you are facing. Listen to him and discover where he doesn't get it so that you can communicate even more clearly with him about your challenges. Be really honest about what your challenges are and the type of support you need.

A couple of hours of hired help really isn't that expensive and can make all the difference in the world. Get a headset for your phone and call a friend while you are packing. The conversation can take your mind off what you are doing. Or better yet, have them come over and sit with you. Even grandma can give you support in that way.

Now is not the time to be attached to the idea that you should be able to do all of this on your own. Listen to all the moms here and get some outside help. Moving, moving in with the in-laws, small children and having an extremely busy husband all top out the stress meter. Care enough about everyone else to care for yourself.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Milwaukee on

Not sure why you're moving but at this point you may just need to be happy you have a home.

I'd LOVE a bigger house now that our son is growing and I KNOW that's possible, probably EVER. In this economy I'm just happy to HAVE a place to live.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Nashville on

Moving can be annoying. Couple things to consider. When you move to the 2 bedroom, do NOT accumulate any more junk. What the kids can do without in the form of clothes, let them do without the extra. Save yourself the headache and only pack what you need.

I am not sure what your financial condition is, but maybe you can hire a cleaner to clean the final clean up.

Just start ONE room at a time, and to help it go faster, grab 3 bins...label them (1) Charity (2) Storage (3) Move. As you get a chance, drop stuff in each bin. Maybe taking baby steps will get you in the mood and started versus seeing the move as a big monster.

Get rid of toys that the kids will NOT use. De-clutter your life so that when you do move again you don't have that to deal with that again.

PS: I do not envy you...I hate packing and unpacking and cleaning up I feel your pain!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Wow! 7 moves in 5 years! I don't think I would have unpacked all my boxes! Why so many moves? Hope it all works out for you!



answers from Salt Lake City on

You have my sympathy - for years we were an active duty military family, so I've had lots of practice moving. And practice may make you a bit more efficient at it, but it also makes you really tired of the whole thing.


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