Mothers with Child with ADHD

Updated on May 17, 2010
D.V. asks from Camden, NJ
12 answers

I am been thinking lately that my son might have adhd alot of the diffent websites and info that I read my Son does it all I really dont know how to start with this situation with going to the doctors I just don't know how to go about this,, everyone says he will out gro this butits only getting worse,, also all the medications they have I dont want him waliking around being a zombie and not knowing what he's doing,, If any one out there has a son with this,, please contact me, DV

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D.S.

answers from Allentown on

Hi, DV:

Have you looked on the web:

www. CHADD.org

They may have information that you can use.
Good luck. D.

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M.R.

answers from Columbus on

DV,

First, the medications DO NOT make kids zombies, if they do, it is the wrong one. That is such a myth that makes me furious, medication is a tool that will help your son mangage the medical symptoms of his medical condition. Medication is not the only answer, he will need cognitvie behavioral therapy, social skills instruction, help at school, and behavior modification. He may also need speech and OT, and maybe vision therapy or corrective lenses, if these things are issues.

Start with a Developmental Pediatrician or a Board Certified Child Psychiatrist and a Neuropsychologis (together.) Both of these will give you what you need, which is a medical opinion based on a full evaluation, get the evaluation data! A DP may take a long time to get into see, and you may have to ask the psychiatrist to make a referal to a nueropsycholgist, but they will.

If your son has school issues, request an evaluation from the school, in writing. Do not depend on this to diagnose your son, and always know more about what your son needs than the school does. Use your evaluation data to keep the school honest. You can share it if you wish, but you do not have to.

Let me tell you what ADHD is, and you may feel better. ADHD is a disfunction of the neurotransmitter useage in your son's brain. Kind of like if he had a defective gene and did not make an enzime like the one that breaks down lactose, which is a bonafide medical issue, so is this. Brain cells don't touch. The space in between each one is called a synapse, and our bodies make chemicals called nurotransmitters to carry our thoughts across these spaces. If the body does not make enough, or the receptors in the cells are defective, that person has ADHD. Totally medical, and he can't just "think" his way into fixing this molecular issue. Can you make your kidneys more efficent by thinking about them? Can't be done. Anyway, this is why kids with ADHD loose track, it is like when you walk into the kitchen to get something, and then can't remember what it is. Imagine this happeneing to you over and over, many times an hour on the simplest things. "I said, put your shoes on, THREE TIMES already..." Sound familiar? It is very difficult for them. That sometimes he has a thought continue does not mean it is not a regualar problem, well my goodness, if he had no thoughts continue, he would be brain dead (people will say this is a reason he can't have ADHD) Also, yes, he can focus on TV for hours. The thought process is all done for him, he can't loose track, and HE LIKES that. You would too! Physical activity will enhance his ablity to focus, it is why hyperactivity is an issue for kids with ADHD.

The reason stimulants work is that it helps them not loose track of the thought process by enhancing the effectivness of his neurotransmitters. Some will work better for him than others because of the type of issue he has, and you can only find out by trying them.

Sorry to be so long. There are so many myths, and he will do much better if you don't hold any yourself.

Good luck, get the evaluations, get all the treatment, and pat yourself on the back that you are doing the right thing for him.

M.

PS, be very careful about anything diet related. There is not any evidence that that stuff helps, and there are many people who are selling "miracles" so be very careful. Kids do get better and thrive, but they do it with standard care and hard work from you, the school, his therapists, and himself.

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K.B.

answers from Harrisburg on

First, take your son to your regular family doctor to discuss everything with them. If they feel that your son may show signs of ADD or ADHD, they will give you a referral to a child psychiatrist who will do lengthy testing, about an hour and a half long, to determine if indeed has this, which type and to what extreme.

NEVER ALLOW A REGULAR FAMILY DOCTOR OR ANYONE ELSE, OTHER THAN A TRAINED CHILD PSYCHIATRIST, DIAGNOSE YOUR CHILD WITH THIS OR ANY OTHER DISORDER.

If or when a diagnose is reached, you will then discuss different treatments that will fit your particular child. You have the right to refuse medication, but do try other options including therapy to teach the child how to handle situations better. If you come to the point that you may want to try a low dose of meds, it is ok. ADD/ADHD meds have an old reputation from many years ago when children were given too heavy amounts of drugs. Today, it does not work that way. They are given mild doses and start very low and work up to the correct dose needed, on a slow pace. Don't be afraid.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat
events and chat within 2 hour radius

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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

Our son has ADHD. Ask the pediatrician for a referral to a psychiatrist or neuropsychologist for an evaluation. A specialist can make the best diagnosis and is best qualified to handle treatment.

Medications are something wonderful, not something to fear. No parent wants to try them, but we made the leap of faith and the medication worked wonders. It's like giving glasses to a child who can't see well. Your child will NOT be a zombie. Your child will be his same self -- same s**** and interests and full of life -- but his behavior will be in the normal range. The only time you see zombie behavior is when the medication dosage or medication itself is all wrong, and that rarely happens when you're dealing with a specialist knowledgeable about these medications. Most of the time, you'll see that a medication isn't quite working enough and have to increase it -- and your child won't seem sedated at all. Again, same personality, just normal behavior.

Check out the websites for ADDitude magazine and CHADD for more information about the condition.

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L.B.

answers from New York on

My kids and my husband have ADHD. You need to get your son evaluated by a psychiatrist or a neuropsychologist who specializes in ADHD. There are many treatments for ADHD. Everyone is different some people need medication, some do fine with behavior modification and some need a combination of treatments. Medication does not make kids walk around like a zombie, that is a ridiculous myth! If the meds cause any change in personality or affect then it is the wrong medication and you need to try a new one. Also, keep in mind that people with undiagnosed, untreated ADHD are more likely to self medicate with illegal drugs and alcohol than those who have been diagnosed and receive appropriate treatment. I like to compare ADHD treatment to diabetes treatment: Some diabetics can manage their condition with diet and exercise (behavior modification) some need oral medication and some need insulin. Treatment depends on many factors including the severity of the disorder, same with ADHD!

Google CHADD the national association for children and adults with ADHD.
A good book to read is Driven by Distraction by Edward Hallowell, PHD

Hang in there, if he does have it, its not the end of the world. With the right intervention he will do fine.

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K.J.

answers from Kansas City on

My Husband wanted to respond to this:

DV,

I'm a 32 year old mechanical engineer, currently taking Adderal for ADD. My older brother, ADHD, works as a sheriff's deputy. My little sister, ADD on Concerta, is trying to finish her Master's degree. My younger brother, ADHD, is working his way through college on the second attempt. My father is also on medication for attentional problems but managed a Ph. D. without medication through drive and contrariness.

Martha had very good advise. I have a rather thick neuropsych file going back to about 1984. My parents, well mother really, worked with the schools to try to instill some organizational skills. Assignment books, progress reports for longer projects, etc.

ADHD does not necessary cripple you. Yes I do a lot better on medication than off, but I spent several years working without medication. There are also medications I will avoid based on the slowness I experienced as a child. Again, not an insurmountable problem. There are a lot worse things to deal with than ADHD.

With the proper support, your son should do just fine.

Trevor

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H.O.

answers from Detroit on

First I would suggest talking to your pediatrician, following that a recommendation for him to be tested by a psychologist. I have a daughter with ADHD and it took us awhile to find the right medicine that worked best for her. Yes I agree that there are medications out there that have that affect, but you really wont know what will work for your child unless you give it time... This will call for much patience (which at times is not easy), but eventually you will get to a place where you will reach that acceptable median. Remember you are not alone. Hang in there and I hope this helped some

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J.G.

answers from Lancaster on

Hi D., ADHD can be helped by removing toxins & chemicals from your home, in cleaners and personal care products. If u are open i will show you all the details of where i buy all of my household items and it actually saves me money and my family is healthier, how great is that!!! give me a call and see for yourself!! J. ###-###-####

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P.M.

answers from Harrisburg on

D.,

You have a lot of good advise already...I have a 13 yo son + a husband with ADHD, so I'm very well versed in the topic.

The best is to have your child evaluated by a psychologist/psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD. Once the evaluation is made, you will need to decide what to do with it.

My guys have a combination of therapy and meds. They both periodically meet with a psychologist. At first, my son met weekly...probably for about 6 months. She greatly helped him with coping and organizational skills. Now he just meets with her whenever he seems to hit a snag. Adolescense has brought new challenges for him.

Both my son and my husband are currently medicated. It has done wonders for our family life. It has brought about a new calm. The medicine does not make them zombies. The only down-side we've encountered is that both meds my son has been on (first concerta and now vyvanse) are appetite suppresants. He takes his meds at breakfast and then won't eat much lunch. Even when he gets home from school, he often claims he's not hungry. Some times I need to force him to eat to improve his mood - other times he's fine. By dinner, he eats well and he eats a lot in the evening. It's possible it will stunt his growth slightly, but the dr. closely monitors his growth and assures us he's well within the normal range.

Some outgrow it...some don't.

It's key not to let the diagnosis define who your son is. We never let him use it for an excuse not to do homework...or whatever. There are additional challenges with ADHD, but some say there's an upside as well. I know my husband and my son are both way more creative than either my daughter or I. I think their brains just function differently. You can find some good books to help you see the positive side. Don't let someone tell you the meds are bad. Would you let them do that if he had a heart condition?

If you have any more specific questions, feel free to ask.

Good luck!

P.

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P.G.

answers from Tulsa on

It depends on how old your son is. Before 5 or 6, they seldom diagnose ADHD. If he is in school, talk to your doctor about this or his school counselor. They don't have a "test" for ADHD, it is diagnosed by behavior. I, my husband and my sons' teachers had to fill out a questionaire on their behavior.
As for medication, not all kids (or adults) require medication. If it is prescribed, you and the doctor will keep a very close eye on it to make sure the medication and the dose is right for your son. I have heard the zombie remark too many times to count, but have never seen it myself.

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C.G.

answers from Philadelphia on

I have a 6 year old with ADHD, and firstly, I woould like you to realize it's not something a child outgrows. I don't know how old your son is, so I have no idea what would be appropriate for his age. I will tell you that once he's in school, he won't be able to manage it on his own, and it will impede his ability to learn. Talk first with your pediatrician, and discuss his behaviors openly. He may need a neurological exam depending on the severity of his behaviors. Maybe behavior therapy would be the best fit.
My son has been in a school-based program since the age of 3, has 2 neurological exams, and received behavior therapy since age 3. Now, at age 6, he takes a low-dose of medication as well. The medication road is scary, but armed with the right information, you may find it very helpful to him. If meds are appropriate, just be aware that the first script may not be the right fit, and don't hesitate to ask for alternatives. My son is on his second go-round with the meds, and this is a much better fit for him than the first was. Just be sure to be proactive and do your research.
Don't ignore the signs, you know him best of all...
Good Luck! C.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

My son was one of those children who couldn't pay attention, couldn't calm down. I also was afraid of having him on meds. Didn't want him to be a zombie etc. however. Once he is diagnosed the doctor will try different meds till you get the one that works. I disagree with the previous poster about whether children outgrow adhd. A lot of them do. Mine did.

My son has had several different meds for adhd. He was started on ritilin. It was not a good fit at all. Made him very aggressive which up to that point we had never (and have never had again) had a problem with. It also made him very emotional and he cried a lot. that was never an issue before either. They switched him to adderall. which worked very good for about a year and a half. he took one before school and another at lunch time in order for it to work thru the school day. the only down side to that was he couldn't go to sleep at night. so then had to have a pill for that. I was not happy with that at all. he was then switched to a slow release form of adderall. THIS WAS A MIRACLE DRUG. lol He was on it for several years. It got him thru the school day and homework and then ran down before bed time. However over time it also lost its effectivness. When he was in 6th grade he was switched to Vyvance. THIS WAS THE SECOND MIRACLE. He was on it for about a year and a half. His grades improved dramatically his attention span was great. Last summer (end of 7th grade) he asked if we would let him try without meds. We agreed, doctor agreed and he is doing spectacular. It has been a year and he is on the high honor roll, joined the choir and the wrestling team. Just wanted you to know that your child going on meds now doesn't mean they will be on them for life. Some of the ADHD behaviors do get outgrown. Some don't. But the positives way outweigh the negatives. I swore I wouldn't let him be put on meds. And fought it for a year. But his kindergarten teacher told me at the time I have all the extreme kids in the district and your son is my extreme in the classroom. So glad I listened to the doctor.

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