Say Whaaat?? Monogamy Is Out of Style?? Any Ideas?

Updated on June 05, 2010
A.Y. asks from Washington, DC
7 answers

Ladies, I am confused. Well, first of all if you have time here's the link to the CNN article I just read this morning

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/10/28/monogamy.realistic.t...

PLEASE READ or scan through at least

if you DIDN'T read the article, basically it talks about how in today's modern world monogamy is going out of style, and we should be realistic and start living with the fact that it is not possible to have ONE partner for life as it is in human's nature to cheat. And we as Americans, should take example off of Europeans, who have cheated on each other for years and now adopting this concept as a normal part of life!

We do have some kind of values in our family especially when it comes to sex. So, am I alone?? Everyone has been cheating, swinging, or living "open marriage" behind my back, and I just need to "open up" too and accept it and move with the world's pace?? I know it all sounds so exciting, but what about the consequences, or maybe they don't even exist??
And if everyone can screw each oou please? I mean this is the vibe I'm getting from the article, and this is what is going to be a hip thing to do??!!

I am confused, shocked and terrified. I actually almost feel betrayed. Am I really the only one having any kind of family values and the rest of you out there live these "secet" lives?? I know I'm not bringin up whole lot of other questions that come with this issue, but maybe what I've got so far is a good start. Your thoughts....please let me hear it all.

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So What Happened?

It seems I did overreact. Things of this nature I feel strongly about being very family-oriented and all. It seems that majority of people do not feel that way and our children's future will not be compromised by some silly statements of an idiotic polygamists-wanna-be. So, I'm moving on ;)

More Answers

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M.W.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi Alex,

Family values are very important to my husband and I. We are commited and monogomous to one another. We both had our "fun" partying before settling down and getting married. So all of that is out of the way, so we don't want to do that. I know there are several ppl out there that want commited relationships and have them. Then there are some that can't be faithful. I think that alot of ppl still live in the party stage, or never completed it. If that's so, then they are never seriously commited to anyone, not even themselves.
All you really need to concern yourself with is your marriage. If you are happy and both commited to one another, don't worry about the rest of the world. To each his own, right.
I think there are more ppl out there that want and have monogamy than you think. So don't worry about it. Things in this world have been becoming more and more open for years, and the way it looks they will only continue. Don't focus on others too much unless it affects your family. Be grateful that you have a good marriage!
God bless.

Updated

Honey, I didn't even finish reading your post before I had to answer...DON"T EVER LET ANYONE tell you how life is! It is unacceptable for you to think because some article says monogamy is out, that it applies to you.

Now, in my situation, cheating is unacceptable! My husband and I are forever monogamas partners. I know for certain her never cheats as he knows I never do. So it's totally in style here! We wouldn't have it any other way.

Don't always believe or form any opinions or doubts from what you read. What does that say about your own beliefs? Be strong, don't be broken down from any articles.

Good luck and God bless!

1 mom found this helpful
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D.Z.

answers from Washington DC on

My husband and I are monogamous with each other. That's what matters to us, that's how we choose to live. That's enough for us on this subject.
Take it easy, Alex. Fear often creates that which we wish to avoid.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

School budgets are under the ax. Flu is knocking down kids left and right and for some it's serious. People are going without jobs, and some without enough to eat, and some are losing their homes. And one item on one web site about other people's behavior has you this worried? I'd say it's about zero on the priorities list compared to other things. You're happily married and monogamous and I agree that's good and right. If you also have a roof over your head, and food on the table, and your kids are healthy today, give thanks and forget this. It'll disappear by the next news cycle.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.H.

answers from Washington DC on

I think your reading too much into this article , if your happy with your husband and he is happy with you then what is the problem? Why would this article make you worried about your relationship , the only reason this would make you concerned is if you have any trust issues with your husband. If other couples want "open relationships" and this is what makes them happy then who are we to question it? I agree that if there are kids involved then that is a whole different scenario but if it is just the couple then it's their choice.

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R.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I would NOT be constantly considering or focusing on the fact that he might be cheating as much as concentrating on your marriage and family. Monogamy is NOT out of style and those that are cheating are bringing home diseases that can't be cured by passing it onto their spouse - sometimes unknowingly and other times knowingly. I know many couples who DO NOT cheat on each other but they have friends/family/church or other groups that keep them accountable (obviously people they trust and keep confidences). Keep to your standards and values - what the public promotes isn't always the best. Hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Wow! All I can say is that there are people in this world who feel as you do. Don't be discouraged. You cannot control the world, nor can you control your spouse, but you can control your own actions and attitudes, and if you desire a happy marriage, it takes work and commitment from both husband and wife. A successful marriage is being able to go through challenges and stay together and love each other fully, despite the fact that we are flawed. Some couples cheat and recover; some divorce. That's life. Some stay married and never cheat. Again, that's life and it's a choice. I believe the author of that article was wreckless in asserting the belief that all people cheat and the U.S. should just embrace adultery like the European culture. I think it's offensive to Europeans, and cannot imagine that "everybody does it." That is very biased, and does seem to make marriage passe'. However, husbands and wives have to determine to rise above the statistics, the attitudes, and the stereotypes and have a great, longlasting, fulfilling relationship. Also, acknowledging that if one is working diligently on the immediate relationship, as well as managing personal life, additional family obligations, etc., you should be too tired to invite anyone else into the relationship.
Monogamous mom of 2, happily married for 12 years.

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S.R.

answers from Washington DC on

Alex, although I've never cheated and my husband has never cheated, I honestly think that if we stopped living a monogamous lifestyle it would ruin our marriage. I'm happy to hear someone besides me has great family values. I hope you guys stick to them.

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