Morning Troubles

Every night book bags packed n ready by front door along with shoes. If they take a snack put in pack pack, if it is something that you can do it with.
Table set for breakfast. Clothes put out night before also. So they get up, brush teeth etc,, dressed, have breakfast and out the door! If not dressed they go to school in pjs!!! This worked well in my house. I must admit I was lucky, my kids got up n dressed without me having to get them up. Just be consistent. They will get it. My 9 year old granddaughter got it. I would go down to pick up little one n put 9 yo on the bus. After five months of nagging the kid has got it together. Showers at night, book bag done, n clothes out. She now admits is is much better having time in the morning. Yay Now she does not have to listen to me everyday. That was incentive enough lol. Good luck.

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Every night book bags packed n ready by front door along with shoes. If they take a snack put in pack pack, if it is something that you can do it with.
Table set for breakfast. Clothes put out night before also. So they get up, brush teeth etc,, dressed, have breakfast and out the door! If not dressed they go to school in pjs!!! This worked well in my house. I must admit I was lucky, my kids got up n dressed without me having to get them up. Just be consistent. They will get it. My 9 year old granddaughter got it. I would go down to pick up little one n put 9 yo on the bus. After five months of nagging the kid has got it together. Showers at night, book bag done, n clothes out. She now admits is is much better having time in the morning. Yay Now she does not have to listen to me everyday. That was incentive enough lol. Good luck.

Some kids are easy to wake up & get ready. Some are not. Case in point, my sibling & I. It's just diff personalities. So what do you do?......

-have clothes picke out the night before
-shoes by the door
-back pack by the door
-hv their breakfast ready (esp if it's easy like cereal, breakfast bar etc), out
on the counter w/bowl & spoon out
-you can't rely on them to get out of bed w/their alarm clock at this age.
You just be the one to go in & rouse them when you know they need to
be up to get ready.
-make sure anything that needs to be signed or addtl items to be taken to
school are done the night before....always. Preparation is 1/2 the key
-make sure all of YOUR stuff is ready the night before (lunch packed,
your clothes picked out, tote or breifcase by the door etc)
-It's not about them obeying. It's about managing diff personalities like you would as a manager at a company. As a manager of adults you would expect everyone to be the same, come to work prepared, ready to go, without incidence, dressed the part, sleep out of their eyes, coffee
already ingested ect. Unfortunately that's not how the millions of diff ppl
in the world come to work. UGH. Hated it but it's true. So help your kids
as best you can esp at this age.
-One poster on here had her kids sleep in their clothes they were to wear
to school. Not sure that's the route I would take but every family is diff.
Do what's best for you.
-Chores are a diff subject entirely. Must be age appopriate & the oldest
gets more.
-Rooms? Diff case entirely. Have them clean their rooms on a Saturday or twice a week. Pick up in the late afternoon or evening before bath, bed etc.
-You ask why they can't be more independent & helpful. At this age, they
can't. Don't expect too much. Help them succeed. The best CEO's know this trick. They don't set their employees or the businesses to fail.
They set all the necessary perameters (sp?) in place & HELP their employees to help themselves leading to helping the company succeed.
-Make sure your 2 yr old's bag & clothes are ready for daycare the night
before so you don't spend time hunting/searching.
-Stop yelling. I know this is hard (been there myself) because it only riles you up and sets the tone. Try to stop yourself the next you hear yourself do it (most likely Monday morning).
-Getting a routine down that works for everyone is a trial & error process.
So don't give up. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Little teaks go a
long way. Best of luck & hang in there. You'll get your a.m. process down. I'm positive! :)

It sounds like there is more going on than just the mornings, however to address that I suggest extra morning time.

You need to be out by 7:20 wake the kids up at 6am
Give the kids half hour to wake up, watch cartoons, and just be up
Give the kids the clothes they need at 6:30 (either hand to them or walk them to their rooms where the clothes are laid out from the night before)
Tell them that breakfast is on the table t 6:40 and once they are dressed and fed they may play a video game/watch tv or something else you may offer that is an incentive for an easy morning.

Most kids do not do well with Wake Up, Get Dressed, Eat Food, Leave House. They need the time and ability to wake up and doddle a tad.

The battle doesn't bother them, mama. It only bothers you. They have absolutely NO incentive to help or do what you want. I'm sorry, sweetie, but this is your own doing. You feel that they just need to obey, but that's not how the human race works. There have to be consequences for disobeying and incentives for obeying. Our entire society is based on this. Without it, chaos reins.

You have TOO MANY clothes for your boys. I know it just from reading what you say here. Boys do not care if they match. You don't buy clothes for boys unless they match everything. You have one week's worth of clothes in their closets and drawers. Pants and shirts that match no matter what. All primary colors works well. All the underwear is alike. All the socks are alike. You don't even have to match the socks if you buy a great big bag of them. You keep the jackets in the car.

The less you have in their rooms, the less there is to clean up. They don't get TV AT ALL if their rooms aren't picked up. Any fun game of any sort, whether it's computer or x-box or gameboy just is not given unless their room passes inspection. You sit in the room with them and give 2-step directions. Don't say "clean up your room". Say "pick up the books and put them on the shelves". When that is done "Pick up the trains and put them in the bin for the trains." Etc, etc, etc. You don't leave the room until you are satisfied. If they say no, then there are no privileges. They stay in their room and play and make it even messier, and then find that they have to clean up even more to get their privileges. This teaches them cause and effect and consequences, mom.

To get to this point, go in their room while they are in school and clean it OUT. Bare down to the point where they don't have much in it. Have boxes of toys elsewhere and bring a new box out every week so there is something different to play with. The same for their clothes. And don't buy them much as they grow out of stuff. If they don't care to take care of their things, you don't need to buy much for them.

If they won't get dressed in the morning on time, you start doing the baths at night and put their clean school clothes on them to sleep in. I mean it, too. They may not like it, but tell them when they are in the car by 7:20 for 5 days in a row, they may wear their pj's again. And if they aren't ready to go, they lose their pj's for another week. THIS will work. Take the pj's out of their room until they do it.

If they decide to punish you for this and are so late eating breakfast that you are STILL leaving late, you tell them that they cannot have breakfast unless they are in the car. All they get for breakfast, strapped into the backseat is something boring and fast. If you have to buy whole wheat Eggo waffles and serve them barely warm from the toaster and give them sippy cups full of room temp water, DO IT. They will get tired of breakfast in the back seat and they will hop out of the bed when YOU come in and say "Get up". Let them cry in the back seat, and IGNORE them. Push them out of the car at school and say to them "You know what you need to do in the morning. Do it or this is what happens."

At 6 years old, they need you in their bedroom supervising, not expecting them to adhere to an alarm clock. I didn't even expect my middle school sons to get up without me making sure they were up and in the bathroom.

Treat your 9 year old like the 6 year olds and tell her that if she wants to be treated like a 9 year old, then she has to act like one. Otherwise she will be treated like a 6 year old.

Pare down their stuff. Pare it WAY down. It's the only way they will take you seriously.

You're doing everything right, but it's not working. So how about an unusual tactic...

First, start putting 6 year old to bed at 7:30 or 8:00, and 9 year old to bed at 8:30. An older child should have a little longer, even if he's reading in bed for 1/2 hour. You have to stop doing everything equally. They aren't at the same stage developmentally.

Next start waking them in the morning at different times. Wake your 9 year old a half hour earlier and have him get 100% ready to go. Shoes on, backpack by the door. Then let him go watch a cartoon or read in another room where he can't distract his brother. Don't let him wake up his brother at any point.

Then get his brother up and have him get 100% ready to go. Again, restrict any interaction that the brothers have until he's ready to go. Have him go join his brother when he's done, and then you can finish getting ready.

You'll find that when they aren't around one another, causing distraction and drama, they'll have an easier time.

This also works for room cleaning and chores. If you want something to get done, separate them.

All of these techniques start off requiring a LOT of supervision at first, but then taper off to very little. So be patient and get up early for the first week while you're getting used to this method.

Best of luck!

C. Lee

ETA: Also, check out the book "Love and Logic." And learn to pick your battles. So what if they don't want to wear something that matches? And if they don't want to wear a coat, ask that they carry it or put it in their bag. If they refuse to do that, what's the worst that happens? Ooooh....they're cold and don't forget their jacket next time.

Again, pick your battles. Some just aren't worth the power struggle.

Your boys do not think about the world the same way you do. They are still young and developmentally think in very concrete terms and not in adult like, abstract terms. They literally do not have the ability to be more helpful, independent, or "care" about things the way an adult would.

I highly recommend that you seek out a Parenting with Love and Logic class. You will be amazed how a little bit of good information about how children see the world and how we as adults can best work with them will transform your world.

Yes, you are being unrealistic. They are not miniture adults.
They don't care what they ware, they don't care if they are late, THEY don't care. You have to set things up for success. The sooner you are realistic about your kids, the sooner things will change.

You may not like it either but you need to start getting up earlier and earlier till they can leave the house put together and fairly happy. That's your barometer of when to get up, not just the time you need in order to get ready. Keep them informed that until they get out the door on time, they will be getting up very early. You can always set your clocks 15 mins ahead without telling them ;)

Dawn has some good advice. Implement it.

Clothes matter to you, not to them, not to any kid. My boys had jeans and shirts, period, for school. They picked out their clothes everyday from the time they were in K on and everything matched and I didn't yell at them. Problem solved.

Remember, you are the problem solver. You have a management problem!
Deal with the kids as they are, not as you want them to be. Find the funny in this. It's their quirky, illogical thinking that makes you crazy but it's also what endears them to you. You have to out think them more, not yell more.

This can turn itself around within two weeks. Just think how many more yrs you have of getting ready in the mornings and you can see the value in teaching them good habits.

have THEM pick out their clothes out at night that gives them some control over what's happening. Don't give them a million things to choose from for breakfast , and include a protein. Not just carbs which turn into sugar. toast with peanut butter, an egg, etc. Also you get up earlier get your self ready so you aren't doing that while they are getting ready. start waking up 1hr and 20 mins before they need to be out the door so they have plenty of time.
I find that when I get up earlier and I'm ready for the day it makes everything go smoother in the morning.

Wow - do you realize how angry you sound? First realize your kids have only been on the planet for a few years. One of your sons is only 6. The other is 9. If you're cranky in the morning then they have every reason to not want to get up. Instead of making it miserable try to get them to buy-in to it. I used to have these crazy mornings when my kids were the same age - and I realized I was behaving badly - being mad at them - but I was the one who wasn't really all the prepared in the morning. I'd spend the ride to school giving them a talk about getting up on time, getting ready, etc. They hated it, I hated it - and it had to change. The change had to start with me - I'm the grown up. I took a hard look at myself and reazlied I was taking an extra 15 minutes in bed every morning - which was just enough to slow us down as a family. I began to get everything done the night before - my stuff, their stuff, etc. Shoes, backpacks, lunches, clothes - all ready to go before my head hit the pillow (expect under VERY unusual circumstances).

Begin mental preparation over this weekend by saying you're going to use a new approach. Aploogize to your kids for making mornings less than pleasant - tell them we're all going to make a change - and it's going to be a little hard - but it will end up being a good thing. Tell them that you know they can do this and you are confident that they can handle getting up on time and get going. Make sure *you're* all ready to go before you wake them up. (I have hair & makeup done before I wake my kids - then throw on clothes in the 5 minutes before we walk out the door) The night before guide them in picking out their own clothes and discussing what to eat for breakfast (yogurt? left over dinner heated in the microwave?)(my son loves regular food for breakfast and since it's usually healthier than a bowl of sugared-cereal I'm fine with that.)

Once you tell your sons how things are going to be done differently - then help them take ownership of it. Make sure you set up positive expectations - leave out the negative. Tell them how you know they are going to be able to do this - to get up on time, to eat and get ready. Ask them if they'd like more time in the morning. Then remind them again of how you just know how great they're going to handle it and tell them there will be a special treat if they get going on time. Have a small reward waiting for them in the car (hidden) that you can give them when they get it right. (Hershey kiss, special pen or cool eraser, etc.) Give them hugs and tell them how proud you are that you all got out of the house on time, with out problems. Yay for us! Party! And keep up the encouragement - only positive comments - and continue small trinkets when done right for a few days - let it phase out as you all get in to the habit. Let's face it we all have tough mornings once in a while. Even 6 yr olds. so when they're having a tough morning give them a little hug or squeeze. Remind them how much you love them even when they're having a rough morning.

Remember not everyone is a morning person. Are they getting enough sleep? At this age kids need about 10 hours of sleep - not the 8 hours we think of for ourselves. When I wake my kids I do something special for them. For my son I put on this socks while I talk to him to get him awake. A quick foot massage has been known to take place. I half lay down with my daughter and massage her shoulders while I wake her up. It probably adds a minute or 2 in the wake up process - but wouldn't you rather be woken up in a sweet way by someone who loves you than by having in-a-rush-mom yell into your bedroom?

Finally - remember as parents we set the tone. The kids will copy us. If we're frantic & cranky in the morning - guess what they will be too. On the other hand if we are not in a rush, because we got up on time, and we're pleasant chances are they will be too.

Good luck mama.

As long as your sticking to the same routine, this is just them not doing what they're supposed to be doing. I have 12 yo twins boy/girl and one of the worst punishments for them is early bedtime. They absolutely hate it. For every "X" mins they are late they have to go to bed that many mins early or just say if you don't do what you're supposed to do in the morning and make us late you will go to bed 15 mins early and I would keep adding on time each day until they get it. If you do this though, you have to stick with it. If they see you're not going to put them to bed early they will keep pushing.

I don't care if they end up in bed at 7p, whatever it takes. My kids learned over time that mornings are not one that I will mess around with. I hate starting the day on a bad note so they learned very quickly that all they had to do was eat, get dressed, get stuff packed up and then they had a little free time before we had to go.

I had the same problem with my boys but once I went back to work I just couldn't let this happen anymore. First, I told them how important it was that Mami makes it into work on time. Then I moved the wake up time and ready time up 10 minutes. Now they have to be ready and in the car at 8:40 instead of 8:50. We arrive at the school a bit earlier which means less traffic, waiting, etc. They love the fact that they get to play a bit on the school playground instead of having to go in right away.
I make sure that they keep their schedule. Get up at 7:40, at the table 8:10, teeth brushed, hair combed, face washed by 8:30 and in the car by 8:40. I always give them a 5 minute warning. What surprised me most is the fact that moving everything up 10 minutes and having a couple of spare minutes makes the whole thing so much less stressful for everyone, especially for me.
Also, now that we have a 10 minute window I don't freak out when they are a minute late. However, they know that there will be consequences if Mami is ever late for work because they are not ready in time. Fortunately, this hasn't happened yet.
What also worked for me when they were younger was that I made everything a race. Whoever is at the table first wins and can choose the cereal, whoever sits in the car first can choose the music, etc.

What are they doing, instead of getting ready for the day?

This is how my morning goes. Other than the time frames moving, we've had the same morning routine and rules about it since the oldest started Kindergarten.

My older son has to be out the door at 7:15. His clothes are out the night before, because they share a room so he has to get up quickly and quietly without waking his brother. When my alarm goes off at 6:15, I get up and get his breakfast ready, then wake him. He eats, gets dressed in the bathroom, then reads until it is time to go.

I wake my younger son at 7:30. He always takes a couple minutes to stretch and get fully awake, so I get his breakfast ready after I wake him. He eats, then picks out his own clothes and gets dressed, then reads or plays with his toys until he has to leave at 8:30.

They shower in the evenings, not in the mornings.
There is no tv allowed before school.
No playing of any kind allowed until they have eaten and dressed.
Backpacks are at the door & ready to go since the day before, which means not having to run around finding things in the morning.

(Our after-school routine, briefly - get home, have snack if desired, do homework in the kitchen or at computer, backpack prep. As with mornings, no playing, tv, etc until the important things are done.)

Sounds like you need to wake them up earlyer and possibly put the to bed sooner as well. My almost 11 year old can not get up on his own we have to lay out his cloths. We figured out we have to wake him up earlyer. Some people need more time to get around. But my 14 year old has been able to get himself up and ready for school for years. Wake them up 15 mins earlyer if that does not work start grounding them or spanking thier butts if they wont co operate. I know a few times he's gotten a swat on his behind if he's just massing around when he's been told to do something to get ready over and over. Good luck!

Somehow I'm blessed with 2 girls who are often up, dressed and beds made before I come to check on them. I'm amazed... So I'm sure some is just personality. They're 7 and 8 btw. I never have expected them to use alarm clocks though. When they're not already up, I go in and gently wake them and cuddle a bit and give it enough of a head start that they don't have to jump right up. If we are running late, I will physically dress them to a degree. Not so much any more but definitely at age 6. But if I were you, I would put them in their clothes the night before. Maybe jeans are what boys wear daily and aren't comfortable but at least their shirts and clean underwear. If it's warm enough, no pj pants so you can help them slip on their jeans in the morning. Getting dressed really doens't need to take a kid more than 60 seconds. I know it's also easier to get my kids going too when it's pancake day... Maybe bribe them with their favorite breakfasts. And are they tired or just won't get ready? If tired, move up that bedtime. I think part of the easy part of our mornings is my girls aren't tired. They're up and ready to go. Put their jackets in the car the night before and let them carry them into school. Or put them in their backpacks. If they're cold, the jackets are there for them. Have you tried some incentives for the 9 year old? Tell him if he's ready, he can play 10 min of whatever video game he likes...

I can totally relate to this post. it's not every morning for me thankfully, but for awhile it certainly felt like it and when my son decides to dig his heals, in that's it, i'm done for.

Couple of things have helped. First, I carry my son out to the living room and snuggle with him for a bit and talk to him about breakfast. Then I turn on a show - I know it sounds counterproductive, but we use netflix so there's no commercials and when the show is over that's it. So, my son eats his breakfast and watches the show. During this time, I make his lunch and take care of our chickens (yes we live in the city) and start to put my make-up on. At the end of his show, I say (and this is where it gets good because here is where you have to stay calm and playful rather than stressed - I learned this game from my husband), "Okay, your show is over, it's time to get dressed. I'm almost done with my make-up and then I'm going to get dressed and I'm sure I'll be able to beat you today." Or, in your case since it'll be the first time, "I bet you can't beat me getting dressed. I'm almost done with my make-up and I think I know what I'm going to wear so I totally think I can win." This is the one area where you have to let them win every time otherwise things can go sideways fast. So, I always say this to them when I really still have a lot left to do - my hair, etc. For us, you're not dressed till everything, including your shoes are on, so sometimes I have to pretend to not know which shoes I'm going to wear or not know where they are. Of course, I've already planned out the morning and have clothes available and easily accessible for him. When he gets sidetracked (as he often does), I just keep saying, "ooooh, you only have your clothes picked out, I totally have a chance, I just know it". To keep him going, I might go put on my pants, or a shirt or something.

From there, we have a star chart and we talk often about being a big boy, etc.

It doesn't always go as planned and there will be setbacks, but the more you can keep your head about you and continue to make it fun and a game and less about being on time (because they have zero concept of time and what it means to be late), the easier it might be for you.

Good luck!
S.

EDIT: You know, I was just thinking it might also work with a timer since you have several kids and the one on one race might not work as well for you. Perhaps a race against the clock where for each thing they do, they have a certain amount of time to do it in. When the timer goes off, whoever is the furthest along gets a sticker, then move to the next 'race'. So, not that we want our kids shoveling food in their bodies, but, well they do need to eat in a certain amount of time, so timer for breakfast. If they all finish within the time alotted, they all get a sticker. Move on to teeth brushing and hair brushing. Then the dreaded getting dressed. The older ones can have additional responsibilites like making sure their backpacks are packed and even 'grown-up' responbilities earned like helping the younger children to get their back-packs organized.

do they "listen" to their Dad? Do they ever cooperate with you?

sounds like this just isn't a morning thing, but an overall discipline issue. Time to gain control of them....before those dreaded teen years!

Try some of the ideas posted here, especially the sleeping in their clothes solution. Get them up earlier, allow more time + NO tv. Remove all toys from their room, & for each day they cooperate....then they earn one toy back. This ought to get their attention!

Once you have control again, use a chore chart. Have rewards for Friday nights/the weekend. This works with some kids, but not all. I'm thinking it will be a hard sell since they're already conditioned not to respond to you....which means you may have to use more structured methods. To this end, I highly recommend the "1-2-3 Magic" discipline method. Been using it for years & it's awesome! Good Luck!

I had the same issues with both my kids, 8 and 10. (and every so often we still do)
we live 35 to 40 minute to their school so we have to be out of the house no later than 745 on a bad day. I too would spend each morning yelling so what i did was get up earlier and make sure my stuff was done, then i wake up my daughter first (about 15 mins before her brother) because she takes FOREVER to get ready and she wears a uniform. lol. then i wake my son up. they eat, get dressed, teeth and hair and out the door.
i know now that yelling only slows down the process. if they get ready before we have to leave then they can have 5 or 10 minutes on the computer.
good luck to you

I get both my kids up about 30 minutes before it's time to leave and plop them on the couch with a blanket. Then, run around and make as much racket as possible getting ready. Usually it takes them about 10 minutes to "surface" and then it's quick breakfast, dressed, and out the door. Works pretty well most mornings.
We started doing a chore chart with my 6 yo. I bought a pad of them at the local school supply store. He chooses what his reward will be on Sat, and works all week to earn that. This has been really amazing (btw- one of the chores is "get up and dressed in the morning- no fussing"). :)