Mother's Day Woes.....

Call everyone and tell them that you're hosting this year. "Oh, you know how it is with small children. And this pregnancy is taking it out of me this time. I thought it would be so nice if I could do something for everyone from my house this year, so I'll be serving BBQ and later on some coffee cake starting at 2:00. See you all then!"

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I'd do this: Tell your respective mother's that you guys are staying home this year because you are in the midst of some crazy mothering right now yourself. Tell them you will see them on "Grandparents Day, on Sept 9th" Problem solved :)

You'll get mixed responses. To me mother's day is about ALL moms, not just our generation. We see not only my mom, but my grandmother and my husband's grandmother on mother's day weekend. For our family, it's as much about being a great-grandmother and grandmother as it is about being a mother. That means that it will be "my day" when I'm very old and gray - to me, that means that I have been blessed to have been able to spend those days honoring the wonderful women in our family who came before me. I see my kids everyday, but it's a treat for the extended family.

Of course there's not rule that Mother's Day has to be celebrated all on one day. It's probably too late to plan now, but next year, see if you can spread things out a bit and take the pressure off. If seeing you and your kids on mother's day is important to both your mom and your MIL, then plan on celebrating *you* the day before or on another weekend. My mom would never forgive us for not spending part of the actual day with her, and that's her right so we make it happen. We usually see my grandmother that day and my GMIL the day before because I know that she spends the actual day with her daughter and that side of the family on Mother's day. For us, it's about making sure that none of the older moms with grown children spend the day alone.

My husband likes to do something adventurous for Father's Day so he plans something for himself, his dad and the kids to do usually the day before or weekend before Father's Day, leaving us free to visit my dad and other relatives on the actual day. That way, he gets to do what he wants while we still honor other dads in the family.

Of course you have a right to be selfish, it's your day. Maybe you don't want to see all the other moms, do what makes you happy.

A good friend just lost her mother to breast cancer 2 weeks ago. Last year she wanted to be alone and not drive from one end of Oregon to the other and didn't go to visit her. This year she is tormented and would walk cross-country to see her mother if she could. And then there were the 11 years my son was kidnapped and in another country and we didn't see each other, some of the worst Mother's Days of my life.

You know what I'm saying, do what you are content with and have no regrets. I'm not being insensitive to how you are feeling and dreading the driving and not being relaxed, I get it, but life is short and we never know who will be there next year, sometimes sacrifices for a day leave us with a wealth of memories to treasure forever.

Happy Mother's Day whatever you decide to do : )

I am SOOOO with you on this!

Unfortunately, at this point, its too late to change plans without hurting anyones feelings. Next year, definitely make a day for just you and your husband and kids to celebrate.

I have two small children and work full time. I'm always tired and always behind on house work. Every Mother's Day, we drive an hour to spend it with my inlaws, SNL, and five large dogs. My FIL watches golf, my SNL talks about the dogs, my husband naps on the couch, and I chase the kids around the totally NOT childproofed house and back yard. We stay for SIX HOURS and then drive home.

This year - I told my husband I wanted a jasmine bush for my gift, and for everyone to come to our house to help with yardwork. AND THAT IS WHAT WE ARE DOING! I am so excited and happy.

Nope, not selfish at all. Time to set your own boundaries. My mom and MIL get cards, flowers and a phone call, they've never expected us to visit on Mother's Day. I usually get a little something from my kids then I get the whole day OFF. I'm free to go and do whatever I want. My husband gets the same thing on Father's Day!

Declare Mother's Day Eve (Saturday) as YOUR day, and then do the others on Sunday.

Why not celebrate Mother's Day week-end vs. Mother's Day? See one of your moms for dessert Friday and one for brunch or breakfast Saturday and then make Sunday your day? The other option is to invite both moms to your house Sunday for a cookout or lunch and stay home. What your sisters do to celebrate doesn't have to be the same as what you do.

Ok this is what I'm going to do this weekend, my husband won't be here since he is travelling to see his mom, out of state.
I will celebrate with my mom tomorrow Saturday, she lives an ahour away and yes I'll make the drive with 3 kids in the car.
THEN, on Sunday is all about me and my girls hanging out all day. I'll get some popcorn, watch movies with them and watch the survivor finale with the oldest.
I may order a pizza since I don't feel like cooking!

hope you can find some kind of arrangement where you can truly celebrate your day! by the way congrats on your pregnancy! I'm jealous I wish I was prego again :o)

This year suck it up and next year make arrangements to be out of town with your immediate family. I also long for a day with just me and mine, but will also drive an hour to be around a bunch of family and if I had to through my own mother into that mix it would be exhausting. Until you are the oldest matriarch, its not going to be all about you.

Hello 3daughters1son which equals four + 2=6. So, I ain't your mother but if I was I would ask you to asked the 5 other people in your home what they would like to do for you for MOTHER'S DAY and let the fun began. Oh! I forgot about the one with out a voice so I will speak for him or her. STAY AT HOME MOMMIE. Enjoy the day. 2012 is a great year to start your families traditions. The children will love it and next year save some extra monies and send all the mothers in your life flowers for mothers day because you will be spending it with your children.

I always tell my children that I you love me the other 364 days of the year that one day is just the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae its what you do the other 364 days that matter. Don't go with the flow if it makes you unhappy. We all deserve this day and so do our little children. Grown ups need to grow up. That what I would say if I was your MOTHER. And I like your idea about sneaking away for your mother so do it for you.

How about your mom comes to you guys? Is she too old to drive? And/or, make Saturday or next Sunday "your" Mother's Day... That way on Sunday, you will know next week YOU'LL get a few hours to do what you want. Another idea is to combine your Mother and MIL for a dinner out in the middle of you all? And what you do doesn't have to be at the same time as your sisters... You have FOUR kids. You can't accomodate everyone. Does your MIL have other kids? If so, maybe they could do Mother's Day with her and you have her over for dinner on Saturday night? Overall, it seems like you can treat everyone, including yourself, well if you spread out the celebration and/or have people come to you.

I am in the same position. I live 1.5 hours from my mom and sister. We live on the coast. Usually for family events, we ALWAYS have to travel to her house and then I end up paying for everyone at a restaurant because my sister never has any money. We usually have to eat out because neither my sister nor my mother have fully functioning stoves and neither cooks. So this year my kids are getting ready for final exams and we are broke. I suggested to my mom that she and my sister could travel here, I will make lunch and then we can go for a walk on the beach. My mom loved this idea. She asked my sister about this (my sister would have to drive because my mom can't). My sister refused because she is pet-sitting a friend'd dog, which is what she is always doing. ALWAYS when there is a family obligation. She will not leave this dog at home on a Sunday even though she goes to work she does leave him for hours. She is a passive-aggressive B^%$# and I am so over it. I wanted my mom to be with both of her kids and I also wanted her to be with her only grandkids, but for once I did not want to travel for hours and pay for everything. I don't even think about my mother's day because I would rather focus on my own mom. Sigh.....

Mothers day is for me. The Saturday before is for my mom or my husbands mom. He visits his and I visit mine. Simple and it works for us.

No, you're not sefish. I desperately want the same thing, but this year we are seeing my mom on Saturday, which is also her birthday, & MIL is coming to our house on Sunday for dinner.

I get most of Sunday to do as I wish & we are still able to please both our mother's. It's never worked out this nicely before.

I suggest you just be honest & say you want this mother's day to be about you. Call both moms on mother's day & send a card or small gift. Get together with them another day.

We habitually reschedule holidays for this very reason. Really, its the thought/ sentiment that counts. My aunt (the matriarch on my side) decided years ago that she was tired of people coming and going and trying to do something themselves, and meet the expectation of the in-laws etc. So she started re-scheduling everything including christmas, and new years to the sunday before or the sunday after (whatever worked best for her, not at all concerned with anyone else's schedule). Works beautifully. Our side of the family gets to have its own chilled out holiday day together. If we want to spend the actually day with immediately family only, or rushing around to inlaws, we can do that as well.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Hubs and I have decided that mother's day for our family is going to consist of going to the local ice cream parlor and buying a bouquet for me. DS is still a toddler, but no harm in a little ice cream.

Mother's day should be what YOU want it to be, but also a daythat you honor the Moms in your life. You can honor them on the actual day, or another day that you and they agree on if it works out for you all. My Mom occasionally has to work on Mother's day, so we get together on a different day day on the same weekend, whenever it works out for both of us. My MIL has passed away, and my step MIl lives across the country, but honestly if she lived next door I probably wouldn't do more than a card or phone call because my inlaws choose not to be involved in our lives as a rule, so why would I involve myself in their lives for Mother's day?
My husband and 4 kids always do some type of breakfast for me on Mother's day. Then I open whatever cards and gifts they have gotten for me. It varies from year to year, and I am more about the time together and my tiime to relax than the gifts. I can buy myself whatever I want or need , and I rarely want "things" so they tend to give me more personal gifts or things they have made which I love. One of my favorite gifts to this day is a video that my daughter made for me with photos of all of family and friends, with music in the background, and words edited in on the photos. It was on a DVD and I love it. She is quite creative, and I watch it often. Last year, our 2 oldest daughters took their 2 younger siblings out for the day, something that they do from time to time, a few days prior to Mothers day. They went to the beach, the park, and a couple other places. They did their own photo shoot of the 4 of them together, and then printed some of the best shots they got for me in a photo package as a gift. Some were in frames, some were in a collage frame, and the rest were on a DVD so I would have all of them. I think there were a total of 35 pictures in all. They had taken a few changes of clothes with them, which I had no idea they did, and that way they could try different outfits for the pictures. :)
Back to what we DO though................. after the breakfast and cards and gifts, the day is basically mine. I get to spend the day doing whatever I would like to do. If I want to read all day, I do. If I want to go to the beach or sit out by the pool, I do. I am not the one who takes care of the kids, or who prepares lunch and dinner. I get to have a day "off" from those responsibilities. I don't have to clean, or do anything domestic at all. My Mom (if she isn't working), comes to spend the day with us. She gets waited on right along with me. :) My kids and husband make sure the she is included in whatever we do, and she loves the time and attention that she gets. Sometimes we go someplace that I want to go, like to a theme park, and everyone has a blast. Other years we hang out here at home and relax by the pool. (also very fun) Whatever we do, we spend time together, and the main thing is that I get to RELAX and really enjoy my time. I do NOT have to worry about cooking, cleaning, or being "on" for anything at all. It is quite refreshing compared to most other days of my year. We do something very similar for my husband on Father's day. He is the "king" and we treat him as such.
You need to do what YOU want to do on Mother's day, enjoy yourself. I have even known people who have spent their Mother's day all by themselves, by CHOICE, without their kids. They spent their days all year with their kids, so on mother's day all they wanted was a day alone, to be without them. Kind of funny, but whatever makes you happy. I hope that you get to have a relaxing and happy Mother's day!! <3

I can see it both ways. I get that you would love Mother's Day to be a stress free time that you get to spend with your own kids. I also get that later on in life you will appreciate the fact that you didn't waste an opportunity to see and spend time with her.

I suggest going down the night or day before and taking her to dinner or lunch a day early. Tell her that way you can see her without feeling you have to rush back. Then ask your MIL to brunch at 10 or so in the morning. That leaves you the rest of the day with your family. Or the reverse, as her to dinner and you have the whole day and morning with your own.

Nope you are not being selfish! I feel the same way! Maybe you and the other sisters can do something with your mom together and the other sister can do something with her whole family and your mom. Who ever said that all kids have to do mothers day for their mother together? I am so thankful that all my mom asks for is a phone call, she totally gets that I am a mom now and actually likes for me to have Mothers Day my way. I still do something for her. My BEST Mothers Day ever is when my hubby and I took the kids to Six Flags for the day and didnt worry about anyone else. When we were younger and would ask my mom what she wanted for Mothers Day she would always say a day alone with nothing to do. I TOTALLY get that now. GOOD LUCK!

Thank you for this question and these answers! I love the idea of declaring my own "Mother's Day" on Saturday .... Of course! Brilliant. :-)

My husband and I don't have a very good relationship on his side. She is very rude. Anyway, we decided that we need to have our family be our family. So we sent a schedule to both parents and which holidays they get, and which holidays we get. Mostly we get the holidays. We gave his mom a present the last time we saw her with cards and we spent the day before with my mom. So needless to say Mother's day I woke up to breakfast in bed then we went to church and the kids made cards and we came home and my husband made lunch and the kids finished cleaning the family room. It was nice!

Yeah I think Grandparents day took over for my mom and Mother's day is now mine...she still gets a special day and so do I LOL!