Moms, Please Help!!!!!!!!!!!

I would not blame the Day Care centers completely. He may need behavioral intervension of some sort. It is also not your fault either. But I would listen to what the teachers and care providers are saying. If you work together you might find a solution that works for home and day care. Also, have you tried conctacting your school district? They might be able to help with placement. I am not sure where you live. I hope things work out for you guys.

I'm sorry to hear you're having so much trouble finding a good daycare for your son. I personally would be concerned about putting any child, especially one who would need a lot of behavioral attention, with an at home caregiver. The reason I would be concerned is that at least at daycares, the caregiver should never be allowed to be by themselves with a child, or at least not out of the line of sight of someone else. An at home caregiver is usually by themselves and I could see where a child with behavioral issues could easily frustrate a caregiver and with them not having anyone to oversee their actions, they might do something drastic that you would not approve of to get your son to "behave". I'm sure there are some stellar at home caregivers out there who would never do anything to harm a child (I stayed with an at home caregiver from the age of 6 weeks to 9 years old so I know there are good people out there), but that would be my fear. I just like the accountability factor of a daycare. Given that, I think your only other option is to try another daycare unless you are able to find one of those wonderful at home caregivers who you truly trust. And while you can't afford some of the other treatments the psychologist recommends, there are multitudes of resources on-line and in the library on how to treat ADD/ADHD with diet so you might try that until your son is eligible to be treated with medication for the disorder. My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 6 and we were very resistant to medication at that age. But after doing our homework and seeing him struggle without it, we realized he needed it just like a diabetic needs insulin and it was cruel for us to keep him off of it. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain and all the behavioral reprogramming in the world will not make that go away. When he was older, he could tell us what a difference it made to him to be on the medication. He could concentrate so much better and felt much calmer when he took his meds. It just made life easier for him. So I wouldn't discount meds all together, but for now, with your son being so young, you could try some of the diet restrictions that are recommended to see if they can help at all until he's a little older. Good luck!

I feel your pain. I was in the same place last spring and over the summer we put our four year old girl on medication. The change was dramatic.
After about a week, there are no side effects at all other than helping our child to focus. Three months in, the change is so dramatic that it would seem to be like keeping insulin from a diabetic. She is picking up her numbers and alphabet recognition rapidly and can focus without the constant "buzzing" in her head. We are all saner and instead of picking her up almost everyday from preschool, I have only had to come to the school on one occasion due to behavior. I also have found the most wonderful, affordable preschool for her. These teachers have about 18 years experience and they really care about her. They were with me and supportive through more than one could expect. They have filled out numbers of evaluations for the Child Study Center in Fort Worth and when school was out for summer, I cried and I'm not a cryer. Our child is very smart and capable when she can focus, which the medication affords her.
These are extraordinary children and my outlook for the future is very much improved with meds.
Normal families cannot even imagine what we go through. I would say that our child is 85 percent improved with the medication. There is no sign of drowiness or side effects. The first week of medication, she would experience a quick shiver about 30 minutes after taking the medicine and that disappeared quickly. What is horrible is running out of medication!
Hope this helps.
C. S.

Have you considered whether you son might not be reacting to foods or additives in foods such as red dye and preservatives? Some kids are extremely sensitive. My younger son will turn into a monster before your very eyes if he consumes anything with red dye #3. Many (if not all) processed foods have artificial colors and preservatives - especially any of the packaged breakfast cereals. Also, some kids will have a similar reaction to high fructose corn syrup - another very, very common ingredient in processed foods. You might want to take a look at the block center if you haven't already:
www.blockcenter.com Dr. Block has a book (under $10 as I recall) that provides step by step guidelines for parents to follow in treating kids that have been labeled "ADHD".

Is there a pattern to this bad behavior? It could also be that his bad behavior coincides with low blood sugar (both I and my younger son are monsters when we get hungry).

Just some things to consider - I do think your son might be better in a home day care situation. It's possible that the amount of kids in a day care setting causes him alot of stress, so he acts disruptive. It's not his fault really at that age - it may just his internal wiring. My younger son also did not do well in a large class environment and did far better in smaller classes (he also is very bright). Also, your son won't really be losing out too much academically - you can provide age appropriate workbooks to the home daycare (if they don't have them already) and work with your son at home.

I have a very hard time believing a 4 year old can be so "bad" that he gets kicked out of a day care. Sounds like to me the people at these day cares just do not want to put up with ANYTHING and that is just ridiculous. I am sorry to hear you are going through this. No mother wants to hear their child is "bad". I am stressing bad because I just think those day cares are being very silly. And why am I not suprised that the doctor's want to automatically label him as ADHD, ADD, whatever? But thank goodness they don't want to rush to medicate him. Does your son misbehave horribly at home? I would look into other day cares around. Or is there some type of private pre-kindgergarten program you could try? Good luck to you and keep us posted please. I can promise you are not the only one out there dealing with this. Goodness this just baffles my mind that some day cares out there should not even be allowed to open their doors everyday. Sorry for your frustrations.

We have recently started using "Calming the Chaos" program with our 4 yo who has also been labeled ADHD. This program is part of the greater "Love and Logic" discipline program. We have seen great changes...it is worth a try. http://www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/c-39-favorite-audios-for...

Also, you need to find a school that is willing to work with challenging kids up front. Our preschol is really going the extra mile to help my son function better in a very structured environment.

Good Luck