Mother Driving Me Crazy About Baby Shower

Hi L.,

I agree with the other posts:

1. Name your son what you wish and who cares if other people don't like it. Your mom got to name you, now you get to name your son. Don't worry if she chooses a nickname for him as long as it's something sweet because who knows if it'll stick anyway.

2. Having a nursery at your mom's will be very convenient for you. You won't have to pack the whole house and your son will have a comfortable place all of his own at grandma's.

3. For your sanity, I think it's best that you remove yourself from the baby shower preparations. Let your sister and your mom hash it out. Tell them that you rather not participate in the planning because you want to be surprised. All you need to know is when to show up.

Hope this helps! Good Luck :)

I am sorry I have to laugh because your mom sounds a little like mine- I moved to IL while pregnant with my first son and my mom- and family live in Waukesha WI. I think you just have to be direct and tell your mom your sister is planning the shower and ask your sister to give your mom control over something. they need that. perhaps she can help address invites, be in control over beverages. you can not change your mom and just have to love her for who she is. as far as her not likeing the name of the baby- no sense on arguing over something that hasnt happened yet. tell her your not going to argue over that and walk away. once he is here and you get together if she calls him anything different I would correct her. hopefully she will adjust. just remember your mom is having the shower at her home- its hard to just sit back and watch. If your mom is like mine you have to give her control over something. good luck! I am curious- what are you naming the baby?

Okay Mommy to be stop sweating the small stuff. Your mother is excited about the arrival of her 1st grandchild. You should be and will be so happy to know that you can go to her house and she will have it set up for a baby. You won't have to pack like you are going away for a weeks vacation when you are really only leaving for the afternoon. Trust me this will be a lifesaver!
Next, you shouldn't be worrying about your shower...you shouldn't be planning it and you definately shouldn't be in the middle of it all, you have enough stuff to worry about. I understand you are excited about the birth of your son, but you registered for everything you want and you gave someone a list...that is all that you need to do...well, and get yourself a cute outfit for the day! :)You are not even going to remember the shower after all is said and done.
Rule of thumb...you never tell anyone the baby's name until it is born unless you want to hear the criticism. No one ever says Yuckie name when they are looking at the sweet child. You have learned your lesson for the next one. Just tell everyone it is a seceret or that you haven't decided yet. It saves you from listening to everyone's opinion for the next few long months.
Sit back and enjoy being pregnant, the quiet house, and your husband. Your life is about to change forever! It will be amazing and so will your son! SO DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!

Good Luck!
J.

I think it can be hard when you have a vision for something and your mom does sound like she is overly involved. However, she is offering her home and has the final say in my opinion over what goes on in her home (I think that is only fair). Hopefully she can keep this in mind but she sounds like she is just very excited. You are very lucky to have a mom be so excited, I would try and go with it and celebrate that you have a mom who cares (yes, she sounds like she is trying to control but what mom doesn't?) and that your child has a grandmother who is going to love him/her so much. I think perspective is what is helpful.

On the one note , I think I would tell my mom about the name (how she has said she doesn't like it, I think that is rude and hurtful) and say exactly what you said here. That you know she doesn't like the name but it hurts you and will hurt the child if she starts off this way. I think she will get it; she sounds like she comes from a loving place and needs to step back! It is hard for all of us to do that sometimes!

Good luck.
T.

L.,

Your mother sounds like my mother in law. But, at least you CAN tell your Mom
what you are thinking, or what to do, (even if she won't listen) but you really can't do that to a mother in law.

Anyway, I know how you feel and a lot of it IS hormonal. Relax, let her do what she wants,
just ignore her. And if she brings up the baby shower again, tell her that you do not want to hear about it. If she has any questions or thoughts she should consult or talk to your sister, not you. Let your sister deal with Mom. She is planning the party, not you!
The party is for you, but not by you. You should really not have anything to do with it, but show up and enjoy everyone's well wishes.

As far as the "2nd home" for your baby that Mom is planning, my MIL did that too.
Don't let it bother you, with time, you will appreciate having someone and somewhere you can leave your baby with and get a little R & R once in a while. My MIL passed away recently, and I can't find anyone who can match her love and devotion for her grandchildren, and who I would trust more than her to watch them when needed.
As much as she drove me insane at times (yes, you would think that it was HER babies not mine) she is greatly missed.
When I hear stories of mothers or MIL who could care less about their grandkids, I realize how fortunate I was.

You are NOT a brat, just a concerned and protective mother, who is also very fortunate to have a great sister and Mom!

S.

L.,

Take a deep breath Mama-to-be! I was tired just reading your post. :) I think you have a million things going on right now and you should just break them down and look at them individually.

My mom has a "nursery" for my sons at her house. In fact, when I was pregnant with my first, we planned it that way. And, you know what? It's awesome. I can visit and have a safe place for the boys to play. My older son LOVES his bed at Grandmas and loves to spend the night. And, when we visit for the afternoon - we don't even need to schedule it around nap times. (Which you will see is an issue.) Both boys are comfortable sleeping in "their" room at Grandmas. She also has her den set up with a ton of toys for them so we don't need to bring anything when we come visit. It makes it 1000 times easier.

On the other hand, my in-laws have made it close to impossible to even bring our sons over to visit. Our 9 month old has never been there and our 3 y/o has only been there like 4-5 times. They live about 30 minutes away.

The name thing? People get over it. My husbands Grandma is a strict Catholic and she didn't care for the name we picked out (Jacob). She said it "sounds Jewish". Oh well. She even said, "Well I won't call him Jacob. I'll call him Jack." My pregnant response? "Well he won't listen, because his name will be Jacob." There will NEVER be a name that everyone agrees on. I can see why people don't tell sometimes. Once the baby is here, it's harder to say something bad about the name with the beautiful little one looking right at you. Lol. We named our sons what WE wanted to and to heck with everyone else. Our second son has a unique middle name and we get questioned about it all the time. He carries the maiden name of my Grandma that passed away the year he was born (O'Day). It's interesting to see the reaction when people question it and I give the reason. :)

Finally, the shower. It's so funny how all these things seem so important - and they ARE important, I know. But, in the long run as long as you have enough (good) food, friends and family - no one will remember what "theme" you had. I can appreciate your sister wanting to give you a perfect shower and I think it's awesome that she's willing to do it from so far away. I had nothing to do with my shower, and I prefered it that way. My Mom, Sister and MIL arranged it and did everything. I just needed to show up. It was great. I don't remember what the plates looked like, the colors of the table cloth or anything. I DO remember all of my friends and family there to celebrate the upcoming arrival of our son.

So, just sit back and let your sister and Mom work out the details. Provide a list of the people you want to be invited and relax and look forward to the day.

There are so many things that you will stress about in the next few months. Your Mom is just very excited about her grandson. And, I can tell you from experience that yea, sometimes it's over the top with my mom and her adoration of our boys...BUT, to see my 3 year old scream with uncontrolled excitement when he sees her is just awesome. And, the memories I have with my late-Grandma are cherished.

Congrats on your pregnancy.

I wish you the best!

T.

I have to say you should calm down and let the shower thing get worked out between your mom and your sister. It is a pain for your sis, but she should not burden you with their arguments and neither should your mom. Tell them both that you trust them to put together a shower that you would love and to "play" nicely while doing it and then respectfully request to be left out of it. Then, concentrate on enjoying the feeling of having your little one inside, waiting to come out to such a loving family! The name thing is a tough one. My mother had a million suggestions for names, even after I told her my choices. This was her subtle way of telling me she did not like them. I solved that by naming my last child after her. Stay strong on the name you have chosen and gently remind her that she had her turn at picking names and it looks like she did a nice job. Ask her to respect that this is your time and tell her you know she will be so inportant to (insert name here) when he is born. Good luck to you, it will all work out and seem so insignificant once you hold your little guy!

I can understand your frustration. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had a similar feeling about my baby shower. I have to admit that I am a control freak and it was very hard for me to let someone else (my sister) plan the shower. Looking back, I really have to say I don't know why I cared so much! While a lot of people will buy items that are related to the theme of your invite (at least they did for mine), what the party room looks like or the color of the plates is really doesn't matter. Take it for what it is -- someone doing you a big favor -- maybe in their style, but a favor none the less. It's a day in time. And of course your mom wants to be involved. Focus on the sweetness of the gesture and ingore what it might look like. You can't change your mom and anything that you say about the issue will likely offend her. Appreciate that you have family that is willing to anything for you! And understand that your mom might be using your baby to relive that special time in her life -- who can blame her? She might buy stuff for her house, but you might find that the stuff will migrate to yours once she realizes that you need it--and it starts getting in her way. And you could always drop a subtle hint (ooh, I like that swing you bought. I wish we had that at our house). The name thing is touchy, but it's your baby to name as your choose. Everyone will have something to say about any name, believe me! Shrug it off and maybe think of your mom's 'renaming' as grandma's little pet name for your son. Good luck -- and keep it in perspective. When the baby comes, you'll find that many of these things lose their importance.