Motorcycles: Yes or No?

well i am probably not the answer you want - because i firmly believe that no spouse has the right to "forbid" another spouse to do something. Not only that but think about it - if yuo keep telling him no its goign to make him want it more- i said no for a lot of years and then i decided that it wasnt all my decision and so i told him to get one - we still dont (5 years later) have one i might add.

the other thing is this - yes lots of people do die on motorcyles, but lots of people die in airplanes, and in cars and on operating tables and riding bikes - but are you going to stop him from doing any of those things? probably not.

also the other thing to consider is: can you afford it? will this be in addition to his car - i DONT agree with fathers having vehicles that are too small or not right for their kids as their only vehicle. if its a 3rd vehicle it will save on gas. you also have to consider where he's going to be driving it - and there can be some "ground rules" associated with it: ie: no going above a certain speed; no snow; no racing etc - but as long as he goes to the classes and wears the helmet and drives safely then i say its fine.

hope that helps
S. w.

I would not be comfortable with my husband riding a motor cycle. Is there anything else that interests him that would be less dangerous? Ex. dirt biking, 4 wheeling, mudding (this is what my brother calls it when he & his friends take their trucks & jeeps out in the woods & the mud pits & drives them around & get super dirty).

My first response was that motorcycles are cool and a good way to save gas on a work commute etc and if he wants one great.
but after reading through your responses and really thinking about it. I'm voting No. Not for safety reasons, but because in Marriage, you don't always get to be selfish and have fun fun fun, it's a compromise. It seems to me he is putting his own wants above what is best for his family. This garbage i'm reading that he is a grown man and can do what he wants, is just garbage, He is a FATHER and a HUSBAND. There are a million things i WANT to do every day, sleeping in until noon, eating icecream for breakfast, allowing my kids to watch tv all day long, leave the dishes in the sink all day etc etc. I'm a grown woman and i can do what i want, BUT because i'm a mom and a wife, I don't do those things, I scrub the toilet, I cook meals, I take care of my puking children in the middle of the night, I don't go out on shopping binges and blow all our money. There is no Real reason, he needs a motorcycle.
I know i sound hostile, I'm angry that it sounds like people here are coming down on you as the wife for "not letting him" but to me it isn't a question of you letting him or not, but more him realizing that somethings aren't right for a family guy to do at this point in time. Maybe he can find something that works as a compromise for both of you, maybe you'll be ok with him riding once your child is in school and you are back in the workforce. But right now it just doesn't sounds right for your family.
If you feel that uncomfortable with him doing it then he should respect you enough to put his family, his loving wife and beautiful daughter first before his need for fun.
That's my 2cents.

Oh and he will go out and buy one anyway?!!?! Real Mature!

I empathize completely. My husband, like any other child, thinks motorcycles are cool. And so did I when I was younger. But ditto on the opinion that any fun he has with the wind whipping through his helmet is not worth the risk to our three kids of losing a father. Especially since fatal motorcycle accidents (common) are almost never the motorcycle's fault. Anyway, I told him he was allowed to get one as soon as he gets a majorly beefy life insurance policy, and I mean millions. So far, it's kept him form getting one.
Good luck!

PA has a motorcycle safety course that I would recommend. You could both take it. They supply you with a motorcycle - there is not an option to use your own. They will also loan you a helmet. Even if he or you know how to ride, it's very helpful. My husband has 2 motorcycles, a Vespa (technically a gift to me...) and a third bike in pieces that he's restoring. If he's hell bent on a bike, work together to set a budget and choose full face helmets, protective leather jacket, boots, gloves and try to relax and enjoy!! We get to ride together once in a while, which makes us feel like newly weds. We/I also have a rule - he cannot ride in highways. Much less worry.

Hi B.,

Question, Can you all afford a motorcycle?

The next question is forthcoming if you answer this question.

Just want to know.

All the Best. D.

My instinctual reaction:NO NO NO NO
If you would like, I'd be glad to send you pics to show your hubby of one of my best friends's scars all over her body by being launched over 100 feet off a motorcycle and nearly dying. She had no control, as it was a car that hit her and her friend's bike.
She takes it upon herself to stop motorcyclists to show them her scars and warn them.
Food for thought..it can happen to anyone...NO ONE is "immune"...why take the added risk?

p.s and my ex-boyfriend's ex-wife's fiance was killed just taking a "ride up the street". He,too, took "every precaution".

Hi B.,

My husband loves motorcycles also. He has had several through the years (prior to us getting married). When I met him he did not have one. We got married and I eventually got pregnant (I have a daughter to a previous relationship) and he wanted another bike. I did not tell him no, because I knew this was part of who he was/is and I truly love the whole him. I can not change him nor do I want to. After our son was around the age of 2 he decided that he was spending too much time with his bike and not with our son (or any of us). He chose to sell it and wait to get another one until our son is older. This was his decision. Of course I was happy with that decision, but he had to be the one to make it. Not that your opinion doesn't matter. It does!!! But ultimately it's his decision.

L.

My ex-husband used to tell me all the time that I could or could not do something. I remember wanting SO BAD to go back to college to get my Master's Degree in Fine Arts and he said for years that I absolutely could not do that. He wouldn't even ALLOW me to apply for admission.

Later, I wanted to start my own business. I would have ideas that I thought were great, and he would tell me that my idea wouldn't work and tell me that I wasn't worth the investment in the business.

As I said, he is my ex-husband. I constantly felt like I had to ask permission of my "daddy" if I wanted to do something, and since I was a SAHM, I didn't have my own money, so he had the say-so.

No more and never again.

I am now a single mom who owns her own successful business, AFTER I went back to school for additional training in my field. It turns out that I do have great ideas, that I am worth the investment, and I rock at running my own business.

I'm NOT saying that telling your husband he cannot have a motorcycle will lead to divorce, Heaven's no. What I am saying is that your husband is an adult and doesn't need to ask your permission. Treating him like he does demeans him as a human being.

The fact that he is holding off on his decision because you are opposed to it shows that he is a thoughtful man who loves you very much. Assuring you that he will take every precaution shows that he is wise and understands the risks.

So love him back and apologize for assuming that you have the power to say yes or no to him, and tell him that you trust him to make the right decisions for himself and his family, and then back off. (and I mean that in the most gracious and kind way in the world.) He isn't your child, he is your husband. Treat him with the respect he deserves.

Hi B....ok this is not meant to freak you out, but maybe more fodder for convincing your hubby that it is not a good idea. A couple of years ago I went to the funeral of my husbands cousin. He was 23, had a son under 2 yrs old. He was a professional motorcycle racer, and yes, was killed riding his motorcycle, doing ALL of the things your husband has promised, on a back road, no traffic, was 2 miles from his house, had a helmet on and protective gear, and as I said, was a professional rider, was ranked 10th in his circuit.SO, even with every precaution, bad things can happen anyway. Plenty of people ride motorcycles everyday, and are fine, but accidents on a motorcycle tend to be much more life threatening. Good luck, I personally hope you can convince him that his money can be better spent elswhere.

Tell him he can get a motorcycle after you have seen the fully-payed million dollar life insurance policy, and $5 million disability policy.

:-)

I just went through the motorcycle thing...and he will prob buy one whether you like or not. I was not and am not keen on the entire idea, but I cant control everything he does(I would like too), but it just creates problems that really are not at all worth it. My hubby got the cycle and now I am so much better with the idea, and really it was not worth the fights. Motorcylces, guns, fancy cars...they all have risk, even walking across the street, it is just life....Let him get his permit. Have him take the motorcylce safety course prior to getting his liciense. It is an amazing course that taught my hubby more about the outside world on a cycle than even thought he could imagine.

My view of riding motorcycles has drastically changed. Both sets of our parents, as well as other friends and relatives, were motorcycle riders. Our church had a ministry for motorcyclists, so it was a really cool thing to see a bunch of motorcycles roaring out of the parking lot after church. Our parents are very safe, cautious drivers, wore the helmets and the leather and took the safety courses. One summer day 2 1/2 years ago, my in-laws were riding down (same bike) a country road near their house and a person backed out of a driveway without seeing the motorcycle. My father-in-law used the safety maneuvers he learned to put the bike down, and he had minor injuries, but my mother-in-law died at the scene of the crash. We'll never know how two people on the same bike had two very different outcomes. But like you said, it's not the driver of the bike, it's the other people out there who are on their cell phones or are not paying attention. Accidents do happen. We are not blaming anyone for my MIL's death, but we do see how the chances of getting hurt on a motorcycle is greater than if you were in a car or truck. My parents and some other family members still ride their motorcycles. I don't like this, but I don't want to rule their lives. They can make their own decisions. I would have to step in if my husband wanted to ride though, as that would affect my daily life. We will also make sure that my family members do not "glorify" the idea of motorcyles with our children. We want our kids to know the dangers of them. We don't want to live in fear, but we also know that bad things do happen -- even for those who love and trust in God! Life happens. People die. BUT, we have to ask ourselves can we learn from this death? And I can. To me motorcycles are just too risky. Especially if you have a young family. If your husband wants to get a bike so badly, ask him to wait until your kids are grown. At least my husband had his mother around for his whole childhood. But, we are faced with the reality of our own son having never met his grandmother.
I also have a friend who was driving in a truck when a motorcycle accident happened a few cars in front of her. Her vehicle had impact with the body of the motorcyclist, even though she did not cause the accident. To this day, she is troubled by this event.
I hope you don't think I am a dooms-day person. I'm really one of the most optimistic people out there! But, life has happened to us, and the reality is yes, people die in cars, airplanes, etc, but motorcyles are definitely more risky. I think a lot of us think we are invincible. Bad things won't happen to us. Well, bad things do happen to the best of us, and I'm not saying a motorcyle will definitely equal an accident or a death. Just ask your husband to think about it. It's a pretty big decision to make when you have a young family.

B.,
I don't know your relationship with your husband but I can tell you what worked for me.
I got all the paperwork for the class you have to take to get a motorcycle permit in Pa and all the insurance info to insure a motorcycle and what it would do to OUR life insurance. Also check out injury insurance for brain damage, that makes a point. I then gave it to him as a present in a box with a bow.

"Here honey, if this is really what you want to do then I will support it, we will get a motorcycle and WE will ride it. I figure I'll use it for xyz 2-3 times a week." That is where the wheels fell off the wagon. He didn't want me driving around on it by myself b/c I have a bad knee, I said I would always rest the bike on my rt leg. He finally said he would worry too much with me out on it.(it was hard not to look smug) Here's the thing, I would have ridden that bike 2-3X a week to make a point and worry him as much as he would worry me and he knew that that is my personality. If you can pull that off great but if your husband doesn't believe it, I'd crash the bike in the training class a couple of times to freak him out(at low speed).

I told my husband I had long term plans for him, that he is a great driver but it wasn't about him. We then did a LandRover offroading class together. If he needs some adventure/excitement help him find something. Hot air balloon? A 2 hour racecar track ride? etc.

I don't particularly like motorcycles, but I ride a bicycle along the roadways. I think I'd be worried about a motorcycle for all the same reasons you have -- also, accidents happen, and if they happen to you when you are in a car, then you have a little more bubble of protection around your body than you have on a motorcycle.

That said, I wouldn't make it a bone of contention. He's going to want the bike, for fun, and to conserve gas in the summers. You're going to worry. But if he's going to die in an accident, he'd die in an accident. He wouldn't have to be on his bike. An airplane could fall out of the sky and land on him, a power line could snap and electrocute him, he could go hunting and get shot by accident . . . there's lots of insane things that can happen. Will they ? Well, we take precautions the best we can, and we assume the absurd won't happen.

The reality is that hanging onto him isn't going to extend his life -- it's just going to frustrate him. Better to have a healthy relationship, and give him some freedom to enjoy it and you, than to be constantly arguing over the motorcycle.

Be thankful he doesn't drive stockcars and race them regularly. He doesn't sky dive, or do really wild things. The best possible outcome? He gets his bike, knowing that it worries you, but that you are letting him have the freedom to do this .. . . and he finds it isn't worth it. That while it's fun, it isn't worth the anxiety you have because he has a bike.

I can't guarantee that outcome, but in marriage, we take the good and the bad. There are things we absolutely LOVE and appreciate about our spouses, and then they come up with these totally unexpected and unwanted (by us) ideas of what would be fun. . . . . And we have to let them be themselves, and get through the anxiety part. The good news is that he's talking to you about it. I have a friend whose husband just shows up with new ideas, having spent the money without even telling her. That'd drive me insane !!

:-) Hang in.

Hi B.,
Ultimately, I guess, it is his decision. But PLEASE make him take a safety course.
Years ago (in another lifetime), I dated (briefly) a guy who was a professional road racer (you know the ones who lean on the bends of the track so far down that their knees almost hit). He would not drive a motorcycle on a street for a city block! He always said, "At least when I'm racing, I'm with 30 other guys who know what they are doing--out on a road, anything could happen!" So please stress safety to your husband. Good luck!

I hear ya, sister. I feel exactly the same way, but it was impossible to convince my husband that it wasn't his ability I was questioning. He finally bought the bike and all the gear, took the course, and started to ride. The frist couple of summers he rode a number of times. The last two summers, the bike has sat in our garage because it's not practical to take a laptop, cell phone, gym clothes, packed lunch to work that way. And now he spends his evenings with our little guys. Yes, it was a big investment, but I'm just glad he doesn't take it out too much. Hope this helps~

My family would be surprised as to what my response will be. My dad was killed because of a motorcycle accident 3 years ago this past holiday season. I say "because" of an accident because he wrecked his bike and landed in a coma for quite a while. We were all prepared for the worst as was the doctor's diagnosis. He miraculously came out of it, recovered enough function to go home with my stepmom and then was in another accident that should not have killed him...except that his brain couldn't take anymore trauma. Watching my dad go through all that was absolutely the most horrible thing any daughter (or son) could go through. He was not wearing a helmut and was not the safest driver. When I see a motorcyclist without a helmut I (and my younger now teenage sisters) get very upset. Son't those drivers know what they are risking putting their families through?! Anyway...I also realize that just as many people are killed in automobile accidents, despite all the recent legislature designed to make the roads a safer place. The hard fact is that whenever we are on the road...no matter what we are driving or riding in/on...there is HUGE risk. Families are traumatized everyday by other peoples mistakes on the road. My husband has mentioned a motorcycle a few times (I know...the gaul!). Honestly, the perceived safety is much less but if you think about it we're all in the same danger and it sounds like your husband will be safe and understand the need to drive defensively at all times.

Hi B.,

My husband is the same way and I was the same way you are. I like motorcycles but was and still am very uncomfortable with him riding one. This is his first one tho. He drives his truck like a maniac and that worries me when he is on the bike. But I couldn't tell him no but he is fully aware of how I feel about it. He is going to take the class and wears a helmet, glasses ect. but we too have a daughter which she will be 5 next month. Right when he bought the motorcycle (which is a harley) someone we knew went on a road trip on his motorcycle with his wife had an accident and his wife had died. At least your husband has owned one before and knows how too ride.....i guess what i am trying to say is we have to trust that they will be safe and think of us when they are on that thing.....I pace until he gets back from a ride...I also tell myself if I wanted something that he wouldnt tell me I couldn't get something. I don't know if I helped but wanted to let you know your not the only one who feels the way you do.

I agree with you whole heartedly that you're more concerned about all the other idiots, then your husbands ability to ride.
Lets think about this from another perspective... clearly your husband has an itch to do something fun and adrenaline rushing. :) Maybe you two can think of some other ways for him to get out and feel the wind in his face... or feel the independence of riding.
Maybe he can rent a motorcycle once a month and go riding out in some country land without traffic. Sort of get it out of his system. Or maybe you can find somewhere local where you two can go race gokarts or horseback riding, or go play paintball... something where he is outdoors and feeling like a man. Haha... I guess I can't think of great ideas, but his desire to get a motorcycle has to do with some manly issues... independence and excitement... try and tackle those issues in a safer or more contained way.

Good luck!

Hi,
Coming from a wife whose husband works in the motorcycle industry and rides himself, I asked him what he thought I should tell you. He said that he thinks you guys should find a compromise. That if your husband hasn't ridden in awhile, that the newer bikes out there are extremely powerful compared to when he might have ridden a few years ago. Instead of going for a large crotch rocket buy a cruiser or a smaller cc crotch rocket. Something the two of you could perhaps enjoy. My husband is also a proponent of the PA motorcycle course. This will refresh your husband and help him to feel more comfortable on the road. Now as a wife, I understand your concern, but I also understand that it is just as dangerous to have your husband drive on the freeway in his car. Sometimes we have to just trust them and put them in God's hands. If you don't give him your blessing he's going to do it anyway and in the end resent you. Hope you work it out.

I know that I'm responding late and that you've probably gotten a lot of great responses, but here's another one. Try as hard as you can to get him NOT to buy one. We have a close friend who rides and so do his 2 cousins, or they did up until this past summer. Both were riding, they both were wearing all the necessary protective gear and are both safe riders, yet both ended up at Presby in critical condition after loose gravel caused one to hit the other one and they had a major crash. Also, my husband is a state trooper, and he's seen so many crashes involving motorcycles that every time we see people on cycles he says "Oh look, another organ donor!" Once he responded to an accident where the guy hit so hard that his helmet shattered and his brains were literally jelly (my hubby was a little sick that night). Your husband is no longer just your husband anymore, he's somebody's father, and he needs to take your daughter into consideration. Hope this helps you in your decision.

I know you are worried but honestly he is a grown man and should not have someone whether it be his wife or someone else tell him he can or can not have or do something that he enjoys!! Put the shoe on the other foot, if you wanted to do or buy something whether it be dangerouse or not and he said no, how would you feel?? I just don't think anyone should control what someone else wants to do!! It just isn't right! But i also understand you worry and fear!! Good luck!

Tough question. My husband and I are motorcycle lovers. We are the proud parents of three children 20,19,13. When the kids were small we did not have time to ride. Now that they are much older we ride with a group of friends.
It is tough to decide what is right or wrong here. Yes, you read and hear alot about motorcycle accidents but do you put the same thinking into CAR accidents ??? More people are distracted while driving, this is true, be an advocate not to be one of those and be on the look out for MC riders.
Moreover, remember your husband is a grown man and not a child. Mommy your babies not your husband and he in turn will respect you as his wife and life partner, not his ruler.

About me, I am 47, happily married for 25 years (in aug) mother of three awesome kids son 20, daughter 19,daughter 13. Older two are in college, and "the baby" is in middle school.

Enjoy those little ones they grow up so fast. Remember you are their role model.