Moved to Texas and Fear I Will Never Be Accepted or Make Lasting Friends

Wow I have the same problem, however I'm not even from this country and didn't speak English well when I got here 10 years ago, I thought that was why I couldn't make new friendships. I have only made one lasting friendship that I met two months after I got here; I used to invite my next door neighbor's children for playdates with my daughter and they never accepted. I was never impolite, or rude. they just weren't interested. I use to cry so much about it until I got use to the loneliness. This might be really wrong of me but I just thought this was the American way to do things, I've noticed everyone here is very reserved even between family members (please don't be offended, I know not everyone is like this, it's just something I noticed over the years).
I spent two months in New york one time and never felt like this; I'm in the same boat in the sense that my husband has such a great job here that we cannot simply leave and find another one as good as this one that easy.
However one thing I really like is that when I sit at the mall's playground or park etc. I talk to the other moms and and they're really friendly. It's close friendships that I haven't been able to make but I usually converse with people at the mall, kid's lessons etc. That social contact is enough for me, but years ago I craved more.
I wish you good luck and remember there are tons things to do that you can do alone too. I love reading at the library, going to the farmer's market or even shopping by myself.

Maybe you're trying too hard? People can sense a desperation in other people and, for most, it's a turn off. Nobody wants to adopt a 'lost puppy' for a friend. Sorry if that sounds mean.

I think you should just be yourself. Obviously you've attracted a spouse so you can't be all THAT bad ;) Go out and join clubs or activities that interest you. That's a great place to meet people with similar interests. And even if you don't make friends, at least you're doing something you enjoy!

What are your interests? Check out Meetup.com & put in your zip for all kinds of get togethers, coffee meetups, Moms of toddlers, boating, cycling, running, you name it they've got it. After becoming a Mom, I've found that its harder to have close relationships when you have kids & a husband or SO. Now we are friends with other Mom's if we can tolerate their kids...

What I have finally learned is that you can have different levels of friendships. Those you would tell your deep dark secrets to, those you enjoy their company & those that are just acquaintances. Not to mention different friends for different activities. Some friends may like the arts, some might be sports fanatics, some may be good listeners. You can have different friends for different needs. And remember friendships can take years to cultivate. When I moved from Texas to Florida, I thougt that I would make the same type of friendships that I had there. I finally realized that it would not happen overnight. It is a slow process...

God Bless!

Just added: I just looked up San Antonio on Meetup & there are a ton of Mom groups on there.

After I had my first child I felt very lonely. I had worked for a number of years and most of my friends were still working. although I was grateful to stay at home with my daughter I just felt alone. (my husband worked crazy hours). My husband told me to get a hobby. I tried swimming at the YMCA and took a painting class but was still not passionate about my hobby. Then I discovered glass. I now make stained glass windows, mosaics and flame work beads. Through taking these classes I have found others that have the same passion as me...Glass. I have become fast friends with many of the people I have met through these classes. I know glass is not for everyone but how about trying belly dancing or zumba or joining a gym or taking a photography or cake decorating class? You may find if you find something you are passionate about you will better be able to make friends.
One last thought - Could your husband invite some of his colleague over for dinner with their spouses? One of my very best friends and another really good friend are the spouses of my husband's work friends.
Good luck to you!

I am sorry you feel this way about Texas.

We've been in the Dallas area (northern burbs...Plano/Allen) about 22 yrs and we love it. We moved from NC.

Look within yourself to figure out what you like, what type of friend you attract, get involved in your favorite activities, if you have children..get involved with volunteering at their school. Friends are out there...sometimes it takes a little work.

I don't think it would be because you are from the area you are....

Yes, we are faster paced. Our community is very transient, many people from all over the world. How about your neighborhood? We have a website for our neighborhood, it has updates on bonco groups, socials, etc.

As a matter of fact we have a neighborhood social tonight... rock climbing walls, bounce houses, face painting, games, train rides, catered food, live band. It is a huge event every fall and throughout the year we have activities.

Don't look at TX as a negative because of your native state. Be yourself, don't try TOO hard and you will start meeting people. I know it is hard moving to a new place and meeting people. Best wishes to you.

I found it just the opposite. I also grew up in the midwest (MN). I found it so easy to make friends in TX because so many people I met were also from other places. They seemed to know what it was like to live away from family and we had that in common.

I do know what you are saying about it not being as in depth as friendships often are up north, but it can happen in TX too. My very good friend is one I met in TX and we've been friends for almost 22 years now. I had even moved back up north for a while (MI) and we kept in touch. MI is where I found it really hard to make friends. It seemed that everyone there pretty much grew up in the area and had a lot of family and established friends. They were friendly, but it never went beyond general, friendly conversations. When we moved to GA, I found people extremely friendly (and again, met people from all over). Then we went to IL (Chicago area) and it was just like MI. I was convinced that the only time I would have good friends up north is if we moved to MN where I grew up. I'm back in TX now and don't care to ever move back up north. I guess that building friendships is a timing thing. It is finding a connection with someone where both parties fill a void. I also think that some neighborhoods are more friendly than others.

I don't really have an answer for you, but I do know how you feel. Getting involved in something that you enjoy where you can also get to know others in the process might help. I pray things turn around for you soon.

Just be yourself--not everyone living there can be "born & bred" Texans! If people don't see you positive attributes then you don't want them as friends anyway.

I had a hard time making friends for years. Now I have a bunch of close friends.. hang in there. it will get better.

I don't mean to sound discouraging but a lot of times, it's hard to make friendships in new places, we live in LA now but we had to travel to different places for years because of my husband's job. There are places that I found friendly, like New York, Chicago, and San Francisco. When we lived in Pittsburgh for three years, I never made a friend there, but had many acquaintances, people were really nice but they wanted just hi, hello, smile, and how are you, that's all. They already have their life there, their friends, their relatives, etc. It's not that they were being mean it's just that their lives were already set and full and they have the close people they need already. I am not saying this is the case in your case but I do think it's just not easy to make friends sometimes in a different city. We now live in LA and I made two very good friends here but the point I am making is it does not happen everywhere you move. But don't give up, try to meet people still based on your interest, don't change who you are by speaking slowly, etc, be yourself, I found in life that when you find a special kind soul (friend) suited for you, they will love you and appreciate you no matter how you speak. You sound like an agreeable person and I really doubt it's you. It's just not easy sometimes, it's just the way it is, good luck.

Google MOPS groups in San Antonio, TX. I just did and I am very surprised at the amount of groups there are. If you are not familiar, this group is short for Mothers of Preschoolers. They are an awesome group of local women getting together for the same reason you are wanting. They also offer free childcare while you are at the meeting.

Good luck! I am in the same boat. We just moved to Kansas and I am trying my best to locate groups in my area.

It takes a while for Texas to warm up to you. Do you have any hobbies that you can meet people with? Scrapbooking is a hot one to do.

As a poster stated friends come and go in your life. If you are looking you will be able to count your good friends on one hand in your life. Many times it is the attitude that turns people off as you are trying to fit in and not being yourself. Yes, they talk slower and do things differently than you are used to. But after 8 years it is time to start trying a few rodeos and car races to blend in. You never know you might like them.

Take up a hobby or a class and see if you can meet someone that way. How about yoga or bowling? Do you have kids?

As far as friends in the military they too come and go. If it is to be it will be. I have meet and known quite a few military wives and families and I am in touch with three or four. We all go our separate ways in life.

What kind of work do you do as you didn't say. San Antonio is a nice town. I go down on occasion as daughter lives outside of Randolph AFB.

Take care and I hope you find what you are looking for.

The other S.

I can do the chitchat while the kids are in their activities with moms and the few dads that show up. My neighbors always greet me if we end up seeing each other out and about. I can help out introducing new people and helping people find their table at meetings.
I want to make deeper friends too.

I noticed you also posted a question about a mom's group in San Antonio area. I do not know of any, or I'd have responed to that post as well. I agree with Lesley's answer. I think it is hard for us to really understand why people are being like this unless we fully knew you personally. My first thought was perhaps you're opposite of your husbands family and most texans politicaly, but you said you don't talk about politics. I don't know what to tell ya. The local library is a great place to meet moms if you are upfront enough to approach one. I am one of those 'stand by myself' types and not one mom at the library has ever said hi to me. At church, I went to a mom's group and they swarmed me knowing I was the newbie. What part of SA are you in? I'm north of SA by 20 miles or so.

I've learned there are friends for different walks of life. Once in awhile we have a very close friend, to hang onto, or some that come in and out. In the meantime, perhaps you find out what things actually keep you very occupied and peaceful. I saw a lady suggested different ideas,but like I used to tell my children, we don't always have someone. We are alone a lot of time, but do not have to feel lonely. I enjoy playing the piano for instance. It doesn't require other people. I have to act on my own in this instance again. my children are older and moved out and I miss the opening and closing of the door desperately. There were built in people in my house all the time. Please let us know what sorts of things you find out.